To rule India, the chances are greater if you don’t have a spouse…

For a whopping 56/70 years, or 80% of the time, the direct or de facto ruler of India has been spouseless…

Rulers without a spouse…

Jawaharlal Nehru, widower: 1947-64.

Indira Gandhi, widow: 1966-77, 80-84.

PV Narasimha Rao, widower: 1991-96.

AB Vajpayee, bachelor: 1998-2004.

Sonia Gandhi, widow: 2004-14.

Narendra Modi, single: 2014-__.

(So Pappu has a good chance of getting elected in 2024 or 2029 if he doesn’t get married by then.)

Other high profile single politicians post-2000…

Late President APJ Abdul Kalam.

Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath.

West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee.

Orissa Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik.

Late Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalitha.

Haryana Chief Minister Manohar Lal Khattar.

Uttarakhand Chief Minister Trivendra Singh Rawat.

Assam Chief Minister Sarbananda Sonowal.

Ex Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati.

Water Minister Ex Madhya Pradesh Chief Minister Uma Bharati.

Goa Chief Minister and ex-Defence Minister Manohar Parrikar is a widower.

Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar is a widower.

Rajasthan Chief Minister Vasundhara Raje is a divorcee.

And they can’t stop the Modi juggernaut…

Red is dead.
Saffron is on.

Before 2014, nationwide Congress always had more MLAs than BJP.
Now Congress has close to 800 and BJP 1400 odd.

100 days before a poll: Modi haarega haarega!
50 days: haarega!
10 days: haarega!
1 day: haarega!
D-Day: Arre jeet gaya! Chalo next time…

Big 3 of World Tennis.
Fed. Rafa. Djoko.
Big 3 of Indian politics.
Nehru. Indira. Modi.

Bihar had the Mahagatbandhan.
Retrospectively the UP Pappu + Akhilesh alliance can be called the Mahagadbad.

Anna is threatening another agitation, against Modi.
Means he’s opening another political training course for Kejri ka sequel.

2011. All politicians are corrupt—Kejri.
2017. Kejri is corrupt—All politicians.

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

March 2017 Status Updates

UK triggers Brexit.
EU chief vows to break up USA.
Two break-ups don’t make one unification.
(People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones)

Random alternate reality universe…
PMs…
1947-60: Netaji.
1960-75: Shastri.
1975-85: Vajpayee
1985-95: Rao.
1995-2000: Advani
2000-10: Scindia.

(March 30)

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

(March 29)

How do you counter Eve-teasing?
By Romeo bashing.
#MixedMetaphors Adam & Eve + Romeo & Juliet.

Priyanka’s daughter will be saviour: Poojary.
Sonia couldn’t be PM.
Pappu can’t be PM.
Pappini won’t be PM.
Can’t dare to think beyond dynasty.

(March 24)

Schrodinger on steroids.
If you go by the TV news channels, Uttar Pradesh currently has one dozen “next” Chief Ministers.

(March 18)

Assange is a bigger name than Jack.
Yet Jack refuses to give Assange a verified Twitter account.
Tells you what’s wrong with the Left-Liberal ecosystem.

(March 17)

It is the right moment for the Right.
But things are still far off for the Far Right.
#GeertWilders #DutchElections

(March 16)

Till 1945-Colonialism.
1945-91: Big 2.
1991-2000s: Pax Americana.
2010s: US, China, Russia, India, Turkey, Iran etc all being assertive as EU collpases.

(March 13)

Till 1980s it was the BBC.
1990s was the decade of CNN.
In the 2010s its WikiLeaks all the way.
#Vault7

The “Internet of Things” simply means that every device in your home can become a snooping device and be used against you.
#Vault7

Team India’s Women’s Day gift.
They finished the match on March 7 to keep March 8 free from cricketing distractions.
#IndVsAus

(March 8)

On any day, in any match, for any reason, from any position of strength, no matter what the mahurat, India can lose 5 wickets for 10 runs.

Imran has 1 World Cup.
Darren Sammy has 2.
Sammy graces PSL, so Imran calls him phateechar.
And you ask what’s wrong with Pak cricket.

(March 7)

If you want to be really politically correct, then you also need other names for woMAN and feMALE and maybe even huMANkind.
(March 6)

Incredible India.
Three straight matches of 600+ scores. (World record).
Followed by…
Three straight innings of 200- scores. (Business as usual)

Ashes to ashes ashes and dust to dust,
If O’Keefe don’t get you Lyons must.
#IndVsAus

Return of the Nair.
India last two Test innings: 212 for 20.
Karun last Test inning: 303 for 0.

Communist Contradiction.
The Global Bourgeoisie are trying to lead a Proletarian Revolution.

Casualties of war.
1947: 1500.
1965: 3000.
1971: 3800.
1000s more in Kargil, Siachen and terror attacks.
Par Pakistan ne ek ko bhi na maara.

(March 4)

American politics has transformed into a 1980s Bollywood movie.
Foreign hand in everything.
The man in power must be stopped with violence.
Bad script.

Sasikala-Stalin drama.
Kejri-Pappu nautanki.
Lalu-Nitish ka bhai bhai Jungle Raj…
No matter how badly Modi does, his rivals will do worse.

(March 3)

Uber led to the English word super.
As in: Uber was a super taxi service.
The literal translation of uber is “over” or “above”.
As in: Uber drivers are asking benefits “over” and “above” what they are getting now.

(March 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh God! Does anyone have sequel fatigue yet? The 2017 list…

19th film of the Amityville franchise.

15th, 16th and 17th films of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

10th Star Wars film.

10th film of the X-men series.

8th film of the Fast & the Furious franchise.

6th film of Resident Evil.

6th “Alien” universe movie.

4th and 5th films of the DC Cinematic Universe.

5th film of Underworld.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5.

Transformers 5.

Insidious: Chapter 4.

Despicable Me 3 (4th Gru movie).

2nd and 3rd Lego films.

Cars 3.

3rd film of xXx.

3rd Smurfs movie.

Pitch Perfect 3.

Blade Runner sequel.

Sequel to Trainspotting.

2nd film of Fifty Shades.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2.

2nd John Wick film.

Kingsman 2.

Jumanji 2.

Paddington 2.

Daddy’s Home 2

Yet another Mummy movie.

Yet another Planet of the Apes movie.

Umpteenth Beauty and the Beast adaptation.

Umpteenth King Arthur adaptation.

Another Murder on the Orient Express remake.

Reboot of a King Kong remake.

Flatliners sequel.

Phew!

When India beat Australia @ Dharamsala…

ICC Test Rankings.
No. 1 team: India.
No.1 Bowler: Jadeja.
No. 2 Bowler: Ashwin.
No. 2 batsman: Pujara.
No. 4 batsman: Kohli.
No. 2 All-rounder: Ashwin.
No. 3 All-rounder: Jadeja.
India never had it this good in Tests!

Ardh-Shatak ka Betaaj Badshaah.
#KLRahul #IndVsAus

In terms of arrogance, Ricky Ponting was worse than Steve Waugh and Steve Smith is worse than Ponting.

India required 87 runs off 1080 balls at the end of the third day in this match to win.
T20 enthusiasts in the future will simply not understand Test cricket.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Jio Data revolution…

Desktop ho ya laptop ya ho mobile, 100GB per connection per device zaroori hone wala hai.
2017 will be year of Indian data explosion.

Reliance gives mobile data at fantastic rates.
That’s Jio.
All other players scramble to match that.
That’s Aur Jeene Do.

If all calls are free and mobile data is dirt cheap, then how will they make money?
Acche Din for consumers.
Bure Din for mobile operators.

Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho,
Kya Whatsapp forward hai jisko chhupa rahe ho?

Great for government.
Convenient for citizens.
Terrible for privacy.
#Aadhar

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

20 things nobody would have thought possible at the beginning of this mad crazy decade…

1. US President Donald Trump.

2. #Brexit.

3. Complete and total meltdown of the Left-Liberal-Media ecosystem in India and the world.

4. Social media totally thrashing mainstream media black and blue.

5. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

6. #Demonetization.

7. #SurgicalStrike by India into LoC territory.

8. BJP getting 325 seats in UP and capturing power in states like Haryana, J&K and the North East.

9. Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath.

10. BJP President Amit Shah.

11. New Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal.

12. National Joker Rahul Gandhi.

13. 44-seats waali Sonia Gandhi in 2014.

14. 0-seats waali Mayawati in 2014 and totally wiped out in 2017.

15. Indian Spring: #AugustKranti and anti-rape agitation.

16. Arab Spring.

17. Team India’s 0-8 overseas Test cricket debacle.

18. The Far Right doing well in Austria, Netherlands, France etc.

19. Leicester City winning the Premier League trophy.

20. Germany thrashing Brazil 7-1 in a FIFA World Cup knockout match.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When #YogiAdityanath took charge of Uttar Pradesh…

#YogiAdityanath looks like #VinDiesel.
The Left-liberal-media-intellectual-Lutyens lobby feels that Modi has pulled a Fast one on them and hence are Furious.

The world turned Left so much that it came around on the other side and became Right.
#Modi #Brexit #Trump #YogiAdityanath

Q: Kejri destroying Delhi.
Lalu destroying Bihar.
Mamata destroying West Bengal.
Your comments?
#AdarshLiberal: #YogiAdityanath “WILL” destroy UP!!!

In baseball, you don’t know nothing.
—Yogi Berra.
In politics, you don’t know nothing.
—#YogiAdityanath.

The future ain’t what it used to be.
—Yogi Berra.
That future is already here!
—#YogiAdityanath.

It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
—Yogi Berra.
I know! Just look at me!
—#YogiAdityanath.

Whoever the media backs gets destroyed.
Whoever the media attacks does really well.

Most media outlets saying “controversial” Yogi appointed.
Have Pappu, Kejri, Lalu, Mamata, Nitish, Sonia, Sibal… seen no controversies?

Chief Ministers younger than Pappu…
#YogiAdityanath.
Devendra Fadnavis.
Pema Khandu.

BJP picks up youth leader to be Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh.
(Kyun bhai? #YogiAdityanath Pappu se do saal chhota hai, aur do baar jyaada Lok Sabha polls jeet chuka hai)

Lotus blooms in the mud.
UPA2 created so much mud all across the country, that the lotus is still spreading like wildfire.

From 2004-09 an extra constitutional authority ruled India with an abysmal mandate of 27% Lok Sabha seats.
Funny to see its supporters doubt every other mandate.
#ElectionResults

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Modi picked the Yogi…

#Modi
2002—Ye ab gaya!
2007—Ye ab gaya!
2009—Ye ab gaya!
2013—Ye ab gaya!
2015—Ye ab gaya! #DelhiBihar
2017—Ye ab gaya! #YogiAdityanath

Modi thrives when the Left-liberal-media-intellectual-Lutyens lobby attacks him 24X7.
They were slowing down but with #YogiAdityanath it’s game on again.

2001-13: Very few have really been able to predict what Modi will do and why.
Yet he has a near cent per cent success rate during this period.
#YogiAdityanath

1. Mulayam-Maya-Akhilesh have been abysmal Chief Ministers.
2. Modi has a clear development agenda for Uttar Pradesh.
3. He has put a Committee of 3 to rule Uttar Pradesh.

#Gamechanger #Modi
#Gujarat #Gamechanger
#2014Polls #Gamechanger
#SurgicalStrike #Gamechanger
#DeMo #Gamechanger
#YogiAdityanath #Gamechanger

Modi-Shah chun chun kar old politics ke saare rules of the game ko maar rahe hai.

#SurgicalStrikes
Pakistan #PoKAttack
Economy #DeMo
Left-liberal-media-intellectual-Lutyens lobby #YogiAdityanath

2014: Hardline. #Modi
2016: Hardliner. #Trump #Brexit
2017: Hardlinest. #YogiAdityanath

Target for seculars…
1980s hardliner—Vajpayee.
1990s hardliner—Advani.
2000s hardliner—Modi.
2010s ka hardliner mil gaya: Yogi Adityanath.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsAus #RanchiTest musings…

Pujara: Maine double century maara!
Sehwag: Bhai sahab, 521 balls main to main do do triple century maarta!

Rohit Sharma in ODIs: 264(173).
Cheteshwar Pujara in Tests: 202(525).

Cheteshwar Pujara makes India’s slowest double century in the history of international cricket (521 balls).

Maximum balls faced in an innings…
Wall I Gavaskar: 472.
Wall II Manjrekar: 422.
Wall III Dravid: 495.
Wall IV Pujara: 525.

Cheteshwar Pujara becomes India’s first Quintuple Centurion (in terms of balls faced—500) in the history of international cricket.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The power of Sidhu…

When he was with BJP, NDA was in power in Punjab.
Met Kejri and talk of AAP winning.
Joined Congress. And Congress won.

Cricketer.
Commentator.
Comedian.
Celebrity Judge.
Road Rage accused.
Film actor.
Lok Sabha MP.
Rajya Sabha MP.
Punjab Minister.
Sidhuisms.
God in TV serial.
#Sidhu

From being a small fish in a big pond (MP—Lutyens’ Delhi) to being a big fish in a small pond (Minister—Punjab), Sidhu is finally a winner.

(Also read: Like pitches, you never know which way Sidhu will turn)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General political musings of the day

CONGRESS
Care
Of
Nehru
Gandhi
Rajiv-Rahul
Emergency-Indira
Sanjay
Sonia

First you win, then they fight you, then they laugh at you, then they ignore you.
*They=People of India.
You=Pappu.
Win=2009 Lok Sabha win.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
I’m always high no matter how low we go.
—Pappu.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
When he goes high, we go low.
—Opposition on Modi.

Bihar-WB ruin continues;
Behenji is playing super victimhood;
Kejri is spouting utter nonsense;
Sonia’s abroad—
All’s normal with politics!

Prashant Kishore is like Manmohan Singh.
PK was good under Modi, but bad under Pappu-Akhilesh.
MMS was good under Rao, but bad under Sonia.

Opposition attacking Modi hysterically 24X7, ignoring voters and clueless about real strategy.
And you ask why Modi keeps winning.

It may be possible to beat Modi in 2019.
But not if the entire opposition runs around like headless chickens all the time.

Bad news for BJP.
Diggy Raja may be removed from Karnataka.
Shows Congress is serious.
Now if Pappu doesn’t campaign, then Congress has a fighting chance.

The current ABC of misgovernance…
Arvind
Banerjee
Congress.

AAP chose the broom to think that they would sweep all States.
Fate chose to sweep AAP out of all States, Delhi bhi jaayega.

Kejri will probably say to his workers…
We did not lose Punjab-Goa, but in fact we won.
That’s because we saw a 30% growth in total MLAs!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru