When Manmohan turned into a joke…

Rajinikanth released Robot in 2010 and it ran for many weeks.
But that’s nothing.
UPA released Robot in 2004 and it’s still running!

For years, I was tired that India was a #ChaltaHai nation.
But Manmohan has single-handedly transformed that.
Now we are a #TheekHai nation.

But seriously!
2011: How can you joke about Manmohan? The poor man is trying his best!
2012: Did you hear the joke about Manmohan?
2013: Manmohan is a joke!

PM: Opposition ko jalakar raakh kar doonga!
Q: But what about economy, governance etc?
PM: Hehe, woh to already raakh ho chuke hai, #TheekHai?

The superlatives…
UPA=Most corrupt <But> MMS=Most honest.
Sonia=Most powerful <But> Sonia=Least accountable.
Pappu=Most promising <But> Pappu=Least achievements.

PM: Have you heard any country where MPs shout “PM chor hai”?
A: No, very few countries in the world speak Hindi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Manmohan lost his cool in the Rajya Sabha…

Manmohan: So how did I do today?
Social Media Unit: Great sir! #PMChorHai is trending right at the top!
Manmohan: #TheekHai
Social Media Unit: Hehe, that’s a classic sir!

Gali gali main shor hain,
PM ke speeches bore hai.

Gali gali main chor hai,
Ye sab khaali shor hai.

The new “na ghar ka na ghat ka”…
Bharat ka Pradhan Mantri na economics ka na politics ka.

MMS: Madam madam, ye sab log mujhe chor bol rahe hai!
Pappu: You’re like Rani ki Jhansi… Lot of anger in you… Must be checked… It’s all a state of mind… Rajya Sabha is a beehive…
MMS: #TheekHai

Manmohan Singh taught me…
1. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
2. Theek Hai.
3. India only country where MPs shout PM chor hai.
4. N-deal most important thing from 2004-13.

Which country in the world?
1. PM = Puppet.
2. PM refuses to give regular PCs.
3. Scams’ record broken.
4. Food Bill to counter economic crisis.
5. A private citizen’s name at airports.

Finally released in Rajya Sabha in 2013…
Kab Tak Chup Rahunga?
Manmohan Singh Ko Gussa Kyun Aata Hai?

1980s—Slogan in streets: Gali gali main shor hain, Rajiv Gandhi chor hai.
2013—Slogan in Parliament: PM chor hai.

Pappu: Lot of anger in India. Must be checked.
Manmohan: Sabse jyaada gussa to mujhe aa raha hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Food-Land Bills and Congressi musings…

In the 2011 remake of Do Bigha Zameen, the Land Bill saves Shambu’s plot and he makes even more money by appearing in a Bharat Nirman ad.

Lackey: Madam, the people of India are starving.
Madam: Let them eat from the Food Bill!

Rupee gaya tel lene…
The whole thing is that ki bhaiyya, sabse bada vote hai bhaiyya…

The Congress launched their War Against Common Sense in 2011.
Looks like they will continue through 2014.

Aam maa…
Paapi pet ka sawaal hai…
Sonia maa…
Pappu pet ka sawaal hai…

Sethusamudram Canal Project.
But Sonia wants it.
Sums up this country today.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India sinking…

The UPA should be renamed Gravity.
It pulls everything down.

Father of the Nation = Narasimha Rao.
Godmother of the Nation = She Who Must Not Be Named.

Facebook to India: I’m also in the 100 Crore People Club
Ranbir to Khans: I’m also in the Rs 100 Crore Club.
$ to £: I’ll also be in Rs 100 Club soon!

Sitting in an auto looking at the rigged meter going up like crazy reminds you of the rate of Rupee, Petrol, Onion prices etc going up crazily too.

When Rupee touches 100 versus Dollar, we can switch to Cents.
Then it’ll be 1 Cent = 1 Rupee.
Oh wait, already roughly…
1 Penny = 1 Rupee.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

State of the nation in numbers…

Q: What’s common to Manmohan Singh and onions?
A: Both are 80. Both make you cry!

By a quirk of fate, India, Sonia and Rupee are all 66.

All Indian PMs have been older than India.
(They were born before Independence)
Modi could break this record.
P.S. Pappu is just older than Bangladesh.

Modi, 62.
Sonia, 66.
India, 66.
Rupee, 66.
Petrol, 76.
Onion, 80.
MMS, 80.
LKA, 85.
Sirf Pappu jawan hai!

True story.
Write a status message about the value of the Rupee (versus the dollar).
By the time you post it, the Rupee’s gone up again!

Rupee trolling and trailing Petrol saying…
Akele akele kahaan jaa rahe ho,
Hame saath le lo jahaan jaa rahe ho…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian economy gaya tel lene…

India is in a State of Poverty and I don’t Mind: Pappu.

Experts have finally found the root cause of the current economic crisis.
It’s been traced to 22 May, 2004.
(Irrelevant fact: Manmohan Singh took oath of office on 22 May, 2004)

Chidu’s 10-point plan to revive economy: 1. Fiscal deficit. 2. Forex. 3. PSU banks. 4. Exports. 5. Manufacturing. 6. CAD. 7. CCI. 8. Capex. 9. Monsoon benefits. 10. Impasses.
Citizen’s 1-point plan to UPA to revive economy: 1. Quit.

Indian Rupee sat on a wall,
Indian Rupee had a great fall.
All the queen’s chamchas and all the PM’s men
Couldn’t put Indian Rupee together again.

Terrorists had come for a chota mota blast.
Vadra is a chota mota farmer.
It’s a chota mota scam.
Manmohan is a chota mota economist.

Expert: The Indian economy is a Tiger!
Citizen: Save the Tiger!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Government end of days musings…

All Congressmen and beat reporters have a Sonia App on their mobile.
The moment she’s Unhappy, the Status flashes on their screen.

What if in 2014?
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually the headlights of the oncoming Third Front Train.

The Congress general elections trilogy…
1977: Doom 1.
1989: Doom 2.
2014: Doom 3.

Filmi Singh is King released in 2008.
No sequel.
Political Singh is King released in 2009.
No sequel.

CongRace1: Nehru.
CongRace2: Indira.
CongRace3: Rajiv.
UPA3 ke baad kuch bhi nahin bachega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Food Security Bill musings…

Last night my mother came from AIIMS and hugged me and cried and said: Food Bill is poison!

Financial Suicide Bill.
For Sonia’s Benefit.
Food Scam Bud.
Fultu Sop Bill.
(20)Fourteen Securing Bill.
Fatal Sensex Bear.

Teach a man to fish and lose votes forever.
Feed a man fish every day and get voted in every election.
= Sone pe Suhaaga.

Bhookh sabko lagti hai,
gala sabka sookhta hai,
Food Bill ke aage jeet hai…
#Congress #2014Polls

Ze Food Bill eez vote’s most imporetant!

UPA3: Sell India.
UPA4: Why not? Check voting patterns.

(F)u(S)e for an economic (B)omb.

Freebies fekte chalo,
Doles fekte chalo,
Funde fekte chalo,
Fir governance ko fekte chal bano,
Aakhir main Opposition candidate ko Feku bolo.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ye tera scam, ye mera scam…

Please sing to the tune of Ye tera ghar, ye mera ghar from the Bollywood movie Saath Saath

Ye tera scam, ye mera scam, kisi ko baat-na ho agar,
To pahale aake dede mera share, uska share,
Ye tera scam, ye mera scam, ye scam bahut haseen hai,
Ye scam bahut haseen hai, ye scam bahut haseen hai.

Na CBI ke chhaaon main, na kisi police chowki ke gaaon main,
Na pakadne ke raaste bane hain iske vaaste,
Magar ye scam ajeeb hai, zameen ke kareeb hai,
Ye dollar-Rupee ka scam hamaari hasraton ka scam,
Ye tera scam…

Jo “1 lakh crore” nahin to kya ye rosihni hai hamare chhoti tijori ka,
Saare rishtedaaron ke khwaab khil gaye to fikr kya bahaar ki,
Hamaare ghar na aayegi kabhi khushi imaandaari ki,
Hamaari raahaton ka scam, hamaari chaahaton ka scam,
Ye tera scam…

Yahan mahak bewafaaon ki, bhrashtachaar ka rang hai,
Ye scam tumhara khwaab hai, ye scam meri ummang hai,
Na aarzoo pe qaid hai, na hausle pe jung hai,
Hamaare hauslon ka scam, hamaari himmaton ka scam,
Ye tera scam…

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ye tera ghar, ye mera ghar.
Film: Saath Saath.
Year: 1982)

Bollywood Rs 100-crore club musings…

1975: Sholay creates Rs 15-crore club.
Nobody joins for close to 20 years.
2008: Ghajini creates Rs 100 crore club.
2013: Chennai Express 22nd member.

Bollywood movies with brains at the speed of the tortoise always win the final race at the speed of the hare.

Ab SRK Gurgaon Passenger bhi banayega to dedh sau crore pakka.

Spectacular special effects rule Hollywood movies.
Spectacular special defects rule Bollywood movies.

If Rohit Shetty made a documentary on the Khans, it would enter the Bollywood Rs 100 Crore Club.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 6…

C for Congress.
C for Corruption.
C for Communalism.
C for Crony Capitalism.
C for Chamchas.
C for Ctr-Alt-Del.

What happened when Manmohan Singh called the Economy, Rupee, Petrol to a game of Ring a ring o roses?
What else?
Remember the end…
“We all fall down.”

Lagta hai 2014 main MMS, Chidu, Rupee sab ek saath retire ho jaayenge.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru