The tragedy that is Manmohan…

Manmohan Singh should officially get the title of…
Punching Bag of the Nation.

Kabhi Modi ne maara,
kabhi SM ne maara,
kabhi Pappu ne maara,
kabhi Nawaz ne bhi maara,
main Manmohan hu yaaro,
mujhe har kisi ne maara…

De-evolution of Manmohan…
1. Spineless human.
–>2. Lame duck.
–>3. Totally legless.
–>4. Headless chicken.
–>5. Dead as a Dodo.

Manmohan running India…
2004: Look Madam, no spine!
2008: Look Madam, no morals!
2013: Look Madam, no pride!
2014: Look Madam, no country!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu trashes convicted lawmakers ordinance 2…

Looks like they are planning to replace “Sonia is unhappy” with “Pappu is angry”!

Sometime in the future…
Pappu: What is the Cabinet discussing?
Advisor: Oh, some nonsense!

Who actually trashed the Ordinance?
If it’s Pappu, then hats off to him.
But if it was Pranabda, then it’s a case of chori followed by grandstanding seena zori.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu trashes convicted lawmakers ordinance…

In George Orwell’s 1984, there is a scene where a leader is giving a speech to a huge crowd and in the middle of it, he is given instructions and suddenly starts speaking exactly the opposite…
A similar Pappu moment just happened in India in 2014!

Sonia: OK, get ready to sit in the Opposition.
Pappu: I oppose the Government. Nonsense, tear it up…
Sonia: Sigh! That’s not what I meant.

How many Congress leaders must be doing a facepalm behind closed doors saying “Nautanki sala!”?

Advisor: Sir another attack on you!
PM: Who is it this time? Modi? Twitter? Pak?
Advisor: This time it’s Pappu!

The UPA story…
Manmohan: Yes, we can!
Sonia/Pappu: No, you can’t!

Pappu: Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!
Pranabda: Actually that’s called stealing my thunder!

Supreme Court supports Right to Reject.
Pappu Rejects convicted netas Ordinance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress, BJP and 2014…

The Congress really admires Srinivasan.
At least he managed to ban one Modi and keep him out of India.

UPA ke peeche kya hai? Congress.
Congress ke peeche kya hai? Manmohan.
Manmohan ke peeche kya hai? Sonia.
Sonia ke peeche kya hai?
Koi nahin. The buck stops with her.

PM MMS.
Puppet Master’s Maun “Mute” Servant.

Food Security Bill is the Aadhar for the Congress National Rahul Employment Guarantee Act from 2014-19.

Kennedy had “Ich bin ein Berliner” in German.
Looks like Modi wants a similar phrase in every single Indian language.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The politics of India today…

How BJP is more evil than Congress…
90% of scams and riots committed under Congress regimes.
90% of scam and riot coverage given to BJP regimes.

A handful of people will want to leave India if Modi becomes PM.
But if we have a UPA3, then emigration will be the only option for many.

Nitish: We are turning Bihar into US.
Q: How?
Nitish: Well for a start, we are denying Narendra Modi a visa to enter Bihar.

They don’t want to ban Opinion Polls.
They want to ban Opinions.

Within you are the seeds of your own destruction…
soNiA MainO

Manmohan is starring in the reality movie…
Bharat Ko Jalakar Raakh Kar Doonga.

Once a President said that he would sweep the floor for a Madam Prime Minister.
Today a Prime Minister would probably do the same for a Madam President.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Deewar between Mr Srinivasan and justice…

Question: Now that your son-in-law is seriously implicated in the match-fixing scandal, shouldn’t you sign your own resignation letter?

Srinivasan: Ha, main resignation letter sign karoonga, lekin main akele nahin karoonga, main sabse pahale sign nahin karoonga… jao pahale us Congress President ka sign lekar aao, jiske damaad ke khilaaf allegations hain, jao pahale un saare netao ka sign lekar aao, jinke damaad ke khilaaf allegations hain… uske baad… uske baad mere bhai tum jis resignation letter pe sign karoonga, main karoonga…

Retort: Doosro ke paap gin-ne se tumhare apne paap nahin kam ho sakte…

Srinivasan: Bas, bas, woh Bollywood tha, Indian real life main mujrim hi hamesha jeet-ta hain.

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu’s favourite songs…

Kai baar yoon bhi dekha hai,
Ye jo mann ki gareebi rekha hai…

Ye PM ki gaddi mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Mera naam Papp-Pappu,
Papp-Pappu baba Papp-Pappu,
Raat chaandni main aur tu,
Hello, voter how do you do?

Kuchh to log Tweet karenge, logo ka kaam hain Tweet karna,
Chhodo bekaar ke trolls ko, kahi beet na jaaye raina…

Mera joota hai politics,
Mere patloon main hain politics,
Sar pe secular topi hai politics,
Aur ye dil bhi hai politics…

Nanhaa munnaa raahi hoo, desh ka sipaahi hoo,
Bolo mere sang, Vote Cong, Vote Cong, Vote Cong…

Suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen,
Hamain darr hai hum satta kho na jaaye kahin…

Politics ki duniya se ho ke majboor chala,
Main bahut door, bahut door, bahut door chala…

Manmohan teri sarkar maili ho gai,
Paapiyo ke paap dhote dhote…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twisted quotes to suit scam India…

Satyam scamam sundaram.

Thorium hai thorium ki zaroorat hai.

2G or not 2G, that is the question.

I love you C.. C… C… Coalgate!

DIAL S for scam.

Tum mujhe cash do, main tumhe (Lok Sabha) votes doonga.

Kar chale hum fida saara dhan saathiyo,
Ab tumhara hawala watan sathiyo.

Arre huzoor, wah Taj scam boliye!

Mera Adarsh hai ek scam.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu and MMS musings…

Jethmalani was a lawyer in 1942.
Advani was a politician in 1951.
Pappu was a kid in 1979.
Sachin was a cricketer in 1989.
Sigh! Some things never change!

Principle…
Buy one and get one free.
Example…
Vote for Sonia and get Manmohan for free.

If there was such a thing as autopilot to run the country, it would run better than the way it is being run now.

In 2004, Manmohan Singh was a trainee Prime Minister.
In 2008, he was still on Probation.
He was confirmed in 2009 and like all good government employees, promptly stopped working after that.

What if…
Rupee fir jawan ho raha hai, market fir uth raha hai, public memory short hai, so in 2014…
I’ll be back!
—Manmohan Singh.

CBI.
For Friends of Congress
= Criminal Bachao Institution
For Enemies of Congress
= Criminal Banao Institution.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Remixed election jingles for Pappu…

Poora scam ka paisa khaayenge,
Congress ko jeetayenge.

Aadhi roti hawa main,
Pappu beta tawa pe,
Kya ye desh ki dawa hai?
Abbe kya tu daaru pee ke pada hai?

Na billi hain na parcha hai,
Bas Pappu ka hi charcha hain,
Par ye kya wakayi accha hai?
Kyunki ye to baccha hain,
Uska dimaag bhi kuch kaccha hai,
Ye sab solaah aane saccha hai…

Jab tak suraj chand rahega,
Bhrashtachar tera naam rahega,
Pappu beta tu kya karega?

Pappu hai aur Gandhi hai,
Chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

Pappu ka haath,
Aam aadmi ke saath,
Maro apne dimaag ko laat,
Aur lagao desh ki waat.

Pappu ko lana hai,
Congress ko bachana hai,
Bhale hi desh ko marwana hai.

Manmohan hatao aur Pappu ko lao?
Desh ko dubao, mewa khao,
Congress log naacho, kudo aur gaao.

Koi jaat, koi biradar,
Congress main sabhi barabar,
Unless you’re in the Gandhi biradar.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru