2014. Congress. Out!

2015. Labour. Out!

2016. Democrats. Out!

Hat-trick!

Prediction: In 2009 when the Congress won, they told us that by 2014 the party would get 272 Lok Sabha seats and the BJP would be finished.

Reality: The BJP got 282 and the Congress got decimated and faces terminal decline.

Prediction: In 2015 they said Labour would make a comeback and the Tories would really struggle.

Reality: The Labour got wiped out, the Miliband brothers went into oblivion and Corbyn is slowly banging nails into the party coffin.

Prediction: In 2016 they said Hillary would win, Trump would be disgraced and the Republicans would fight themselves to decline especially in the face of the declining white population.

Reality: The Republicans will soon control the White House, Senate, House of Representatives and have the most Governors too, not to mention a conservative Supreme Court.

The Democrats on the other hand just had a Civil War between Hillary and Sanders’ supporters and are currently running around like headless chickens.

The axis has turned. The world has turned Right.

© Sunil Rajguru

General cricketing musings…

Champs for 10 years and counting…
2007-09—T20 World Champs.
2009-11—Test World Champs.
2011-15—ODI World Champs.
2013-17—Defenders of Champions Trophy.
Pakistan.
Shortest T20 Champions 2009-10: 329 days.
Shortest Test champions in 2016: 42 days.

Have you seen the Rocky series?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: No I am busy creating the Ronchi series.
There’s already Ronchi 1, 2, 3 and 4.
I am looking forward to Ronchi 5 in the next match.

When he comes in to bat.
JadejAA.
When he takes a wicket.
JadeJAA.
#IndVsNZ

ICC Test No. 1 rankings began in 2003.
Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble couldn’t take us past No. 3.
Now both Dhoni and Kohli have taken us to No. 1.

Our bowlers carry our #SurgicalStrikes against Kiwi batting and Pakistan loses the ICC Test rankings No. 1 battle to India.
#IndVsNZ
Headline…
MS Dhoni Biopic makes Rs 66 crore in first weekend.
All I see is Dhoni and 6 6. Makes perfect sense!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Engaging Pak over Kashmir…

Pak began Kashmir terror group policy 9 years before they officially became a nuclear power. A year after they lost a war.
N-threat is irrelevant, India’s tolerance the key.

The two biggest stakeholders of the Pakistani Army are America and terrorist groups.
The government is a mute spectator.
Who will you talk to?

Kashmir has already destroyed Pakistan and hasn’t even realized it and still claims Kashmir.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Modi should solve the Kashmir problem… #AdarshLiberals

Dear Prime Minister Narendra Modi,

You have to instantaneously solve the Kashmir problem. That’s what you were voted for. #AccheDin in Kashmir too.
For this remember….
1. You cannot declare war on Pakistan.
2. You can’t indulge in any form of conflict with them.
3. You can’t do hot pursuit into PoK which is in fact 100% Pakistani land.
4. You can’t even call Pakistan a terrorist state for the poor ole country is a victim of terror.
5. You can’t break economic ties with Pakistan.
6. Bus/train services should continue as should the exchange of artists/intellectuals/journalists.
7. Forget pellet guns, the entire Army should be withdrawn from Kashmir.
8. You cannot even dream of touching the Indus Water Treaty let along changing it.
9. All Pro-Pakistani elements in India should be strengthened.
10. All ultra-nationalists and those shouting pro-India slogans should be jailed.
11. Balochistan is a terrorist province troubling the poor peaceful people of Pakistan. Please leave the issue alone and stop raising it.
12. All terrorists in Pakistan are freedom fighters.
13. Please release all those accused of terrorism from Indian jails and abolish the death sentence only for terrorists.
14. Stop your stupid bravado and become more humble to Pakistan for it is a superior civilization.
15. Send our cricketers to Pakistan. If they are that patriotic then they should be able to brave bombs there. Get their cricketers here and give them double fees for IPL.
16. Never ever raise all the failings of all the Congress leaders from 1947-2014.
17. The spiritual homeland of our Communists is China, so behave with them too to solve the Pakistan problem.
18. America has ruined Pakistan, so stop your stupid bromance with Obama.
Please keep all these things in mind and solve the Kashmir problem immediately.
You have already been Prime Minister for a whopping 28 months now and have totally failed.
It might be a good idea to step down and get BJP to withdraw from the snap polls and let Pappu become Prime Minister and Kejri LoP. They are India’s only hopes.
No thanks and not much regards,
#AdarshLiberals

An Indian viewpoint on why Pakistan is 100% wrong on Kashmir…

1a. The British did not give Kashmir to Pakistan in 1947.

b. The Maharaja of Kashmir did not want to join Pakistan in 1947.

c. The popular leader Sheikh Abdullah did not want to join Kashmir in 1947.

2. Despite this Pakistan asserts that Kashmir is theirs.

3. India sought peace from the beginning, not making any attempts to regain Pakistan occupied Kashmir (PoK) from 1948 and signing a magnanimous one-sided Indus Water Treaty in 1960. It even offered the Plebiscite option in Kashmir should Pakistan vacate PoK, which it has point blank refused to even discuss thereby nullifying the proposed Plebiscite.

4. Despite this Pakistan keeps attacking India through outright war (1965 and 1999) and covert terror attacks (in the order of hundreds from 1989 to this present day). The 1971 Bangladeshi genocide forced India to intervene as it could not handle the refugees which ultimately ran into crores and India is suffering till this present day.

5. Pakistan has been killing its minorities: First the Hindus and Christians; Then the Shias and Ahmadiyyas. Despite that they keep screaming about India’s human rights record 24X7.

6. After the annexation of Tibet by China in 1951, it has been quite rare for even a superpower to capture a province from a smaller power. And here a smaller power still dreams of capturing an entire state from a larger power. Height of delusion?

7. As a result, democracy has been busted in Pakistan (since the Army always calls the shots thanks to Kashmir), the economy is in ruins, it is a puppet state of America and there are independent movements in Balochistan, Gilgit-Baltistan and PoK while there is a full-fledged war raging in North Waziristan.

8. 60,000 Pakistani civilians have died in terror attacks since 9/11 so it is correct when they say that they are the biggest victims of terror. However they are the biggest perpetrators of terror too and god knows how long this paradox called Pakistan will last like this.

© Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak musings…

India and Pakistan were in a stiff competition over Development till 1991.
After that India Liberalized and Pakistan Terrorized.

Optimist.
Love India. Love Pakistan.
Pessimist.
Hate India. Hate Pakistan.
Average Indian.
Love India. Hate Pakistan.
#AdarshLiberal.
Hate India. Love Pakistan.

Pakistan problem in a nutshell
Army + Kashmir
<more important than>
Government + Punjab + Sindh + Balochistan + Khyber Pakhtunkhwa + FATA + etc

Burhan reported to ISI.
ISI reports to Army chief.
Army chief (allegedly) reports to Nawaz.
So Nawaz had to defend Burhan in UN.
Not surprising!

1947.
Gandhi fast unto death to give Pakistan their money at the cost of Kashmir.
1960.
Nehru gave away 80% Indus water for free to Pakistan at the cost of Kashmir.

#AdarshLiberals’ theme song…
All we are saying is give piece* a chance.
*Piece as in tukda as in Bharat there tukde honge!

Pakistan says it’s ready to meet any challenge from India.
Arre bhai 1947 se aap hi challenge kar rahe hai.
India to chup hai, bus react karta hai.

#Pakistan
The only country which chases away Nobel Laureates (#AbdusSalam #Malala) and welcomes terrorists (tens of thousands).

Is this some exchange programme?
Pakistan artistes leave via threats and Balochi rebels come via asylum?
#MNSProtests #AeDilHaiMushkil #Raees

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The grand A to Z of almost everything that I can think off under the sun…

India’s grand global A to Z of scandals
May 4, 2016, Sify.com

A to Z of Sonia Gandhi’s controversies
April 27, 2016, DailyO.in

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies
December 18, 2015, Sunilrajguru.com

A to Z of people hit by IPL
July 15, 2015, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Janata Pariwar
January 1, 2015, Sify.com

A to Z of Pakistani terror
December 19, 2014, Sify.com

A to Z of political extinctions in 2014
December 12, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Telangana journey
June 2, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of AAP dramas and controversies
May 24, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Aam Aadmi (Party)…
March 1, 2014, Sunilrajguru.com

A-Z of political newsmakers

12 November, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of IPL6
20 May, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of Sreesanth
16 May, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of Congress confrontations
3 December, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of Amitabh Bachchan
05 October, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of Anna Hazare
25 March, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of tainted politicians
19 December, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Violent Protests in India
November 29, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Chak de India…
November 25, 2011, Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of Controversial Cricketers

November 4, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Facebook
October 29, 2011,Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of Indian Sporting Controversies
July 31, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Scam India
July 6, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of International Terrorism
May 20, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Anti-corruption Lokpal Bill Drama
June 16, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the 2G Telecom Scam
January 3, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of IPL
March 30, 2010, Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of IPL Controversies

April 23, 2010, Sify.com

The A to Z of Copenhagen
December 22, 2009, Sunilrajguru.com

Indo-Pak Nobel Peace Prize musings…

(Reference: 2014 Nobel Peace Prize)

Too young to vote.
Too young to marry.
Old enough to get a Nobel Prize.
‪#‎MalalaYousafzai‬

Who won the Nobel Prize?
Nobel Committee: Indo-Pak Peace. Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai.

War and Peace…
War at the Indo-Pak border.
Peace Prize for two Indo-Pak citizens.
‪#‎LoC‬ ‪#‎Satyarthi‬ ‪#‎Malala‬

Fact of the day…
This is the first time that an Indian-born Indian resident citizen has won the Nobel Prize after 1930.

3 Indians won the Bharat Ratna for winning the Nobel Prize.
‪#‎CVRaman‬ ‪#‎MotherTeresa‬ ‪#‎AmartyaSen‬
Is Kailash Satyarthi next?

So now Pakistan shares an uneasy relationship with all its Nobel Laureates.
‪#‎AbdusSalam‬ ‪#‎MalalaYousafzai‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

My complete year-enders 2013…

10 random wishes for 2014

World: The best and worst of 2013

Goodbyes of 2013

India: The best and worst of 2013

2013: A year in disasters

2013: Annus horribilis for Indian mainstream media

10 sound bites of 2013…

Cricket India: The best and worst of 2013

World Cricket: The best and worst of 2013

2013: Best year for Team India ever

Deepika Padukone creates the Rs 1000 crore club!

2013: The year Congress totally lost it

2013: The Year of Narendra Modi

2013: A year in terror

Is India really in the 21st Century?

The Internet was the wonder of the last century. Many countries are now going in for 100% broadband penetration. India on the other hand recently just managed to touch double figures in Internet penetration. So for the 90-odd per cent…
…they are living in the 20th Century.

Most of the West was electrified in the 20th Century. Two-thirds of India still doesn’t have electricity…
…they are living in the 19th Century.

The Industrial revolution flourished in the 19th Century, but many areas in India are yet to see industrialization…
…they are living in the 18th Century.

The practice of female infanticide may have begun hundreds of years ago. But it is still rampant in India today…
…they are in some vague century in the Middle Ages.

The Indian Constitution granted equality in 1947. However still in many parts of India inter-caste marriages are not allowed by society and there are even killings over it…
…they are still in some vague century BC when Manusmriti was written.

Some sort of writing may have begun in the world many thousands of years ago. One-fourth of India is still illiterate…
…they are in some vague millennium BC.

So which century is India really in?

© Sunil Rajguru

Little things that irritate me in India…

∙ People calling on the phone and asking, “Who’s speaking?”
“Man you called! Introduce yourself!”
Best repartee suggested by a friend: “Who’s listening?”

∙ People getting into the lift even as I’m trying to get out.
What do they want? A lift with two doors: One for in and one for out?

∙ Strangers asking me, “What’s your caste?”
“Man! I don’t want to tell you and I don’t give a damn whether you have a caste or not!”

∙ People yelling and screaming on TV debates.
The weaker the argument, the louder the voice.

∙ People never coming to a meeting on time.
Einstein was right. Time is relative… for every Indian.

∙ People overtaking my car from the left side on the roads.
Right is always right and left is always wrong. But if there’s a mishap, you’ll be the first one to come and argue with all guns blazing!

∙ People honking their extra loud honks all the time.
What do you expect me to do? Turn my car into a plane and fly over the traffic jam?
Best quip by a foreigner: If you’re deaf then you can’t drive on Indian roads.

∙ TV news sensationalism.
Millions of TV bytes over a single meaningless story and yet no end result.

∙ The chalta hai policy.
Chal nahin raha hai, hum chala rahe hai…

© Sunil Rajguru

We didn’t start the scamfire…

This could well be in anthem of UPA2.

Corruption, scams and scandals have been around in India for what seems like forever.

Please sing to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire

Haridas Mundhra & LIC, Pratap Singh Kairon & SC,
Jeep scam, Cycle import scandal, BHU funds misappropriation,
Teja loan and Kaling Tubes, Nagarwala scandal’s on,
Maruti & Kuo Oil, AR Antulay and cement what ho!

Bofors mega scam, St Kitts’s forgery and Airbus,
Palmolein Oil Import Scam in Kerala hai hai!

Harshad Mehta’s here now, the stock market’s got a new king,
Sugar import, preferential allotment, Meghalaya forest bye bye.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Purulia arms drop, Fertilizer import uff oh!
CR Bhansali and Sukh Ram, Laloo’s fodder’s the big bloc.

SNC lavalin power project scam and Hawala’s on,
UTI almost falls, Cricket match-fixing around the clock.

Ketan Parekh, Barak Missile, and Kargil coffin scam,
Bihar land trouble and even a Cobbler scandal, India is a scamland,

PF, HUDCO, Taj corridor,
Navy war room spy scam, Trouble with Mr Telgi.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Gegong Apang and PDS, Bihar flood relief scam,
Oil for food, Uttar Pradesh ayurveda and IPO.

Kerala ice cream parlour sex and Scorpene Deal,
White money homicide, Children of corrupt politicians.

Punjab city centre project scam, all sorts of mafia,
Haryana Teachers’ recruitment scam, Clean projects are a no-go.

Satyam not so true, State Bank of Saurashtra is in it too,
Jharkhand medical equipment scam, Cash for votes in Parliament also.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Army ration pilferage, Ultra corrupt in the corrupt land,
Hasan Ali, Gujarat sugarcane, Emmar, Total scam invasion.

Coal, Tarta, CWG, LIC, Belikeri, Scam media mania,
ISRO S-Band, KG Basin oil, Goa SEZ, UP MGNREGA.

Adarsh, NHRM, IPL, Madhu Koda, ND Tiwari sex,
2G Rs 1.76 lakh crore, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

No control, Punjab paddy, Anna Hazare back again,
Flying club frauds, many scams in J&K too what rot.

Highway and HP pulse scams, Trouble on the airline,
Gujarat PSU irregularities, Sukhna, All’s sinking in scamistan.

Andhra also has a land scam, might as well commit suicide,
Karnataka Wakf Board Land, Maharashtra stamp duty.

President Patil land grab, Mines are under jungle law,
Congress and BJP wars, I can’t take it anymore.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
But when we are gone,
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
We didn’t start the scamfire…

(Original Song: We didn’t start the fire.
Singer: Billy Joel.
Year: 1989.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru