Sanju, Pappu, Kejri, Diggy and Chuang Chou’s butterfly…

Chinese philosophy…
Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.

Indian philosophy…

Now I do not know whether I am a free man who keeps going to jail or a convict who keeps getting free.
—Sanjay Dutt.

Now I do not know whether I am a Bangkok resident who keeps going to New Delhi or a New Delhi resident who keeps going to Bangkok.
—Pappu.

Now I do not know whether I am an honest man who is corrupt, or a corrupt man who is honest.
—Manmohan Singh.

Now I do not know whether I am an activist who’s a politician, or a politician who’s an activist.
—Arvind Kejriwal.

Now I do not know whether I am a common man with VVIP privileges, or whether I am a VVIP who is in fact a common man.
—Robert Vadra.

Now I do not know whether I am a cricketer who sells everything under the sun, or a salesman who also played cricket.
—Sachin Tendulkar.

Now I do not know whether I am a truthful man who lies all the time, or whether I am a liar who thinks he’s always telling the truth.
—Diggy Raja.

© Sunil Rajguru

AAP-Kejri baba musings…

Imagine at the end of August Kranti 2011 if a soothsayer had predicted…
“In 4 years Kejri will defeat Bedi in the Delhi CM elections and join hands with Laloo while heading a fleet of chargesheeted MLAs.”
He would have been sent straight to the mental asylum.

One-third MLAs accused.
Half MPs suspended.
By 2019 it’ll be a Gaayab Aadmi Party.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why timeless Bollywood superstars age really slowly…

Amitabh Bachchan…
1973—Inspector. (Zanjeer)
1976—Inspector. (Hera Pheri)
1979—Inspector. (The Great Gambler)
1980—Inspector. (Ram Balram)
1983—Inspector. (Mahaan)
1984—Inspector. (Geraftar)
1988—Inspector. (Shahenshah)
1991—Inspector. (Akayla)
1994—Inspector. (Insaniyat)
1998—Inspector. (Bade Miya, Chote Miya)
2001—Inspector. (Aks)

Aamir Khan…
1973—Student. (Yaadon Ki Baraat)
1984—Student. (Holi)
1988—Student. (Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak).
1990—Student. (Dil)
1992—Student. (Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar)
2006—Student. (Rang De Basanti)
2009—Student. (3 Idiots)

Shahrukh Khan…
1996—Major. (Army)
2004—Major. (Main Hoon Na)
2012—Major. (Jab Tak Hai Jaan)

Salman Khan …
1990s—Romancing young 20 year olds.
2000s— Romancing young 20 year olds.
2010s—Romancing young 20 year olds.

© Sunil Rajguru

Rohit Sharma main talent hi talent hai!

RT means…
Twitter—ReTweet.
Travel—Rapid Transit.
Restaurants—Ruby Tuesday.
Titles—Right Honourable.
Cricket—Rohit’s Talent.

Jab tak sooraj chand rahega,
Rohit tera talent rahega.

Talented cricketer kaisa ho?
Rohit Sharma jaisa ho!

The t in Rohit stands for talent!
Woh to theek hain, but will we have to through r o h i first to get to t?

Rohit Sharma’s Test average after his first two innings = 288.
His average in the next 20 innings after firmly establishing his talent = 23.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak musings of the day…

Pakistan…
1947—Failed to get Kashmir Valley.
1971—Lost East Pakistan.
1984—Failed to get Siachen Glacier.
Next to go—Balochistan.

1947—Kashmir War.
1965—Another War.
1971—Bangladesh War.
1984—Siachen Conflict.
1980s+—Khalistan Terror.
1990s+—Valley Terror.
1999—Kargil War.
2000s+—26/11 etc
So what is there to talk with Pakistan and why are we doing it?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress senior leadership exam…

Congress senior leadership exam…

Q1—Write a 1000-word essay on Dynasty founder Motilal.

Q2—Write a 1000-word essay on how Nehru was the greatest world leader ever.

Q3—Write a 1000-word essay on how Indira was the greatest female world leader ever.

Q4—Write a 1000-word essay on how Sanjay was totally misunderstood in the Emergency.

Q5—Write a 1000-word essay on how Rajiv brought computers, the Internet, mobile telephony, modernization, corporate success, the Space Age… to India.

Q6—Write a 1000-word essay on how Sonia saved India from communalism and fanaticism.

Q7—Write a 1000-word essay on how Pappu will take India to the 22nd century within 100 days of taking over as Prime Minister.

Bonus question…
Write a 100,000-word essay on how Modi is more terrible than Hitler.

© Sunil Rajguru

Ye caste system nahin to kya hai?

Congress…

Party president ka beta* party president…
Motilal, Jawaharlal, Indira, Rajiv, Sonia, Pappu (next).

Pradhan mantri ka beta Pradhan mantri…
Jawaharlal, Indira, Rajiv, Pappu (next).

Chief Minister ka beta Chief Minister…
Hemwati-Vijay Bahuguna, Shankarrao-Ashok Chavan etc.

Foreign Minister ka beta Foreign Minister…
Khurshed Alam Khan & Salman Khurshid.

Minister ka beta Minister…
Pilot, Scindia and sons etc.

Back CMs like…
Sheikh Abdullah, Farooq (son) and Omar (grandson).
(Even if you want to topple Farooq, use his brother-in-law and make him CM.
Basically it has to be all in the family!
Hasta khilta Congress Pariwar, Hum Saath Saath Hai!)

*Or whichever relative is available.

© Sunil Rajguru

Colombo Test musings…

Michael Clarke thrashes England 5-0 in Ashes.
Wins 2015 ODI World Cup and within months he trails England 1-3 and retires.
With same standards Team India would have a captain every 6 months.

Beta tum Rahane do,
Tumse na ho payega!
#ForeignTests

Since he was absent in the last Test, Murali Vijay gets out for a duck at Colombo to express solidarity with Indian batsmen who crashed at Galle.

At Galle, Team India appeared to be winning for the first two days.
Change of strategy at Colombo.
They’ve decided to lose from Over 1.
‪#‎IndVsSL‬ #Colombo

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

One Rank One Pay musings…

It is actually the defence forces who gave us Independence.
1857—Sepoy Mutiny.
1946—Bombay Mutiny.
Both combined outweigh contribution of all other leaders.

Curious…
1973—Indira abolishes OROP.
1973-2004—No PM cares for it.
2004-14—Sonia promises it, does absolutely nothing.
2014-15—Modi starts working on OROP, yet gets maximum media flak!

Senior Congress leaders have already implemented ‪#‎OROP‬.
(One Raag Only Pappu)

The disconnect…
The defence forces have been asking for ‪#‎OROP‬ for 41 years.
Modi has been working on it for 1 year.

Pappu—‪#‎OROP‬ ka demand kaun laya? Congress!
Q—Kaise?
Pappu—Humne OROP hataya, isiliye to “demand” aaya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress Parliamentary hungama musings…

Congress: We staged a walkout from Parliament!
Citizen: Think it’s time you staged a walkout from the country.

1930—Congress fights for Purna Swaraj.
2015— Congress fights Sushma Swaraj.

Political life begins at the age of 68…
Sonia agitates on the streets, shouts in the Lok Sabha and jumps into the well of the House.

Biggest achievement of May 16, 2014…
Sonia-Pappu doing street + fish-market style politics like aam politician.
Dynasty Sphinx crumbles.

2013—Narendra Modi BJP Old Guard Hatao Yojana kick started by Rajnath.
2014—Narendra Modi BJP Congress Hatao Yojana kick started by voters.
2015—Narendra Modi Dynasty Hatao Yojana kick started by Sushma.

Before…
Pappu to Modi—Sushma! Sushma! Sushma!
After…
Pappu to Sonia—Sush Ma! Sush Ma! Sush Ma!

Bunk work.
Abuse boss.
Abandon brains.
Screw logic.
Reduce productivity.
Scream in office.
Allege nonsense.
Eat cheap food.
Can’t be sacked.
‪#‎LokSabha‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The one and only Dynasty musings…

2014: Mummy can I put the final nail in the Congress coffin?
Sonia: OK beta!
2015: Mummy can I now start digging its grave?
Sonia: OK beta!

Sonia can make all the silly allegations she likes but nobody can even breathe serious allegations against her.
‪#‎NationalHerald‬ ‪#‎ChopperGate‬ ‪#‎Bofors‬ ‪#‎SoniaSisters‬ ‪#‎2G‬ ‪#‎Swamy‬

Media headlines before 2019 polls…
Pappu comes of age.
Relaunched Pappu rocks Modi.
BJP afraid of revamped Pappu.
Pappu for PM!
‪#‎TrueStory‬

Give a word usage of infinite…
The Indian mainstream media can relaunch Pappu an infinite number of times.

One Country One Party One Dynasty.
India = Congress = Pappu.

1. Chhotta Bheem at 8pm.
2. Try Silk Bubbly.
3. Finalize Bangkok trip.
4. Finish Noddy book.
5. Call Diggy Uncle.
(Other side of Pappu’s chit)

(Pappu) Gandhiji’s three monkeys…
1. See no logic.
2. Hear no logic.
3. Speak no logic.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Galle annihilation musings…

Yesterday…
We can snatch draw from the jaws of innings victory.
Today…
We can snatch defeat from the jaws of innings victory.

At every emigration counter…
Official—Do you have anything you want to leave behind?
Indian cricketers—Yes, our Test playing abilities!

If the opposition is 99-9 chasing 300 in Tests, then you still can’t put your money on India.

How did you celebrate independence and freedom today?
Indian batsmen—By playing free and independent shots and getting out!
‪#‎IndependenceDay‬ ‪#‎IndVsSL‬ ‪#‎Galle‬

From 2011-15, India has 2 ICC tournament victories and 2 foreign Test victories.

Foreign Tests…
Sachin-Dravid-VVS failed in 2011.
Dhoni failed in 2013-14.
Kohli failed in 2015.
‪#‎NoHope‬

BCCI logic…
Rohit is 28.
He will score a couple of Test triples one day.
That’s why we have to play him for 10 years till he does that!

BCCI’s top priorities…
1. Cash.
2. IPL.
3. ODIs.
4. T20s.
5. Home Tests.
6. Away Tests.
Don’t expect a change—it is doing spectacularly by its own standards!

If Srini is watching the Galle Test now, he’ll be saying…
Mere Dhoni main kya burai thi?

Rohit Sharma in Tests…
1. Struggles at home.
2. Struggles away.
3. Struggles against spin.
4. Struggles against pace.
5. Struggles while defending.
6. Struggles while attacking.
Talent quotient 10/10, expect a Test triple in 2017.

No matter how many chances you give Rohit Sharma in an innings or in a career, he will still throw them away.

Three spinners in the Playing XI and no Sir Jadeja even in the squad.
The times they are a changing!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru