The Three Laws of Motion of Indian Politics…

The First Law…
A large Parliamentary body remains stationary unless that body is acted upon by an external force (like Anna Hazare).
Ultimate model of Intertia=Manmohan Singh.

The Second Law…

The acceleration the Parliamentary body is parallel and directly proportional in case of a useless demand and inversely proportional to a very useful demand.
(Like hiking MPs salary is achieved in 40 seconds through a voice vote and the Lokpal is hanging fire even after 40 years)

The Third Law …

Every action by the people has a greater and opposite reaction by the Parliament.
An illustration…
Action: 1 Common Citizen (Anna) held 790 MPs to ransom.
Reaction: 1 common MP (Rajniti) held 1.2 crore Common Citizens to ransom.

© Sunil Rajguru

2012 New Year Musings…

∙ All the politicians of all the political parties in India have wished each other an extremely happy new year by soundly trashing the Lokpal Bill…
“No Lokpal! Happy New Year!”

∙ Cyclone Thane has wished South India a very Wet and Windy New Year.

∙ I would have wished all my fellow Indians a scam-free new year, but for all practical purposes it will be just another Scammy New Year!

∙ In 1752, the calendar went straight from September 3 to 13 to adjust the calendar.
Protest the lost days!
Celebrate New Year on January 12!

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye…

So much sound and fury over the Lokpal Bill and not an Act to show for it in the end.

Please sing to the tune of Ajeeb daastan hai ye from Dil Apna Aur Preet Parai…

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Ye
Anna rosihni ke saath kyoon,
Dhuaan
Team ka utha chiraag se),
Ye
Lokpal khwaab dekhte hum sab kyun,
Ki jag pade ho khwaab se.

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Mubaarakein tumhe ke tum,
Kisi
movement ke noor ho gaye)
Hal ke kitne paas the,
Aur hal se door ho gaye.

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Kisi ka
Bill leke tum,
Naya
Act kab basaaoge?)
Ye shaam jab bhi yaad aayegi,
Woh
useless LS-RS debates yaad aayenge…

(Original Song: Ajeeb daastan hai ye.
Film: Dil Apna Aur Preet Parai.
Year: 1960)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Tryst with Tomfoolery

Many years ago, India’s first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru gave a brilliant speech called Tryst with Destiny.

With due apologies to the great man, here is a spoofed up and highly abridged version of that speech to describe the sordid events of the Rajya Sabha not passing the Lokpal Bill, which has been hanging fire for more than four decades…

(Maybe Rahul Gandhi could read it!)

Long years ago we made a tryst with tomfoolery, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the Lok Sabha sleeps, the Rajya Sabha will awake to strife and tomfoolery…

At the dawn of 1968, India started on her unending Lokpal quest, and trackless decades are filled with her striving and grandeur of her failures. We end today a period of misfortunes and India trashes the Lokpal yet again…

On this day our first thoughts go to the architect of this freedom, the New Father of our Nation, Anna Hazare, who, embodying the old spirit of India, held aloft the torch of the Lokpal and lighted up the darkness that surrounded us. We have often been unworthy followers of his and have strayed from his message…

The future beckons to us. Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour? To bring more tomfoolery to the common man, to the peasants and workers of India…

(This spoof by Sunil Rajguru)

Measuring the United Progression of Audio (UPA)

So much noise pollution is taking place thanks to that irrepressible group of people that call themselves the Congress spokespersons, that a brand new science called the United Progression of Audio (UPA) is being studied.

The scales…

Decibel (dB) = Unit of sound.

130dB = Threshold of pain.

194dB = Theoretical limit for undistorted sound.

Beyond that is the severely distorted UPA universe.

200db = 1 Sibal

10 Sibals (1 DeSibal) = 1 Singhvi.

10 Singhvis = 1 Renuka.

10 Renukas = 1 Aiyar.

10 Aiyars = 1 Tiwari.

10 Tiwaris = 1 Narayanaswamy.

10 Narayanaswamys = 1 DiggyRaja.

It is very difficult to go above the DiggyRaja Scale, for not only does the sound go for a toss at that level, but the very reality becomes distorted. TV waves have proved to be a perfect medium for carrying that type of reality distorted sound.

Some UPA statistics…

∙ On the day when all these spokespersons speak in unison, the resulting supersonic boom travels all around the world seven times. It has been known to disturb the flight paths of many poor unsuspecting migrating birds.

∙ In 2011, the noise pollution levels in the country rose by 32,237%.

∙ Many common citizens have complained of severe hearing problems thanks to all these high levels of distorted sound.

∙ Others have also complained of severe eye problems as they simply can’t believe the reality that they are seeing. (At the DiggyRaja scale, hallucinations have been known to occur).

∙ Psychiatrists have noted a rise in trauma thanks to people watching too much TV news channels.

∙ In its annual survey, The Global Politeness Institution has ranked India the fourth rudest country in the world at the end of 2011 as against its position of 154 at the end of 2010.

© Sunil Rajguru

More Lokpal musings…

∙ Lokpal movie…
Came in 40 Odd Years (Lok Sabha Chapter).
Sequel…
Gone in 40 Odd Hours (Rajya Sabha Chapter).

∙ Full Circle…
The world was created from Chaos.
Indian Parliament will always end in Chaos.

∙ Theme song for the failed Mumbai Anna agitation…
Kasa kay, bara aahe, I am Mumbhai, Lokpal bye bye…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru