When they went gaga over a woman called Priyanka Vadra…

Priyanka is just an unqualified & inexperienced woman with corrupt husband Yet millions want her to be PM Tells you what’s wrong with India

Why he would make a better PM than her…
Robert is brilliant. He married Priyanka.
Priyanka is dumb. She married Robert.
Do you want a dumb PM or a brilliant PM?

RSVP…
Rahul jaise speeches.
Sonia jaise bolti hu.
Vadra ka saaya main jeeti hu.
Priyanka naam he mera.

Priyanka: Dangerous to vest power in one man. (Modi)
Translation: Power should be vested in one woman (Sonia) or another woman tomorrow (Me!!!).

Insults make me stronger. Maine daadi se seekha hai.
—Priyanka Vadra.
(P.S. Daadi ne Emergency main aise logon ko utha ke jail main patka tha. Sigh!)

The more they insult me, the stronger I get!
While we talk development, they…
The truth will come out…
Guess who’s speaking: Modi or Priyanka!

Congress on Priyanka Vadra…
2014 to sirf ek jhaaki hai,
2019 abhi baaki hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi poll musings…

If he comes to power, will Modi Haters count 2014 as the Zero Year and the subsequent time as “Years AM”?
(Years After Modi)

All general elections have hundreds of messages.
This one just has two…
1. Vote for Modi.
2. Don’t vote for Modi.

Congress leader asks followers to shut TV for 3 days till voting do shut out Modi.
They may have to shut TV on May 16 too.

If the BJP wins in 220 seats, they can report…
Modi’s BJP does not win in 323 seats!

On the Time magazine poll, currently Kejriwal is the most loved (Yes votes) and Modi is the most hated (No votes).
That mirrors the mainstream media and civil society of India perfectly.

It’s just a matter of time before certain journalists stand on the roads and wear placards saying…
“The end is near.”
#NaMo #May16

Mainstream media: Why are you avoiding us?
Modi: Because you are no longer part of the mainstream.

Sonia: Vote for secularism!
Modi: Vote for development!
Irony: Hence Modi is communal.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 general election musings…

The 2014 election campaign slogan seems to be…
Abki baar FIR hi FIR.

Take bribes from all, vote for us: Kejriwal.
Critics might edit it to…
Take bribes from all: Kejriwal.

Right now the BJP’s favourite book appears to be Arindam Chaudhuri’s
Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch.

Modi-Pappu-Kejri has been most high-profile campaign in decades.
And still so many people didn’t vote!

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Modi you can’t get, then Raj Thackeray you must.
#TVInterviews

On-Online.
Off-Offline.
#BangaloreVoting

If there was online voting, then Bangalore would register 100% turnout.
(But then, UP and Bihar might register 110%)

Congress arguments…
1947: Nehru bola.
1971: Rajib bola.
1989: Rajiv bola.
2014: Atal bola, Jaswant bola, Advani bola, Uma boli…

What if you like one party, like the MP of another party and like the PM candidate of a third party?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi dynasty musings…

I doubt there can ever be a Pappu Wave even within the Congress party.

Jab tak sooraj chaand rahega,
Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty bhaarat ko barbaad karega.

Anyone who thinks that only a PM’s son should be PM believes in both the caste system and eugenics.
#Pappu

Looking at his lineage, Pappu is probably the most secular politician in India.
Pity he has absolutely no other credentials.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The reality of the Modi-Pappu-Kejri media coverage through a PJ…

In an exam paper, Modi got 80/100 and Kejri got 0/100.
Kejri screamed, “Modi failed to get 100 by 20 marks!” a few dozen times.
Media reported: Modi failed by 20 marks.

Pappu couldn’t even give the paper.
Sonia said, “Had he given the paper, he would have got 100/100.”
Media reported: Pappu narrowly misses getting 100/100.

Final headline…
Pappu best candidate. Kejriwal best challenger to Modi.

(And that’s how we are comparing a man with Zero days experience as Chief Minister with a man with 49 days experience as Chief Minister with a man who has 4500+ days experience as Chief Minister)

© Sunil Rajguru

Just call it secular and wash away its sins…

In India, we have two pairs of glasses: Secularism and Communalism.
Depending on which pair you wear, the same thing can look totally different.
Note: The glasses are monopolized by one group only…

Secular X riot = Secular.
Communal X riot = Genocide.

Secular X Hate speech = Freedom of speech.
Communal X Hate speech = Fascism.

Secular X Very strong leader = Statesman.
Communal X Very strong leader = Hitler.

Secular X Journalist = Independent.
Communal X Journalist = Severe bias.

Secular X Gasbag = Intellectual.
Communal X Intellectual = Gasbag.

Secular X Corruption = Clean chit.
Communal X Allegations = Criminal.

Secular X Weak foreign policy = Diplomacy.
Communal X Strong foreign policy = Alarmist.

Secular X Status message = Power of Internet.
Communal X Status message = Section 66A.

Secular X Distorian = Historian.
Communal X Historian = Distorian.

Secular X Politician = Incorruptible.
Communal X Politician = Guilty.

Barack Obama X Revenge by voting = Secular.
Amit Shah X Revenge by voting = Communal.

Narendra Modi X Any good thing = Communal.
Sonia Gandhi X Any bad thing = Secular.

LK Advani X Rath Yatra = Communal.
LK Advani X Anti-Modi = Secular.

Any citizen remotely supporting Modi = Communal.
Any citizen soundly attacking Modi = Secular.

Post script…
India is a sovereign socialist secular democratic republic.
If he wins on May 16, Modi haters will declare India a communal fascist state.

© Sunil Rajguru

Our dear ole accidental Prime Minister…

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?

Sanjaya Baru’s book is fiction: PMO.
That Manmohan was ever PM itself is fiction: Citizen.

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Baru ne kee MMS pe vaar,
Abki baar Modi sarkar.

Jag main sundar do hai naam,
Chaahe remote control kaho ya rubber stamp.
—Sonia Mata.

1992: Everyone knows Babri demolition planned.
2014: Breaking News! Babri demolition planned!
2004: Everyone knows MMS is Sonia stooge.
2014: Breaking News! MMS is Sonia stooge!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi general election musings…

The BJP actually released its manifesto way back on September 13, 2013.
It was the shortest one ever and read…
Modi is our PM candidate.

Modi is like Windows.
The moment you take his name in a debate, the debate hangs and gets stuck.

Which is bigger:
Anti-Congress wave or pro-Modi wave?
Which is smaller:
Pro-Congress wave or anti-Modi wave?
Does it exist:
Any non-Modi non-Congress wave?

Modi hater: Do you think India will ever move on from 2002.
Correct question: Will the Modi hater ever move on from 2002?
Answer: No.

No agreement on…
World: Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?
India: Did Modi mastermind Godhra or not?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Abki baar Modia sarkaar musings…

Abki baar Modi sarkar,
= Aakhri baar Dynasty ki sarkar.

Why not start campaigning for 2019…
Abki baar Modi sarkar,
Agli baar bhi Modi sarkar.

Ye manifesto kya cheez hai yaar?
Ab ki baar Modi sarkar.

The D4 slogan…
Ek, do, teen, chaar,
Ek, do, teen, chaar,
Chaaro milke saath chale to kar de chamatkar,
Par ye kya hai yaar,
Abki baar Modi sarkar.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP election campaign musings…

They claimed…
ABC of national politics = AAP, BJP, Congress.
The reality…
ABC of irrelevance = AAP, BSP, CPM.

Is thappad ki goonj suni tumne? Ab is ki goonj ki goonj tumhe sunai degi, sunai degi…
—Dr Dang.
Is thappad ki goonj suni tumne? Ab is ki goonj ki goonj tumhe sunai degi, sunai degi saare news channels par 24X7.
—Mr Kejriwal.

The pattern…
1. Kejriwal attacked.
2. Attacker thrashed by AAPians.
3. Modi indirectly blamed.
4. Attacker turns out to be AAP/ex-AAP/an Aam Aadmi.

If the AAP is a B-Team of the Congress, then Rakhi Sawant’s Rashtirya Aam Party looks like a B-Team of the AAP.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India T20 WC final loss musings…

India ki ho gayi WC main haar,
Ab ki baar Modi ki sarkar.

Cricket…
What the Yuvraj giveth to Team India in 2007 & 2011, he taketh away in 2014.
Politics…
What the Yuvraj giveth to Congress in 2009, he taketh away in 2014.

Change in captaincy?
Dhoni chooke lene ICC trophies chaar,
Ab ki baar Kohli ki sarkar.

Rahane-Yuvi-Dhoni: 18(36)
beat Kohli: 77(58).

Who would have thought?
After beating the greatest captains in the world, Dhoni loses to captains Rohit (IPL final) and Malinga (WCT20 final).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Differences between Rahul Dravid and Rahul Gandhi…

Dravid: Did all the work and someone else got the limelight.
Gandhi: Did absolutely nothing and still got the limelight.

Dravid: Saved India on many an occasion.
Gandhi: India needs to be saved from him.

Dravid: The Wall—Nothing could go past him.
Gandhi: The Gate—Everything goes through him.

Dravid: Retired at 38.
Gandhi: At 38 was still a political baby.

Dravid: People were ready to walk miles to watch him bat.
Gandhi: People want to walk miles away when he speaks.

© Sunil Rajguru