How Modi should solve the Kashmir problem… #AdarshLiberals

Dear Prime Minister Narendra Modi,

You have to instantaneously solve the Kashmir problem. That’s what you were voted for. #AccheDin in Kashmir too.
For this remember….
1. You cannot declare war on Pakistan.
2. You can’t indulge in any form of conflict with them.
3. You can’t do hot pursuit into PoK which is in fact 100% Pakistani land.
4. You can’t even call Pakistan a terrorist state for the poor ole country is a victim of terror.
5. You can’t break economic ties with Pakistan.
6. Bus/train services should continue as should the exchange of artists/intellectuals/journalists.
7. Forget pellet guns, the entire Army should be withdrawn from Kashmir.
8. You cannot even dream of touching the Indus Water Treaty let along changing it.
9. All Pro-Pakistani elements in India should be strengthened.
10. All ultra-nationalists and those shouting pro-India slogans should be jailed.
11. Balochistan is a terrorist province troubling the poor peaceful people of Pakistan. Please leave the issue alone and stop raising it.
12. All terrorists in Pakistan are freedom fighters.
13. Please release all those accused of terrorism from Indian jails and abolish the death sentence only for terrorists.
14. Stop your stupid bravado and become more humble to Pakistan for it is a superior civilization.
15. Send our cricketers to Pakistan. If they are that patriotic then they should be able to brave bombs there. Get their cricketers here and give them double fees for IPL.
16. Never ever raise all the failings of all the Congress leaders from 1947-2014.
17. The spiritual homeland of our Communists is China, so behave with them too to solve the Pakistan problem.
18. America has ruined Pakistan, so stop your stupid bromance with Obama.
Please keep all these things in mind and solve the Kashmir problem immediately.
You have already been Prime Minister for a whopping 28 months now and have totally failed.
It might be a good idea to step down and get BJP to withdraw from the snap polls and let Pappu become Prime Minister and Kejri LoP. They are India’s only hopes.
No thanks and not much regards,
#AdarshLiberals

An Indian viewpoint on why Pakistan is 100% wrong on Kashmir…

1a. The British did not give Kashmir to Pakistan in 1947.

b. The Maharaja of Kashmir did not want to join Pakistan in 1947.

c. The popular leader Sheikh Abdullah did not want to join Kashmir in 1947.

2. Despite this Pakistan asserts that Kashmir is theirs.

3. India sought peace from the beginning, not making any attempts to regain Pakistan occupied Kashmir (PoK) from 1948 and signing a magnanimous one-sided Indus Water Treaty in 1960. It even offered the Plebiscite option in Kashmir should Pakistan vacate PoK, which it has point blank refused to even discuss thereby nullifying the proposed Plebiscite.

4. Despite this Pakistan keeps attacking India through outright war (1965 and 1999) and covert terror attacks (in the order of hundreds from 1989 to this present day). The 1971 Bangladeshi genocide forced India to intervene as it could not handle the refugees which ultimately ran into crores and India is suffering till this present day.

5. Pakistan has been killing its minorities: First the Hindus and Christians; Then the Shias and Ahmadiyyas. Despite that they keep screaming about India’s human rights record 24X7.

6. After the annexation of Tibet by China in 1951, it has been quite rare for even a superpower to capture a province from a smaller power. And here a smaller power still dreams of capturing an entire state from a larger power. Height of delusion?

7. As a result, democracy has been busted in Pakistan (since the Army always calls the shots thanks to Kashmir), the economy is in ruins, it is a puppet state of America and there are independent movements in Balochistan, Gilgit-Baltistan and PoK while there is a full-fledged war raging in North Waziristan.

8. 60,000 Pakistani civilians have died in terror attacks since 9/11 so it is correct when they say that they are the biggest victims of terror. However they are the biggest perpetrators of terror too and god knows how long this paradox called Pakistan will last like this.

© Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak musings…

India and Pakistan were in a stiff competition over Development till 1991.
After that India Liberalized and Pakistan Terrorized.

Optimist.
Love India. Love Pakistan.
Pessimist.
Hate India. Hate Pakistan.
Average Indian.
Love India. Hate Pakistan.
#AdarshLiberal.
Hate India. Love Pakistan.

Pakistan problem in a nutshell
Army + Kashmir
<more important than>
Government + Punjab + Sindh + Balochistan + Khyber Pakhtunkhwa + FATA + etc

Burhan reported to ISI.
ISI reports to Army chief.
Army chief (allegedly) reports to Nawaz.
So Nawaz had to defend Burhan in UN.
Not surprising!

1947.
Gandhi fast unto death to give Pakistan their money at the cost of Kashmir.
1960.
Nehru gave away 80% Indus water for free to Pakistan at the cost of Kashmir.

#AdarshLiberals’ theme song…
All we are saying is give piece* a chance.
*Piece as in tukda as in Bharat there tukde honge!

Pakistan says it’s ready to meet any challenge from India.
Arre bhai 1947 se aap hi challenge kar rahe hai.
India to chup hai, bus react karta hai.

#Pakistan
The only country which chases away Nobel Laureates (#AbdusSalam #Malala) and welcomes terrorists (tens of thousands).

Is this some exchange programme?
Pakistan artistes leave via threats and Balochi rebels come via asylum?
#MNSProtests #AeDilHaiMushkil #Raees

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehru and his disastrous Communist ecosystem

Surrenderer-in-Chief Nehru…
Surrendered PoK.
Surrendered UN seat.
Surrendered Indus water.
Surrendered US N-treaty.
Surrendered Aksai Chin.

With every new revelation you get the sinking feeling that Nehru hated India and in fact wanted to destroy it.
Also perfectly explains the attitude of Nehru worshipers today.

#AdarshLiberals
2013: We will stop RSS-VHP-Hindutva.
2014: We will stop Modi.
2015: We will stop Amit Shah.
2016: We will stop Arnab.
2017: We will stop Changu-Mangu.

99% simply rely on Capitalism and don’t believe in Communism.
That doesn’t make them “Right” but “Normal”.
People labeling them the “Right” are the real loonies.

Birthday boy #ManmohanSingh is the only person who has played sidekick to both a great hero (PV Narasimha Rao) and a great villain (Sonia).

Mahatma Gandhi did not win us Independence.
He won us Dependence (to the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty).

#Nehru
Don’t need J&K.
Don’t need Army.
Don’t need UN seat.
Don’t need Indus water.
Don’t need Aksai Chin.
Don’t need Capitalism.
Statesman or joker?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Trump-Hillary musings…

Hitler ruined Europe.
Obama-Hillary ruined the Middle East.
Trump hasn’t done anything yet.
So right now, who’s more like Hitler?

Pappu will destroy the Congress.
Corbyn will destroy Labour.
Hillary will destroy the Democrats.”

High stakes.
Hillary has the unconditional support of the President, liberals, media, intellectuals and powerful Left ecosystem.
If she loses, they all lose.

Trump has momentum.
Europe is burning.
Terror is alarming.
Media…
Hillary is unstoppable.
Europe on right track.
Get used to terror.

Ever since Obama made the intolerance comment on India, intolerance has skyrocketed in America.
Be careful who you make dig at.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP nahin sudhrega musings…

Abuse Modi.
Attack LG.
Cry victim.
Move court.
Get summoned to court.
Get bail.
Holiday in style.
Blame blame blame.
Anything but work.
#AAP

AAP wanted to be…
Greatest political party.
But is…
1. Greatest comedy show.
2. Greatest reality show.
3. Worst political party.

Modi trying to kill me.
Jung trying to ink me.
Nobody letting me work.
Poor me.
I’m the greatest.
Everyone hates me.
Everyone is jealous of me.
Boo hoo!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kapil Sharma: I want to join politics.
Advisor: You have an FIR against you. Now the ideal party for you to join is the AAP!

Kejriwal is surrounded by charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✘
Kejriwal hires charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✔

Dear AAP,
Our freedom fighters went to jail fighting for Independence and not for rape, murder and fraud.

AAP will sing in 2020…
Loot le ho duniya ko thenga dikhai ke,
Aisa koi saga nahi jisko thaga nahi,
Aisi maari langdi ki soya jaga nahi!

Kejri wanted to replace Pappu as the national alternative.
Instead he replaced him as the national joker.

AAP should rename itself to TuTuMainMain.

Kejri = Lalu.
1. Turning Delhi into Bihar.
2. Scam pe scam.
3. Abusive language.
4. Most MLAs turning criminals.
5. Will eventually rule from jail.

Trending
#IndiaComesFirst
For Congress
#PappuComesFirst
For #AdarshLiberal
#PakistanComesFirst
For AAP
#SupremeLeaderKejriComesFirst

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsNZ #500th Test

Ravi Shastri says “The boys must be pumped up” on TV for the 500th time on the occasion of India’s #500thTest.

India’s new millennium Test spin troika…
600 wallah Kumble.
400 wallah Bhajji.
200 wallah Ashwin.

The international fast bower celebrates after the umpire raises his finger.
The Indian spinner celebrates before the umpire raises his finger.

The job of Indian fast bowler is to take shine off ball.
#500thTest second innings…
Kohli: Rahene de tu, utna bhi zaroorat nahin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Total AAP leadership failure musings…

I don’t have authority to buy a pen, but I have authority to spend thousands of crores on ads, perks and privileges.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

People thought Kejri was a character from the 2001 film Nayak.
They were right.
He’s Amrish Puri.

Sab pe apna raaj hai,
Darne ki kya baat hai,
Ye to bas shuruaat hai,
Abhi (2016) to party shuru hui hai,
Party chalegi till 2020…
—Kejri

The best way Modi can troll Kejriwal right now is by making Kiran Bedi Lieutenant-Governor of New Delhi.

The disaster is not that Sisodia is in Finland.
The disaster is that he’s totally useless whenever he’s in New Delhi.
#AAPHaiAbroad

Aam Aadmi political party nahin hai.
Free for all never-ending party with freebies for all its leaders.

Leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. Accountability.
Indian leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. No accountability.
Kejri & Co.
1. Responsibility/accountability dono gaye tel lene. 2. Only perks and privileges.

Kejri seeking votes in 2019…
LG didn’t let me work from 2015-19.
Make me PM and I promise you Prez of India won’t let me work from 2019-24.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

My complete articles on Trump and #US2016

8 reasons why “Joker” Donald became a “Trump” card in the American political game…

Modi to Trump—Spectacular rise of the global Right

Eerie similarities between reactions to Modi and Trump…

8 reasons why Hillary is a total goner for Prez

10 eerie similarities between #US2016 and #India2014

5 reasons Trump is a victim (Indians will agree)

The leader with the most Twitter followers shalt win

Why Trump Haters Could Well End Up Making Him President

Snippets…

This is how the Hillary-Trump debates will go…

US Presidential election musings…

No matter how low Hillary sunks, they’ll attack Trump…

Who is wrong? The media-liberal-intellectual gang or the people of the world?

US Presidential musings…

Trump is the enemy musings…

Trump musings…

US Presidential poll musings…

August 2016 Status Updates

Trump = Alt-Right Hillary… Control Ctr-Delete Ctr-Alt-Delete

Those shouting over Modi’s silence over little crimes would shout the loudest if he dismissed the Bihar government for its million crimes.

(August 27)

So far Obama is history’s biggest snooper and persecutor of whistleblowers.

Judge: Did RSS kill Gandhi? Pappu to his lawyer: Aaaj odd hain ki even hai? #RahulRSSFlip

I have a feeling that even during Modi2 we will be discussing UPA2 scams.

National Herald. AgustaWestland. Scorpene Leaks. 2 years into the new government, UPA2 scams are still trending big time.

Some Twitter trends are priceless like… #NavyInfoLeaksParrikarSleeps The leak took place when Sleeping Beauty Manmohan Singh was PM.

(August 26)

6/14 Abhay Deol films are in the Indian IMDb Top 250. But he’s usually out of a job because Bollywood hates really good films.

(August 24)

Bollywood Only film industry where you’ve to pass through Dance School, Bodybuilding School & Fight School to join & learn acting on the job

(August 23)Man created the Industrial Revolution to fast track his path of progress.
The Devil created the Communist Manifesto to peg mankind back.

No result in #IndVsWI final Test.
Why?
Long batting innings?
No.
Rain?
Not really.
Then why?
A: No drainage.
#PortOfSpain

(August 22)

Cross-branding idea…
Star Wars between the Avengers & Justice League in the Star Trek universe infested with dinosaurs from Jurassic World.

(August 13)

Baap #AnupamKher
1980s main heroine ko shaadi nahin karne deta tha.
2010s main hero ko khelne nahin deta hai.
#DhoniBiopic

(August 12)

Today #Ind play West Indies in Darren Sammy Stadium.
P.S. Darren Sammy has been told he’s not good enough to play in Darren Sammy Stadium.
Kejri exposed with 2013 Communist Manifesto.
Fully exposed with 2014 dharna.
Still won 2015.
All logic out of window.
He can still win 2020.

(August 9)

Post-2000 Gujarat politics
Patels didn’t do well
#Keshubhai #Anandiben (Quit) #Hardik (Arrested)
Non-patels did well
#Modi #AmitShah #Rupani

(August 6)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#RioOlympics2016 musings…

Badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for getting our only Olympics woman silver in 100+ years.
Daughter of badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for every film, hit or flop.

‪#‎Irony‬
Shobhaa De trolled the India Olympics contingent really gracelessly.
Instead those who outed her are being called trolls.

#Ind Post-1947.
6 #Olympics Gold medals.
3 cricket World Cups.
1 hockey World Cup.
All under Congress Prime Ministers. 100%.
#Replug

Most politically incorrect song from Bobby during the #Olympics
Na chahoon Sona Chandi…
Ye mere kis kaam ke…
Ye to hain bas naam ke!

I think they should award a fourth place “Pewter Medal” in the Olympics for the benefit of countries like India.
‪#‎Rio2016‬

Other countries…
You don’t win a silver, you lose a gold.
India…
You don’t lose a bronze, you win a fourth place.
‪‪#‎Reality‬

‪#‎BetiBachaoBetiPadhao‬
should be officially changed to
‪#‎BetiPadhaoBetiKhilao‬

Shobhaa De should make a few more nonsensical statements.
A couple more Indian women will end up winning ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies

A for Amitabh Bachchan

One is the Shahenshah and one is the Badshaah. And of course, it’s impossible for them to get along. Or so the grapevine would have us believe. There’s a cold war that keeps brewing and we keep getting the details. One such was when Jaya Bachchan called Happy New Year a nonsensical film and that got SRK mad and Amitabh had to apologize.

A is also for Abhijeet who once declared that he wouldn’t sing for SRK ever again as he didn’t get enough respect to him. You could say that Abhijeet’s playback career got cut short after that. He only came back in the limelight when he became a strong supporter of Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Twitter.

B for Billu Barber

This one defied logic. If the hero of a movie is called Billu and is a barber, then what else can one call the movie? But barbers of the world (or rather India) found it derogatory and the film had to be renamed to Billu.

C for Chalte Chalte

It was reported that due to a fracas between Aishwarya Rai and Salman Khan on the sets of the film, the former was sacked from the movie and replaced with Rani Mukerji. Years later SRK wasn’t invited to the marriage of Aishwarya at the Amitabh household.

D for Dilwale

This comes straight after I for Intolerance. SRK got into the whole #AwardWapsi controversy and Twitter started trending #BoycottDilwale. SRK pleaded T for Tolerance before the movie but the damage was done. People protested with banners and continued the campaign. One trade analyst said the film made losses to the tune of Rs 50-60 crores for distributors and hence could be called his biggest flop ever.

That set SRK back, but the flop of Fan hurt him even more. Thanks to all this, the release of Raees was pushed from 2016 to 2017.

(Shah Rukh Khan’s career is now officially over

How SRK and Dilwale got punished for Aamir over intolerance

Why SRK’s Fan and Raees will suffer like Dilwale)

D is also for Deepa Sahi. Remember Maya Memsaab in 1993? That had generated a lot of controversy over the sexually explicit content. The censor board cut some scenes, which made their way to YouTube years later.

E for the Eyes of Amar Singh

At an awards show, SRK joked that he saw “darindagi” (evil) in erstwhile Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh’s eyes. Amitabh was miffed and SP partymen agitated in front of SRK’s home.

F for Farah Khan

When Farah decided to do her 3rd movie without SRK, all manner of reports came of a split between the two. The superstar later clarified that it was a date problem and nothing else. Since then SRK and Farah Khan have patched up and made Happy New Year. However then Jaya called the film nonsensical.

F is also for foetal test. A report appeared that SRK and Gauri went in for a foetal sex test during pregnancy and there was even a probe into those allegations!

G for Gay

The SRK-Saif Ali Khan gay act in Kal Ho Na Ho was a big hit and the acting continued well into award shows. That led some people to spread rumours that he was gay in the first place. To be fair, the duo sportingly carried on this theme while hosting a film award show.

H for Hosting film award shows

When the King Khan hosts a film award, then it can’t be normal. At the Filmfare awards, he and Saif took potshots at everyone: critics, the film industry, themselves… Not everyone was amused though.

H is also for Pakistani terrorist Pakistani Hafiz who invited SRK to Pakistan after a controversial write-up in Outlook magazine. Declared SRK: I sometimes become the inadvertent object of political leaders who choose to make me a symbol of all that they think is wrong and unpatriotic about Muslims in India. I have been accused of bearing allegiance to our neighbouring nation rather than my own country.

I for IPL

After failing to get Mumbai, SRK landed with Kolkata in his kitty. Since then it was been trouble with Dada Sourav Ganguly, coach John Buchanan, irate fans, bottom of the table performances, Pak players controversy and initially they didn’t even reach the semis. G is also for (Sunil) Gavaskar. This is what the cricketing legend had to say about Buchanan: A failed former cricketer making a living telling international players to do what he couldn’t do. Needless to say SRK wasn’t amused. Since then KKR has won the IPL twice, though winning captain Gautam Gambhir soon found himself out of the national team.

J for Junk Food Actors

In the 1990s, he once made certain remarks about “junk food actors” which allegedly referred to action stars Akshay Kumar and Sunil Shetty. The comments were subsequently totally denied and everything was fine between the three.

K for Khan Wars

It is impossible for the Three Big Khans to get along. Bollywood is simply too small for Salman, Aamir and SRK. Either they are not on talking terms or are cold to each other at parties and meets. Aamir even once got into the mood and questioned SRK’s No. 1 status followed by the below-the-belt comment on his blog that a dog called Shah Rukh was licking his legs. The love-hate relationship between the three Khans continues. There was that famous SRK-Salman hug though.

Then there’s the Chalte Chalte controversy as mentioned above and there was also supposed to be another confrontation between the two at Katrina Kaif’s birthday party.

K is also for Kunder as it was alleged that SRK slapped Farah Khan’s husband Shirish Kunder at a Bollywood party. Kunder even Tweeted making fun of the fortunes of Ra.One saying, “I just heard a 150 cr firework fizzle”. Since then after a lot of apologies, SRK and Farah got together for Happy New Year.

L for Lux Cozi

Lux Cozi sponsored Kolkata Knight Riders. Lux Cozi promoter was charged with the abetment of suicide of Rizwanur Rahman. And the deal got promptly frozen, even though the ads kept coming on TV long after the press conference where the announcement was made.

M for My Name is Khan

One of the biggest controversies in recent times. The Shiv Sena. The MNS. The Maharashtra government. Everyone seemed to have got involved. The film got released amidst unprecedented security and SRK is still clueless on what exactly happened and why it happened. (The Thackerays said they were protesting SRK batting for Pakistani players in the IPL.)

N for Newark Airport

SRK was detained Newark Airport in the US for more than an hour “Because His Name Was Khan”. While SRK kicked up a racket, his detractors found the plot too eerily similar to the movie he was shooting for.

O for Om Shanti Om

While this movie opened to bumper full house without any problems, thespian Manoj Kumar made a big fuss about how his character was portrayed negatively and wanted an apology plus the scenes being cut.

P for Priyanka Chopra

SRK has a great personal life and usually stays out of the news for the wrong reasons, but he was once linked to Piggy Chops and the Bollywood grapevine had a gala time. P for is also for parties. There’s something always happening at Bollywood parties.

Q for Quiz Shows

Why did SRK take up Kaun Banega Crorepati? To prove a point to Amitabh? Was Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain a washout? Why did SRK host a college quiz?

R for Ra.One

No SRK movie has come in for so much flak over its story line and penchant for offending a whole host of communities. Panned by the critics, this movie raked in the moolah for SRK but still wasn’t the blockbuster it was made out to be.

(An Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan regarding Ra.One)

R for is also for Rab Ne Banadi Jodi. During the shooting of this movie, it is alleged that SRK smoked on the premises of a “No Smoking” Sikh college in Amritsar. SRK was also caught smoking in the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur during an IPL match and a case was filed against him.

S for Scanner

Heathrow airport proudly introduced body scanners that would tighten security. However people claimed to have saved and distributed images of SRK’s body, leading to an outcry by privacy groups.

T for Trimurti

This was one of the major box office debacles of the mid-nineties and director Mukul Anand and producer Subash Ghai traded barbs on who was responsible. Fingers were also pointed at the performances of Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff and this was one of the few controversies SRK quietly walked away from.

U for United Producers and Distributors Association Forum

Being a producer himself, SRK was thick in the middle of the 2009 Bollywood producers’ strike. Initially the TV channels just focused on rivals SRK and Aamir coming on one platform.

W for Whiteness Creams

While stars and cricketers have got flak for endorsing any and every product they can get their hands on, SRK got maximum flak for selling a skin whitening cream—and that too for men!

(7 reasons Indians are the most racist in the world)

W is also for Wankhede Stadium. A grand fracas after a match (that KKR won!) led to SRK being banned from the stadium.

(The badshaah of Bollywood extends his domain)

X for Xerox

A Xerox of Dilip Kumar. A copy of Amitabh. That’s how his acting was described when he started out his career. Then there was that hamming label. That way, he has come a long way with his performances in Swades, Chak De India and MNIK.

Y for Yale University

On his way to give a speech in Yale, SRK was again detained by airport security yet again in 2012. Then it was third time unlucky in Los Angeles in 2016.

(His name is Shah Rukh Khan and US won’t (ever) stop detaining him)

Y for is also for Yash Chopra. While SRK and the Chopras have shared an excellent relationship, the very first movie Darr had Sunny Deol crying foul over the way his role was cut to size and the ending was shot and edited without him being taken into confidence. The media reported that they didn’t talk for years after that.

Z for Zaara, the Pakistani girl

When Veer-Zaara was released, Pakistan President General Pervez Musharraf was very upset with the negative portrayal of Pakistan. Luckily, that did not escalate into anything nasty.

© Sunil Rajguru

(First version posted on February 24, 2010 and has been updated multiple times)

Also read…

Shah Rukh Khan’s career through trilogies…

Major Shahrukh Khan versus ACP Pradyuman

Neither Big B nor SRK: Can Incredible India think beyond film stars?

King Khan: A king for debut directors, too!