Why we desperately need the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty…

Nehru invented freedom, liberty and human rights.
Indira eradicated poverty.
Rajiv invented computers, the Internet and the mobile.
Sonia eradicated the poverty created from 1989-2004.
Pappu will invent time travel, levitation and the hyperspace drive.

Nehru taught us to live.
Indira taught us to think.
Rajiv taught us to talk.
Sonia taught us to walk.
Pappu will teach us to fly.

Nehru took us to Civilization.
Indira took us to the Industrial Age.
Rajiv took us to the Computer Age.
Sonia took us to the Space Age.
Pappu will take us to the Multiverse Cosmic Age.

Nehru passed the flame to Indira.
Indira passed the flame to Rajiv.
Rajiv passed the flame to Sonia.
Till Sonia passes the flame to Pappu, India will remain in darkness.

© Sunil Rajguru

The 5 stages of grief for Modi haters…

…after he became Prime Minister of India…

1. Denial: He can’t have been elected. Just 28% voted for him. That’s not fair! There’s been some mistake. This can’t be happening. Why have the voters been fooled like this?

2. Anger: He’s a dictator who will destroy India. There will be Emergency. He will turn India into a Fascist State! There will be no rights for anyone. Freedom of speech and expression won’t exist! Protest! Rant! Rage!

3. Bargaining: We will accept him if he does this, this, this, this and this and this and…this and this and…

4. Depression: The current status where all the Modi haters are trying to get out of their depression by doing crazy things. The delusional media is manufacturing outright lies, obsessed activists and so-called intellectuals are trying to trivialize his every move and a schizophrenic dichotomy is being created where in the real world he’s doing pretty well but in the virtual world he’s already a total disaster.

5. Acceptance: Will come only if Modi is re-elected in 2019—Till then it’s only depression and depression.

© Sunil Rajguru

No matter what happens, Sonia is the Empress…

Media logic…
Priyanka—0 achievements + 0 posts = 100% respect.
But Modi—Spectacular self-made rise from chaiwallah to PM = 0% respect.
If Vadra is corrupt, then it is totally unrelated to Priyanka.
But when it comes to Modi, he’s even responsible for all anonymous Twitter trolls.

The devaluation of the allegations…
2002—Modi is guilty of Godhra riots!
2004—Modi is guilty of a fake encounter!
2013—Modi is guilty of snooping!
2014—Modi is guilty of wearing expensive clothes!
2015—Modi is guilty of popularizing selfies!

Sushma/Vasundhara helped me—Lalit Modi.
= Sparta! 20 day non-stop screaming shouting witch hunt.
Sonia family asked me for $60 million bribe—Lalit Modi.
= 20 minute of shivering with fear followed by infinite silence.

They would tell you…
Those who virulently abuse Modi are neutral.
Those who mildly criticize the First Family are biased, agenda-driven and should shut up.

For every 1000 Congress scams, media will shout at Sonia zero times.
For every 0.0001 BJP scams, media will shout at Modi a million times.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

June 2015 StatusUpdates

According to the Oxford dictionary the following is not Hinglish but 100% perfect English…
Arre yaar, let’s have our favourite papad, chicken curry followed by a chotta peg at the dhaba.
By the way your wife’s churidar avatar looked great at the bhelpuri party.

(June 26)

BCCI official 1: With the way India is playing, they’ll lose to Zimbabwe too!
Official 2: OK! Let’s call off the tour!

(June 22)

Hum bhi kucch kam nahin…
Attacking batsman + part-time bowler + acting captain + stand-in wicketkeeper.
‪#‎ViratKohli‬ ‪#‎IndVsBan‬

Incredible India…
While the poor starve, millions of tonnes of grain rot at godowns.
While middle class craves Maggi noodles—tonnes of it is destroyed in cement kilns.

(June 18)

In terms if population…
7800 Guams = 1 India.
1 Guam football team > 1 India football team.

Reporter: Do you have a law and order problem in UP?
Akhilesh: No problem! Mulayam ka law hai aur Azam ka order. Dono first class chal rahe hai!

News: Taj Mahal to have WiFi.
Analysis: Taj Selfies will travel with greater speed and flood the Internet.

No-one takes Page 3 journalism seriously.
(Since Page 1 & 2 are ads, the Front Page is the new Page 3.)

(June 16)

Ali Fazal became the first Indian to be part of the Hollywood $1 billion club.
Irrfan Khan will be the second.

(June 15)

Fall of Nitish Kumar…
1975-77: Fighting dictatorship.
2013: Fighting for PMship.
2014: Fighting for CMship.
2015: Fighting for fruit tree ownership.

(June 4)

© Sunil Rajguru

Musings for Modi haters…

PR is great… unless Modi does it.
Foreign travel is great… unless Modi does it.
Yoga is great… unless Modi does it.
Selfies are great… unless Modi does it.

2004—Smriti filed affidavit.
2006—FIR against Parrikar.
2011—Raje helped LaMo.
2014—Sushma helped LaMo.
May 2015—Modi completes 1-year scam free tenure.
June 2015—MSM releases all of the above with Shivraj tapes simultaneously.
Iske aage hum aur kya kahe? Janam samjha karo.

MMS not guilty in 2G, CoalGate, Tatra, ChopperGate…
Modi guilty for ‪#‎SelfieWithDaughter‬, name on suit, Louis Vuitton looking shawl…

Great Depression to come—Rajan.
Waise, the Great (Political) Depression for Leftists-Liberals-MSM continues unabated post May 2014.

Modi is speaking a lot through actions (mainly), schemes, Twitter, Mann Ki Baat etc.
Those who question his silence can’t hear anything good anyway.

Mann* Ki Baat.
*Pradhan Mantri ka mann, tumhara mann nahin.

Who is cleaner?
1. A treasury guard who loots Rs 10 crores.
2. A guard who allows others to loot Rs 100000000 crores.
‪#‎ManmohanSinghIsClean‬ ‪#‎CoalGate‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

King Kejri continues to ruin Delhi…

Delhi has been destroyed 7 times and rebuilt 7 times.
By the time Kejri is finished with it in 2020, it will have to be rebuilt for the 8th time.

Delhiite 1: Aaj Delhi ki acchi VAT lagi hai.
Delhiite 2: Arre Delhi ki to kabse acchi vaat lagi hui hai!

AAP = Anti Anti Party.
Their sole identity is in opposition to others (mainly Modi) and they really stand for nothing.

Kejri has many more ACs than he has honest MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more #ArnabGate musings…

…a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Currently Arnab is probably investigating Vasundhara’s nursery school records.

Much Ado About Nothing.
Starring: Arvind Kejriwal.
Sequel 1: Priyanka Vadra.
Sequel 2: Lalit Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Lalit Modi ruled all the TV news channels…

Ek baar jo maine news manufacture kar di, uske baad to main khud ki bhi nahin sunta.
—Dabangg Arnab.

Legend says that if you stand in central London for long enough, then sooner or later you will bump into Lalit Modi.

Lalit Modi: Sports nahin…
Arvind Kejriwal: Politics nahin…
Pappu: Leadership nahin…
…sirf entertainment hi entertainment 24X7!

Indian Political League.
Lalit Modi can easily form 10 teams with all the politicians he wines and dines with.

Lalit Modi just launched the International Pandemonium League.
Nobody knows what the hell is going on anymore!

DLF IPL = Murkiest league of all time.
DLF owner son-in-law, Sonia daughter and former IPL chief meet in London amidst ‪#‎ArnabGate‬.
Congress: Coincidence! Coincidence! Coincidence!

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Arnab ka resignation drama chaloo.

Next news hour will be…
Bhagwaan ke naam pe ek resignation de de re baba!

Kejri thinking…
Maine itna accha budget banaya!
Lalit ne overshadow kiya!
Koi na koi Modi hamesha meri vaat lagata hai!

It appears that 1 million people have met Lalit Modi, 1 lakh have helped him at some time or the other and 1000 do business with him on a regular basis.

Midas was not gold but turned everyone he touched into gold.
Lalit Modi is not tainted but turns everyone he touches into tainted.

Lalit Modi names BJP leaders.
–>LaMo! LaMo! LaMo!
Lalit Modi names Congress leaders.
–>Lame! Lame! Lame!

Arnab thinking….
2009: Stable Govt.
2010: I break CWG scam.
2014: I topple government.
Yippeee!!! Let me do it again!

Lalit Modi quotes on the Vadras…
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, they walk into mine.

NaMo ka driver ka bhai ka bhateeje ka maalik Lalit Modi se mila!
The Nation wants to know why! I demand NaMo’s immediate resignation!

Indian politics went batshit crazy in 2011.
4 years on, it’s still getting madder.

Narendra who?
Lalit is currently the most famous Modi around!

And then he told all the politicians…
May he who has never met Lalit Modi cast the first stone!
And they all stood in silence with their heads hung in shame.

Congress-Media: Sushma Swaraj is tainted!
(LalitGate begins)
Lalit Modi met Vasundhara Raje.
Congress-Media: Vasundhara Raje is tainted!
Lalit Modi met Robert Vadra.
Congress-Media: Lalit Modi is clean!
(LalitGate ends)

It’s just a matter of time before Lalit Modi releases a 1990s photo of him posing with Mother Teresa.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Similarities between Indira and Sonia Gandhi…

When she came, Congress workers tried to popularize the following jingle…
Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai,
Doosri Indira Gandhi hai!

That to some extent is true…

Both asked the mainstream media to bend and instead they crawled.

One did Emergency and the other did e-mergency (Section 66A).

Both pushed their Pappu sons real hard (Sanjay and Rahul respectively).

Indira ruled the Congress for 18 years. Sonia will complete 18 years in 2016 when she will probably retire and hand over the reins to her Pappu.

Indira crashed her party to its lowest ever performance in 1977—153 seats.
Sonia crashed her party to its lowest ever performance in 1999—114 seats.
(Sonia broke the record again in 2014—44 seats).

Only sycophants ruled in both the courts of Indira and Sonia.

Years in the wilderness hardened both of them.

But in terms of concrete development in the end…
Sonia hai aur Gandhi hai,
Par chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

© Sunil Rajguru

LalitGate-ArnabGate musings…

Lalit Modi is a one-man-team Kabaddi player who has touched everyone from every team.

Hamaam main sab nanga,
Lalit Modi ne liya sab se panga.

Priyanka Vadra met Lalit Modi. She should resign!
Resign from what? She’s done nothing in her life!
Then why does she have a government house and SPG cover?

The tables have turned.
We will throw all Congress leaders in jail!—BJP.
We will get all BJP leaders to resign!—Congress.

99% of Indian politicians would find themselves in jail if “Conflict of Interest” was a serious crime in the Indian Constitution.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Never-ending never-ending Pappu musings…

Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
Kejri nahi ye anarchist hai, doosra Laloo Yadav hai.
Rahul nahi ye Pappu hai, doosra Junior Mehmood hai.

Yesterday Pappu learnt E for Elephant in his nursery class.
That’s why all the political elephant quotes are out.

All of Pappu’s speech writers are double agents actually working for the BJP.

Q: Who are the most famous, powerful and influential Non Resident Indians ever?
A: Sonia, Pappu and Priyanka.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Delhi going to the dogs musings…

Rajiv—I will take India to the Computer Age.
Rao—I will take India to the Space Age.
Kejri—I will take New Delhi to the GarbAge.

Jaise monsoon Mumbai ko bandh karega,
Waise Kejri Delhi ko har mausam main bandh karega.

One promise will be kept…
AAP leaders: We will lead a simple disciplined life without privileges.
(That’s the kind of life you simply have to lead in jail!)

Jitender Tomar had 3 fake degrees.
1. BSc.
2. LLB.
3. Kejri’s honesty certificate from AAP Internal Academy.

Pappu won it for Modi in 2014.
Kejri will win it for Modi in 2019.

(New Delhi elections) haar ke bhi jeetnewaale ko Baazigar kahate hai.

2014: Pappu-Kejri fighting over PM’s chair.
2015: Pappu-Kejri fighting over Delhi kachra responsibility.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru