Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 10

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
R.
R who?
R Ashwin here. Bhajji, open the door and let me in. I want to take your place!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
P.
P who?
P Chidambaram here. Raja, don’t open the door. I don’t want to join you?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
BSY.
BSY who?
BSY the free man that’s who? Get ready Sadanand, I’m still looking at your chair!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Khan.
Khan who?
Khant break the domestic box office records of the other Khans. Damn!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Intercepted: Global nuclear correspondence

Dear Arab World,
We shall soon have a nuke to even out matters in this region.
Regards,
Iran

Dear America,
You have thousands of nukes (everyone knows that!) and we have hundreds (an open secret), but if Iran gets hold of even one nuke, then that will destabilize the whole region and ultimately the whole world. We are looking at nuclear Armageddon!
Regards,
Israel

Dear Israel,
You are right! We can’t have that, now can we, especially considering the fact that our President won the Nobel Prize for Peace!
Regards,
America
P.S. Did you check out our cool new slogan: Drone Deaths Bring Peace, Give Peace a Chance!

Dear Iran,
Don’t listen to the world. We have dozens of nukes thanks to which we have self-pride, independence, stability, security and the whole world (including that damn “India”) fears us! Just go for it!
Regards,
Pakistan
P.S. Don’t worry about the rumours that the US will seize our nukes. There’s absolutely no chance of that. All our nukes are hidden so safely that even we are not sure about all of them.

Dear World,
We also have nukes, but I don’t think that really has made any difference to anyone whatsoever.
Regards through a joint declaration,
France, England, India

Dear World,
We have nukes, but we later realized that Capitalism trumps Communism any day. We are screwing America financially. The banknote is mightier than the nuke!
Regards,
China

Dear World,
Who are all you blokes? I don’t know who you are. I don’t recognize even one amongst seven billion of you.
Regards,
God.

© Sunil Rajguru

How to organize a TV debate in India…

Step 1: Take one obnoxious self-centred anchor who talks more than he or she listens and loves pissing everyone off.

Step 2: If it’s a political debate, then take two politicians from opposite parties and two journalists affiliated to the very same parties for variety. Don’t forget to keep out sane, neutral and erudite voices. For non-political debates make sure you use the Usual Suspects. All TV channels tap exactly the same Speaker Talent Pool.

Step 3: In the ticker below, display yesterday’s Twitter messages of the same ole 5-6 accounts that you are aware of. Repeat this collection a few dozen times.

Step 4: Stick to the golden principle of: He who shouts the most speaks the longest.

Step 5: Never forget that the anchor has more powers than a football referee. He or she can cut anyone in mid-sentence as many times as he or she wants and take the discussion to any ridiculous level that he or she pleases.

Step 6: Let the shouting continue till the dying seconds of the programme and cut it abruptly giving the impression that this debate had so much substance that it could easily have lasted a few more meaningful hours.

© Sunil Rajguru