Tere baap ka party hai kya?

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Naveen: Errr, “Biju” Janata Dal. Isn’t it pretty obvious?

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Omar: Actually mere dadaji ne ye party banaya tha.

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Akhilesh: Ha, isi liye ye haal hai, koi sunta hi nahin mera!

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Pappu: Nahin. Baap, maa, chachu, daadi, uske papa, uske papa ke papa…

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Ajit: Arre! Mama-bhatija bhi kuch cheez hota hai bhai!

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Derek O Brien: Mind your language! It’s just Didi Didi Didi!

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Kumarswamy: Kya farak padta hai. Party hi bacha nahin hai!

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Alagiri: Nahin, bhai ka ho raha hai.

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Uddhav: Eh? Tu jaanta nahin mera baap kaun tha?

Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Chandrababu: Mere sasurji ek mahaan aadmi the.

© Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty: The law of diminishing returns…

Nehru was less than 50% of Patel/Netaji.

Indira was less than 50% of Nehru.

Rajiv was less than 50% of Indira.

Sonia is less than 50% of Rajiv.

Pappu is less than 50% of Sonia.

Pappini will be less than 50% of Pappu.

Still the slogan will be…
Pappini laao, desh bachao,
Aur uske baad uske baccho ko bhi lao.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Left-Right-Wrong world of Pappu Maharaj…

In 2004, Sonia unwittingly became the right person at the right place at the right time.

However Pappu has proved to be the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time always saying the wrong things and backing the wrong people.

And the Congress still thinks he’s Mr Right.

Well they are right. He is Mr Right for the BJP.

Thanks to him the Left-leaning nation has firmly taken a Right turn.

© Sunil Rajguru

October election musings on Pappu…

Vice: (noun), a fault, defect, or shortcoming.
Usage: Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi.

Modi and Pappu are two sides of the same coin.
Both are equally destructive for the Congress party.

I have a 100-year-vision.
If you follow what I am doing, then we will return to power in 100 years.
—Pappu Maharaj.

Pre-2014, everything was an imagined #BlowToModi.
Post-2014, everything is a very real #BlowToSonia #BlowToPappu and #BlowToCongress.

Jitna ridicule maine 44 saal main ikhatta kiya, tumne sirf 26 saal main kiya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

October election musings on Modi…

Narendra Modi is now officially The Terminator for all non-BJP governments.

Maharashtra news…
BJP gains whopping 77 seats, up from 46 to 123 seats.
So called TV expert…
But one exit poll said 151, so they’re actually down by 28 seats!

Modi: On trial for some despite a 100% record.
Modi passed the electoral test in 2002, 2007, 2012, 2013 and 2014 twice.

2013 Polls: Kya acche din aane wale hai?
Lok Sabha Polls: Acche din aane wale hai!
2014 Assembly Polls: Acche din aa gaye hai!

Once the BJP was the Untouchable Party.
Now everyone wants to touch it to taste power.


These versions by Sunil Rajguru

At the polls: Jai Pappu. Hai hai Modi…

Pappu star campaigner for Bihar 2010 polls, Congress gets 4/243 seats.
Koi baat nahin Pappu, next time!

Pappu star campaigner for UP 2012 polls, Congress gets 28/403 seats.
Koi baat nahin Pappu, next time!

Pappu star campaigner for 2013 Assembly polls, Congress wins 1/5 States.
Koi baat nahin Pappu, next time!

Pappu star campaigner for 2014 Lok Sabha polls, Congress wins 44/543 seats.
Koi baat nahin Pappu, next time!

Pappu campaigns in Maharashtra and Haryana, Congress loses both States.
Koi baat nahin Pappu, next time! (Till 2024? Till 2029?)

Modi wins 2002 Gujarat Assembly polls.

Modi wins 2007 Gujarat Assembly polls.
Gujaratis have been fooled!

Modi wins 2012 Gujarat Assembly polls.
So what? Expected. TINA!

Modi campaigns to great 2013 Assembly polls victory.
No Modi wave. Even if so, it won’t last till 2014.

Modi leads BJP to spectacular 282 Lok Sabha seats.
31%! Bypolls show Modi wave has ended!

Modi campaign leads to BJP CMs in Maharashtra and Haryana.
Bah! He will never get Tamil Nadu and West Bengal.

Post script…
Pappu’s mistakes will be tolerated for decades.
Modi’s successes will be forgotten in one second.

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi: Fighting elections like a boss…

2002: After Godhra, you can’t win elections.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

2007: You can’t win sans polarization.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

2012: You may win, but you can’t become national leader.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

2013: Your magic will not work outside Gujarat.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

2014: BJP will never get a Lok Sabha majority.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

2014: Maharashtra and Haryana can never have BJP CMs.
Modi: Challenge accepted!

So what’s the next challenge they are throwing at Modi?

© Sunil Rajguru

General Congressi musings…

India’s creativity…
Gandhi on Rs 5 note.
Gandhi on Rs 10 note.
Gandhi on Rs 20 note.
Gandhi on Rs 50 note.
Gandhi on Rs 100 note.
Gandhi on Rs 500 note.
Gandhi on Rs 1000 note.
Mahatma Gandhi is still single-handedly running India’s economy.

Business Insider claims Sonia is a billionaire.
Media: Now that’s not news! Royal ignore.
Fake website claims that Ramdev claims Ebola cure.
Media: News! News! News!

When every Congress leader speaks rubbish on TV 24X7, does it really make a difference who is a spokesperson and who is not?
#Tharoor #Tiwari

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on War and Peace…

One day Twitter will get the Nobel Peace Prize for diverting so much offline hate to the online world.

The Year of the Goat always gets Iraq’s goat….
1967: Disastrous war with Israel.
1979: Saddam Hussein takes charge.
1991: Thrashed in Gulf War.
2003: Invasion of Iraq.
2015: Major war against ISIS?

What is the link between one random Pakistani living in UK getting the Nobel Peace Prize and a Pakistani Army Chief deciding to shell the Indo-Pak border?

War is war and peace prize is peace prize.
Never the twain shall meet.

Was it save the child or save Indo-Pak peace?

Convoluted logic—Why Pakistanis hate Malala…
Taliban was created by Pakistani Army which is worshipped by Pakistanis.
Malala’s the biggest anti-Taliban symbol and hence anti-Army too.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehruvian Consensus, secular, liberal and other true definitions for India…

Secular: A person who is communal but covers it up by calling himself secular and all others communal a hundred times a day.

Liberal: A person who is liberal in the use of propaganda, narrow non-inclusive talk and abusive language.

Intellectual: A person who thinks he is intelligent but is in fact the laughing stock among common citizens.

Leftist: A communist who unflinchingly loves Mao and Stalin and still can claim in the same breath that certain democratically elected leaders are vile dictators.

Historian: A person who believes that history is true only if it is coloured in red.

Nehruvian Consensus: A name given to the dictatorial Congress ecosystem consisting of Leftists,
secularists, liberals, intellectuals and historians (as mentioned above).

Fascist: Anything which is not part of the Nehruvian Consensus (as mentioned above).

Troll: Anyone who even mildly disagrees with your opinion.

Bias: Anything that even leans moderately Right. Leaning even far Left continues to be firmly in the realms of neutral territory. Ref: Nehruvian Consensus.

Twitter: The hotbed of right-wing Fascists, the new underground.

Pogrom/genocide: Any major riot left after removing the Nellie Massacre, the 1984 anti-Sikh riots, all other major riots in Congress-ruled States like 1969, 1980, 1989 and 1991-92.

These definitions by Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak Nobel Peace Prize musings…

(Reference: 2014 Nobel Peace Prize)

Too young to vote.
Too young to marry.
Old enough to get a Nobel Prize.

Who won the Nobel Prize?
Nobel Committee: Indo-Pak Peace. Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai.

War and Peace…
War at the Indo-Pak border.
Peace Prize for two Indo-Pak citizens.
‪#‎LoC‬ ‪#‎Satyarthi‬ ‪#‎Malala‬

Fact of the day…
This is the first time that an Indian-born Indian resident citizen has won the Nobel Prize after 1930.

3 Indians won the Bharat Ratna for winning the Nobel Prize.
‪#‎CVRaman‬ ‪#‎MotherTeresa‬ ‪#‎AmartyaSen‬
Is Kailash Satyarthi next?

So now Pakistan shares an uneasy relationship with all its Nobel Laureates.
‪#‎AbdusSalam‬ ‪#‎MalalaYousafzai‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The media scene—Then and now…

Then: North East West South.
Now: Never-Ending Wanton Sensationalism.

Breaking news…
Then: Reserved only for big stories.
Now: Each and every story, big or small, will first appear as breaking news.

Then: In newspapers, think a lot, write later.
Now: In TVs, scream first, think later.

Then: To colleague, “Aap kaise ho?”
Now: To everyone, “Aap ko kaisa lag raha hai?”

Congress sources…
Then: Gave part of the story. Checked and rechecked.
Now: Give the full story. Taken verbatim.

BJP sources…
Then: They ran after you.
Now: You run after them.

Famous journalists…
Then: Got the top stories in town.
Now: Are the top stories.
(#Tejpal #Rajdeep etc)

Then: Service to the nation.
Now: Service to self, political party, business house… anything but the nation.

Then: Master of one trade.
Now: Barely a Jack, but of all trades.

Then: Sometimes visible, sometimes not.
Now: Extra-large and extreme.

Then: Editors.
Now: Managers.

Conflict of interest…
Then: Taken seriously.
Now: No conflict. Only (personal) interest.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru