When AAP decided to press the self-destruct button…

Kejri…
2013—Bharashtachar ko jala kar raakh kar doonga.
2014—Modi ko jala kar raakh kar doonga.
2015—YoYa aur PrBh ko jala kar raakh kar doonga.
2016—Delhi ko jala kar raakh kar doonga.

In defence of Kejriwal, if I had to listen to Yogendra Yadav’s sanctimonious moral lectures day in and day out then even I’d lose my bearings.

I’m from IIN—Kejri.
I’m from IIN—YoYa.
I’m from IIN—PrBh.
I’m from IIN—Ashu.
Voter—Sasura ye IIN kya hai?
A—Indian Institute of Nautanki!

Next AAP cabinet expansion to include…
Sting Minister.
Dissent Minister
Spin Minister.
Nautanki Minister.
Dharna Minister.
TV Studio Minister.

Altaf Raja is back.
He should do a song on AAP…
Tum to thehre nautanki,
(voter ka) saath kya nibhaoge!

Smart. Absolutely nobody is asking about free WiFi, power and water reforms along with concrete anti-corruption drives.

AAP Mental Wrestling Federation Undisputed Champion…
Round 1: Kejri beats Anna.
Round 2: Kejri beats Shazia-Binny-etc.
Round 3: Kejri beats Bedi.
Round 4: Kejri versus YoYa+PrBh.

The stages of struggle…
1. Mujhe chahiye Swaraj (from corruption).
2. Mujhe chahiye Swaraj (from Congress).
3. Mujhe chahiye Swaraj (from Modi).
4. Mujhe chahiye Swaraj (from Kejriwal).

AAP gave a bad manifesto: Got 28 seats.
AAP gave bad governance: Got 67 seats.
After this nonsense they’ll probably get 71/70 seats next time.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How a simple Divide and Rule will sort out AAP’s problems…

AAP has 67 MLAs in the Delhi Assembly…

Give 36 MLAs to Kejriwal so he can call it the Arvind Aadmi Party which it actually is and continue being Chief Minister and enjoy his perks.

Give 20 MLAs to Yogendra Yadav so he can form the Yogendra Aadmi Party (YAP) and become Leader of the Opposition and yap all day in the Assembly and in front of TV cameras.

Give the Bhushans 11 MLAs so they can form the Bhushan Aadmi Party (BAP) so bap-beta can retain relevance.

Give the upcoming 3 Rajya seats to the other dissenters and tell all the AAP volunteers to go home. There’s a limit to how long you can fool so many people.

© Sunil Rajguru

India World Cup musings…

ODI World Cup.
T20 World Cup.
Champions Trophy.
Asia Cup.
Test No. 1 Ranking.
ODI No. 1 Ranking.
T20 No. 1 Ranking.
So much won from 2007-13.
‪#‎ThanksTeamIndia‬

Olympic hockey golds (1948, 52, 56, 64, 80).
Hockey World Cup (1975).
Cricket World Cups (1983, 2007, 2011).
All won only when Congress was in power.

During leagues Dhoni wanted to take LED stumps but wasn’t allowed.
Organizers said they would allow if he won semi-final.
Hopefully in another tournament then!

Now we need a Section 66A in Indo-Australia matches to prevent sledging from going totally out of control.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬ ‪#‎CWC15‬

India has many Ishant-Rohit-Jadeja jokes.
South Africa has many chokes.
‪#‎NZVsSA‬ ‪#‎CWC15‬

If you are on deputation for 6 months abroad you become an NRI.
The Indian cricket team is currently in its 5th month in Australia.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬ ‪#‎CWC15‬

Before…
Half the Indian cricket team is from Mumbai.
Then…
Half the team is from Karnataka.
Now…
Half the team is from Chennai Super Kings.

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricket kab paida hua, kab jawaan hua aur kab mar gaya…

Test cricket England main paida hua, Australia main jawaan hua aur India ke foreign Tests main mar gaya.

ODI cricket England main paida hua, India main jawaan hua aur phir England main gharwaapsi karke mar gaya.

T20 cricket England main paida hua, India main jawaan hua aur phir IPL main dher saara paise daalke ventilator aur oxygen pe jee raha hai.

First Class cricket kab paida hua, kab jawaan hua aur kab mar gaya ye kisi ko ab tak pata nahin.

Women’s cricket England main paida hua, kabhi kabhi TV World Cup coverage pe jeeta hai aur generally mara pada rahata hai.

Cricket England main Gentleman’s Game bana, Australia main Sledger’s Delight hua aur India main aake Corrupt Crorepati bana aur woh gentleman kab ka mar chuka hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When New Zealand thrashed West Indies in the quarters…

World Cup runs scored by Shahid Afridi in 12 years and 19 matches…
232
World Cup runs scored by Martin Guptill in 3.5 hours…
237*.

Progression of 1Day 2Hundred…
1971-2009: 0.
2010-11: 2 by 1 country.
2013-14: 2 by 1 man.
2015: 2 in 1 World Cup.
Next: 2 in 1 match?

After 30 overs…
New Zealand—160.
West Indies—250.
Bas, thoda wicket column main maar khaa gaye Windies!
PS—You can double your score after 30 overs.

Economy rate of New Zealand bowlers…
Anderson—12.
Milne—10.5.
Southee—10.25.
Vettori—8.92.
And New Zealand won by 143 runs!

West Indies…
1983 World Cup—140 all down in 52 overs.
2015 World Cup—250 all down in 30.3 overs.

Still the most unique ODI double centurion…
Rohit Sharma (264) beat Sri Lanka (251).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The real reason why Pakistan lost to Australia in the quarters…

India has beaten Pakistan in a World Cup match in every possible format and stage of the tournament.

Beaten in…

Final—T20 2007.

Semi-final—ODI 2011.

Quarter-final—ODI 1996.

Super Six stage—ODI 1999.

Open League format—ODI 1992.

7-Group League—ODI 2015.

3-Group League—T20 2007.

So the “quota” for semi-finals is full and we may meet in a 4-league format in the 2016 T20 WC or a 5-league format in the 2019 ODI WC.

India won the quarters first and thereby blocked Pakistan’s entry.

© Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan World Cup quarterfinal loss musings…

East Pakistan gharwapsi on Thursday.
West Pakistan gharwapsi on Friday.

The reverse world…
Indians wanted Pakistan to win to face them in the semis.
Pakistani players didn’t want that because back home it is more honourable to be kicked out of the tournament by Australia than India.

So all SAs generally choke in knockout matches?
‪#‎ShahidAfridi‬ ‪#‎SouthAfrica‬

Shahid Afridi is so young that if he is retired, he will simply do plastic surgery and return as another Pakistan teenage wonder to play under a different name.

Afridi will be made a scapegoat for this defeat.
He will be retired, but recalled just short of his 25th birthday for the 2019 World Cup.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Shahid Afridi musings…

Total runs scored by Shahid Afridi in 5 World Cups spanning 16 years…
325.
Rohit Sharma: Bitch please! I can do that in 1.5 innings in half a week!

He should change his name to Shaayad Afridi.
Every captain takes him in the team thinking…
“Shaayad ye aaj maarega!”

Misbah’s ODI strike rate is 74.
Means if he batted 50 overs, he’d make 222.
Pakistan today made 213 matching their captain’s personality.
Still better than Afridi—Then Pakistan would be 100 all down in 10 overs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India quarterfinal victory musings…

Ref: India versus Bangladesh, March 19, 2015.

When Rohit came, a lot of people said that he would be greater than Sachin.
Saala ye to bahut serious ho gaya sasura!

2007: Bangladesh and Ireland kick India and Pakistan out of the World Cup.
2015: India and Pakistan kick Bangladesh and Ireland out of the World Cup.

Dhoni’s speech to Indian bowlers before the semis…
Sattar wicket! Sattar wicket hai aapke paas.
Bus aur bees chahiye aur hum chaar saal ke liye naachenge!

Sometime during the Australia triangular series…
Clarke: Come on boys, we’ve to win this!
Morgan: Come on boys, we’ve to win this!
Dhoni: Come on boys, we’ve to practice for the World Cup!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu musings will never stop…

Superheroes…
Pappu—Mr India.
Sonia—The Shadow.
Kejriwal—Lord Chaos.
Sibal—Agent Zero.

Congress: India is becoming a Police State!
P.S. Had we won in 2014—Then India would have become a Pappu State.

Height of chamchagiri…
Then—India is Indira. Indira is India.
Now—Calling Pappu’s refusal to fill a basic form as espionage, lack of political freedom and even stalling Parliament.
‪#‎RahulSnoopFarce‬

Still no sign of Pappu!
At this rate people will wonder if he exists or he is just a fictional character.

Like the Ordinance Pappu probably tore up the personal form.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

South Africa anti-choke musings…

Ref: South Africa versus Sri Lanka, March 18, 2015.

After AAP political realignment, a choking realignment is underway in the South Africa-Sri Lanka quarter final match at World Cup 2015.

South Africa needed 134 off 50.
AB de Villiers wanted to open but then someone reminded him it was 50 overs and not 50 balls.

Sri Lankan batting chokes.
Now South African batsmen have a greater chance of chauke pe chauka rather than choke-a pe choke-aa.

Dekh bhai, bahut choke kar liya aapne!
Aaj hamari baari hai!
—Sri Lankan batsmen

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Dhoni victory musings…

After retirement he can build the MS Dhoni Museum of Victory Stumps.

Dhoni must have seen Miandad’s last ball sixer at Sharjah 1986 as a small kid and vowed…
“I will avenge this a 100 times over!”

Overs 41-50 are called the Death Overs in ODIs.
Dhoni is the King of Death.

If the openers won’t get you, Kohli will.
If Kohli won’t get you, Rahane-Raina will.
Aur agar sab gaye tel lene, toh Dhoni hi akela kaafi hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru