Ai dil hai mushkil vote karna yahaan

In India every political party is as bad as the other.

The theme song for voting in India…

Please read to the tune of Ai Dil Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahan from the Bollywood film C.I.D.

Ai dil hai mushkil vote karna yahaan,
Zara caste dekh ke, zara wave dekh ke,
Ye hai India meri jaan.

Kahin corruption, kahin criminals, kahin dynasty, kahin sleaze,
Milta hai yahaan sab tarah ka scam, ik milata nahin candidate clean,
Insaaf ka nahin, kahin naam-o-nishaan.

Kahin political satta, kahin outrageous fatta, kahin chori, kahin criminal case,
Kahin daaka, kahin phaanka, kahin thokar, kahin loss of face,
Bekaaro ke hain, kai kaam yahaan.

Criminal ko candidate pukka yahaan kehate hans hans,
Khud kaate gale sab ke, kahe is ko politics,
Ik cheez ke hain kai naam yahaan.

Bura India jo hai kehata, aisa bhola tu na ban,
Jo jaise vote karta, waise sarkar paata, ye jahaan ka hai chalan,
Tadabeer nahin mil ne ki yahaan,
Suno voter, suno candidate,
Ye hai India meri jaan…

(Original Song: Ai dil hai mushkil jeena yahaan.
Film: C.I.D.
Year: 1956)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Woh maarega Mahashatak ek din…

Sachin Tendulkar will definitely score his 100th international 100 one day…

Please sing to the tune of Hum honge kamyab

Woh maarega Mahashatak,
Woh maarega Mahashatak,
Woh maarega Mahashatak ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai Vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Woh maarega Mahashatak ek din.

Chup baithenge critics charo aur,
Chup baithenge critics charo aur,
Chup baithenge critics charo aur ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai Vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Chup baithenge critics charo aur ek din.

Woh retire karega Mahashatak ke saath,
Mahashatak aur Sachin honge haathon main haath
Woh retire karega Mahashatak ke saath ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Woh retire karega Mahashatak ke saath ek din.

Nahi darr kisi nervous 90s ka aaj,
Nahi bhay kisi nervous 90s ka aaj,
Nahi darr kisi nervous 90s ka aaj ke din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Nahi darr kisi nervous 90s ka aaj ke din.

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Mission 100th 100 Scorecard for die-hard Sachin Tendulkar fans (Updated again!)

Statistics since Sachin Tendulkar’s last international century on March 12, 2011…

Days elapsed: 349
Matches Played (Tests + ODIs): 20
Innings: 30
Average: 34.2
Mode of Dismissals: Caught (18), LBW (7), Bowled (4), Run Out (1)
Highest Score: 94
Lowest Score: 1
Runs Scored: 1026
Half-Centuries: 8
Latest Villain Bowler: KMDN Kulasekara
Most Dismissals: Peter Siddle (3)
International centuries scored by all other players during this period: 100+

(These statistics updated as on February 24, 2012)

This scorecard by Sunil Rajguru

Kyunki saas bhi kabhi pradhan mantri thee..

Looks like Ekta Kapoor is the new consultant for the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…

Indira ki bahu ro padi…

Rajiv ka beta chilla chilla ke Uttar Pradesh-waasiyo ke liye insaaf maang raha hai…

Priyanka ke do masoom bacche stage par…

Patidev Raabert desh ki janata ki sewa karne ke liye tayyar hai…

Zaalim opposition… Jhoothi Maya… Dhongi Akhilesh… Congress ki praja ke aankhon main aasu…

Yesterday: Hamaam main sab nanga…

Today: Hamaam ka sabun ka ek badiya soap opera bana do…

© Sunil Rajguru

Perverted sense of justice…

Thousands of politicians swindle crores. Get away.
But common citizens get caught for paltry financial crimes.

Millions of common citizens watch porn regularly in office. Get away.
Ministers seen watching a few minutes of porn. Resign.

So there is some “perverted” sense of justice in this world!

∙ The CMP (Common Minimum Programme) that now defines the Karnataka BJP…
Corruption. Mining. Porn.

∙ In other countries, there’s a race to gain the higher moral ground.
In India, the race between all the parties is to see who gains the lower moral ground.

∙ Overheard in UP…
Who are you voting for? The 2G scamsters, the porn stars, the statue builders or the criminal backers?

© Sunil Rajguru

The amazing Raja-Sibal jugalbandi…

∙ God created air.
The ICT industry invented the mobile.
Raja pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore out of thin air via the mobile market.

∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.

∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.

∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.

∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.

© Sunil Rajguru