Whatever happens, Manmohan is Mr Clean, OK?

When a fake story of a PM wearing a Rs 10 lakh suit came, tremendous outrage.
When a real story came of a PM causing a loss of Rs 2 lakh crore—well that’s OK!

Corrupt (adjective): Having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.
(Sticking on to PM’s chair = Personal gain.)
Usage: Manmohan Singh is corrupt to the core.

CWG scam—Off with Kalmadi!
2G scam—Off with Raja!
Coalgate—Err… ummm… the Coal Minister/Prime Minister is such a sweet fellow na?

Bolo Manmohan beta, C for Coalgate.
Manmohan: Nahin! C for Clean chit from madam. So there!

Pahele chori. (UPA2’s Coalgate, 2G, CWG, etc etc etc)
Fir seena zori. (‪#‎MarchForManmohan‬ ‪#‎IStandWithMMS‬)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twisted quotes to suit scam India…

Satyam scamam sundaram.

Thorium hai thorium ki zaroorat hai.

2G or not 2G, that is the question.

I love you C.. C… C… Coalgate!

DIAL S for scam.

Tum mujhe cash do, main tumhe (Lok Sabha) votes doonga.

Kar chale hum fida saara dhan saathiyo,
Ab tumhara hawala watan sathiyo.

Arre huzoor, wah Taj scam boliye!

Mera Adarsh hai ek scam.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

We didn’t start the scamfire…

This could well be in anthem of UPA2.

Corruption, scams and scandals have been around in India for what seems like forever.

Please sing to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire

Haridas Mundhra & LIC, Pratap Singh Kairon & SC,
Jeep scam, Cycle import scandal, BHU funds misappropriation,
Teja loan and Kaling Tubes, Nagarwala scandal’s on,
Maruti & Kuo Oil, AR Antulay and cement what ho!

Bofors mega scam, St Kitts’s forgery and Airbus,
Palmolein Oil Import Scam in Kerala hai hai!

Harshad Mehta’s here now, the stock market’s got a new king,
Sugar import, preferential allotment, Meghalaya forest bye bye.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Purulia arms drop, Fertilizer import uff oh!
CR Bhansali and Sukh Ram, Laloo’s fodder’s the big bloc.

SNC lavalin power project scam and Hawala’s on,
UTI almost falls, Cricket match-fixing around the clock.

Ketan Parekh, Barak Missile, and Kargil coffin scam,
Bihar land trouble and even a Cobbler scandal, India is a scamland,

PF, HUDCO, Taj corridor,
Navy war room spy scam, Trouble with Mr Telgi.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Gegong Apang and PDS, Bihar flood relief scam,
Oil for food, Uttar Pradesh ayurveda and IPO.

Kerala ice cream parlour sex and Scorpene Deal,
White money homicide, Children of corrupt politicians.

Punjab city centre project scam, all sorts of mafia,
Haryana Teachers’ recruitment scam, Clean projects are a no-go.

Satyam not so true, State Bank of Saurashtra is in it too,
Jharkhand medical equipment scam, Cash for votes in Parliament also.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Army ration pilferage, Ultra corrupt in the corrupt land,
Hasan Ali, Gujarat sugarcane, Emmar, Total scam invasion.

Coal, Tarta, CWG, LIC, Belikeri, Scam media mania,
ISRO S-Band, KG Basin oil, Goa SEZ, UP MGNREGA.

Adarsh, NHRM, IPL, Madhu Koda, ND Tiwari sex,
2G Rs 1.76 lakh crore, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

No control, Punjab paddy, Anna Hazare back again,
Flying club frauds, many scams in J&K too what rot.

Highway and HP pulse scams, Trouble on the airline,
Gujarat PSU irregularities, Sukhna, All’s sinking in scamistan.

Andhra also has a land scam, might as well commit suicide,
Karnataka Wakf Board Land, Maharashtra stamp duty.

President Patil land grab, Mines are under jungle law,
Congress and BJP wars, I can’t take it anymore.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
But when we are gone,
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
We didn’t start the scamfire…

(Original Song: We didn’t start the fire.
Singer: Billy Joel.
Year: 1989.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The amazing Raja-Sibal jugalbandi…

∙ God created air.
The ICT industry invented the mobile.
Raja pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore out of thin air via the mobile market.

∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.

∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.

∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.

∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.

© Sunil Rajguru

More consolidated 2G scam musings…

Hamaam main sab hai nanga,
Chahe bhrashtachaar ho ya communal danga,
Ab vote kisi ko bhi do sab “relatively” hain changa,
Ram Rajya nahin maili hai Ganga…
(Only caveat: Supreme Court se mat lo panga!)

∙ Sometimes I think of Manmohan Singh as the Dhritrashtra of Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro who must be saying in all his cabinet meetings, “Ye sab kya ho raha hai?”
One day he might as well say, “This is too much for me…” and storm off the stage…

∙ 9PM-11PM: Attack of the Clones!
Every politician/journo on every channel simultaneously.

∙ Today’s 2G scam TV debate coinage of the day:
Crony Capitalism Coalition Compulsions.

∙ 2G2G: Moving on to the Second Generation of 2G licenses.

∙ Telecom licenses have to be re-issued, policy has to be reworked…
If at first you don’t succeed TRAI TRAI TRAI again…
UPA looks like a TRAI-al and Error government…

∙ Zero Loss Theory is actually the Congress saying that they’ll have Zero Loss of Ministers no matter how many scams occur.

∙ NDA = Now Dreaming (of power) Alliance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Five Sibalistic laws

Law 1: If you are given a kickback figure, then just put the mirror negative in front of it and it will become zero loss.
For example, CAG: +1.76 lakh crore.
Counter: -1.76 lakh crore.
Net result: Zero.
Science used: Mathematics.

Law 2: If a court pulls up an office, then only the office has been pulled up, not the head of the office.

For example, if the court pulls up the PMO, then the PM is squeaky clean.
Science: Logic.

Law 3: If a court pulls up a government policy, then the policy is at fault, not the government. Hate the crime, not the criminal.
For example, if the UPA Telecom policy is pulled up, then the UPA is not at fault.
Science: Logic again.

Law 4: Every cause has an effect.
For example, Effect: UPA 2G scam. Cause: BJP Telecom Policy.
Science: Philosophy.

Law 5: The Congress Party is the custodian of India. Any criticism is blasphemy.
For example, Even giants like Google and Facebook may be banned if they defy this law.
Science: Information Technology.

© Sunil Rajguru

Consolidated 2G scam musings….

(On February 2, 2012, the Supreme Court of India cancelled 122 telecom licenses issued in 2008 in the 2G scam.)

Old saying: Chaar sau beesi karta hai?
New saying: Ek sau baeesi karta hai?

∙ It’s clear that the UPA doesn’t believe in the concept of Collective Responsibility.
That simply means that they believe in Collective Irresponsibility.

∙ Comment: Subramaniam Swamy’s Court route is much better than Anna Hazare’s activism route.
Prashant Bhushan: Main dono kara raha hu phir bhi mujhe log peet-te hai!

∙ Subramanian Swamy=Aussie pacer.
UPA=Indian batting line-up.
SC=Fast and green pitch.

∙ LK Advani: Hame aur jeene ki chahat na hoti, agar tum na hote…
(Tum=Subramanian Swamy. Key=Lok Sabha polls possible in 2012)

∙ In the beginning of 1977, the Janata Party was the No. 1 Opposition party of India.
In the beginning of 2012, the Janata Party is still the No. 1 Opposition party of India.
(Key: Its party president is Subramanian Swamy)

∙ Right now a lot of Indian citizens want to go back and quash their 2009 Lok Sabha Voting Licenses to the UPA.

∙ Zero Loss Theory becomes Zero License Practicality.

∙ 2G, or not 2G, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer,
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Prime Ministership,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to resign, to leave…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The United Prisoners’ Association

With so many of the UPA’s ministers in jail, FIRed or facing allegations of impropriety and their nemesis Subramanian Swamy breathing down their necks, very soon UPA could well stand for the United Prisoners’ Association!

Fire in the UPA belly…

A Raja, Suresh Kamladi, M Kanimozhi, Shashi Tharoor…. Fired!
SM Krishna, Dharam Singh… “FIR”ed!
P Chidambaram, Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi… Facing the Subramanian Swamy Fire
All other Ministers firefighting all the time on all sorts of issues, the latest being Kapil Sibal…

You’re Blind without Vision…

Mamata Banerjee became the General Secretary of the Congress in West Bengal in 1976.
After that the Congress never came to power in the state till date.

She joined the NDA alliance in 1999.
That Central government got voted out in the very next elections.

She joined the UPA in 2009 as Railways Minister.
Both the UPA and the Railways have been in decline since then.

Now she’s become the Chief Minister of West Bengal.
Dear West Bengal. Best of Luck! You’ll need it.
Just because you voted out a really bad government is no guarantee that the next one will not be much worse.

50% Firebrand + 50% Absolute Sincerity + 0% Strategy and Vision = Still 100% Disaster.

© Sunil Rajguru

Thak Thak Chutkule 7

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Zardari kaun?
Zara dar gaya tha bechara ki
military coup hoga, ab theek lag raha hai.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Telangana kaun.
Telan…gaana gaa rahi hain Maya, aur do tukde nahin, chaar chahati hai!

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
2G ka paisa khaaya.
2G ka paisa khaaya kaun?
Hahahaha… aise sawal mat pooch jiska koi jawab nahin, ye scam aur cases aur bahut saal chalne waale hai.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Rockstar kaun?
Rocks stars pe pheko, dher saare, ek ek karke, sab paisa bataurne main lage hue hain, koi achha film nahin bana raha hai aaj kal…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Said and unsaid…

What Rahul told the voters of UP: How long will you have to continue begging?
What he meant: How long will I have to continue begging for Prime Ministership?

What the official said over 2G: The Rs 1.76 lakh crore figure is grossly inflated.
What he meant: The intense pressure from the Centre has squeezed and flattened the actual amount.

What Maya said: I am dividing UP into four states.
What she meant: Is Congress the only empire? Why can’t I “Divide and Rule” and have a Mayawi empire?

What happened: Petrol prices cheaper by Rs 2.
What it means: Two steps backward and two steps forward. True progress, India ishtyle!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood movies on Indian politics, the sequel

The UPA series…

Chalti Ka Naam 2G and its sequel Badhti Ka Naam 3G

Maine Satta Kyun Liya, starring Manmohan Singh

Laaga Sarkar Pe Daag

Roti Kapada Aur Makaan @ Rs 32 Prati Din

Mujhse Deal Karoge? starring Niira Radia

Badmaash Company, starring Congress and Allies

We Are Family, starring Karunanidhi, Kanimozhi & Dayanidhi with Andimuthu Raja as the villain

Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, starring Andimuthu Raja

Do Term Barah Scam

Bhool Bhulaiyaa, the route taken by all CBI investigations

Kati Patang, the real story of UPA2

Aaj Ka Chacha Aur Bhatija, starring Sharad & Ajit Pawar

3 Idiots, UPA cut, starring Prashant Bhushan, Arvind Kejriwal and Kiran Bedi with Anna Hazare playing the role Virus, the hard taskmaster

Kabhi Kursi Kabhi Scam

The Diggy Raja Series…

3 Idiots, with Diggy as Rancho who has a solution to all Congress problems, ably supported by Kapil Sibal and Manish Tiwari

No Problem (For Diggy everything is always fine anyway)

Kyun Ki Main Jhooth Nahin Bolta

Black money series…

Black Main Rang de Basanti

Kal Ho Na Ho, Bharat Ko Loot Lo

Cheque (cash, kind, favour, kuch bhi) de India

Apna Sapna Black Money

Ek Aur Ek, Ek Sau Gyarah

Aamdani Atthani Kharcha Hazaar Rupaiya

One Two Ka Four Thousand

Note: Hera Pheri sequels got so many, that they have been converted into a daily soap on TV.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How the Con grass grows below their feet…

There has been a total Pawar failure…

Great problems with Raja Yog…

Thanks to the 2G, lagta hain ki is government ka Maran aa gaya hai

That man keeps Singhing and Digging the party’s grave…

The response to Civil Society was totally UnSibalized

The spokesmen have totally Tewarized the nation…

There has been a great amount of Mamata lost between the allies…

The Government was doing so fine in 2009, the problems were almost overcome: Sonia and yet so far…

Ab to kisi ka bhi Man nahi moh liya, Singh is no longer King….

Singh is SinKing? Singh is BreaKing? Singh is ConKing? Singh is ChoKing? Singh is CracKing? Singh is PanicKing? Singh is BacktracKing? Singh is HoodwinKing? Singh is ShaKing? Singh is SulKing? Singh is ShrinKing? …

These versions by Sunil Rajguru