Are you guilty? Depends on who you are!

Stages of proving someone guilty…
Stage 1: Allegations.
Stage 2: Chargesheet.
Stage 3: Trial.
Stage 4: Conviction.

Some are accepted and loved even after Stage 4.
#Laloo #Jaya

Some today are generally ignored even at Stage 3.
#ARaja

Some are considered squeaky clean and untouchable even at Stage 2.
#Sonia #Pappu

Some are attacked virulently 24X7 for years even at the sniff of entering Stage 1.
#Modi

© Sunil Rajguru

Congress and AAP—Separated at birth…

All opponents to the Dynasty are kicked out in the Congress.
All opponents to the Kejri are kicked out in the AAP.

We are a party for the common man—Pappu.
We are a party for the aam aadmi—Kejri.

I saw tears in Sonia’s eyes—Khurshid.
I saw tears in Kejriwal’s eyes—Ashutosh.

Laloo convict hua to kya, hamara pyaara hai—Congress.
Laloo convict hua to kya, hamara pyaara hai—AAP.

Our Supreme Leader is actually very democratic—Congressi.
Our Supreme Leader is actually very democratic —AApian.

We are not Communists but pro-poor socialists.—Congressi.
We are not Communists but pro-poor socialists.—AApian.

Wear topi to look secular, actually pahanao topi to all—Congress.
Wear topi to look secular, actually pahanao topi to all—AAP.

Sonia mahaan hai, Modi villain hai—Congress.
Sonia mahaan hai, Modi villain hai—AAP.

© Sunil Rajguru

Another round of Indian political musings…

Ticketless traveller…
Aana free aur jaana free, pakade gaye to khaana free.
Politician…
Aane main bhaut kharcha, jaane lage to koi poochta nahin, par elect hue to aana, jaana, khaana, gaana, bajaana, paana, whateveraana… sab kuch free hi free!

Since the great man is no more, let’s have a productive Parliament session discussing key issues close to the great man’s heart…
…said no MP ever!

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega media ka Laloo-worship chaloo.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the worst ever Sonia became the best ever…

She is the worst ever party president who gave us the worst ever Prime Minister who presided over the worst ever Central rule and she replaced the best ever Indian President with the worst ever one and now she is desperately trying to thrust upon the nation an individual who potentially could be the worst ever party president and Prime Minister rolled into one and yet if you look at the media coverage from 2004-14 you could be forgiven for thinking that she’s the best ever thing that had ever happened to India while her political rival was India’s worst ever Prime Minister even before he took his oath of office.

© Sunil Rajguru

Another round of AAP musings…

Congressi advisor—Say exactly opposite of Modi, OK?
Kejri—OK!
Modi—Hum Bharat ka vikaas karenge!
Kejri —Hum Delhi ka vinaash karenge!

Kejri…
(2011) We will end corruption…
(2012) …by forming a political party…
(2014) …and coming to power…
(2015) …and joining hands with fodder scam convict Laloo!

AAP will bring New Delhi up to international standards by 2020.
(i.e. Greece)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Haazaron din chalega Kejriwal ka raj…

Money Kejri needs to spruce up Delhi—A few thousand crores.

Money Kejri will spend on self-promoting ads—A few thousand crores.

Time TV news channels will spend praising Kejri for no rhyme or reason—A few thousand per month.

Time the same TV news channels will spend blasting Kejri after the above—A few thousand per month.

Time Kejri will spend blaming Modi/Jung/Bassi—A few thousand man hours.

Number of bad ideas Kejri would have given Delhi by the end of his term—A few thousand.

Number of true Kejri supporters that will be left by the end of his term—A few thousand.

© Sunil Rajguru

If Kejri was inspired by Chetan Bhagat, he’d write…

Five Point Someone (What Not To Do After Passing Out of IIT).

One Night Dharna @ City Center.

The 3 Mistakes of Your Life (2011, 2013 and 2015).

2 States (Of My Existence: Agitation & More Agitation).

Revolution 2020 (That One Will Be Against Me).

What Young Delhi Wants (Free WiFi, Power, Water…).

Half Chief Minister (The Other Half is The Lieutenant Governor).

Bonus film…
Kick: How I Treated The Delhi Electorate After The Elections.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP—ads hi ads aur kucchh kaam nahin…

Woh kaam karte rahe…
Hum protest se traffic jam karte rahe,
Har cheez ke daam jyaada karte rahe,
Khaas jyaada aur aam kam karte rahe,
Delhi ko harm karte rahe,
Aur janata ko pareshan karte rahe.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Ask not what the Chief Minister can do for New Delhi, but ask what New Delhi can do for the Chief Minister.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

How Kejri prays to God…
Please hand over the functioning of this world to me.
I will do a better job.

Woh kaam karte rahe,
Hum blame karte rahe.
‪#‎AAP‬

Angry young man…
Hum jahan khade ho jaate hain, line wahi se shuru hoti hain.
Angry ole Kejri…
Hum jo panna likhte hain, wohi panna Indian Constitution ka panna ban jaata hai.

2020 theme song…
Ek tu hi dhanwaan hai Kejri, baaki (New Delhi citizens) sab kangaal.

#‎KejriExcuses‬ till 2020…
It’s the fault of…
1. Modi.
2. Jung.
3. Bassi.
4. Media.
5. All of the above.
6. <I will think of more names>

Kejri’s daily TV show…
The Buck Stops There.

Kejriwal anagrams to I Law Jerk.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu Parliamentary musings…

Son of Bofors tainted Rajiv and National Herald accused Pappu to wear black armband to protest against corruption.
‪#‎2G‬ ‪#‎Coalgate‬ ‪#‎Choppergate‬

During Lok Sabha sessions—No work.
Between Lok Sabha sessions—Vacation.
Wah re Pappu, maan gaye!

Headlines in advance…
Monsoon session washed out/drowned/a wet blanket.
Winter session frosty/left out in the cold.
Budget session bludgeoned/bankrupt.

Pappu to BJP…
Please someone resign fast, my Thailand vacation is overdue, don’t know how long I can wait.
Arnab: Main bhi kabse intezaar kar raha hu!

Kaam haaraam hai.
Maine zindagi main koi kaam nahin kiya aur main Modi ko bhi nahin karne doonga.
—Sri Sri Pappu Maharaj.

Monsoon session go away,
Come again another day,
Little Pappu wants to holiday.

Congress is trying to turn Parliament into IPL.
(Indian Pappu League)

Lok Sabha…
Roke Sabha. (Stop all work)
Tok Sabha. (Poke everyone)
Woke Sabha. (From sleep)
Joke Sabha.

Lok Sabha = Roke sako to roke lo Sabha.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress-BJP musings…

Chargesheeted/convicted politicians…
Sonia, Pappu, Jaya, Raja, YSR, Kejri, TMC leaders, Laloo…
Non-chargesheeted politicians…
Sushma & Vasundhara.
Guess who’s agitating against who!

So much “real” real estate and no action taken.
But a little “virtual” real estate on Facebook leads to high action through Privilege Motion.
‪#‎RobertVadra‬

Expectations…
Vadra will be arrested within 3 months of Modi taking charge.
Reality…
Privilege Motion against Vadra 14 months after Modi taking charge.

Congress to BJP…
For every scam you do, we will do 10, but you’ll get 10 times the media coverage.

In The Accidental Prime Minister film Manmohan will have no dialogues, but sub-titles will appear displaying his thoughts every time he comes on the screen.

Sonia: Hamaara ek MP unke dus ke barabar.
Congress MPs: Yeah! We’re 440 MPs! We’re in majority. Naacho, koodo, bhaago!
‪#‎MonsoonSession‬

No action against Sonia.
No action against any Congress leader.
No action even against Vadra.
Every inaction will get an equal and opposite action in Parliament.
‪#‎MonsoonSession‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Pappu probably comes out with his speeches and ideas…

Pappu: Where is my mobile? Is it in my shirt? Is it in my pant?
Chamcha: Wah! Wah! Bahut khoob! How poetic!
Pappu: Really? Let me use it in a speech!
Next day…
“Politics is in your shirt! Politics is in your pant!”

Chamcha on looking at Modi on TV: Wah! Sarkar ne aaj suit boot pahana hai!
Pappu: Ye suit-boot ki sarkar hai!

Pappu: Kaise ho?
Villager: Mera Bharat Mahaan!
Pappu: Bharat kaun hai aur mahaan kyun hai!
Villager: Par aap sab log to us pe raaj kar rahe hai!
Pappu: Hai! I deny these allegations.
Villager: Par Chacha Ne…
Pappu: Aapke Chacha?
Villager: Nahin aapke pari…
Pappu: Sanjay Gandhi Chachaji?
Villager: Jawaharlal Nehru.
Pappu: Par woh to mere naani ke papa the!
Villager: Jaanta hu!
Pappu: To bakwaas kyun kar rahe ho?
Villager: Par… par… par… eh… eh…
Pappu: Modi’s rule has already melted these poor people’s brains!

Advisor: The US-Saudi Arabia partnership is the main one of the 21st century. We should replace them.
Pappu: India is the Saudi Arabia of the 21st century!

Advisor: I think you should put your mind on the State of poverty in this country.
Pappu: Poverty is a state of mind!

Advisor: Sir. If there are 10 youths in Punjab, then 7 are addicted to drugs.
Pappu: 10 out of 7 youths in Punjab are addicted to drugs!

© Sunil Rajguru

AAP’s promises in 2015 versus 2020…

2015: We will remove corruption from New Delhi.
2020: We will remove corruption from AAP.

2015: We will end VVIP culture.
2020: We will end AAP-VVIP culture.

2015: We will bring law and order under control in New Delhi.
2020: We will abuse Delhi Police regularly to bring law and order under control in New Delhi.

2015: We will give you free power.
2020: We will give you free candles.

2015: We will give you free water.
2020: We will give you free buckets to help you stand in the long lines for water.

2015: We will give you free WiFi.
2020: We will try to give you some power.

2015: We will open 500 new schools and 20 new colleges.
2020: We will open the 500 new schools and 20 new colleges we promised in 2015.

2015: We will install 10,000 CCTVs.
2020: We will install the 10,000 CCTVs we promised in 2015.

2015: We will fight for Delhi Statehood.
2020: We will continue the fight for Delhi Statehood.

2015: Sheila ne New Delhi ko barbaad kiya, hum theek karange!
2020: Modi ne New Delhi ko barbaad kiya, hum theek karange!

© Sunil Rajguru