The A to Z of… (Sify Columns)

A to Z of Janata Pariwar
January 1, 2015,

A to Z of Pakistani terror
December 19, 2014,

A to Z of political extinctions in 2014
December 12, 2014,

The A to Z of the Telangana journey
June 2, 2014,

The A to Z of AAP dramas and controversies
May 24, 2014,

A-Z of political newsmakers
12 November, 2013,

The A to Z of Congress confrontations
3 December, 2012,

The A to Z of IPL6
20 May, 2013,

The A to Z of Sreesanth
16 May, 2013,

The A to Z of Congress confrontations
3 December, 2012,

The A to Z of Amitabh Bachchan
05 October, 2012,

The A to Z of Anna Hazare
25 March, 2012,

The A to Z of tainted politicians
19 December, 2011,

The A to Z of Violent Protests in India
November 29, 2011

The A to Z of Controversial Cricketers
November 4, 2011

The A to Z of Indian Sporting Controversies
July 31, 2011

The A to Z of Scam India
July 6, 2011

The A to Z of International Terrorism
May 20, 2011

The A to Z of the Anti-corruption Lokpal Bill Drama
June 16, 2011

The A to Z of the 2G Telecom Scam
January 3, 2011

The A to Z of IPL Controversies
April 23, 2010

The A to Z of the Aam Aadmi (Party)…

Anarchic Aadmi.

Bhagoda Aadmi.

Congress se samarthan lene waala Aadmi.

Dharna karne waala Aadmi.

“Everybody is corrupt” bolne waala Aadmi.

Fighting fighting fighting Aadmi.

Gaali dene wala Aadmi.

His exalted highness Aadmi.

I, me aur main waala Aadmi.

Jokes ke viruddh Aadmi.

Khaas Aadmi.

Law break karne waala Aadmi.

Media ka created Aadmi.

Nautanki Aadmi.

Oonche mahalo main rahane waala Aadmi.

Press conferences waala Aadmi.

Question pe questions thokne waala Aadmi.

Racist Aadmi.

Subsidy dene waala Aadmi.

Topi pahanane waala Aadmi.

Uganda ke viruddh Aadmi.

Vigilante Aadmi.

Waampatti Aadmi.

Xtra clean Aadmi.

Yesteryears ke policies waala Aadmi.

Zabardast gusse waala Aadmi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Chak de India…

Every Indian citizen has his own Chak de India type of slogan to go along with his or her life…

Ask de India: The RTI activist: Asking a lot of questions. Getting some answers. Creating a lot of scams!

Buck de India: Your average Indian government official asking you for a bribe.

Chuck de India: What you feel like doing at times: Simply emigrating.

Dhak de India: Hide all the dirt and poverty and everything will be fine!

EMI ek ek karke de India: How the housing car and electronics industries are booming.

F1 de India: Asking for the moon and getting it! One of the world’s most expensive sports comes to (not so poor) Uttar Pradesh.

Geek de India: What the rest of the I-T world is asking of us.

Haq de India: The common harassed citizen always asking for his rights. A more potent form of this is Saadda Haq de India.

Ishq de India: Are we a nation starved of love?

Jhak de India: Sab Jhak hi to maarte rahate hai!

Khan de India: Whether it’s SRK, Salman or Aamir, Bollywood can’t do without any of them.

Luck de India: We are a nation that still believes in fate.

Music de India: Whether it’s Bollywood, award shows, talent hunts, school programmes… India just can’t seem to do without music.

Newsbreak de India: What all the news channels want 24X7.

Overtake de India: The slogan of all Indian roads, everyone wants to get ahead no matter what.

Puke de India: What some foreigners feel like doing when they visit some of the dirtier zones of the country.

Quick de India: Everyone is in a tearing hurry, but still things happen slowly.

Rs 32 prati din de India: Our wise men at the top think that only this much is enough to be “unpoor”.

Sachin de India: No matter how many records he makes, runs and centuries he scores, media coverage he gets, people still want more…

Thrash de India: What everyone wants to do to politicians nowadays.

Up de India: The government’s apparent slogan. Inflation, petrol prices, vegetable rates… everything seems to be going up.

Vote de India: The politician’s perpetual war cry.

Work de India: There is still a good number of unemployed in the land.

XXX de India: One of the most prudish nations of the world experiencing a sexual revolution?

Youth de India: Most of the posts are held by old fogies, when will the young take over? (No, we are not referring to Rahul Gandhi!)

Zzzzzz de India: In a developing and growing economy, everyone is overworked, stressed and starved of sleep.

© Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of IPL

IAL: Indian Advertisements League

IBL: Indian Bollywood League

ICL: Indian Controversies League

IDL: Indian Dollars League

IEL: Indian Entertainment League

IFL: Indian Featherbed League

IGL: Indian Greed League

IHL: Indian Hype League

IIL: Indian Injuries League

IJL: Indian Jamboree League

IKL: Indian Kangaroo League (Aussies rule)

ILL: Indian Lalit League

IML: Indian Modi League

INL: Indian Nautanki League

IOL: Indian Outsourced League (Season 2)

IPL: Indian Paisa League

IQL: Indian Quantitative League (As against Qualitative)

IRL: Indian Retirees League

ISL: Indian Sponsorship League

ITL: Indian TRPs League

IUL: Indian Unorthodox League

IVL: Indian Valuable League

IWL: Indian Widening League (10 in 2011, 12-14 thereafter)

IXL: Indian Xerox League (Anyone remember ICL was the original?)

IYL: Indian YouTube League

IZL: Indian Zeppelin League (Blimp ads)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Shahrukh Khan controversies

In the last couple of years, my favorite Bollywood badshah Shahrukh Khan has been plagued with controversies, some big and some small. Here’s looking at some of the ones he’d had in his life…

A for Amitabh
One is the Shahenshah and one is the Badshah. And of course, it’s impossible for them to get along. Or so the grapevine would have us believe. There’s a cold war that keeps brewing and we keep getting the details.

B for Billu Barber
This one defied logic. If the hero of a movie is called Billu and is a barber, then what else can one call the movie? But barbers of the world (or rather India) found it derogatory and the film had to be renamed to Billu.

C for Chalte Chalte
It was reported that due to a fracas between Aishwarya Rai and Salman Khan on the sets of the film, the former was sacked from the movie and replaced with Rani Mukerji. Years later SRK wasn’t invited to the marriage of Aishwarya at the Amitabh household.

D for Deepa Sahi
Remember Maya Memsaab in 1993? That had generated a lot of controversy over the sexually explicit content. The censor board cut some scenes, which made their way to YouTube years later.

E for the Eyes of Amar Singh
At an awards show, SRK joked that he saw “darindagi” (evil) in erstwhile Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh’s eyes. Amitabh was miffed and SP partymen agitated in front of SRK’s home.

F for Farah Khan
When Farah decided to do her 3rd movie without SRK, all manner of reports came of a split between the two. The superstar later clarified that it was a date problem and nothing else.*

G for Gay
The SRK-Saif gay act in Kal Ho Na Ho was a big hit and the acting continued well into award shows. That led some people to spread rumours that he was gay in the first place.

H for Hosting film award shows
When the King Khan hosts a film award, then it can’t be normal. At the Filmfare awards, he and Saif took potshots at everyone: critics, the film industry, themselves… Not everyone was amused though.

I for IPL
After failing to get Mumbai, SRK landed with Kolkata in his kitty. Since then it’s been trouble with Dada Sourav Ganguly, coach John Buchanan, irate fans, bottom of the table performances, Pak players controversy… just one thing after the other and not even an IPL semi-final berth to show for it.**

J for Junk Food Actors
In the 1990s, he once made certain remarks about “junk food actors” which allegedly referred to action stars Akshay Kumar and Sunil Shetty. The comments were subsequently totally denied and everything was fine between the three.

K for Khan Wars
It is impossible for the Three Big Khans to get along. Bollywood is simply too small for Salman, Aamir and SRK. Either they are not on talking terms or are cold to each other at parties and meets. Recently Aamir even got into the mood and questioned SRK’s No. 1 status followed by the below-the-belt comment on his blog that a dog called Shahrukh was licking his legs.***

L for Lux Cozi
Lux Cozi sponsored Kolkata Knight Riders. Lux Cozi promoter was charged with the abetment of suicide of Rizwanur Rahman. And the deal got promptly frozen, even though the ads kept coming on TV long after the press conference where the announcement was made.

M for My Name is Khan
One of the biggest controversies in recent times. The Shiv Sena. The MNS. The Maharashtra government. Everyone seemed to have got involved. The film got released amidst unprecedented security and SRK is still clueless on what exactly happened and why it happened.

N for Newark Airport
SRK was detained Newark Airport in the US for more than an hour “Because His Name Was Khan”. While SRK kicked up a racket, his detractors found the plot too eerily similar to the movie he was shooting for.

O for Om Shanti Om
While this movie opened to bumper full house without any problems, thespian Manoj Kumar made a big fuss about how his character was portrayed negatively and wanted an apology plus the scenes being cut.

P for Parties
There’s something always happening at Bollywood parties. The latest was Katrina Kaif’s birthday. The media reported that SRK and Salman almost came to blows.

Q for Quiz Shows
Why did SRK take up Kaun Banega Crorepati? To prove a point to Amitabh? Was Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain a washout? What is SRK doing hosting a college quiz?

R for Rab Ne Banadi Jodi
During the shooting of this movie, it is alleged that SRK smoked on the premises of a “No Smoking” Sikh college in Amritsar. Another unsubstantiated rumour and mini-controversy.

S for Scanner
Heathrow airport proudly introduced body scanners that would tighten security. However people claimed to have saved and distributed images of SRK’s body, leading to an outcry by privacy groups.

T for Trimurti
This was one of the major box office debacles of the mid-nineties and director Mukul Anand and producer Subash Ghai traded barbs on who was responsible. Fingers were also pointed at the performances of Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff and this was one of the few controversies SRK quietly walked away from.

U for United Producers and Distributors Association Forum
Being a producer himself, SRK was thick in the middle of the 2009 Bollywood producers’ strike. Initially the TV channels just focused on rivals SRK and Aamir coming on one platform.

W for Whiteness Creams
While stars and cricketers have got flak for endorsing any and every product they can get their hands on, SRK got maximum flak for selling a skin whitening cream—and that too for men!

X for Xerox
A Xerox of Dilip Kumar. A copy of Amitabh. That’s how his acting was described when he started out his career. Then there was that hamming label. That way, he has come a long way with his performances in Swades, Chak De India and MNIK.

Y for Yash Chopra
While SRK and the Chopras have shared an excellent relationship, the very first movie Darr had Sunny Deol crying foul over the way his role was cut to size and the ending was shot and edited without him being taken into confidence. The media reported that they didn’t talk for years after that.

Z for Zaara, the Pakistani girl

When Veer-Zaara was released, Pakistan President General Pervez Musharraf was very upset with the negative portrayal of Pakistan. Luckily, that did not escalate into anything nasty.

Post Script (18 May 2012)

A for Abhijeet

Bollywood singer Abhijeet once declared that he wouldn’t sing for SRK ever again as he didn’t get enough respect to him.

K for Kunder

It was alleged that SRK slapped Farah Khan’s husband Shirish Kunder at a Bollywood party.

R for Ra.One

No SRK movie has come in for so much flak over its storyline and penchant for offending a whole host of communities. Panned by the critics, this movie raked in the moolah for SRK but still wasn’t the blockbuster it was made out to be.

S for Smoking

SRK was caught smoking in the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur during an IPL match and a case was filed against him.

W for Wankhede Stadium

A grand fracas after a match (that KKR won!) led to SRK being banned from Wankhede Stadium.

Y for Yale University

On his way to give a speech in Yale, SRK was again detained by airport security yet again.

*Since then SRK and Farah Khan have patched up and made Happy New Year. However there was a controversy when Jaya Bachchan called the film nonsensical.

**Since then KKR has won the IPL twice, though winning captain Gautam Gambhir soon found himself out of the national team.

***The love-hate relationship between the three Khans continues. There was that famous SRK-Salman hug though.

© Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Copenhagen

A cynic’s ringside view of the recently concluded Copenhagen climate summit…

One Problem: The world is getting hotter.
One Solution: Cut down on greenhouse gases.
One Roadblock: No-one really wants to do so, but all the countries are ready to spend billions of dollars and burn umpteen tonnes of greenhouse gases to hold dozens of conferences to allegedly inch forward in the form of treaties and resolutions.

A for Acting and Actors: Is anyone really interested in a deal? Everyone was merely enacting out a drama and hoping to get home soon.

B for BASIC: Brazil, America, South Africa, India, China. A so-called Copenhagen power group. But when there are more acronyms than agreements, you know you are in real trouble.

C for Chindia: China+India and their coming together briefly. But whether you like it or not, unless the world has these two countries on their side, more than 2 billion of the world’s population is out of it. Though they were arm-twisted by the US, we are still not sure what will happen in these regions.

D for Danish Text: A document that talked of “keeping average global temperature rises to two degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels” but ended up being another battleground between the two Ds: Developed and Developing countries.

E for Everyone:
The head of the Chinese delegation said: Everyone is happy. Wow! Overstatement of the year?

F for Fredrik Reinfeldt: Who’s he? That’s what even the US thinks too, for a news report said he got an SMS saying that the deal was wrapped up even though he was still negotiating. For the record, the Swedish Prime Minister is the EU president.

G for Global Warming, for Greenhouse Effect, for Greenhouse Gas: Is Global Warming happening in the first place? If it is, will countries cut down on emissions? And if they will, will it really make a difference? We live in a very iffy world.

H for Hundred Billion Dollars:
Wow! That’s a huge sum of money! The amount rich nations are willing to pledge annually for Climate Change Aid. Wonder why no-one is impressed!

I for IPCC: The grand Nobel winner Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, of the United Nations. But more in the news for a report which said that the head stood to make money if there was a breakthrough in Carbon economy talks.

J for Joseph Fourier: Heard of him? Yeah, the famous mathematician. He’s the dude who started this whole thing. In 1824 he postulated something that would later be called the greenhouse effect. Do you think we can reach a deal on the 200th anniversary of this great event in 2024?

K for Kyoto Protocol: Adopted in 1997, it came into force in 2005. It will expire in 2012. What is it? Does anyone remember? I don’t.

L for (not) Legally Binding: Ha! After all the furor and subsequent agreements, we were told that whatever was decided upon was not legally binding. How convenient!

M for Mexico: If Copenhagen was COP15, then Mexico 2010 will be COP16. Wait for the drama to continue there.

N for Negotiations: Negotiate, negotiate and negotiate… compromise, compromise and compromise… dilute, dilute and dilute… then tell the world that it’s all a resounding success.

O for Obama: The difference in this summit and a big Change from Bush. He pushed and at the end of it all he told us it was a success. And we are supposed to believe him.

P for Percentages: 10%. 20%. 30%. What does it all mean? How will countries bring about those emission reductions? Who’ll check?

Q for Questions: Which were more in number than answers.

R for Rubber Stamp: We are all rubber stamps of the US. Bush rubbishes climate talks. Obama pushes climate talks. It’s all down to the whims and fancies of the US President, the rest of the world be damned.

S for South Africa: In 2011 it will be COP17. Then 18, 19, 20, 21, 22… keep counting.

T for Tuvalu: A small island which could sink in case of global warming and rising of oceans. At its highest it is 4.5 metres above sea level. A gem from its spokesman on the final Copenhagen draft: It looks like we are being offered 30 pieces of silver to betray our people and our future.

U for Urban: Urbanization. Modernization. Development. With the population increasing like crazy and more and more people living in the cities, I seriously wonder how they are going to pull the whole thing off at ground level.

V for Venezuela: One of the countries that called Copenhagen a Capitalist Conspiracy. Other countries which joined in with the name calling were: Cuba, Bolivia and Nicaragua.

W for Water: The crux of the problem after global warming reaches a critical point. Islands will start sinking, beaches will start disappearing… We will wake up The Day After.

X for Xerox: COP1 happened. Then they photocopied that and COP2 happened, Then they Xeroxed that and COP3 happened… OK I am being pessimistic. But you go through all the documents of the last couple of decades and tell me what really has changed at the ground level, apart from all the treaties and conferences that is.

Y for Yankee Imperialists: Another term the US and its lackeys got called by Venezuela, Cuba, Bolivia and Nicaragua.

Z for Zero: One way to sum up what really happened at Copenhagen.

© Sunil Rajguru