The Twelve Days of Parliament

Please sing to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas
(On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… A Partridge in a Pear Tree…)

Dedicated to the dedicated MPs of the Indian Lok Sabha…

On the first day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
An Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the second day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the third day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the fourth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the fifth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the sixth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the seventh day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the eighth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
8 Absentee Ministers
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
1 Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the ninth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
9 Sleeping Partymen
8 Absentee Ministers
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the tenth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
10 Screaming Legislators
9 Sleeping Partymen
8 Absentee Ministers
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the eleventh day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
11 Impertinent Interruptions
10 Screaming Legislators
9 Sleeping Partymen
8 Absentee Ministers
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

On the twelfth day of Parliament, my MPs gave to me…
12 Unpassed Bills
11 Impertinent Interruptions
10 Screaming Legislators
9 Sleeping Partymen
8 Absentee Ministers
7 Meaningless Debates
6 Useless Speeches
5 Idle Backbenchers
4 Wasted Hours
3 Lengthy Tea Breaks
2 Furious Walkouts
And an Adjournment Motion after a jolly good shouting spree…

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 9…

First Pak official: There’s a mistake here… it says “Unclear Safeguard Plan”. Shouldn’t it be “Nuclear Safeguard Plan”?
Second Official: Both spellings are correct.

Indian Official:
I cannot give a positive spin on oil prices any more.
PM: Please explain to them that in exactly the same way that I am in charge of the government and not the Congress President; the oil companies are in charge of the oil prices and not the government!

First Official: Anna Hazare, nuclear plants, Chidambaram, 2G… we need something to take the heat away from these issues…
Second Official: FDI in retail?

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 14

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
FDI.
FDI who?
F*** D Idea! Retail will be swadeshi and we will protest, stall parliament, have dharnas and the like even if we are the BJP and we had thought of exactly the same thing when we were in power!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now another fast is on the cards in December. After August Kranti, will we have a December Dhamaka or a Damp Squib?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Windies.
Windies who?
Win these close ones on a regular basis Team India and we’ll all have a regular case of nerves.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
NATO.
NATO who?
Na to your apology says Pakistan over the deathly strike!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

In August, Anna had said… I’ll be back…

After the Fellowship of the Team Anna and The Two Fasts, we are looking at the Return of the Hunger King in December when Mr Hazare Goes to Delhi (the Sin City) to complete the Lord of the Fastings trilogy. But will Anna show True Grit and be The Rock or will he simply continue to call the government Liar Liar? The Congress on its part will look at Team Anna and say Look Who’s Talking!, continuing to call it the Enemy of the State.

What Lies Beneath the news? There will no point in Switching Channels as all of them will show the same ole Fight Club and The Social Network will be abuzz again with activity. The common man, meanwhile, is increasingly bent on showing his Fist of Fury.

But still, The Tihar Redemption looks unlikely and the UPA won’t rely on Transformers or go in for a new Avatar. It’s all badly Tangled:  The UPA could well sink like the Titanic The Day After Tomorrow in 2012. So all in all it does appear a Mission: Impossible.

India is all about Eat Pray Love? Come December and it could well only be Fast Swear Hate.

Bonus…

More Hollywood ways of looking at the April-August-December (if it takes place) fasts…

The Anna Identity. The Anna Supremacy. The Anna Ultimatum. (Bourne)

Anna. Anna Reloaded. Anna Revolutions. (Matrix)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why this Kolaveri (me)Di(ocrity)?

Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri (me)Di(ocrity)?
Why this Kolaveri downright (me)Di(ocrity)?
In the glorious land of Ilaiyaraaja and Rehman, why this monstrosity?
What if this dude was not from Rajni Sir’s family—but from anonymity?
Would he still have got this same nationwide acceptability?
Anyway, forget it… I know I’m just in a miniscule minority…

White skin-u, girl-u with black heart-u very politically correct-u I tell-u,
Indian music-u future really dark-u, going in reverse-u, in total soup-u,
What a beautiful-u storm-u in a tea-cup-u!
Or maybe the whole country is drunk-u on scotch-u,
Welcome to cyberspace-u, just be really good-u or be atrociously bad-u,
And you can as well-u get-u ten million hits-u,
Just like Rebecca Black and her Friday with her 167 million hits-u…

This Faalt-u Spoof-u by Sunil Rajgur-u

News in Limericks 6

There was this fearless journalist in Iraq,
Who hurled a shoe at a US Presidential chap,
It inspired attacks on Jindal, Chiddu and Yeddy,
Then on Advani, Omar, Kalmadi and Dwivedi,
And now shoeing has morphed into one tight slap!

There were these people Waiting for the God,
To complete the most divinest cricketing plot,
Then it went amiss and came many a miss,
Heartbreakingly in the 90s a bowler did dismiss,
And now it looks like we’re Waiting for Godot!

There was this terrorist called Kasab,
Who in Indian jails had many a kebab,
The demands never stopped,
And endless days got docked,
Aur ab us par paise kharch karne ka na koi hisaab!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru