#Demaunetization: When the silent one spoke!

If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

Sonia released Robot 1.0 in 2004, it ran till 2009.
Sonia released Robot 2.0 in 2009, it ran till 2014.
Even Rajinikanth can’t beat that!

Manmohan as The Trinity…
1991-96: The Creator.
2004-09: The Preserver.
2009-14: The Destroyer.

Manmohan Singh taught me…
1. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
2. #TheekHai.
3. In the end we are all dead.

Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

His multiple choices …
a) First Manmohan Singh became Economist.
b) Second he became Bureaucrat.
c) Third he became Politician.
d) Finally he became “None of the Above”.

SINGH is King!
S = Spectrum, coal and many other scams.
I = Internet Emergency.
N = No spine whatsoever.
G = Gayab. (Awaaz, governance, etc…)
H = Home and abroad both equal failures.

A movie on Manmohan Singh’s life would be called O.H.M.S.
On Her Majesty’s Service.
He has been serving the Dynasty and not the nation since 1998.

Everyone knew Manmohan was a tubelight.
He started speaking about 2004-14 misrule only in 2016.

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

Manmohan Singh…
The only man to have given 1300 official speeches and still said nothing.

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?
MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Madam: #Demonetization kaisa hai?
Puppet: #TheekHai!
Madam: Kya!!! Aaj RS main blast karna hai!
Puppet: #TheekHai! (I’ll just describe UPA)

Even at the age of 84, after his speech he’ll have to go to her and say…
Madam! Main theek bola na? Aap khush to ho na?

Under the Manmohan regime, crooks freely converted white money to black with impunity.
He’s upset it’s all being undone by #Demonetization.

Manmohan Singh: The Father of Polinomics.
Half (Politicize economics)
+ Half (Economize politics)
= Zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Oxbridge (Oxford + Cambridge) totally destroyed India…

oxford-2368748_640Manmohan Singh: Worst Prime Minister in India’s history. Most spineless. Masterminded inaction. Presided over the most corrupt government in Independent India’s history.
Alma Mater: Oxford. Cambridge.

Jawaharlal Nehru: First Prime Minister laid down totally useless economic and foreign policy foundations that went bankrupt in decades. Established an intolerant Communist Coterie that calls the shots to this very day.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Indira Gandhi: The only Indian leader to have imposed dictatorship (Emergency) in India.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed: The President who signed the above Emergency proclamation without a second thought.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Rajiv Gandhi: Took intolerance and coterie to a new level and Bofors still remains arguably the biggest scam brand. Squandered the greatest Lok Sabha mandate ever.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Rahul Gandhi: One of the worst Prime Ministerial candidates around who could still make PM in the future.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Lord Curzon: Implemented the Partition of Bengal, the ultimate Divide and Rule trick which laid the foundations for communal tensions and the eventual Partition of India.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Mani Shankar Aiyar: India’s greatest political Sycophant and the greatest lackey of the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Salman Khurshid: India’s worst Foreign Minister.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

© Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi are same to same…

Manmohan and Modi did the same number of foreign trips in a year.
The former’s trips were just formalities however.

Manmohan and Modi gave the same number of official speeches in a year.
You just didn’t hear the former however.

Manmohan and Modi both worked in office all day.
The former just worked like a glorified clerk and not a CEO however.

Manmohan and Modi both didn’t take money.
The former allowed everyone else to take but.

Manmohan (2009) and Modi (2014) both won mandates for their party.
The former handed it on a platter to Pappu but.

Manmohan and Modi both sat on the nation’s highest chair.
The former handed over the authority to someone else but.

© Sunil Rajguru

Whatever happens, Manmohan is Mr Clean, OK?

When a fake story of a PM wearing a Rs 10 lakh suit came, tremendous outrage.
When a real story came of a PM causing a loss of Rs 2 lakh crore—well that’s OK!

Corrupt (adjective): Having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.
(Sticking on to PM’s chair = Personal gain.)
Usage: Manmohan Singh is corrupt to the core.

CWG scam—Off with Kalmadi!
2G scam—Off with Raja!
Coalgate—Err… ummm… the Coal Minister/Prime Minister is such a sweet fellow na?

Bolo Manmohan beta, C for Coalgate.
Manmohan: Nahin! C for Clean chit from madam. So there!

Pahele chori. (UPA2’s Coalgate, 2G, CWG, etc etc etc)
Fir seena zori. (‪#‎MarchForManmohan‬ ‪#‎IStandWithMMS‬)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Latest Indian political musings…

The 71-0 rule…
71% illegal coal block allocations took place under Coal Minister Manmohan Singh and yet most news reports gave him 0% coverage.

Sequels are rarely better than the original.
Pappu: But we had planned a threequel where I was to come at the end!
‪#‎UPA1‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎UPA3‬‬‬‬

Very soon, all Indian bookshops will have a separate section on UPA exposes.
‪#‎Baru‬ ‪#‎Parakh‬ ‪#‎Natwar‬ ‪#‎Rai‬‬‬‬‬

Advani looked retired in 2004.
Virtually retired in 2005.
Should have retired in 2009.
Looks fully retired in 2014.
‪#‎2019Polls‬ ‪#‎IllBeBack‬‬‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The end of Manmohan Singh’s Prime Ministerial term…

The story of Manmohan’s power as Prime Minister…
A 10-year-long power cut.

After May 16…
Manmohan to Modi: Can I continue hanging out at the PMO? Nobody ever notices me anyway.

Time to declare Manmohan the most powerful statue ever in our history and build a statue in the statue’s honour.

Manmohan: How will history remember me?
Citizen: Remember? Most of the times we forgot we even had a Prime Minister for the last 10 years!

The 10-year-term of the most power-fool leader in India’s history is coming to an end on May 16.

Sigh! My 10 years paid vacation is coming to an end.
#MMS #TheekHai

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh’s last days as PM…

Army chief gaya BJP main yaar,
Home Secy bana saffron star,
RAW chief bhi gaya us paar,
Mera bhai bhi ho gaya faraar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

“I feel very sad. I have no control.”
—Manmohan Singh on his brother joining BJP.
But that also applies to scams, economy, defence, security, governance and just about everything else.

Manmohan Singh: My brother joined the BJP.
Priyanka Vadra: Lucky you! Unfortunately mine joined the Congress.

Manmohan Singh’s final words…
#TheekHaiYaar
#AbkiBaarModiSarkaar

2004: I am ready to work under Madam.
2009: I am ready to work under Pappu.
2013: I am ready to work under Pappini.
2014: I am ready to work under Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Our dear ole accidental Prime Minister…

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?

Sanjaya Baru’s book is fiction: PMO.
That Manmohan was ever PM itself is fiction: Citizen.

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Baru ne kee MMS pe vaar,
Abki baar Modi sarkar.

Jag main sundar do hai naam,
Chaahe remote control kaho ya rubber stamp.
—Sonia Mata.

1992: Everyone knows Babri demolition planned.
2014: Breaking News! Babri demolition planned!
2004: Everyone knows MMS is Sonia stooge.
2014: Breaking News! MMS is Sonia stooge!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congressi poll musings…

Did you know Manmohan Singh has refused his monthly salary?
Ab koi free main kaam karega to aisa hi bakwaas kaam karega na?

Pappu: Change the system! Bring in outsiders!
Note: Congress is the system. Pappu is the ultimate insider.
Subliminal message: Don’t vote for me or the Congress!

Congress is making great progress.
First they were stuck in 2002 (Godhra).
Then they were caught in 2004 (Ishrat case).
Now they’ve moved on to 2005 (Aseemanand allegations).

TV bytes…
What will happen to Pappu’s 6 bills… Pappu’s 6 bills… Pappu’s 6 bills…
Sounds like a kid bawling for 6 chocolate bars.

Congress plays politics like an ODI match.
They leave heavy scoring for the slog overs.
When play is called off due to bad light/rain, they lose and cry foul.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Manmohan Singh finally spoke…

MMS speech…
Main #TheekHu
Pappu #TheekHai
UPA #TheekHai
Corruption #TheekHai
Economy #TheekHai
Modi #TheekNahinHai
Vote for Congress in 2014.
UPA3 zindabad!

MMS: I want Pappu to become PM so that history will then judge me as the second worst PM ever and not the worst!
#TheekHai

Q: How do you know Modi will be a “disastrous PM”?
MMS: Well, I’m the best judge as I have been one for 10 years now ain’t I?
#TheekHai

Apparent MMS logic…
Scams of UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Scams of UPA2 are OK because Modi will be a disastrous PM in 2014.
#TheekHai

Arvind Kejriwal: Yeah! I am finally trending above Narendra Modi!
Alok Nath: Bitch please!
Manmohan Singh: My one boring speech can change that, #TheekHai?

Every night Manmohan Singh stares at the 2009 giant spoof poster “Singh is King” in his bedroom, sighs and goes to sleep.
#TheekHai

MMS statement…
Scams in UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Corollary…
So if you don’t get re-elected in 2014, then you are guilty of scams of UPA2?

Future tense…
Modi as a PM will be a disaster: MMS.
Present tense…
MMS as a PM is a disaster.
Past tense…
On hindsight, even UPA1 was a disaster.

Manmohan: Pappu beta, tu PM banega?
Pappu: #TheekHai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on Congress The Great…

The Congress philosophy…
Give a man a fish and gain his vote for an election.
Teach a man to fish and lose a recurring vote forever.

CONGRESS =
Corrupt
Opportunistic
Nepotistic
Gasbags
Registering
Endless
Supersized
Scams.

Post 1947: Angrez gaye.
Post 2014: Congrez jaayenge.

Sonia=TINA Factor.
(There Is No Alternative)
Pappu=also TINA Factor.
(This Is No Alternative!!!)

2004-14…
Manmohan Singh is the messenger.
Sonia Gandhi is the message.
2014…
The voters finally have a message of their own.

What if Manmohan is still thinking now…
Shivraj, Modi, Sheila, Naveen, Sarkar… sabne hat-trick maara.
Ab mera number 2014 main aayega!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The full form of “Manmohan Singh”…

Main azaad nahin hu!

Army chief retire ho ke bhi mujh pe waar kar raha hai!

Nuclear Deal ki victory hai kisiko yaad?

Modi ka pressure ab sahan nahin hota!

Oil prices, inflation, high taxation ka magic wand kahan hai!

Hai hai abhi bhi sab #TheekHai.

Andimuthu Raja ye tune kya kiya!

Nahin! Main Coalgate aur koi scam ke bare main kuch nahin jaanta!

Shehzaade ke neeche kaam karne ke liye main tayar hu!

Information ka Right ko bahaar pheko!

NREGA ke oopar Food Bill? Ab tijori khaali!

G se bahut dar lagta hai… 2G, CWG, CAG, Soniaji, Rahulji…

Hazaron jawabon se acchi hai meri khaamoshi.

This version by Sunil Rajguru