Yet another round of Modi musings…

The biggest Opposition to the Congress has been the Congress.
The biggest Opposition to Narendra Modi is the BJP.

The Modi Industry…
Stage 1: Fame.
Stage 2: Fortune.
Stage 3: Industry Status.
Stage 4: Very own political party.

The AAP media marriage…
Stage 1: Honeymoon.
Stage 2: Marital fights.
Stage 3: Divorce.
(When it comes to Modi-media, it looks like the reverse)

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, and finally they scramble to be your ally partner.
#NaMo #NDA #2014Polls

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The AAP dictionary…

Aaptopia: An imaginary island where everything in the AAP has reached absolute perfection whereas the rest of the world is 100% imperfect.

Aapocracy: A form of democracy which favours rule-breaking, vigilantism, dharnas and violent attacks on rivals.

Aaponomics: Oppose FDI, increase subsidies, threaten power companies, run down industrialists… anything to get in the news the economy be damned.

Aapolitics: A form of politics if the ruling government is corrupt, inept and venal, then support should be taken from the ruling party in order to attack the Opposition.

Aapinion polls: If the verdict of the aam aadmi suits you, follow it. If it doesn’t, then do what the hell you want.

Aaptard: The new Namotard, more brain-dead and more potent.

Aapportunism: The philosophy by which the party will grab whatever opportunity comes along their path no matter whether it suits their ideology or not.

Aappearances: As long as you are appearing on media on a regular basis, absolutely nothing else matters.

Aapper Class: Members of this class pretend to be Aam Aadmis but are actually Khaas Aadmis.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejriwal the Aam Politician…

The A to Z of Arvind Kejriwal…
A: Aam Aadmi is what I am, plain and simple.
Z: Z Security is what I accept, plain and simple.

Dharna.
Lies.
Stone pelting.
U-turns.
Lathicharge.
Chargesheet.
Private plane.
Z Security.
Indian politician: Sob! He is finally one of us!
#Kejri

1970s: Imagine George Fernandes getting arrested and blaming and attacking Morarji Desai non-stop instead of Indira Gandhi.
2014: Fernandes=Kejri. Morarji=Modi. Indira=Sonia.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
—TS Eliot.
What a fool! I just take one U-turn and I am back where I started and I pretend to know the place for the first time.
—Arvind Kejriwal.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejriwal’s Theatre of The Absurd continues…

Kejriwal: Paid media, paid media, paid media…
Q: Who paid for your private plane ride?
Kejriwal: Media paid.

Party of the TV by the TV for the TV in the TV across the TV inside the TV due to TV embrace the TV attack the TV live by TV die by TV.
#AAP

A future jail scene…
Convict A: I’m a drug addict and one day I went too far.
Convict B: I’m a gambling addict and one day I went too far.
Kejriwal: I’m a media coverage addict and one day I went too far.

What if you went to a movie and saw 16 back-to-back item songs instead of the movie?
That sums up AAP’s existence till now.

Spot the difference…
Attend swearing-in ceremony by small private car.
Attend media ceremony by small private plane.

Kuch bhi kaho, the NaMo-Pappu-Kejru political campaign may be the most entertaining ever in Independent India’s history.

Mr Clean Rajiv: Bofors.
Mr Clean MMS: Scam buffet.
Mr Clean Antony: Defence scams-disasters.
Mr Clean Kejriwal: Anarchy-hypocrisy.
Clean is the new Dirty.

The AAP wanted to replace BJP as the alternative.
Instead it is replacing the Congress as the most hated.

Brilliant team…
Kejriwal & Co. for activism.
Journos Ashutosh-Shazia to ensure media coverage.
Lawyers Bharti-Bhushan to defend them in court.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the AAP turned to violence…

Under AAP, India’s GDP will rise exponentially.
(Goondagardi Dharnas Personal attacks)

With all the FIRs being filed against AAP even if they eventually do come to power, their leaders will have to take oath of office on bail.

Every party = Violence + Arrogance + + Corruption + Governance.
AAP = Violence + Arrogance.
No Governance.
No Corruption but only because No real chance to do it yet.

Step 1: Provoke, create nuisance in enemy ground.
Step 2: Shout at authorities to get detained.
Step 3: Use it as pretext to attack rival.
Step 4: Rival hits back.
Step 5: Media spotlight back!
Mission accomplished!

They wanted to be…
The First Party.
They have become…
The FIR party.
#Dharna #KhirkiRaid #BJPOfficeAttack

Hum eenth ka jawaab pathar se denge,
Aur Indian politics ko Stone Age me le jaayenge.

It’s the BJP’s fault.
Kejriwal is the law.
How can he be retained even if it’s his fault?

Delhi to sirf jhaaki hai,
Saara Bharat baaki hai.

AAP: We will replace the BJP!
(Not happening!)
AAP: OK, we will replace the Congress.
(Not happening!)
AAP: OK, we will replace the MNS.
(Ah, possible!)

The AAP is like the weakling who keeps provoking the bully.
If the bully keeps quiet, provocation continues, if he hits back then the weakling gets sympathy.

Pre-1947: Mahatma Gandhi masters the art of peaceful protests.
2014: The grandson of Mahatma Gandhi participates in a protest that turns violent.

Kejriwal: I would like to thank Modi’s Gujarat for arresting me. I am back in the headlines again! Yippeeee!!!!!

Q: How will Kejriwal end criminalization of politics?
A: By breaking multiple laws.
#CuttingPowerConnections #Dharnas #Section144 #Vigilantism #Defamation #ModelCodeOfConduct

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP: The party with a difference…

Arrogance of Congress
+ Infighting of BJP
+ Violence of SP
+ Ego of Mayawati
+ Ideology of CPM
+ Nautanki of Laloo
+ Modus operandi of MNS
= AAP

The ABC of Indian politics…
AAP. BJP. Congress.
Where…
Congress = Ruling party.
BJP = Principal opposition.
AAP = Famous without a reason.

If the AAP got one vote for every sound bite across hundreds of channels day in and day out, then Kejriwal would easily become Prime Minister.

Jo darr gaya,
samjho mar gaya.
—Gabbar Singh in Sholay 1975.
Jo dharna gaya,
samjho AAP mar gaya.
—Gabbar Kejriwal in Sholay 2014.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Stuck like a broken record…

Q: What are your strengths?
Kejriwal: These are the weaknesses of the other parties.

Q: Why should we vote for you?
Kejriwal: This is why you shouldn’t vote for the other parties.

Q: What are your ideas to improve India?
Kejriwal: This is how the other parties are destroying India.

Q: What are your ideas to improve the economy?
Kejriwal: Mukesh Ambani is controlling the economy through crony capitalism.

Q: What action will you take against Bharti?
Kejriwal: What action will the Centre take against Delhi Police?

Q: List your achievements in Delhi.
Kejriwal: Here is a list of corrupt political leaders throughout the great country.

Q: Why should we make you Prime Minister?
Kejriwal: This is why Narendra Modi should never be Prime Minister.

Q: What is your name?
Kejriwal: His name is Narendra Modi.

Q: What is your party’s name?
Kejriwal: BJP is a communal party.

© Sunil Rajguru

2014 main governance gaya tel lene…

Shut the city! I want to save my vigilante minister.
—Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal.

Shut the State! I hate my own party.
— Chief Minister Kiran Reddy.

I’ll release the killers of a Prime Minister and launch my campaign to be Prime Minister.
—Jayalalitha.

Uttar Pradesh burning? So just make me Prime Minister!
—Mulayam Singh Yadav.

Many crimes against women in West Bengal? Just make a woman Prime Minister!
—Mamata Banerjee.

Shut the State! I want to be Prime Minister.
— Chief Minister Nitish Kumar.

© Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of the Aam Aadmi (Party)…

Anarchic Aadmi.

Bhagoda Aadmi.

Congress se samarthan lene waala Aadmi.

Dharna karne waala Aadmi.

“Everybody is corrupt” bolne waala Aadmi.

Fighting fighting fighting Aadmi.

Gaali dene wala Aadmi.

His exalted highness Aadmi.

I, me aur main waala Aadmi.

Jokes ke viruddh Aadmi.

Khaas Aadmi.

Law break karne waala Aadmi.

Media ka created Aadmi.

Nautanki Aadmi.

Oonche mahalo main rahane waala Aadmi.

Press conferences waala Aadmi.

Question pe questions thokne waala Aadmi.

Racist Aadmi.

Subsidy dene waala Aadmi.

Topi pahanane waala Aadmi.

Uganda ke viruddh Aadmi.

Vigilante Aadmi.

Waampatti Aadmi.

Xtra clean Aadmi.

Yesteryears ke policies waala Aadmi.

Zabardast gusse waala Aadmi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndianNavySubmarineDisasters

Mishaps since 2013—Naval chief resigns.
Mishap Defence Minister since 2006—Chalta Hai.
Biggest mishap Prime Minister since 1947—#TheekHai.

India is stuck with an idiot in Defence Minister’s uniform and a puppet in Prime Minister’s uniform.

1971: Just one Indian Navy ship lost in war.
2014: Indian Government’s indifference, incompetence and inertia may wreak greater havoc.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

February 2014 Status Updates

Salman Rushdie: Shabdo ka baadshah.
Salman Khan: Bollywood ka baadshah.
Salman Khurshid: Gaaliyon ka baadshah.

For buying sports teams: Arabpati.
For buying horses and IPL players: Crorepati.
For paying salaries of thousands: Lakhpati.
#VijayMallya

(February 28 )

Jai(l) Sahara!

I think it’s just a matter of time before Kejriwal’s allegations start featuring aliens, Netaji, the CIA, the Illuminati and the Freemasons.

(February 27)

The Indian Cricket Equation…
Chase + Kohli = Century + Victory.
#IndVsBangla #AsiaCup

Pappu shouldn’t worry about India being a Superpower or a Woman Nation.
Under him India can be neither.

(February 26)

Kejriwal: Media is paid because they have been attacking me for 12 days!!!
Modi: Then what do you call a 12-year-attack???

(February 25)

2002…
Paswan: Modi Gujarat ke Mukhya Mantri nahi raha sakte kyunki…
2014…
…unhe Bharat ka Pradhan Mantri hona chahiye!

(February 24)

Singh is still King.
King of Scams.
King of Misgovernance.
King of the Spineless.
King of Disorder.
King of Silence.
King of Destruction.
King of…

Every year the IPL should be held in a different foreign country just before our Test series there.

Nitish: Sasura career hang ho gaya hai.
Savvy technical advisor: Ctr-Alt-Del.
Nitish: Eh?
Advisor: Restart karo.
Nitish: Bihar computer ko ek din ke liye shut down karo.
#Bandh

(February 22)

Then…
Hyderabadi Biryani created under Aurangazeb’s reign.
Now…
Telangani-Andhra Khichidi created under Sonia’s reign.

Only in cyberspace can a company with an annual revenue of $8 billion spend $19 billion to buy a company that has an annual revenue way below $1 billion.
#Facebook #WhatsApp

To convicts…
Seek moments of parole within your prison sentences.
To Sanjay Dutt’s jailor…
Seek moments of prison sentences within his paroles.

(February 20)

Jiska aap majaak udaaoge, ant main wahi raj karega.
#Ishant #RohitSharma #SirJadeja #IndVsNZ
(#Pappu???)

(February 14)

Bal Thackeray was a tall leader.
Raj Thackeray is a toll leader.

(February 13)

When Sanjay Dutt got a 5-year prison term, he should have got a simultaneous 5-year parole.
That would have saved paperwork, endless media coverage, debates and speculation.

Actually, there are only two options left for 2014…
a) Modi-led NDA2.
b) Third Front backed by Congress.
If you don’t like both, then there’s no hope for your vote.

(February 9)

Media speak…
With Modi/BJP, “hearsay” is conviction.
With Congress allegations: We “hear” you and will “say” what you want.

(February 7)

Koffee with Karan.
Chai with NaMo.
Daru on TV with Vinod Mehta.
Poison Pepsi with Amitabh.
Old Monk with Rajdeep.
Chai pani with every bribe-asking official.

(February 6)

Amartya Sen wrote The Argumentative Indian.
Indian news channels turned that concept into a daily soap opera.
#TVDebates

(February 4)

JK Rowling’s latest book…
Hermione Potter and the Chamber of Regrets.

Harry Potter 8.
Hermione splits with Ron and hooks up with Harry.
Ron turns into a dark wizard and takes revenge on them.
Title…
Ronald Weasley Becomes a Deathly Fellow.

(February 3)

Soniaspeak…
1. Power is poison.
2. Modi sowing seeds of poison.
Corollaries…
1. Modi is sowing seeds of power.
2. Those seeds will become plants soon.

(February 2)

Many hated the Congress.
Some of those hated the alternative BJP.
Now many of the above hate all three: Congress, BJP & AAP.

(February 1)

© Sunil Rajguru