The curious case of Congress and cow slaughter

cow-2216918_640Congressmen Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Lala Lajpat Rai and Madan Mohan Malviya promised cow slaughter ban.

Congressman “Father of the nation” Mahatma Gandhi promised cow slaughter ban.

Congressman “First Prime Minister” Jawaharlal Nehru promised cow slaughter ban.

Congressman “First India President” Rajendra Prasad promised cow slaughter ban.

Congress put cow slaughter ban in the Directive Principles of State Policy.

Congress brought in some sort of cow slaughter legislation in 20 States.

Congress symbol before “Hand” was “Cow and calf”.

Now suddenly the Congress wants to slaughter cows on the streets and has dubbed the whole cow slaughter ban business as a sole Hindutva-Sanghi-BJP hardline intolerant affair.

Baahubali musings…

cinema-2093264_640Baahubali 2 enters $Quarter-Billion Club.
(500 odd global movies in that club)

Aamir—Big Khan.
Salman—Middle Khan.
SRK—Little Khan.
#BoxOffice
Then there’s Baahubali!

Bahubali 2 + Dangal have crossed Rs 3000 crore worldwide.
That’s more than the lifetime gross of many Bollywood stars.

The times have changed…
Shah Rukh Khan’s last 5 movies…
Raees Rs 272 crore
+ Dear Zindagi Rs 139 crore
+ Fan Rs 188 crore
+ Dilwale Rs 389 crore
+ Happy New Year Rs 343 crore
= Rs 1331 crore
Baahubali 2 alone beats that.

After #Baahubali2, Bollywood should start releasing their movies dubbed simultaneously in regional and foreign languages.

#Baahubali2 makes Rs 100 crore in a day.
In the future it will be asked…
How many hours did this film take to join the Rs 100 crore club?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about the Congress party…

india-1293882_640Netaji gave us Independence.
Patel unified India.
Shastri laid foundations of modern India.
Rao reformed economics and foreign policy.
#GandhiNehruSham

The man with no spine…
Rao: Bring in reforms.
Manmohan: Yes, sir.
Sonia: Destroy the country.
Manmohan: Yes, madam.

#RememberingRajiv
Bofors
Anti-Sikh riots
Bhopal tragedy
Shah Bano
LTTE mess
Defamation Bill
HDW scam
Black money
KGB links
Crony capitalism
Gift of Sonia to the nation

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Trump and media musings…

trump-2372132_640NYT: Never Yield to Trump.
CNN: Coup Now or Never.
BBC: Bring Back Clinton.

US media today…
According to anonymous sources, an anonymous person close to Trump has done an undisclosed thing that warrants his impeachment.

Tonnes of fake Trump revelations have come and gone.
That’s why when a real one will come, it too will go and not stick.

Today I have to do something that will start impeachment proceedings against Trump.
(What most American journalists think when they get up in the morning)

2015: He is not serious. Will withdraw.
2016: Can’t get nomination. Will lose.
2017: Will get impeached. Will resign.
#Trump

In the kangaroo courts of American media, Trump has already been impeached a 100 times.

If” Russia hacked elections.
It means…
1. Crime done on Obama’s watch.
2. Obama did nothing from November to January too.

2014-16: Fellowship of the Right.
Modi-Netanyahu-Brexit-Trump.
2017: Twin Towers of defeat: Wilders and Marine.
Coming soon…
Return of the Right.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan terror state musings…

pakistan-895319_640We lose one life, we outrage.
Pakistan loses thousands, they don’t even claim the bodies.
#AmanKiAsha for such a cruel enemy?

Pakistan has been training anti-India terrorists since the 1990s.
And here in the 2010s we are still merely debating it.

Pakistan’s non-stop covert-overt war with India will enter it’s 71st year soon.
We are still waiting for Godot.

In pursuit of Kashmir, Pakistan lost…
High ground in 1947.
East Pakistan in 1971.
Economic progress in 1990.
Peace in 2001.
What next?

Pakistan 0% wants Kashmir.
They want 100% destruction of India.
(That they will be completely destroyed in the process is a totally different story)

Pakistan is the weaker country.
Always the aggressor.
Yet it is India that behaves like the weaker country.
Kucch nahin ho sakta.

The biggest tragedy of 2001 for India was 5000+ dying in terrorism-Naxalism-Kashmir.
Yet most Indians still think it’s 9/11.

Pakistan.
Hame Kashmir chahiye!
East Pakistan gaya.
Hame Kashmir chahiye!
Economy gayi.
Hame Kashmir chahiye!
Aman-Shanti gayi.
Hame Kashmir chahiye!
Ab Balochistan etc bhi jaayega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Kejri suffering continues unabated…

Poor (allegedly economically) Kejri.
Poor (fate-wise) Delhi wallahs.

An internal survey shows that Kejri is god and the whole world worships him.
Since this is not so, it shows that not only EVMs, but the world itself is rigged.

2011…
Kejri: Any minister without corruption charges out there?
2017…
Kapil: I am the only AAP minister without corruption charges!

Full-circle…
2011.
Kejri: All politicians are accepting crores of cash.
2017.
Kapil: I saw Kejri accept crores of cash.

Sisodia: Kejri uncle, aaj Assembly main kya khele?
Kejri: Chalo EVM-EVM khelte hai!
Sisodia: Weeee!!!! Bada maja aaya!

Kejrwal thinks that people are total fools.
Unfortunately with 67/70 seats in his kitty, he has every right to think so.

Double dhamaka!
2013: Entry of AAP will improve politics!
2017: Exit of AAP will improve politics!

Tomorrow AAP to banks…
Hand over your servers-safes for 3 hours and we’ll prove that money is not safe in banks.

Kejri: Leader of Opposition (Modi).
Kapil Mishra: Leader of Opposition (Kejri).

Lalu to Kejri: Ye kya hai nautanki? Hum to paper ballots ko bhi hack karte the ek zamaane main!
#BoothCapturing

Even if paper ballots are handed over for three hours, they can be tampered with.
#EVMNautanki #AAP

So France gets its Kejriwal.
An artificially created inexperienced party that storms the elections.
#Macron

Lalu. Akhilesh. Kejri.
Same to same.
Useless.
English media once really loved all of them.

Kejriwal was like this from Day 1.
AAP was like this from Day 1.
It’s getting difficult to hide it nowadays, that’s all.

Latest AAP reality show…
Tragedy Days With Kapil.

Yugpurush Kejri is such that even if convicted he will remain India’s most honest politician.

Old.
Live life king size.
New.
Live life Kejri size.
(Arthaat, “aam” aadmi gaya tel lene)

In 2013 Kejri said he would remove corruption.
He forgot to add that he would then transfer it all into his home.

Next New Delhi budget will have the following sections…
1. Outstation ads.
2. Anti-defamation fees.
3. DIA (Delhi Investigating agency).
4. Chai-samosas.

Time for someone to publish a book titled…
The 1001 Controversies of Arvind Kejriwal.

Propaganda Minister.
External (out of Delhi) Affairs Minister.
Spymaster. (Feedback Cell)
The Buck Stops at Sisodia.
Anything but Chief Minister of Delhi.
#Kejri

Yesterday…
Do you know, 150+ chargesheeted MPs are in the Lok Sabha!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.
At the current rate, tomorrow…
Do you know, there are 150+ chargesheets against the AAP!

The conundrum for April 1.
Is today #AprilFoolDiwas or #PappuDiwas or #KejriDiwas?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The tragedy that is Lalu…

#JungleRaj returned to Bihar on November 8, 2015.
The media merely brought this to notice in a big way on May 6, 2017.
#BiharKaCMShahabuddin

Nitish rules himself out as Prime Minister.
By the time Lalu is done with him, Nitish will rule himself out as Chief Minister too.

Lalu was voted to power in 1990, 1995, 2000 & 2015.
His family may be voted many times in the future.
Gone case. Kucch nahin ho sakta.

Lalu.
Arrested in 1997.
Convicted in 2013.
Still having a jolly good time in 2017.
Still immensely respected by many.

Lalu proved to be India’s worst politician the year he took over in 1990.
Since then he grew worse every year but adored more every year by #AdarshLiberals.

Lalu ke chele chaara khaate hai.
Choohe daaru peete hai.
#AdarshLiberals mewa khaate hai.
Aam janta galat vote ke silsile main gam khaate hai roz.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The EVM controversy rages on…

The entire EVM controversy, arguments and proofs can be summed up in six words…
We lost.
EVMs can be hacked.

How do we beat Modi?
Opposition: We can’t, so let’s rake one useless issue after another, pray and hope for the best.
#EVMs

2004—Congress won when BJP was in charge.
2014—BJP won when Congress was in charge.
2015—BJP lost Delhi/Bihar.
2017—Largest party in 2/5 States.
#EVMs

EVMs first used in State elections in 1998.
Almost Bees Saal Baad suddenly saare parties jaag gaye.

Modi: Make in India.
Pappu: Make (holiday) outside India.
Modi: Go digital.
Pappu: Go paper.
#EC #EVMs

If you go by circumstantial evidence…
AAP getting 67/70 seats in Delhi is the fishiest thing that has ever happened in Indian polls.
#EVMs

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Prohibition musings…

crate-895939_640Prohibition is not the banning of alcohol.
It is merely the switching of superior legal alcohol with inferior illegal alcohol.

Hat-trick!
Morarji brought prohibition to Gujarat.
Nitish brought prohibition to Bihar.
Supreme Court brought prohibition to highways.

You can still drink and come to the highway.
Carry drinks in your vehicle.
Take a 500+ meter detour and get drinks.
Bootlegging?

A new generation of bars and restaurants 550 metres away from the highways with easy access lanes might start mushrooming in India soon.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

April 2017 Status Updates

facebook-715811_640Since we are Hindus, RIP means…
Reincarnate In Peace.

(April 28)

Among politicians there was a time when no-one wanted to even touch the BJP.
Today everyone wants to join it.

Road Romeo was taken from Romeo & Juliet.
Eve-teaser was taken from Adam & Eve.
Road Romeo and Eve-teaser are virtually synonyms.
There’s no Adam & Juliet.

(April 3)

If aliens attack us on April 1, then there will be no counter-attack as nobody would believe it in the first place.

Fortune favours the brave.
Fortune favours fools.
But fortune doesn’t favour fools who get too bold by half.
#Pappu

1947-64: Daughter of Prime Minister.
1964-66: Cabinet Minister.
1966-77: Prime Minister.
1977-80: Leader of Opposition.
1980-84: Prime Minister.
Indira Gandhi. 37 years of pure power.

(April 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru