Priyanka Vadra musings…

The Congress unleashed two 5-year-plans on the nation.
One: By the Planning Commission lasting for 5 years.
Two: Priyanka Vadra, coming once every 5 years.

The Dynasty…
JaNe.
InGa. SaGa. RaGa Sr. SoGa. RaGa Jr.
PriVa. RoVa.
#NehruGandhiVadra

Ye #ModiVsPriyanka trend kisne nikaala?
It’s #ModiVsSonia.
Pappu is a sub-set of Sonia.
Pappini is a sub-set of Pappu.

Mrs Vadra ko gussa kyun aata hai?
Zindagi bhar aaraam hi aaraam,
with absolutely no kaam,
phir bhi ranting with great alarm.

Why does Modi do childish things like people development?
Why doesn’t he do grown-up things like monetary self-development (just like my wonderful hubby)!
#MrsVadra

In awe of Sonia.
#Strange
In awe of Pappu.
#Stranger
In awe of Mrs Vadra.
#Strangest

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more 2014 General election musings…

Most politicians of India…
Abki baar, Modi se takraar.

Even when he goes to vote, he’s mobbed by a paparazzi kind of crowd with mobicams.
#NaMo

Elections are the only time when you may be asked…
Please show me your finger!

Their strategy…
Attack Modi + Defend Sonia.
Prop up…
Pappu (Fail).
Then Kejriwal (Fail).
Then Mr Vadra (Fail).

Pro-Modi spin…
Giriraj said Modi haters can live.
Farooq said Modi supporters should drown.
Anti-Modi spin…
Giriraj asks Modi haters to take a walk to Pakistan.
Farooq asks Modi supporters to take a walk on the ocean.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings of Sonia Gandhi the Sphinx…

sphinx-2116041_640The US President has the Book of Secrets.
The Congress President is the Book of Secrets.

Sonia: I can’t show you my passport.
US: Why?
Sonia: Because the Indian government has directed me to.
US: And who directs the Indian government?
Sonia: Me!!!

If the Congress/Dynasty is booted out for good, then India’s slogan will be…
Ho gaya Bharat Nirman.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Handbook for fighting 2014 general elections…

Want to be seen as secular?
—Attack Modi!

Nurture Prime Ministerial ambitions?
—Attack Modi!

Have zero development stories to boast of?
—Attack Modi!

Opinion polls show your party’s slipping?
—Attack Modi!

Want to please your party’s supreme leader?
—Attack Modi!

Told that there’s a Modi wave in the country?
—Attack Modi!

Tainted with a riot?
—Attack Modi!

Want to save democracy?
—Attack Modi!

Tainted with a scam?
—Attack Modi!

Want to take on crony capitalism?
—Attack Modi!

Part-time politician coming out of the woodworks?
—Attack Modi!

Hear that someone else has attacked Modi?
—Attack Modi!

Modi attacks you?
—Attack Modi!

Don’t know what to say?
—Attack Modi!

Holding a rally?
—Attack Modi!

You are Modi?
—Well the only thing left to do is to attack everyone else!

© Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty musings…

Give me 60 months and I’ll change India: Narendra Modi.
Give me 1 month’s limelight every 60 months and I’ll change India: Priyanka Vadra.

1966: Indira desh bachayegi.
1977: Sanjay desh bachayega.
1984: Rajiv desh bachayega.
2004: Sonia desh bachayegi.
2009: Pappu desh bachayega.
2014: Pappini desh bachayegi.
Desh: Arre koi to mujhe Nehru-Gandhi dynasty se bachao!!!

Total days spent by Sonia+Pappu+Pappini as PM/CM/Minister = Zero.
Number of really tough questions asked of them till date = Zero.
Amount looted in scams committed in last 10 years = 1ZeroZeroZeroZeroZeroZeroZero…

1999: Will Priyanka contest polls?
2004: Will she contest?
2009: Will she contest?
2014: Will she contest?
2019…
2024…
#MrsVadra

Mera dynasty parameshwar: Congress man.
Mera pati paramaeshwar: Priyanka Vadra.
Hai na Vadra mahaan!

Waise “Pappu Model” kya hai?
Aur “Vadra Model” kya hai?
(Both Robert and Priyanka versions)
#GujaratModel

Congress: We have a larger role for Priyanka!
Q: How?
Congress: In 2009 elections she spent a total 10 hours campaigning. This time she’ll do 15 hours!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 general election musings…

Give me some sunshine,
Give voters less brain,
Give me another chance,
I want to loot India once again.
#UPA3

Sonia on May 16…
Accha baba maine maan li haar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

Modi has decided to Face The Nation by giving interviews Left, Right and Centre and is gracing (nearly) everyone’s Newshour.

Every deleted voter also counts.
For the party he or she would have voted against.

3 rights…
1. Right to vote.
2. Right not to vote.
3. Right to prevent you from voting.
#MissingVoters #VoterLists

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh’s last days as PM…

Army chief gaya BJP main yaar,
Home Secy bana saffron star,
RAW chief bhi gaya us paar,
Mera bhai bhi ho gaya faraar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

“I feel very sad. I have no control.”
—Manmohan Singh on his brother joining BJP.
But that also applies to scams, economy, defence, security, governance and just about everything else.

Manmohan Singh: My brother joined the BJP.
Priyanka Vadra: Lucky you! Unfortunately mine joined the Congress.

Manmohan Singh’s final words…
#TheekHaiYaar
#AbkiBaarModiSarkaar

2004: I am ready to work under Madam.
2009: I am ready to work under Pappu.
2013: I am ready to work under Pappini.
2014: I am ready to work under Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Pappu musings during polls..

Pappuphobia: The fear that Rahul Gandhi may one day become Prime Minister.
Usage: Even though the Congress may lose on May 16, Pappuphobia may be around for a few more decades.

I don’t believe in the Peter Principle.
Pappu is at least 20 levels above his competency level.

I doubt there can ever be a Pappu Wave even within the Congress party.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

NaMo NaMo musings…

“12 years a slave” to absolute hatred against Modi.
2002-14.

The Modi haters’ slogan…
Doodh maango to kheer denge,
Modi ko support karo to cheer denge.

Believer: Beware! The Day of Judgment is near!
Modi Hater: Yeah, May 16!

1998: I’m backing Vajpayee to keep Advani out.
2013: I’m backing Advani to keep Modi out.
2014: I’m…
Chhodo, chalo, jaane de yaar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When they went gaga over a woman called Priyanka Vadra…

Priyanka is just an unqualified & inexperienced woman with corrupt husband Yet millions want her to be PM Tells you what’s wrong with India

Why he would make a better PM than her…
Robert is brilliant. He married Priyanka.
Priyanka is dumb. She married Robert.
Do you want a dumb PM or a brilliant PM?

RSVP…
Rahul jaise speeches.
Sonia jaise bolti hu.
Vadra ka saaya main jeeti hu.
Priyanka naam he mera.

Priyanka: Dangerous to vest power in one man. (Modi)
Translation: Power should be vested in one woman (Sonia) or another woman tomorrow (Me!!!).

Insults make me stronger. Maine daadi se seekha hai.
—Priyanka Vadra.
(P.S. Daadi ne Emergency main aise logon ko utha ke jail main patka tha. Sigh!)

The more they insult me, the stronger I get!
While we talk development, they…
The truth will come out…
Guess who’s speaking: Modi or Priyanka!

Congress on Priyanka Vadra…
2014 to sirf ek jhaaki hai,
2019 abhi baaki hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi poll musings…

If he comes to power, will Modi Haters count 2014 as the Zero Year and the subsequent time as “Years AM”?
(Years After Modi)

All general elections have hundreds of messages.
This one just has two…
1. Vote for Modi.
2. Don’t vote for Modi.

Congress leader asks followers to shut TV for 3 days till voting do shut out Modi.
They may have to shut TV on May 16 too.

If the BJP wins in 220 seats, they can report…
Modi’s BJP does not win in 323 seats!

On the Time magazine poll, currently Kejriwal is the most loved (Yes votes) and Modi is the most hated (No votes).
That mirrors the mainstream media and civil society of India perfectly.

It’s just a matter of time before certain journalists stand on the roads and wear placards saying…
“The end is near.”
#NaMo #May16

Mainstream media: Why are you avoiding us?
Modi: Because you are no longer part of the mainstream.

Sonia: Vote for secularism!
Modi: Vote for development!
Irony: Hence Modi is communal.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 general election musings…

The 2014 election campaign slogan seems to be…
Abki baar FIR hi FIR.

Take bribes from all, vote for us: Kejriwal.
Critics might edit it to…
Take bribes from all: Kejriwal.

Right now the BJP’s favourite book appears to be Arindam Chaudhuri’s
Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch.

Modi-Pappu-Kejri has been most high-profile campaign in decades.
And still so many people didn’t vote!

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Modi you can’t get, then Raj Thackeray you must.
#TVInterviews

On-Online.
Off-Offline.
#BangaloreVoting

If there was online voting, then Bangalore would register 100% turnout.
(But then, UP and Bihar might register 110%)

Congress arguments…
1947: Nehru bola.
1971: Rajib bola.
1989: Rajiv bola.
2014: Atal bola, Jaswant bola, Advani bola, Uma boli…

What if you like one party, like the MP of another party and like the PM candidate of a third party?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru