Congratulations! You are the proud recipient of a Bharat Ratna.
Here are the following terms and conditions that come along with it…
1. You cannot endorse Narendra Modi for Prime Minister in absolutely any way. That will severely devalue the Ratna. We may then consider withdrawing it.
2. You now rank seventh in order of precedence: Above CMs and Governors outside their respective States. That means outside Gujarat, you rank above Modi and hence he is beneath you and hence there is no need for you to endorse him in the first place! Plus if you visit Gujarat, then you will become below Modi, so under any circumstances, do not visit Gujarat!
3. You will sever all links (if any) with the Shiv Sena, the MNS, the RSS and any right-wing Fascist forces.
4. You will always be a paragon of secularism and shun anything to do with any form of communalism whatsoever.
5. This decision may be used for political mileage and we may invoke you in our election campaign.
6. We may be voted out in the next general elections and the next government may try to impose new terms and conditions on your Ratna. We hope then you will fondly remember who gave it to you in the first place!
The Grand Old Party of India
This version by Sunil Rajguru