The 7 avatars of Pappu

Congress President and great 2019 Liberal Hope Rahul Gandhi is really bad software which keeps updated with endless versions. Nobody has probably received more image makeovers than him…

1. The Sphinx (Pre-2004)

Sphinx egypt-1179196_960_720The Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty is treated like royalty and shrouded in secrecy. Their Right to Privacy trumps the fundamental rights of 1.36 billion Indians. Before 2004 nobody knew anything about both Pappu and sister Priyanka and who would enter politics and whether both of them would.

Pappu was treated with kid gloves and travelled all over the world in his private cocoon, the security of which was sponsored by the Government of India. He was always seen as a future Prime Minister of India, though who was always in Priyanka’s shadow as she had captured the public imagination at that time.

2. The Gentleman (2004)

Suited man-3022704_960_720Pappu entered politics with a bang. A great debut. A win in Amethi. A Congress Prime Minister. After his mother turned down the Prime Minister’s post, he officially became the Heir Apparent and got far more respect in the Congress party than Prime Minister Manmohan ever could.

Pappu cultivated a calm gentlemanly political narrative and rarely got angry or engaged too much with any politician or media house. Then he got a triple whammy in the 2007 elections. He was promoted to Congress General Secretary, Chairperson of Indian Youth Congress and National Students Union of India.

3. The Statesman (2009)

Podium-1889056_960_720This is probably his peak. Pappu campaigned in many Lok Sabha constituencies and Congress saw an unexpected jump from 145 to 206 seats. The media and public went with the Singh is King Nuclear Deal narrative, but that was thrown into the dustbin within the Congress and full credit was given to Pappu.

In fact some even boasted that Manmohan would be kicked upstairs to the India President’s post in 2012, Pappu would be made Prime Minister and lead the Congress to 272+ seats in the 2014 elections. Many bought into this narrative.

4. The Angry Young Man (Run up to 2014)

Angry emoticon-1669804_960_720However that fell apart in 2010 with the Commonwealth Games scam which looked as damaging as Bofors at that time. However 2011 proved to be worse with the 2G scam and Anna Hazare’s August Kranti. It was all over by the 2012 Coalgate scam.

Pappu was protected. The party now became scared to announce him as Prime Ministerial candidate for 2014. Since the people were angry, Pappu was presented as the new Angry Young Man. He would roll up his sleeves, sport a stubble, rant and rave like a commoner and even tear up ordinances on a public stage.

But the Indian public in general and Twitter in particular saw him more of a comedian than a real life version of Amitabh Bachchan.

5. The Confused Young Man (2014 onward)

question road-sign-63983_960_720Everyone expected the BJP to win and Congress to lose, but the sheer magnitude of the loss shocked everyone. The lowest Lok Sabha seats the Congress ever got before 2014 was 114 and the highest the BJP got was 182.

So for the BJP to thrash Congress 282-44 was unprecedented and threw the Grand Old Party off guard. And also Pappu and his advisors? Was he the Great Unifier that would bring all the opposition together and challenge Modi? Or was he the Lone Ranger.

Was he the #KhaatPeCharcha “commoner” who would resonate with the masses? Was he the Angry Young Man Sequel returning to his rolled up sleeves and stubble ranting and raving at the establishment? Well he kept changing like a chameleon and the random changing colours made everyone’s head spin. Then he was also presented as a janeudhari Brahmin to appeal to the masses!

6. The Congress President (2017)

Tick mark-1013981_960_720Pappu paas ho gaya! Whether you like it or not, Pappu finally became the top ranking opposition leader. Mulayam Singh Yadav and Mayawati are powerless. Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha are no more. Nitish Kumar is with NDA and KCR may go that way too after 2019. Chandrababu Naidu has accepted Pappu as his master. Arvind Kejriwal is a bigger joke. Naveen Patnaik and Mamata Banerjee are confined to their respective states.

With Sonia Gandhi stepping down from the party President’s post, Pappu is finally the undisputed numero uno in Opposition India. Of course it’s not that his personal stature has grown, but the fact that everyone has shrunk around him!

7. The Great Hope (2019)

superhero-2503808_960_720Make no mistake. The media, intellectuals and Liberals still hate Prime Minister Narendra Modi with all their hearts and souls. In the run up to the 2019 general elections, all of Pappu’s gaffes, jokes, mistakes, foh pahz, misdemeanours… will be totally forgotten and he will be presented fresh for the umpteenth time as the Great Hope of 2019 (the Great Hope of 2014 that was created in 2009 will be simply repackaged).

Why the Indian Congress is its own biggest enemy

aged-2181887_960_720When we got Independence, the Congress Party was the Freedom Movement and the Freedom Movement was the Congress Party. They seemed destined to rule forever and could have been in power today, but nobody spoils the fortunes of the party like itself.

A look at some of these things…

Congress was invincible till the 1970s, but imposed Emergency and that created the Janata Party which became the first ever non-Congress government at the Centre.

It has been more than 40 years since Emergency. And today it could well be called the most disastrous move it made in retrospect. Till 1975 the Congress strode like a colossus at the Centre. No other party could dream of even being a strong Opposition let alone a ruling dispensation for at the Centre. Then Indira Gandhi gave the rest of the parties a huge lifeline.

Indira imposed the Emergency and this led to her fall and the first non-Congress government at the Centre in 1977. The Janata Party may have disintegrated in 1980, but its successor Janata Dal and all its factions ruled first from 1989-91 and then 1996-98.

prison-553836_960_720But the biggest result of the Emergency is rarely discussed: The formation of the BJP. The RSS was formed in 1925 and was rudderless after Independence for some time. The Bharatiya Jana Sangh was formed in 1951 but wasn’t that effective till 1977.

The RSS powered the protests that led to the Emergency, the 1977 government gave a solid political direction to the Sangh Parivar and it marched on after 1980 to become the dominant political party in India in 2014 having first tasted power in 1996 at the Centre.

Congress became invincible yet again after the Janata Party imploded, but created the Ramjanmabhoomi problem thereby boosting the BJP.

Under Jawaharlal Nehru, Ram idols appeared in the mosque premises. Under Rajiv Gandhi, the locks to the complex were removed to counter the Shah Bano case appeasement. Under PV Narasimha Rao the Sangh Parivar managed to knock down the domes right under the Centre’s eyes.

The Ramjanmabhoomi problem was created and sustained by the Congress and maximum progress happened only due to the action/inaction of various Congress Prime Ministers. But only one entity benefited politically from all of the above: The Sangh Parivar.

Durga Puja 2645104_960_720Congress brutalized the Naxalites and hence is out of West Bengal for nearly 40 plus years.

When the Naxalite movement came up in West Bengal, the ruling Congress government used such brute force, that they lost the State forever. Today it is out of power in the State for a whopping 40 years and look in no position of forming a government in the future.

Congress made a comeback in Punjab in 1980 but single-handedly created the Punjab problem.

Punjabi man-762211_960_720Why Indira Gandhi and her son Sanjay wanted to deal with a person like Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale we will never know. But they kept backing him and making him more and more powerful till he turned against them. The Centre launched a military operation against the Golden Temple more than once. The Khalistan problem became a raging one. Finally Indira herself was assassinated, leaving an inexperienced Rajiv, who squandered a majority Congress rule at the Centre for good.

Congress became pally with the LTTE and they assassinated Rajiv.

Bhindranwale wasn’t the only such person that the Congress dealt with. Another was LTTE supremo V Prabhakaran. The story is that during an Indo-Sri Lanka meet when the Lankan authorities heard that India was hosting Prabhakaran, they were livid.

There were reports of India giving financial aid to the LTTE and aid was dropped in their territories against the will of the Lankan government. The Indian government soon turned against Prabhakaran and he took his revenge by assassinating Rajiv.

Congress backed Bal Thackeray to counter Communists and he ended Congress majority rule for good in Maharashtra in 1995.

Mumbai victoria-station-390633_960_720When Shiv Sena’s Bal Thackeray emerged in the 1960s instead of countering him, the Congress secretly backed him in a bid to counter the Communists. In fact it was in the 1980s that Thackeray and Congressman Sharad Pawar joined hands to finish off the unions.

Thackeray had the last laugh though. A Shiv Sena Chief Minister was sworn in in 1995 and after that the Congress has not had a single majority government in Maharashtra, a State which it had really dominated till that year right from Independence. Subsequently we had the first BJP Chief Minister in 2014.

Congress still had the largest political network in 2014, but is totally decimating it for 2019.

The Congress always returned after being booted out at the Centre. 1980. 1991. 2004. These are three such momentous years. However 2014 seems to be a year with a difference. What many people don’t realize that though the Congress lost in 2014, it still had the most MLAs across the country and the largest organizational network and that with the greatest money and muscle power.

Instead of consolidating that and making a comeback, the party backed the disastrous mother-son Sonia-Pappu duo to the hilt, started decimating leaders at the regional level and attack Prime Minister Narendra Modi 24X7 instead of coming out with a coherent effective strategy to regain their paramount national status.

parliament-2028311_640The contrast between 2014 and 2018 was mentioned by me in an article
(1) In the Lok Sabha it has more than 5 times as many MPs as the Congress. (No competition)
(2) In the Rajya Sabha it leads 73-50 and if you add BJP allies, then it’s even further ahead.
(3) In the list of most populous states, the largest Congress has is Punjab at No. 20. Apart from that they have the smaller Mizoram and Union Territory Puducherry. In contrast there are 16 BJP Chief Ministers and more as allies. Scoring big in the Assemblies leads to scoring big in the Lok Sabha. Losing States means you’ll lose the Centre again.
(4) There are 1500+ BJP MLAs and the Congress has less than half of that.
(5) BJP is by far the richer party.
And finally an interesting point…
(6) In the 2014 elections, 10.7 crore people voted for the Congress. In the last four years, their support has drastically reduced. What about the BJP? Well their primary membership itself stands at 11 crore plus!

This is happening because Congress is losing most of its battles post-2014 in a bid to win the 2019 war. But only by winning many battles from 2014-19 can it win 2019!

Spectacular rise & rise of Pappu

profits-1953616_19202003: Armed with qualifications from Harvard and Cambridge he is a total no-one in politics.

2004: Enters politics and immediately becomes Lok Sabha MP in his very first attempt.

2007: Triple whammy! Promoted to Congress General Secretary, Chairperson of Indian Youth Congress and National Students Union of India!

2009: His magic leads to a whopping 42% growth of the Congress in the Lok Sabha: Great future hope for the media, intellectuals and Civil Society of India.

2013: Promoted to Congress Vice President by his sheer hard work and daring.

2017: Promoted to Congress President unanimously with no other option even remotely in sight.

2019: Presumptive official Prime Ministerial candidate of the Congress for the general elections and will still be the Great Hope for the anti-Modi brigade.

2024: Doesn’t matter what happens in 2019, for many he will still be the knight in shining armour if he should still happen to be around in this year or 2029 or 2034 or…

© Sunil Rajguru

General political musings of the day

CONGRESS
Care
Of
Nehru
Gandhi
Rajiv-Rahul
Emergency-Indira
Sanjay
Sonia

First you win, then they fight you, then they laugh at you, then they ignore you.
*They=People of India.
You=Pappu.
Win=2009 Lok Sabha win.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
I’m always high no matter how low we go.
—Pappu.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
When he goes high, we go low.
—Opposition on Modi.

Bihar-WB ruin continues;
Behenji is playing super victimhood;
Kejri is spouting utter nonsense;
Sonia’s abroad—
All’s normal with politics!

Prashant Kishore is like Manmohan Singh.
PK was good under Modi, but bad under Pappu-Akhilesh.
MMS was good under Rao, but bad under Sonia.

Opposition attacking Modi hysterically 24X7, ignoring voters and clueless about real strategy.
And you ask why Modi keeps winning.

It may be possible to beat Modi in 2019.
But not if the entire opposition runs around like headless chickens all the time.

Bad news for BJP.
Diggy Raja may be removed from Karnataka.
Shows Congress is serious.
Now if Pappu doesn’t campaign, then Congress has a fighting chance.

The current ABC of misgovernance…
Arvind
Banerjee
Congress.

AAP chose the broom to think that they would sweep all States.
Fate chose to sweep AAP out of all States, Delhi bhi jaayega.

Kejri will probably say to his workers…
We did not lose Punjab-Goa, but in fact we won.
That’s because we saw a 30% growth in total MLAs!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karenge Pappini aur Pappu

Work experience zero.
Talent zero.
Charisma zero.
Ideas zero.
Government expenditure on her tremendous.
Husband dubious.
Pappini the Great.

She may look a bit like Indira.
But she talks like Pappini.
And has far less experience than even nausikhiya Pappu.

Nehru created democracy.
Indira created economy.
Rajiv created technology.
Sonia created society.
Pappu will create Utopia.
-Book of Congress.

ISRO: We launched 104 satellites at one go and were successful!
Congress: That’s nothing! We’ll launch Sonia’s satellite 104 times and still fail!
#Pappu

Pappu has to perform just 1% for Congress leaders to dance on one leg.
Modi has to perform 99% for his haters to absolutely plaster him over the missing 1%.

Critic to Pappu: Your mother, father, grandmother and great grandfather responsible for mess.
Congressis: OK, let’s protest against Modi’s mother.

Rajiv humiliated Manmohan.
Sonia humiliated Manmohan.
Pappu humiliated Manmohan.
Next in line was Pappini.
Modi jumped the queue.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on the 2017 Assembly elections…

#2017Polls
If Pappu wins…
If Pappu loses…
Answer is the same.
He’ll eventually become Congress President.
Life ho to aisi!

If Kejri wins Goa and Punjab, then along with Delhi it will be a sort of Bermuda Triangle where all governance will go missing.

So will Punjab be the second State to have AAPRajya after Delhi?
Supreme Leader Kejri to extend his domain?

In 1952, Congress won 388/429 seats in the UP elections.
In 2017, it is dancing on one leg because it is getting to contest 105/403 seats.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappini, Pappu and other stories…

Pappu/Pappini: Mere paas (SPG cover ki) gaadi hai, (Lutyens) bangla hai, bank balance hai… aur maa bhi hai! Tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Mere paas woh sab hai aur us ke saath kaam bhi hai!

Rajiv ¼ of Indira.
Sonia ¼ of Rajiv.
Pappu ¼ Sonia.
Pappini (Priyanka) ¼ of Pappu.
So the Pappini Raj begins in the Congress!

#PriyankaVadra
The woman who does nothing, achieved nothing and is nothing.
But for the party and media is everything.
#Pappini

Naidu.
Nitish.
Maya.
Patnaik.
Mulayam.
Mamata.
Any senior leader…
100 times more political achievements than Priyanka.
#Pappini

If Priyanka is like February 29 coming every 4 years, then media is like “365 24X7″: Any time ready to elevate and legitimize her!

Congress: We will double our power with Priyanka’s entry!
Problem: Pappu = 0. Pappini = 0.
0 X 2 = 0.

The fall.
Yesterday: Priyanka will get us a majority in 543 Lok Sabha seats!
Today: She will get us a majority in 105/403 UP Assembly seats!

Sonia’s Top 10 ruining India?
Look the other way.
Modi’s Top 10 trying to bring change?
Highlight some random Sangh leader’s remark 24X7.

Breaking news headline…
Politics of hate erupts in Uttar Pradesh!
So, that means Akhilesh’s Goonda Raj was spreading love for 5 years?

A man who is full of rhetoric and has no substance claims that #Budget2017 is full of rhetoric and has no substance.
#Pappu

A Tale of Two Pappus.
#SPCongAlliance

Congress doesn’t need mass leaders but managers*: Krishna.
(*=managers of the Dynasty’s egos)

West Bengal went from Centre Left (Congress) to Left (CPM) to far Left (Mamata).
Truly Left Bengal.
Or like the Eastern Bloc, spiritually East Bengal.

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi.
AAP Wars Final Episode: The Last Jhadu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karenge Pappu-Pappini…

From before 2004 we have been hearing that Priyanka will campaign for Congress and do wonders for them.
Pappu-Pappini are forever young, forever hopeless.

An average 21-year-old Indian has more achievements than Priyanka Vadra.
But still the media goes batshit crazy every time she’s rumoured to campaign.

Yesterday.
Akhilesh has a corrupt lawless cycle!
Today.
Can you give me a lift on that cycle?
#Pappu

Rajiv: The last dynastic Prime Minister. (1989)
Sonia: The last dynastic kingmaker. (2014)
Pappu: The last would be dynastic Prime Minister.
Pappini: Beyond hope, but they’ll still push her.

If there’s anyone with lesser achievements than Pappu, it’s Priyanka “Pappini” Vadra.
Media always dying to promote her and give her credit.
#UPPolls

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu will be Pappu no matter what

2013…
Phata Poster Nikhla Hero.
2017…
Phata Kurta Nikhla Pappu.

Modi Kurta.
Phata Kurta.
Former made his own destiny.
Latter got everything on platter and still tore it up.

Pappu tore an expensive kurta with expensive scissors on advice of expensive consultants at expensive rally to prove that he is poor.

Pappu will retire only in 2019 when he gives Modi a second term and totally destroys the Congress by then.

Half-way through Modi’s term…
Pappu still Congress hope.
Kejri still doing nautanki.
Nitish-Lalu tussle, Mulayam-Akhilesh fight, Mamata ruining WB.
#Mission2019 bright.

Charles is his inspiration.
At 68 he’s still a Prince to the Queen.
Pappu is just 46 and a Prince to Queen Sonia.

April 1: Pappu Diwas.
Mother’s Day: Pappu’s favourite diwas.
(The only person on Earth who has faith in him)

Congress loves the minorities so much that it itself has become a political minority.

The CongRace has been lost.
Pappu came last.

Kejri. Nitish. Mamata.
Kahi pe nigaahen (CM ki kursi) kahi pe nishaana (PM ki kursi).
Pappu: Na nigaahen na nishaana, bas ghoomta hua parwana.

Looks like we will be discussing UPA scams even during the 2019 general elections.

1947—Netaji kicked the British out.
1991—Rao kicked the economic Communists out.
2014—Modi kicked the Congress out.
Nehru-Gandhi who?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu kabhi nahin paas hoga musings

The Congress has been severely downgraded thanks to #DemonetizaSON.
#Pappu

My speech will cause an earthquake: Pappu.
True.
Imagine crores of Indians watching and rolling on the floor with laughter at the same time.

Dear Pappu,
What are you doing?
You are too late for 2014.
And too early for 2019.

Dear Pappu,
Since 2004 there have been 1000+ Indian MPs.
You are not even in the Top 100.
Who cares whether you speak or not in Parliament!

Read my lips—no new taxes.
Bush—1988.
Thrashed in 1992.
Read my lips—The PM is personally terrified with the info I have.
Pappu—2016.
What to say to “already thrashed guy”?

Pappu,
You claim that your speech can cause an earthquake.
Well, Modi’s one word is enough to cause an earthquake.
“Mitron!”

Pappu ka earthquake aa ke chala bhi gaya.
Bahut bahut bada tha.
Par woh escape velocity ke saath chala gaya aur Jupiter pe hua.

If Pappu was an editor, he would release ads throughout the year saying…
Sensational scoop coming next year!

#PappuzWorld
Bofors = Development.
2G = Development.
Coalgate = Development.
#NationalHerald = Development.
#Demonetization = Greatest scam ever!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The UPA scams just go on and on…

Economic Reforms.
1. Rao.
2. Vajpayee.
3. Modi.
That’s it.
Manmohan was merely initially Rao’s assistant and then Sonia’s.

Axis Bank in the news for all the wrong reasons post #Demonetization.
Fun fact of the day…
Manmohan inaugurated the first Axis Bank then UTI Bank) in 1994.

Father of Acidic Reforms. (Spoilt politics)
Father of Uneconomic Reforms. (Corruption)
#Manmohan
Anything but Father of Economic Reforms—That was Rao.

Father of Bionic Reforms. (Robot)
Father of Anaemic Reforms. (Low energy)
#Manmohan
Anything but Father of Economic Reforms—That was Rao.

Manmohan Singh is 84.
And he still has to dance to Madam’s tunes.
Ghulam till I die!

Aam aadmi = Lakhpati.
Middle class = Crorepati.
Trader = Arabpati (100 crores).
Industrialist = Kharabpati (10,000 crores).
All scamsters = Neelpati (10 lakh crores).

Manmohan.
Coal Minister innocent in Coalgate.
Economic whiz innocent in 2G.
Guess he’s snow white despite signing AgustaWestland files.

Deve Gowda was the Humble Farmer.
Manmohan Singh was the Fumble Harmer.

To think that Sonia and Manmohan knew absolutely nothing of all the umpteen scams that took place during UPA rule is the height of naivety.

100 scams under Sonia’s UPA—They leave her totally alone. Totally.
Any move Modi makes big or small—Go batshit crazy & attack: Sparta!!!

UPA did 0/10 things.
No outrage for first 7-8 years.
Modi does 5/10 things.
A. He’s doing these 5 things wrong.
B. Why isn’t he doing the other 5 things?

Sonia’s UPA did scam upon scam and no-one attacked her, investigated her or went after her.
Modi’s every bold positive move is attacked viciously.

With the way he’s blabbing non-stop, looks like the P in P Chidambaram stands for Pappu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Another never-ending round of Pappu musings…

Pappu: Has no brain.
Puppet: Can’t use his brain.

Rahul is about
½ of Manmohan’s age
¼ of his grace
1/6 of his experience
1/8 of his intellect
But Manmohan is zero.
So they are both same in the end.

Nehru pushed Indira into politics.
Indira pushed Sanjay/Rahul politics.
Sonia pushing Pappu into politics.

Advisor: We are at an all-time low of 45 Lok Sabha seats. We can’t go any lower!
Pappu: Challenge accepted!

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

All dynasts got Prime Ministership/Remote Control on platter.
Pappu has been an MP for 12 years and is still struggling.
#AccheDin

In 15 years, Indira won party leadership, elections, wars, did Pokhran, made many bold moves…
In last 15 years, #Pappini Priyanka bagged Sidhu.

Modi 2019 strategy: Development + Governance + #SurgicalStrikes + FDI windfall + 500 rallies…
Congress 2019 strategy: Hey! #Pappini Priyanka looks like Indira!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru