2000? Or 2016?

In 2000, a Republican lost the popular vote but still won the US Presidency, the Left liberals were frothing at the mouth at a “Hindu Right-wing government”, only a female could get an Olympic medal for India, Sonia Gandhi was Congress President, Congress talked of “intolerance” of the RSS and ruling government, Lalu Prasad Yadav was ruining Bihar, a film of Aditya Chopra was released, a Castro was ruling Cuba, Salman Khan was romancing young heroines, a Kim Jong was ruling North Korea, N Chandrababu Naidu was Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister, Naveen Patnaik was Orissa Chief Minister, Manik Sarkar was Tripura Chief Minister, Parkash Singh Badal was Punjab Chief Minister, a Pope apologized for the Roman Catholic Church, Vlamidir Putin was ruling Russia, Ram Jethmalani was kicking up a ruckus, a film called Sultaan was released along with 3 Akshay Kumar flicks while SRK had a mixed year, Leander Paes-Mahesh Bhupathi drew a blank at the Olympics, the Indian hockey team failed to make it to the semis of the Olympics …
Sounds familiar???

Obama goes out with a stink…

2016—The year when the US President was trying to embrace Communism and the Russian President was trying to push Capitalism.

Obama thinks he’s destroying Trump with his late blitzkrieg.
But he’s destroying the Democrats and going out as a graceless fool.

If a lame duck runs too fast, its bad leg will not get better, but its good leg will go too.

8 years of Obama have left the Democrats at their weakest since 1828 and the Republicans at their strongest since 1854.
But Obama’s a great guy!

2010s: The decade everything liberals did backfired.
#Modi #Brexit #Trump
Now Obama banging the final nail in the coffin with his lame duck hyperactivity.

Obama has less than 4 weeks to sabotage Trump’s Presidency.
But Trump has 4 years to totally undo Obama’s legacy.

Obama is attacking America’s friends and strengthening America’s enemies in a desperate attempt to defeat Trump 2017 and beyond.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yadav versus Yadav musings…

It doesn’t matter who wins the Mulayam versus Akhilesh battle.
Both are equally bad rulers for Uttar Pradesh.

The political dynasty does not teach you governance, development or great ideas for the nation.
It teaches only one lesson spectacularly.
“How to cling to power”.

Kya idea hai sirjee!
No development in Uttar Pradesh in last 5 years.
Now focus will be on split and secularism instead of development.

Actual law and order breakdown in Bihar.
Actual riots in West Bengal.
Actual governance breakdown in Uttar Pradesh.
#Demonetization woes were far tame in comparison.

The Bicycle should be split.
Mulayam party election symbol should be Big Unicycle.
Akhilesh party election symbol should be Small Unicycle.

Pre-split status…
UP MahaMahagatbandhan seat distribution…
Out of 403 seats, Mulayam will get 403, Akhilesh another 403, Pappu 100 and others 50.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why the stink now Anna Hazare?

Anna created Kejri.
He let Kejri use IAC contacts and funds to launch AAP.
And now after sleeping for years he’s suddenly crying.

Anna is exactly like Gandhi.
Gandhi gave us Pappu Nehru.
Anna gave us Pappu Kejri.

Anna promised us National Lokpal.
Instead he gave us Internal AAP Lokpal.
His only achievement of the 2010s.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The #Demonetization debate rages on…

Rome wasn’t built in a day.
—From an old French saying.
Rome Rajya can’t be dismantled in a day.
—New Indian saying.
(So far on track. #Demonetization)

Pappu says demonetization worse than Hiroshima.
For him its true.
After Hiroshima, Nehru-Indira-Rajiv became Prime Minister.
After demonetization, no Nehru-Gandhi dynast may ever become PM.

There’s some major magic-voodoo in #Demonetisation.
Modi Haters are seriously inconvenienced with rotten luck.
Modi supporters managing though.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The liberals will never learn…

Capitalists can genuinely say…
To hell with Communism!
Communists can’t honestly say “To hell with Capitalism!” because they make big bucks from it.

The fall…
2002: Modi did genocide!
2013: Modi did snoopgate!
2015: Name on suit!
2016: Modi follows trolls!

Mamata cries Emergency while cracking down on journalists, suppressing free speech and behaving dictatorially.
Story of most Chief Ministers of India.

Media is obsessed with politicians obsessed with caste and religion.
Media ignores politicians obsessed with development.
Problem is not just the politicians.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

New Year 2017 musings…

Wish you a Cashless New Year.
Wish you a White (money) New Year.

Trump—Wish you a White Christmas.
Modi—Wish you a White New Year.

Does the collective optimism of a few billion people on the eve of December 31 actually help kick-start a new year better?

Does Father Time suddenly look at the date and find it’s December 31 and say…
Oh God! A year has ended! Let me change the luck/fortune of this world/country/person/group!
That decade was so… 2016 was so… are such artificial constructs.
Fortunes and eras don’t wait for a date, beginning and ending at any time they please.
They could last for a second, 17 days, 8 months, 13.5 years or 7.34567 decades.

Why a New Year Resolution?
Why not a New Month Resolution or a New Week Resolution or a New Day Resolution or a Mid-Day Resolution?

If it’s a really good resolution, then you don’t have to wait till the New Year.
If you’ve put off the resolution for the New Year, then the Resolution may well continue to be put off way after that.

You know that New Year Resolutions are just another form of GIGO, called RIRO…
GIGO=Garbage In Garbage Out.
RIRO=Resolution In Resolution Out.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

December 2016 Status Updates

Rogue One is a prequel to the original trilogy and a sequel to the prequel trilogy.
Effectively Star Wars Episode 3.5, its prequel will be Episode 3.25 and sequel Episode 3.75.

(December 21)

Hum jahan khade ho jaate hain, TRP ratings ki line wahi se shuru hoti hain.
— #ArnabGoswami
(As he launches a new news channel #Republic)

(December 16)

Time P̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ American of the Year.
When no worthwhile A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ , then only some non-American Person.

(December 9)

Chennai was depressed and even Bengaluru started crying.

(December 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu kabhi nahin paas hoga musings

The Congress has been severely downgraded thanks to #DemonetizaSON.

My speech will cause an earthquake: Pappu.
Imagine crores of Indians watching and rolling on the floor with laughter at the same time.

Dear Pappu,
What are you doing?
You are too late for 2014.
And too early for 2019.

Dear Pappu,
Since 2004 there have been 1000+ Indian MPs.
You are not even in the Top 100.
Who cares whether you speak or not in Parliament!

Read my lips—no new taxes.
Thrashed in 1992.
Read my lips—The PM is personally terrified with the info I have.
What to say to “already thrashed guy”?

You claim that your speech can cause an earthquake.
Well, Modi’s one word is enough to cause an earthquake.

Pappu ka earthquake aa ke chala bhi gaya.
Bahut bahut bada tha.
Par woh escape velocity ke saath chala gaya aur Jupiter pe hua.

If Pappu was an editor, he would release ads throughout the year saying…
Sensational scoop coming next year!

Bofors = Development.
2G = Development.
Coalgate = Development.
#NationalHerald = Development.
#Demonetization = Greatest scam ever!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The UPA scams just go on and on…

Economic Reforms.
1. Rao.
2. Vajpayee.
3. Modi.
That’s it.
Manmohan was merely initially Rao’s assistant and then Sonia’s.

Axis Bank in the news for all the wrong reasons post #Demonetization.
Fun fact of the day…
Manmohan inaugurated the first Axis Bank then UTI Bank) in 1994.

Father of Acidic Reforms. (Spoilt politics)
Father of Uneconomic Reforms. (Corruption)
Anything but Father of Economic Reforms—That was Rao.

Father of Bionic Reforms. (Robot)
Father of Anaemic Reforms. (Low energy)
Anything but Father of Economic Reforms—That was Rao.

Manmohan Singh is 84.
And he still has to dance to Madam’s tunes.
Ghulam till I die!

Aam aadmi = Lakhpati.
Middle class = Crorepati.
Trader = Arabpati (100 crores).
Industrialist = Kharabpati (10,000 crores).
All scamsters = Neelpati (10 lakh crores).

Coal Minister innocent in Coalgate.
Economic whiz innocent in 2G.
Guess he’s snow white despite signing AgustaWestland files.

Deve Gowda was the Humble Farmer.
Manmohan Singh was the Fumble Harmer.

To think that Sonia and Manmohan knew absolutely nothing of all the umpteen scams that took place during UPA rule is the height of naivety.

100 scams under Sonia’s UPA—They leave her totally alone. Totally.
Any move Modi makes big or small—Go batshit crazy & attack: Sparta!!!

UPA did 0/10 things.
No outrage for first 7-8 years.
Modi does 5/10 things.
A. He’s doing these 5 things wrong.
B. Why isn’t he doing the other 5 things?

Sonia’s UPA did scam upon scam and no-one attacked her, investigated her or went after her.
Modi’s every bold positive move is attacked viciously.

With the way he’s blabbing non-stop, looks like the P in P Chidambaram stands for Pappu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

To err is for Modi Haters, to forgive them is liberal

Right now there’s a royal battle brewing between Pappu, Kejri and Mamata to see who can end up as the worst politician of 2016.

The IQ of Indian politics was as it is low.
Kejri and his merry men brought it down even further!

After Modi became CM in 2001, he has been doing the same things with the same results.
After Manmohan won 2009, even Pappu has been doing the same things with the same results.

How many died after law and order breakdown thanks to Lalu, Mamata and Akhilesh coming in Bihar, WB and UP.
Or it doesn’t matter as they’re Modi haters?

Kejri: How was your day?
Pappu: Great! Hurled my 1000th baseless allegation against Modi and 100th resignation demand.
Kejri: I think I’m ahead of you!

If you think Kejri-Jung was highly controversial then what will happen if Kiran Bedi becomes the new Lieutenant-Governor of New Delhi!

Lalu destroyed Bihar.
Got 5 more years.
Destroyed again.
5 more.
5 more.
Mamata destroyed West Bengal.
Got 5 more years.
Destroying again…

Kejri and Mamata playing a game of “Dumb and Dumber”.

Congress gets attacked (always belatedly) because it does scams.
Modi gets attacked (always 24X7) because he tries to stop scams.

Modi has won all his personal political battles from 2001.
Do you think he doesn’t have many tricks up his sleeve till 2019?

Modi is patiently waiting for the Rajya Sabha to come under his control.
Disruptions will then come to an end.

Poriborton = Pori-bartan.
Bartan = vessel, as in…
Empty vessels make most noise.

Maybe Mamata identifies herself so much with the Bangladeshis that she sees the “Indian” Army as the “foreign” hand.

West Bengal governance. Congress—Bad. (Till 1977) CPM—Worse. (1977-2011) TMC—Worst. (2011-__)

Mamata-Akhilesh-Kejri—The Bermuda Triangle of governance (it disappears). Since Lalu is ruling by proxy, make it the Bermuda Quadrilateral.Those who can govern, do it.

Those who can’t, do nautanki. #Kejri #Mamata #Lalu

Military coup = If Army chief overthrows Prime Minister. Mamata’s definition = I can see soldiers from my Secretariat window!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#VideshiLiberal musings

Social Media is now the Fourth Estate.
Mainstream Media is the Fifth Column.

Some benefit from the Industrial Revolution and praise it.
Others benefit from the Industrial Revolution and praise the Communist Revolution.
Former are called the Right.
The latter are called the Left.

Capitalism has a lot of sins.
But Communism has no virtues.

If you attack anyone viciously 24X7, you certainly can’t accuse him of being a Fascist dictator suppressing free speech.
#Modi #Trump

The day Communism collapses in China like USSR 1991 is the day the gigantic pack of cards of its economy will crash down in that country.

UK Labour just came fourth in a bye election.
Happened to Indian Congress yesterday.
Happening to UK Labour today.
Will happen to US Democrats tomorrow.

2013: Modi can’t get 272.
2015: Trump can’t get 270.
2016: One is Time Person of the Year and the other is the Popular Choice for the same.

Obama was Time Person of the Year.
But then, so was Hitler!
(See how easy that was?)

Basically all current alarmist global climate scientists can take a long walk to oblivion now.

When Modi tells the truth…
Media: It could be a lie?
When Modi Haters tells a lie…
Media: It could be the truth?
(Can replace Modi with Trump)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru