Mann ki baat and other radio shows…

Narendra Modi: Mann ki baat.

Sonia Gandhi: Son ki baat.

Mukesh Ambani: Dhan ki baat.

Sunny Leone: Tann ki baat.

News headline writer: Pun ki baat.

MTV Generation: Fun ki baat.

Soldier: Rann ki baat.

Terrorist groups: Gun ki baat.

Bakery show: Bun ki baat.

Solar company: Sun ki baat.

Census official: Jan ki baat.

Attila: Hun ki baat.

MS Dhoni: Won ki baat.

Chinese restaurant: Wonton ki baat.

Bangalore restaurant: Vaangi bhaat…
…and bisi bhele bhaat, khara bhaat, kesari bhaat, chow chow bhaat…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sun lo Pappu ki baat…

US Prez leaves in the morning.
Mann ki Baat in the night.
In between Delhi voters get entertained with Congress Vice Prez’s Pappu ki Baat.

Rip Van Pappu.
Sleeps for 20 days, then gets up and rants.
Sleeps for 20 days again, gets up and rants again.
Sleeps, gets up again and again and again…

Pappu is the Arnab Goswami of Indian politics.
He sticks to his personal script no matter what the debate/situation around him.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Obama came to India’s Republic Day…

Obama visits.
Obama walks.
Obama stops.
Obama moves.
Obama smiles.
Obama thinks.
Obama sad.
Obama glad.
Obama sits.
Obama eats.
Obama blinks.
Obama…
#TVCoverage

Since Obama is the chief guest, it would have been fitting to have a Call Centre Tableau.

Globalization…
The US President is in India for our Republic Day.
The Indian cricket team is down under for their Australia Day.

There is a silent moment where silent prayers are being said silently.
Even cricket commentaries have not seen such lows.
‪#‎ObamaCommentary‬

Everyone knows India and US are the two largest democracies in the world.
Fact of the day…
China and Pakistan* are the two largest dictatorships in the world.
(*The Army chief always rules Pakistan either directly or indirectly)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Spot the difference…

Monarch of his empire.

Military commander.

Multiple wives.

Rampant capital punishment.

Medieval mentality.

(But seen by many as a moderate.)

Personal untold riches.

Financial prosperity for his kingdom.

Architectural construction boom.

Are we discussing Shah Jahan of the Mughals or King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia?

No wonder US President Barack Obama was hard-pressed for a choice between Shah Jahan’s Taj Mahal and King Abdullah’s funeral and finally chose the latter!

© Sunil Rajguru

The changing times of Arvind Kejriwal…

2014: Kejri threatens to block Republic Day.
2015: Republic Day blocks Kejri.

2013: Giant killer Kejri defeats Sheila.
2015: Bedi set to be giant killer to defeat Kejri.

2013: Shazia, Binny take up the cudgels for AAP.
2015: Shazia, Binny take up the cudgels against AAP.

2013: Kejri asks, “What has Sheila done in 15 years?”
2015: Bedi asks, “What has Kejri done in 49 days?”

2013: BJP alleges AAP is a B Team of the Congress.
2015: BJP alleges Congress is a B Team of the AAP.

2013: Kejri for CM.
2014: Kejri for PM.
2015: Kejri only on FM.

2013: Give me just one chance to prove myself.
2015: Give me just one more chance to prove myself.
2020: Give me just one last chance to prove myself.

And some things don’t change…

2013: Media says no Modi Wave, gives extra attention to Kejri.
2015: Media says no Modi Wave, gives extra attention to Kejri.

2013: Ashutosh puts his foot in his mouth again and again.
2015: Ashutosh puts his foot in his mouth again and again.

© Sunil Rajguru

AAP versus BJP in Delhi elections…

World War I: AAP versus Congress.
World War II: AAP versus BJP.
World War III: AAP versus ex-AAP/IAC.

AAP campaign…
Modi for PM, Kejriwal for CM.
Translation: Mil baant-ke khaate hai.
Modi campaign…
BJP for PM, BJP for CM.
Translation: Na khaoonga, na khaane doonga!

India A̶g̶a̶i̶n̶s̶t̶ For C̶o̶r̶r̶u̶p̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ Politics…
Anna: Trinamool*.
Kejriwal, Yadav, Bhushan: AAP.
Bedi, Shazia, Binny: BJP.
*=Came in ad backing Mamata for PM.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Height of Optimism for India’s ODI performance…

In April 1983, India was 166 all down and in a few months it won the World Cup.

In July 2002, India was 165 all down and in a few months it won the ICC Champions Trophy.

In January 2011, India was 154 all down and in a few months it won the World Cup.

In January 2013, India was 167 all down and in a few months it won the ICC Champions Trophy.

In January 2015, India was 153 all down and in a few months it…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Kiran Bedi joined the BJP…

The ABC of Delhi politics…
AAP, BJP & Congress.
But it’s finally down to A or B…
Arvind or Bedi.

Changing Times.
2011…
Bedi: Main bhi Anna.
Kejriwal: Main bhi Anna.
2015…
Bedi: Main bhi CM.
Kejriwal: Main bhi CM.

One section of the BJP will be known as the Bharatiya Janata Congress while another section will be known as the Aam Janata Party.
‪#‎AAPCongDefectors‬

Is this Join BJP month?
If you look at his latest Tweets, you could be forgiven for thinking that even Pranabda has joined the BJP!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bengaluru: The city of a thousand multiplex screens?

In India, PVR’s first 11-screen multiplex was in Bengaluru. (Forum)

PVR’s second 11-screen multiplex was in Bengaluru. (Orion)

Now PVR’s third 11-screen multiplex is also coming up in Bengaluru. (Vega)

Bengaluru will also become the first city in India to have two 9-screen multiplexes. (A lot of cities have only one.)

We already have Marketcity even as Xander is coming up.

As if that’s not enough, then they’re also planning another 7-screen multiplex (Elements).

This is not even counting the other multiplexes of other brands.

When I first came to Bengaluru, someone said it was “The city of a 100 cinema halls”.

With the way it’s going it will soon be known as…

“The city of a 1000 multiplex screens”.

Look out, here comes the Mufflerman!

(In honour of Mufflerman Arvind Kejriwal…
Please sing to the tune of Here comes the Spiderman…)

Mufflerman, Mufflerman,
Does whatever a politician can,
Spins a lie, any size,
Catches controversies just like flies,
Look out!
Here comes the Mufflerman.

Is he wrong?
Listen bud,
He’s got Communist blood,
Can he bring a change?
Take a look overhead,
Hey, there,
There goes the Mufflerman (after 49 days flat).

In the chill of night,
At the scene of a dharna,
Like an anarchist ready for a fight,
He leaves just in time.

Mufflerman, Mufflerman,
Friendly Delhi neighbourhood Mufflerman,
Wealth and fame,
He can’t ignore,
Excess publicity is his reward.
To him, life is a great big bang up,
Whenever there’s a TV camera hung up,
You’ll find the Mufflerman!

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

India’s many VVIPs…

Sanjay Dutt: Very Very Important Prisoner.

Rahul Gandhi: Very Very Important Pappu.

Priyanka Vadra: Very Very Important (non) Politician.

Robert Vadra: Very Very Important Pati (of the above VVIP).

Sonia Gandhi: Very Very Important (non) PM.

Manmohan Singh: Very Very Invisible PM.

Congress Spokespersons: Very Very Important Pests.

Most Indian Politicians: Very Very Idiotic Persons.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More Sydney Test musings…

Ref: Fourth India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 6, 2015.

Australia series captaincy report…
Dhoni: 1 loss, 1 draw, loves Raina, can’t control bowlers.
Kohli: 1 loss, 1 draw, loves Raina, can’t control bowlers.
It’s a tie!!!

Happy days are here again…
1990s: I know India is losing Test upon Test, but I’m enjoying Tendulkar’s century upon century.
2010s: I know India is losing Test upon Test, but I’m enjoying Kohli’s century upon century.

India-Australia series report…
We crossed 400 in every first innings.
We were never bowled out for less than 200 in any second innings.
Three of our batsmen were in the region of 400 runs.
Three of our bowlers took more than 10 wickets.
Bottom line: Still can’t win a single Test!

Starc and Hazlewood together give less runs in an hour than Umesh Yadav gives in a minute.

Parity…
Australia: 40 overs 251 runs.
India: 40 balls 1 run. (Overs 13.2 to 19.4).

After Indian innings…
Umesh to Raina: I can bat better than you!
After Australian innings:
Raina to Umesh: I can bowl better than you!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru