The politicians #AdarshLiberals love…

India’s worst politicians at governance…
Anti-Modi Mamata.
Anti-Modi Lalu.
Anti-Modi Kejri.
Anti-Modi Akhilesh.
Verdict: Falling governance in India is Modi’s fault.

Bihar’s Lord of the Rings trilogy…
1. Fellowship of Nitish, Lalu and Pappu.
2. The Two Towers of Tejashwi and Tej Pratap.
3. The Return of the King (Lalu).

Crime happens.
1. Is criminal related to Modi’s party?
Yes = Attack Modi.
No. Go to 2.
2. Is State ruled by Modi’s party?
Yes = Attack Modi.
No. Go to 3.
3. Modi is PM. Attack him.

Congress, DMK, SP: Monarchy.
AAP, TMC, RJD: Anarchy.
ADMK, BSP: Matriarchy.

Jawaharlal Marx.
Indira Marx.
Sonia Marx.
Mamata Marx.
Jyoti Marx.
Arvind Marx.
The Marx Dynasty.
Ruling the world since 1848.

Global belief in Communism…
1848: 99% intellectuals. 1% people.
1948: 99% intellectuals. 50% people.
2048: 99% intellectuals. 0% people.

Schrodinger’s Pappu.
The whole world knows his career is dead.
Congressis think it’s still alive.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri aur sarvanaash

Indian Revenue Service.
No idea of revenue.
No idea of service.
No idea of Indian.
Indian Institute of Technology.
No idea of technology.
Chief Minister of New Delhi.
No idea of New Delhi.
Only idea: “Chief”. I. Me. Main.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri
Film reviews ✓
Personal attacks ✓
Allegations ✓
No portfolio ✓
No work ✓
Solve…
Garbage woes✘
Power woes✘
Delhi problems✘
Anything!✘

New Delhi…
2011: Spring of Hope.
2016: Winter of Despair and Discontent.

It is said that Delhi is a city which has been destroyed and rebuilt 7 times.
After Kejri is finished with it, it may have to be rebuilt the 8th time.

Loading Anarchy in New Delhi.
20% downloaded.
80% left.
‪#‎EkSaalGayaChaarSaalBaaki‬

Give a self-confessed Anarchist 67/70 seats in an Assembly and you will definitely get anarchy. Just four more years though.

Highest paid Chief Minister in India.
+ Most media goodwill.
= Least amount of work.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri’s 2 gears.
1. Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.
2. Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi.

2 “Left” turns = 1 U-turn.
2 U-turns = Back to where he started.
‪#‎ArvindKarlMarx‬
Repeat process again and again.

Kejri with 67 MLAs is 10 times more powerless than Sheila Dixit with 43 MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri holidays even as Delhi becomes a dump…

People are starving!
Marie-Antoinette—Let them eat cake!
People are suffering pollution!
Sri Sri Kejri Baba—Let them get naturopathy!

Mukhya Mantri Kejri = Dukhi Mantri Kejri.
Always complaining.
Always abusing.
Always blaming others.
Always giving reasons for failure.

Arvind Karl Marx virtually sold Communism while campaigning.
New Communism has finally come to New Delhi.
Enjoy till 2020!

Instead of meeting the problem or meeting the protestors or even meeting experts, Kejri will meet the press in a conference.
Story of his political life!

Who said Kejri doesn’t have other portfolios?
Minister (Press Conferences).
Minister (Passing the Buck).
Minister (Out of State Matters).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

US Presidential poll musings…

This year the least hated presidential candidate will be elected to lead the world’s Number 1 Superpower.

Latest US Prez requirement…
“Don’t be born in the American mainland”.
Obama: Born in Hawaii.
McCain: Born in Panama Canal Zone.
Cruz: Born in Canada.

US Democratic fight…
Old (Hillary-68) versus Older (Sanders-74).
Leftist (Hillary) versus Leftister (Sanders).

America’s Presidential C-Battle…
Capitalist Trump.
Communist Sanders .
Clinton The Second.
Canadian American Cruz.
Cuban American Rubio.

Cruz cruises.
Trump trumped.
Marco makes a mark.
Hillary jittery.
Bernie nearly.

US poll wisdom…
Hillary supporters will vote for Hillary.
Cruz supporters will vote for Cruz.
Ben supporters will vote for Ben.
Trump supporters “may” vote for Trump.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress-#AdarshLiberals bhai bhai…

Congress has got tremendous ROI on…
Sonia’s limited skills.
Pappu’s limited brains.
Just 44 Lok Sabha seats.

If you watch…
DD News: All Izz Well.
Hindi news channels: Generally theek thaak.
English news channels: India under siege! Intolerance! Doomsday! End of Modi.

Tens of thousands killed every year.
Tens of thousands crimes against women.
Tens of thousands other crimes.
Yet just one is always picked conveniently.

He who is attacked 24X7 by media, liberals, intellectuals, seculars etc is Intolerant.
She who is attacked by none of above is Tolerant.

Shatrughan Sinha is probably going to be appointed the Leader of the Opposition within the BJP shortly.

Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty destroyed Indian politics.
Communism destroyed Indian thought.
SFI destroyed student politics in India.
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ destroyed Indian debate.

#‎AdarshLiberals‬ 68 years se bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai, bole ja rahe hai…
Fir end main add karte hai ki freedom of speech nahin hai!

70+ years Nehru was propped up and Netaji rubbished.
‪#‎NehruBhakts‬ went totally berserk in just 70 minutes of Netaji files being released.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

No matter what, they will always love Kejri…

Sometimes you replace bad (CPM) with worse (Trinamool).
Sometimes you replace the best (Sheila) with the worst (Kejri).

Hame satta do, hum parivartan laayenge.
Satta diya, ghanta kiya.
Next…
Hame MCD do, hum safai laayenge.
Hame Delhi Police do, hum safety laayenge.

ABC of dirty politics in India today…
Akhilesh-Arvind.
Banerjee.
Chandy.
With Nitish (Good cop) and Lalu (Bad cop).

Media, liberals and intellectuals love leaders with terrible governance skills.
Lalu.
Kejri.
Mamata.
Sonia.

New Delhi…
The CM’s chair and MCD and every other thing’s been occupied by both the Congress and BJP.
The only new factor is AAP.
‪#‎GarbageCity‬

Bihar versus Bengal in competition to be India’s worst State ever.
(Poor Kejri trying hard to join but Delhi too developed to make a serious dent.)

Kejriwal’s rate of progress…
1 MLA arrested every 2 months.
1 major allegation every 2 days.
1 UTurn every day.
1 arrogant statement every 2 hours.
etc

CM of Delhi.
Best: Dixit.
Worst: Kejri.
First: CB Prakash.
Last: Kejri. (Whoever is in charge in 2020 is sure to scrap the post after this nonsense)

Bihar and Delhi voters: Let’s punish Modi by voting against him.
Modi: LOL. Looks like in fact you have punished yourselves!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

January 2016 Status Updates

Obama and Trump were rank outsiders a year before their US Presidential campaigns.
Media fell at Obama’s feet while they attacked Trump from Day 1.

(January 29)

Global Citizen Sania Mirza.
Partner from Switzerland.
Grand Slams from US, England, France and Australia.
Dubai residency.
Husband from Pakistan.

Karnataka Government promoting publishing industry and popularizing nature.
You are forced to read books and magazines during the day and take long walks in the evening.
‪#‎PowerCuts‬ ‪#‎PowerlessBengaluru‬

The crowd behaves as if FedEx is a poor talented guy who has never won a tennis Grand Slam and Djoko is an evil genius who should be fixed.
‪#‎AustralianOpen2016‬

FedEx and Djoko have 27 Grand Slams between them.
If you go by the desperation of the crowd, you’d think FedEx had 0 and Djoko 27.
‪#‎AustralianOpen2016‬

(January 28)

The world is a curious place.
Sometimes a million die and no-one gives a shit.
Sometimes with a single death everyone goes batshit crazy.

(January 27)

Globalization…
The French President is in India for our Republic Day.
The Indian cricket team is down under for their Australia Day.

(January 26)

A rich Western Leftist Bengali blaming the Left for chasing away industries from West Bengal.
‪#‎Irony‬ ‪#‎AmartyaSen‬

(January 24)

What do you want?
1990: Roti, Kapda aur Makaan.
2000: Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur Bandwidth.
2016: Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur unlimited 100 Mbps connection without FUP!

(January 21)

George Bernard Shaw said that a man becomes a real adult only at the age of 70.
Pappu takes it very seriously and will be a youth till 69.

The Media Law of Relativity…
When news happens nearby you don’t want to cover, distance expands and time speeds up.
When news happens far away you want to cover, distance shrinks and time slows down.

(January 20)

Sell oil at $50 a barrel.
Just make it buy one get one free.

(January 18)

Today’s India is such that everyone offends everyone.
Taken to the (il)logical conclusion, 1.25 billion would be in jail.

If there’s a military takeover in Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif will have a feeling of Deja Coup.

Only two commodities in media…
1. News.
2. Opinion.
And both have become indistinguishable from each other.

(January 13)

India: Ball is in Pakistan’s court.
Arre baba, ball went into Pakistan’s court in 1947!
Tabe se wahin pade dhool khaa raha hai!

Progress…
In the future, you will be able to pack today’s 71.4 Twitter statuses into a single one.
‪#‎140To10000‬

(January 8)

The times they are a changing…
In 1958, Hanif Mohammad hit 337 runs in 970 minutes.
In 2016, ‪#‎PranavDhanawade‬ hit 1009 runs in 395 minutes.

Barack Obama…
Becomes US President in January.*
Gets really cracking on gun control in December .**
*2009
**2015

Saudi Arabia vs Iran.
Turkey vs Russia.
ISIS captures Iraq/Syria/Libya/Lebanon land.
Saudi Arabia strikes in Yemen.
US-Israel no longer the enemy?

(January 5)

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi Make in India versus Kejri Break in India

Advisor: Oppose whatever Modi does.
Kejri: OK.

Modi: Sabka Saath Sabka Vikaas.
Kejri: Apna Saath Apna Vikaas.

Modi: #SwacchaBharatAbhiyaan.
Kejri: #GarbageBharatAbhiyaan

Modi: Make in India.
Kejri: Break in India.

Modi: Pradhan Mantri Jan Dhan Yojana.
Kejri: Mukhya Mantri MLA Dhan Yojana.

Modi: Beti Bachao, Beti Padao Yojana.
Kejri: Somnath Bachao, Urine Samples Mangao Yojana.

Modi: Atal Mission for Rejuvenation and Urban Development.
Kejri: Karl Marx Mission for Destruction and Urban Underdevelopment.

Modi: Swadesh Darshan.
Kejri: Desh (Votebank Politics) Darshan.

Modi: Pilgrimage Rejuvenation and Spiritual Augmentation Drive.
Kejri: Communism Rejuvenation And Propagation.

Modi: Udaan Project.
Kejri: Crash Project.

Modi: Digital India.
Kejri: No WiFi India.

Modi: Skill India.
Kejri: Dharna India.

Modi: Garib Kalyan Yojana.
Kejri: Ameer Kalyan Yojana.

Modi: Smart City Yojana.
Kejri: Dumb City Yojana.

Etc…

Kejri promises…
2013—I will end corruption.
2015—I will end all of Delhi’s problems.
2020—I will end all the problems that I have created.

Under Kejri Delhi will become…
‪#‎GarbageCity‬
‪#‎DarkCity‬
‪#‎DryCity‬
‪#‎DumbCity‬
But he’s a ‪#‎SmartMan‬ for he’s got his position, power and privileges.

© Sunil Rajguru

How Oxbridge (Oxford + Cambridge) totally destroyed India…

Manmohan Singh: Worst Prime Minister in India’s history. Most spineless. Masterminded inaction. Presided over the most corrupt government in Independent India’s history.
Alma Mater: Oxford. Cambridge.

Jawaharlal Nehru: First Prime Minister laid down totally useless economic and foreign policy foundations that went bankrupt in decades. Established an intolerant Communist Coterie that calls the shots to this very day.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Indira Gandhi: The only Indian leader to have imposed dictatorship (Emergency) in India.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed: The President who signed the above Emergency proclamation without a second thought.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Rajiv Gandhi: Took intolerance and coterie to a new level and Bofors still remains arguably the biggest scam brand. Squandered the greatest Lok Sabha mandate ever.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Rahul Gandhi: One of the worst Prime Ministerial candidates around who could still make PM in the future.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Lord Curzon: Implemented the Partition of Bengal, the ultimate Divide and Rule trick which laid the foundations for communal tensions and the eventual Partition of India.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

Mani Shankar Aiyar: India’s greatest political Sycophant and the greatest lackey of the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
Alma Mater: Cambridge.

Salman Khurshid: India’s worst Foreign Minister.
Alma Mater: Oxford.

© Sunil Rajguru

Kaam haraam hai…

Woh kaam karte rahe, hum aaram karte rahe.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Woh kaam karte rahe, hum vyayaam karte rahe.
—Baba Ramdev.

Woh kaam karte rahe, hum farm karte rahe.
—HD Deve Gowda.

Woh kaam karte rahe, hum harm karte rahe.
—Mamata.

Woh araam karte rahe, hum uska daam bharte rahe.
—Congress on Pappu.

Woh kaam karte rahe, hum Ram Ram karte rahe.
—Alok Nath.

Hum aaram karte rahe, ab woh (Nitish) bhi aaram karte raha jaayenge.
—Lalu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The End of Bihar as we know it…

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Laloo,
Aur ghanghor Jungle Raj rahega chaloo,
Nitish bola good governance ko thoda taloo,
Phir saare chor badmaash ko paloo,
Aur ant main saara development ko main permanently maar daloo.
The End.

Lalu Kachalu beta kahan gaye the?
Retirement ki tokri main so rahe the,
Modi ne laat mara ro rahe the,
Nitish ne alliance kiya to has rahe the.
(Ab Bihar bees saal tak royega,
Lalu + pariwar bees saal tak hasta rahega)

1990-2005: ‪#‎JungliDin‬‬‬
2005-10: ‪#‎AccheDin‬‬‬
2010-15: ‪#‎KuchAccheDin‬‬‬
Voter: Aaj kuch toofaani karte hain,
#JungliDin ko waapis laate hai.

Bihar slapped.
The 5 fingers…
Lalu: Ex-CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM future RS MP.
Tejashwi: Dy CM.
Tej Pratap: Minister.
Misa: Future RS MP.

While we will have 20 new ‪#‎SmartCities‬; Patna, Kolkata and Bengaluru are in danger of becoming ‪#‎DumbCities‬ due to pathetic governance.‬‬‬‬

Nitish gets stuck in the lift in January 2016 and says, “Sorry, I lost power today.”
Bihar: But didn’t you lose power on November 8, 2015?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru