Terms and conditions for the Bharat Ratna…

Congratulations! You are the proud recipient of a Bharat Ratna.

Here are the following terms and conditions that come along with it…

1. You cannot endorse Narendra Modi for Prime Minister in absolutely any way. That will severely devalue the Ratna. We may then consider withdrawing it.

2. You now rank seventh in order of precedence: Above CMs and Governors outside their respective States. That means outside Gujarat, you rank above Modi and hence he is beneath you and hence there is no need for you to endorse him in the first place! Plus if you visit Gujarat, then you will become below Modi, so under any circumstances, do not visit Gujarat!

3. You will sever all links (if any) with the Shiv Sena, the MNS, the RSS and any right-wing Fascist forces.

4. You will always be a paragon of secularism and shun anything to do with any form of communalism whatsoever.

5. This decision may be used for political mileage and we may invoke you in our election campaign.

6. We may be voted out in the next general elections and the next government may try to impose new terms and conditions on your Ratna. We hope then you will fondly remember who gave it to you in the first place!

Happy gloating!

Warm regards,

The Grand Old Party of India

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Sachin retirement musings…

∙ Sachin. Then: Bold. Now: Bowled. Then: Aala re! Now: Gela re!

∙ 2010: You simply can’t joke about Sachin.
2011: Did you hear the joke about Sachin?
2012: Sachin is a joke.

∙ Yesterday: Who has the guts to bowl right now? Sachin is here!
Today: Who wants a wicket? Sachin is here!

∙ If Sachin is God, then atheism is the fastest growing movement in Indian cricket right now.

Mahashatak kab aayega? Woh kab retire hoga?
90% coverage in media in the last 2 years.
10% actual coverage for his game.

∙ The Little Master is getting littler and littler with every innings.

∙ 1989-2011, Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the greatest of them all? You my Lord Sachin!
2012, Mirror: I don’t know about you, but I feel old!

∙ In 2014…
Manmohan will retire and Rahul will make his debut.
Advani will retire and Modi will become shadow PM.
Sachin will retire and Arjun will make his debut.

∙ What will be Sachin’s last score in Tests?
50 runs?
No age 50!

∙ Sachin to decide when to retire: Board.
My retirement decision with board: Sachin.
Ye pahale aap, pahale aap main aur do saal nikal jaayenge.

∙ Quote: Change must come from within.
Sachin: Retirement must come from within.

∙ Sachin favourite to grab 2-minute noodle brand ambassadorship from Rohit.
(Ref: Batsman goes in to bat, boil noodles. Batsman gets out, noodles ready.)

∙ When the match will be played in Delhi…
Rajya Sabha is adjourned till we have Sachin. He’s coming, he’s just gone into bat!

∙ The circle of life…
Sachin made his debut when he was 16.
Sachin will retire when his son turns 16.

∙ Bowlers on Sachin then and now…
1989: Ye baccha kaha se bat karega?
2012: Ye buddha kaha se bat karega?

∙ Sachin has enough time to bat in Mumbai and catch a plane to attend the RS session in Delhi on the same day. This is how he can balance two careers.

∙ Sachin defence argument #23…
How many MPs do you know who have scored even one international run?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

He came into cricket a long long time ago…

sachin-tendulkar-5835753_1280When Sachin Tendulkar started playing international cricket, the Web wasn’t invented, the DVD didn’t exist, India wasn’t liberalized, the Berlin Wall was still standing, Communism was alive in the USSR, Virat Kohli was a 1-year-old, Dev Patel wasn’t even born, SRK hadn’t debuted in Bollywood, Manmohan Singh wasn’t even a politician, Dhoni’s Jharkhand wasn’t a state, Osho was alive, Nelson Mandela was in jail, George W Bush’s father was US President, Rajiv Gandhi was PM, Thatcher headed the UK…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

The Sachin Mahashatak is finally here!

∙ Now he can officially change his name to Sauchin RunIshwar TenXTendulkar a.k.a Shatakeshwar.

∙ In Roman Numerals, C stands for Century, So Sachin’s new name is…

∙ New Sachinisque blessing for entry-level batsman: Aap khelo pachees saal aur maaro sau shatak.

∙ It took Sachin about 370 days to run this single and go from the 99th to the 100th 100!

∙ Now Sachin’s wife is really “Sau”bhagyawati.

Sau-te sau-te sau-te finally Mahashatak jaag gaya!

Subah ka bhoola hua shatak agar shyam ko laut aaye, to use shatak nahin mahashatak kahate hai!

∙ He almost changed his name to 99dulkar and retired!

∙ He was on 99 for so long that it almost felt like 99 years… you could have almost called him Searching Tendulkar…

∙ Sachin scored his 99th international Century on March 12.
Sachin scored his 100th international Century on March 16.
(Kindly to please ignore the year in between!)

© Sunil Rajguru

Cosolidated Mahashatak postings down the ages…

On the anniversary of Sachin Tendulkar’s 99th Century and his wait for the 100th international hundred, also called the Mahashatak, my complete blogs on the issue…

The Sachin Tendulkar “99To100 Era”…

Mission 100th 100 Scorecard for die-hard Sachin Tendulkar fans

Aayega Aayega Aanewala Shatak Aayega

Woh maarega Mahashatak ek din…

Sachin Mahashatak in Hollywood titles

4 reasons why Sachin has still not scored his Mahashatak…

Sachin Mahashatak musings…

Some Sachin Mahashatak musings…

Sachin more Mahashatak musings…

Consolidated Mahashatak musings down the ages…