Many a slip between the Lokpal Bill and Act…

The Lokpal Bill was presented in Parliament in 1968.

Since then… man walked on the moon, Pakistan was split into two, India and Pakistan became nuclear powers, the PC entered households, BJP created, an Indian entered space, the Russian Communist Empire collapsed, we entered the Internet age, 9/11 happened, India saw 10 more people become PMs, an African American became US President, Anna Hazare brought India to a standstill over the Lokpal Bill, Sachin debuted and scored his 1st and 100th international century and retired, India launched Mars probe…

Alternatively…

When the Lokpal Bill was presented in Parliament, Anna Hazare was in the army.

Since then… Anna served in the 1971 war, quit service, transformed his village Ralegan Siddhi, started a Grain Bank, launched many anti-corruption movements in Maharashtra, was jailed in Yerawada (Pune), got State ministers indicted, spearheaded RTI movement in State, helped pass Act stopping arbitrary transfers of officials, launched a campaign against Pawar, spearheaded August Kranti, was jailed in Tihar, saw the launch and electoral success of the Aam Aadmi Party…

Though some things never change…

In 1968 Pappu didn’t have any achievements because he wasn’t born.
In 2013 Pappu still doesn’t have any achievements.

Theme song…
Aayega aayega aayega aayega Lokpal ek din, aayega..

© Sunil Rajguru

More Arvind Kejriwal musings…

Debut: KejriWah!
For BJP in Delhi: KejriWall.
Power promises: KejriWatt.
For Anna Hazare: KejriWar.
In case of repoll: KejriWas?

Jab Anna-Cong-BJP raazi, to kya karega Kejri?
#Lokpal

Anna Hazare: Pahale aap bahut acche the, abhi AAP bahut boore hai.
Arvind Kejriwal: aap ka kasoor nahin hai, par AAP ka kasoor hai.

AAP ka BAAP (BJP + Anna Agitation + Pappu).
#Lokpal

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Arvind Kejriwal musings…

Avtomat Kalashnikova 1947: AK-47.
Avtomat Kalashnikova 1956: AK-56.
Arvind Kejriwal 2013: AK-13.

Then: Advani an alternative to Modi!
Now: Advani, who?
Then: Pappu an alternative to Modi!
Now: Pappu, ha ha!
Then: Nitish an alternative to Modi!
Now: Bihar bhi jar aha hai.
Latest: Kejriwal an alternative to Modi!

Jab Anna-Cong-BJP raazi, to kya karega Kejri?
#Lokpal

In retrospect, we now have August Kranti (Anna) and August Kranti (Kejriwal) agitations of 2011.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 17

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Laxman.
Laxman who?
Lax man the judicial system is, but the conviction finally came!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Lokpal.
Lokpal who?
Look politicians will keep scuttling the bill again and again!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
AMS.
AMS who?
MMS ke baad AMS, that’s what!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Modi.
Modi who?
Muddy his name is still to some despite all the development and international accolades.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2012 New Year Musings…

∙ All the politicians of all the political parties in India have wished each other an extremely happy new year by soundly trashing the Lokpal Bill…
“No Lokpal! Happy New Year!”

∙ Cyclone Thane has wished South India a very Wet and Windy New Year.

∙ I would have wished all my fellow Indians a scam-free new year, but for all practical purposes it will be just another Scammy New Year!

∙ In 1752, the calendar went straight from September 3 to 13 to adjust the calendar.
Protest the lost days!
Celebrate New Year on January 12!

2011: The Year of The Lemon

After looking at all the implications of the events that took place in the year, it has been decided to name 2011 as the “Year of The Lemon”.

That’s because while everybody was celebrating the many changes that were taking place, in effect nothing really changed.

(Other names suggested were The Year of the Kela and the Year of the Bakra)

A look at the lemony series of unfortunate events…

1. The Lokpal Lemon: Anna Hazare fasted. His team fumed. Lakhs protested. Millions cheered in their living rooms. Parliament united in August. The result? No Lokpal Act by December 31!

2. The Arab Spring Lemon: People thundered and kicked out the dictators. But who’s coming in their place? Inexperienced fundamentalist parties! Take Egypt: Revolution 1: Kick out the British. Revolution 2: Kick out monarch. Revolution 3: Kick out the dictator. Revolution 4: Coming soon in the future for complete democracy?

3. Cricket Team Lemon: India won the World Cup after 28 years. But no time to celebrate. No victory parades. Immediately play IPL and get fatigued and injured and get thrashed in England. Crash in Melbourne too. Do we really feel like champs?

4. The Sachin Tendulkar Lemon: It’s so glorious to score 99 international centuries. However most fretted and fumed over the 1 century that was not scored for 10 odd months.

5. The Europe Lemon: Heads of states were sacked. But do the new leaders have magic wands to solve the grave financial crisis?

6. The Kudankulam Lemon: Construction on the nuclear plant began in 1997. So what changed in 2011? Fukushima in Japan! So how does that affect Kudankulam?

7. The Mullaperiyar Lemon: The dam is more than 100 years old. So what changed in 2011? A movie called Dam999. Eh?

8. The Andhra Pradesh Lemon: AP won the maximum number of Lok Sabha seats for the Congress in 2009. The reward? In 2011, the Centre fiddled while Telangana was burning!

Of course, most of the events spill into the next year, so there is still time to make lemonade and 2012 could well be The Year of the Lemonade!

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 15

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Pre-screen.
Pre-screen who?
Pre-screen you and your head first, Mr Minister!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now to Stage 3 of my agitation!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Black money.
Black money who?
Black many accounts yes, but back money to India, no!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Anna-UPA musings…

How to make India a clean country…

Step 1: Take the highly complex issue of Corruption and isolate it.

Step 2: Put it in a box called Lokpal and lock it, throwing away the keys.

Step 3: Throw the box in the Anna River.

Step 4: Stand by the banks and pray…

∙ This whole Anna Hazare saga and his fight with the government is fast resembling a Harry Potter-Voldemort fight. Here’s reworking the original prophesy…

“The one with the power to vanquish the UPA approaches… born to a movement which has been thrice defied by the Centre… and the UPA will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the UPA knows not … and either must fall at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…”

2012 Outlook: Either the government will fall or Anna will totally fail and be consigned to the shadows.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Theory of Lokpal Relativity…

Classic Saying: Delhi door hai.
Anna Saying: Delhi paas hai.

Congress: Lokpal paas hai.
Anna: Lokpal door hai.

Congress: Bhrashtachar door hai.
Anna: Bhrashtachar (tumhare) paas hai.

Congress: RSS (tumhare) paas hai.
Anna: RSS door hai.

Anna: Hamare paas Lok taqat hai.
Congress: Tumse door Lok Sabha hai.

Anna: Aam aadmi (tumhare) paas nahin hai.
Congress: Aam chunav door hai.

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 14

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
FDI.
FDI who?
F*** D Idea! Retail will be swadeshi and we will protest, stall parliament, have dharnas and the like even if we are the BJP and we had thought of exactly the same thing when we were in power!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now another fast is on the cards in December. After August Kranti, will we have a December Dhamaka or a Damp Squib?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Windies.
Windies who?
Win these close ones on a regular basis Team India and we’ll all have a regular case of nerves.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
NATO.
NATO who?
Na to your apology says Pakistan over the deathly strike!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

In August, Anna had said… I’ll be back…

After the Fellowship of the Team Anna and The Two Fasts, we are looking at the Return of the Hunger King in December when Mr Hazare Goes to Delhi (the Sin City) to complete the Lord of the Fastings trilogy. But will Anna show True Grit and be The Rock or will he simply continue to call the government Liar Liar? The Congress on its part will look at Team Anna and say Look Who’s Talking!, continuing to call it the Enemy of the State.

What Lies Beneath the news? There will no point in Switching Channels as all of them will show the same ole Fight Club and The Social Network will be abuzz again with activity. The common man, meanwhile, is increasingly bent on showing his Fist of Fury.

But still, The Tihar Redemption looks unlikely and the UPA won’t rely on Transformers or go in for a new Avatar. It’s all badly Tangled:  The UPA could well sink like the Titanic The Day After Tomorrow in 2012. So all in all it does appear a Mission: Impossible.

India is all about Eat Pray Love? Come December and it could well only be Fast Swear Hate.

Bonus…

More Hollywood ways of looking at the April-August-December (if it takes place) fasts…

The Anna Identity. The Anna Supremacy. The Anna Ultimatum. (Bourne)

Anna. Anna Reloaded. Anna Revolutions. (Matrix)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru