Musings for Modi haters…

PR is great… unless Modi does it.
Foreign travel is great… unless Modi does it.
Yoga is great… unless Modi does it.
Selfies are great… unless Modi does it.

2004—Smriti filed affidavit.
2006—FIR against Parrikar.
2011—Raje helped LaMo.
2014—Sushma helped LaMo.
May 2015—Modi completes 1-year scam free tenure.
June 2015—MSM releases all of the above with Shivraj tapes simultaneously.
Iske aage hum aur kya kahe? Janam samjha karo.

MMS not guilty in 2G, CoalGate, Tatra, ChopperGate…
Modi guilty for ‪#‎SelfieWithDaughter‬, name on suit, Louis Vuitton looking shawl…

Great Depression to come—Rajan.
Waise, the Great (Political) Depression for Leftists-Liberals-MSM continues unabated post May 2014.

Modi is speaking a lot through actions (mainly), schemes, Twitter, Mann Ki Baat etc.
Those who question his silence can’t hear anything good anyway.

Mann* Ki Baat.
*Pradhan Mantri ka mann, tumhara mann nahin.

Who is cleaner?
1. A treasury guard who loots Rs 10 crores.
2. A guard who allows others to loot Rs 100000000 crores.
‪#‎ManmohanSinghIsClean‬ ‪#‎CoalGate‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

King Kejri continues to ruin Delhi…

Delhi has been destroyed 7 times and rebuilt 7 times.
By the time Kejri is finished with it in 2020, it will have to be rebuilt for the 8th time.

Delhiite 1: Aaj Delhi ki acchi VAT lagi hai.
Delhiite 2: Arre Delhi ki to kabse acchi vaat lagi hui hai!

AAP = Anti Anti Party.
Their sole identity is in opposition to others (mainly Modi) and they really stand for nothing.

Kejri has many more ACs than he has honest MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more #ArnabGate musings…

…a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
‪#‎NewsHour

Currently Arnab is probably investigating Vasundhara’s nursery school records.
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Much Ado About Nothing.
Starring: Arvind Kejriwal.
Sequel 1: Priyanka Vadra.
Sequel 2: Lalit Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Lalit Modi ruled all the TV news channels…

Ek baar jo maine news manufacture kar di, uske baad to main khud ki bhi nahin sunta.
—Dabangg Arnab.

Legend says that if you stand in central London for long enough, then sooner or later you will bump into Lalit Modi.

Lalit Modi: Sports nahin…
Arvind Kejriwal: Politics nahin…
Pappu: Leadership nahin…
…sirf entertainment hi entertainment 24X7!
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Indian Political League.
Lalit Modi can easily form 10 teams with all the politicians he wines and dines with.

Lalit Modi just launched the International Pandemonium League.
Nobody knows what the hell is going on anymore!

DLF IPL = Murkiest league of all time.
DLF owner son-in-law, Sonia daughter and former IPL chief meet in London amidst ‪#‎ArnabGate‬.
Congress: Coincidence! Coincidence! Coincidence!

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Arnab ka resignation drama chaloo.
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Next news hour will be…
Bhagwaan ke naam pe ek resignation de de re baba!

Kejri thinking…
Maine itna accha budget banaya!
Lalit ne overshadow kiya!
Koi na koi Modi hamesha meri vaat lagata hai!

It appears that 1 million people have met Lalit Modi, 1 lakh have helped him at some time or the other and 1000 do business with him on a regular basis.

Midas was not gold but turned everyone he touched into gold.
Lalit Modi is not tainted but turns everyone he touches into tainted.

Lalit Modi names BJP leaders.
–>LaMo! LaMo! LaMo!
Lalit Modi names Congress leaders.
–>Lame! Lame! Lame!

Arnab thinking….
2009: Stable Govt.
2010: I break CWG scam.
2014: I topple government.
Yippeee!!! Let me do it again!

Lalit Modi quotes on the Vadras…
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, they walk into mine.

Tomorrow…
NaMo ka driver ka bhai ka bhateeje ka maalik Lalit Modi se mila!
The Nation wants to know why! I demand NaMo’s immediate resignation!

Indian politics went batshit crazy in 2011.
4 years on, it’s still getting madder.

Narendra who?
Lalit is currently the most famous Modi around!

And then he told all the politicians…
May he who has never met Lalit Modi cast the first stone!
And they all stood in silence with their heads hung in shame.

Congress-Media: Sushma Swaraj is tainted!
(LalitGate begins)
Lalit Modi met Vasundhara Raje.
Congress-Media: Vasundhara Raje is tainted!
Lalit Modi met Robert Vadra.
Congress-Media: Lalit Modi is clean!
(LalitGate ends)

It’s just a matter of time before Lalit Modi releases a 1990s photo of him posing with Mother Teresa.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Similarities between Indira and Sonia Gandhi…

When she came, Congress workers tried to popularize the following jingle…
Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai,
Doosri Indira Gandhi hai!

That to some extent is true…

Both asked the mainstream media to bend and instead they crawled.

One did Emergency and the other did e-mergency (Section 66A).

Both pushed their Pappu sons real hard (Sanjay and Rahul respectively).

Indira ruled the Congress for 18 years. Sonia will complete 18 years in 2016 when she will probably retire and hand over the reins to her Pappu.

Indira crashed her party to its lowest ever performance in 1977—153 seats.
Sonia crashed her party to its lowest ever performance in 1999—114 seats.
(Sonia broke the record again in 2014—44 seats).

Only sycophants ruled in both the courts of Indira and Sonia.

Years in the wilderness hardened both of them.

But in terms of concrete development in the end…
Sonia hai aur Gandhi hai,
Par chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

© Sunil Rajguru

LalitGate-ArnabGate musings…

Lalit Modi is a one-man-team Kabaddi player who has touched everyone from every team.

Hamaam main sab nanga,
Lalit Modi ne liya sab se panga.

Priyanka Vadra met Lalit Modi. She should resign!
Resign from what? She’s done nothing in her life!
Then why does she have a government house and SPG cover?

The tables have turned.
2014…
We will throw all Congress leaders in jail!—BJP.
2015…
We will get all BJP leaders to resign!—Congress.

99% of Indian politicians would find themselves in jail if “Conflict of Interest” was a serious crime in the Indian Constitution.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Never-ending never-ending Pappu musings…

Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
Kejri nahi ye anarchist hai, doosra Laloo Yadav hai.
Rahul nahi ye Pappu hai, doosra Junior Mehmood hai.

Yesterday Pappu learnt E for Elephant in his nursery class.
That’s why all the political elephant quotes are out.

All of Pappu’s speech writers are double agents actually working for the BJP.

Q: Who are the most famous, powerful and influential Non Resident Indians ever?
A: Sonia, Pappu and Priyanka.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Delhi going to the dogs musings…

Rajiv—I will take India to the Computer Age.
Rao—I will take India to the Space Age.
Kejri—I will take New Delhi to the GarbAge.

Jaise monsoon Mumbai ko bandh karega,
Waise Kejri Delhi ko har mausam main bandh karega.

One promise will be kept…
AAP leaders: We will lead a simple disciplined life without privileges.
(That’s the kind of life you simply have to lead in jail!)

Jitender Tomar had 3 fake degrees.
1. BSc.
2. LLB.
3. Kejri’s honesty certificate from AAP Internal Academy.

Pappu won it for Modi in 2014.
Kejri will win it for Modi in 2019.

(New Delhi elections) haar ke bhi jeetnewaale ko Baazigar kahate hai.

2014: Pappu-Kejri fighting over PM’s chair.
2015: Pappu-Kejri fighting over Delhi kachra responsibility.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The AAP manifesto…

Hum Aam Aadmi hai.
(You know the Aam Aadmi of India wants perks, power & privileges and is a bit crooked too.)

Hum Adarsh waale log hain.
(You know, like the Adarsh scam.)

We respect women.
(We politely asked for their urine samples. The trouble started only after they refused.)

All chargesheeted politicians should be banned from politics.
(By the way all the chargesheets against us are false.)

Sheila Dikshit was a powerless CM who didn’t deliver results.
(Our situation is the same but then we are fighting Modi aren’t we?)

Modi is a dictator.
(So are we, but then its nullified because we are fighting Modi, right?)

We will solve all the problems of Delhi.
(But whatever went wrong after we came to power is because of Modi.)

We will give power, water, WiFi for free.
(But only if Modi gives all of that to us and that is why we are attacking him.)

There is too much violence in politics.
(But all our violence is against this very violence.)

We encourage criticism from our fellow party men.
(But first we kick them out of the party to make them free to criticize us.)

Please ignore the negatives and focus on our positives.
(For all our opponents, simply reverse this logic!)

Media should be put in jail.
(Only when they are criticizing us instead of praising us and promoting us for absolutely no rhyme or reason.)

It is our right to drive this country.
(Isn’t a u-turn part of driving?)

Every political party is arrogant, corrupt and relies for criminals.
(Including ours but we take the high ground because… because… well we have already taken the moral high ground haven’t we, so buzz off!)

Sonia is an angel and Modi is a dictator.
(I have taken my Supreme Leader’s permission to say this.)

Our motto is: Insaan se insaan ka ho bhaichara…
(But insaan sirf AAP main hote hain our woh bhi jo Supreme Leader ki baat maane.)

© Sunil Rajguru

AAP rulez OK?

Hum kuch bhi pAAP kare, fir bhi hum doodh ke dhule hue hai.
Hum kucch bhi karenge, AAP bas dekhte raho—Kejri to voters.
Hum tumhaare bAAP hai—Kejri to Laloo.
Hum Delhi ke liye shAAP bhi hai to kya, 2020 tak hai.

AAP’s first Law Minister didn’t believe in law.
AAP’s second Law Minister doesn’t believe in law degree.
Idiots! My Honesty Certificate is greater than a University Degree Certificate!
—Sri Sri Kejriwal.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

On the Maggi controversy…

Most polluted: Air. Drinking water. Vegetable/fruit field soil. Street food.
Most outrage: Colas. Mineral water. Maggi noodles.

An alien monitoring Indian TV news channels would conclude that 1+ billion Indians eats Maggi noodles 3 times a day.

It’s called 2-minute noodles because every bulletin on every news channel has made it mandatory to cover Maggi for at least 2 minutes.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Jo hum 67 saal main kar na paaye, aap ek saal main kyun nahin kar rahe ho???

“Why hasn’t Modi delivered in one year?” asks the man whose great grandfather ruled India for 17 years, grandmother for 15 years, father for 5 years and mother for 10 years.

“Why hasn’t Modi delivered One Rank One Pension in one year?” asks the man who was Defence Minister for the longest straight stint ever in Independent India (8 years).

“Why hasn’t Modi’s government developed Amethi?” asks the family which has ruled it (with its friends) for 34 of the last 35 years.

“Why has Modi been hogging all the foreign policy for the last one year?” asks the party whose inaugural Prime Minister was Foreign Minister for 17 straight years and proved to be quite a joke at it.

“Ruling (and destroying) India is our sole birth right and we shall have it.”
—The Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.

© Sunil Rajguru