Random Thoughts 28

∙ We are always torn between three lives.
One which we actually lead.
One which we show the world we lead.
One which we really want to lead.

∙ Behind every successful man is a woman who’s complaining that he never listens to her in the first place and probably became a success by fluke.

∙ I think when the plane stops, since everyone is in such a tearing hurry (to God knows where), they should just open the emergency exits and people should simply slide away.

∙ Question to sadhu: Life is so simple and yet we make it complicated. I know this. So why do we always make life so complicated?
Sadhu: Arre bhaiyya, nahin to tumhara is lambi zindagi main time pass kaise hoga?

∙ Spending money is the number one time pass of this generation!

∙ Just as you can’t see dark matter but feel its influence, you can’t see black money but see its influence.

© Sunil Rajguru

Absolutely faaltu, meaningless and disjointed statistics…

Number of People killed by Ghosts every year: Practically Zero
Number of People scared by Ghosts every year: Millions

Maximum number of People killed by Sharks in a single modern year: 11
Number of Sharks killed by People in the modern world: Billions

Number of People who theoretically can be Vegetarians if they want to: All 7 Billion
Number of People who would rather be Non-vegetarians and kill Trillions of living beings: Billions

Number of People who are “believed” to have seen God: Dozens
Number of People who actually believe in the existence of God: Billions
Number of People killed directly or indirectly in the name of God in History: Billions

Number of People killed by People in the history of man“kind”: Tens of Billions

Key takeaways…
…ghosts are real… sharks are monsters… God exists and is our benevolent protector… man is a civilized, sophisticated and highly evolved intelligent being that is the most superior life form on this planet and maybe even in the universe…

© Sunil Rajguru

Money can and cannot buy…

Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can buy you sex.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can get you temporary gratification.

Money can’t buy you God, but it sure can influence religious leaders.

Money can’t buy you a happy marriage, but it sure can settle a messy divorce.

Money can’t buy you respect, but it sure can buy you fear.

Money can’t buy you a happy family, but it sure can shut them up.

Money can’t buy the world, but it sure can help you see most of it.

P.S. Who has seen true love and happiness anyway?

And who has really met God?

…and that brings us straight back to Money…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why only PJ? Why not BR32PDJ?

Tired of “Good Joke” and “Poor Joke” being just about the only ways to classify jokes, The Indian Institute of Social Welfare for Jokes has decided to introduce a brand new classification scheme.

When you listen to a joke, weigh in your mind how good or bad it is and classify accordingly…

FBCJ: Forbes Billionaire Class Joke.

RJ: Rich Joke.

MCJ: Middle Class Joke.

PJ: Poor Joke.

RPJ: Really Poor Joke.

BPLJ: Below Poverty Line Joke.

DCJ: Destitute Class Joke.

And finally, the absolute worst of all jokes…

BR32PDJ: Below Rs 32 Per Day Joke.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 27

∙ Sometimes I think mankind is a suicide bomber bent on blowing up the Earth.

∙ In the good ole days, most people’s lives used to go nowhere slowly.
Nowadays, most people’s lives go nowhere pretty fast.
That’s progress I guess.

∙ With so little time and so little rest nowadays, the phrase should changed to…
“I need 20 winks of sleep!

∙ Contemporary word meanings…
Baroque: Highly ornate and extravagant in style.
Barack: Highly ornate and extravagant in style of speech.

∙ An Indian rubbed a genie and was granted one wish. Being a true patriot, he asked for all the corrupt people in India to simply vanish.
Suddenly there was absolutely no-one to rule the nation and India quickly slipped into anarchy and became the world’s most failed nation.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random mobile telephony thoughts…

∙ Your lifetime prepaid mobile message should actually read…
Your balance is XXX INR. Your validity expires on December 31, 2037, even though you may not live that long and even though we may not last that long and even though we all haven’t the foggiest idea what the state of mobile telephony and billing will be in the Year 2017, let alone 2037!
∙ Competition among mobile operators is extremely fierce.
It’s quite difficult to tell who has the greatest number of call drops or who’s Help Desk keeps you on hold the longest or who has the lousiest billing problems.
∙ The 3G ads are so good and promising that they make you feel like an absolute idiot for having 2G in the first place.
∙ In India, at least everyone is heading towards Roti, Kapada aur Mobile.
© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 26

• By the time we die, I’m sure we’ll be able to sum up our life story in 140 characters.

• A definition of Globalization:
If there was no corruption in India, then the Swiss Banking System would collapse.

• A thought for today:
Never judge a Friend by his Status Messages.

• Remember: In India, a politician’s RTC beats our RTI.
(RTC=Right to Corruption)

• Right now there are many scams going around in your neighbourhood, city, state and country. Since most of them are undetected and invisible, you sleep well.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 25

• You know that New Year Resolutions are just another form of GIGO, called RIRO…
GIGO=Garbage In Garbage Out.
RIRO=Resolution In Resolution Out.

• Does the collective optimism of a few billion people on the eve of December 31 actually help kick-start a new year better?

• The only reason there is more hope and optimism with every successive December 31 is because the firecrackers are getting better and more in number.

• The media is managing to dig up more and more depressing news with every successive year. That helps with the optimism part on December 31 night at least!

• If it’s a really good resolution, then you don’t have to wait till the New Year.
And if you’ve put off the resolution for the New Year, then the Resolution may well continue to be put off way after that.

Random Thoughts on the Last New Year

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 24

• Old age saying: Walls have ears.
New age saying: Firewalls have ears.
(The WikiLeaks effect)

• Let’s have just 6 months in a year from now on…
That way you’ll live twice as long and be hopeful that your luck will change every 6 months instead of every 12.

• A million websites and nothing to read…

• Indian batsmen are like lemmings.
If one commits suicide in an innings, all the others feel compelled to follow.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 23

TV watching kills brain cells.
Sleep deprivation kills brain cells.
Stress kills brain cells.
Junk food kills brain cells.
Smoking, drugs and alcohol kill brain cells.
Certain cosmetics kill brain cells…
…are we already an entirely new human species of brain dead zombies?

• When you clean the cobwebs of the mind, what do you do with all the spiders?

• The time spent on communication in today’s high-tech world is inversely proportional to the quality of the communication itself.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 21

• It was once said that if a hundred people repeated a lie a hundred times, it becomes a truth. Well, the Internet would put even Joseph Goebbels to shame. A million people repeat a lie in the form of chain letters, email forwards and other sundry articles a few million times and we have millions of untruths posing around cyberspace as truths. I don’t think anyone knows the definition of truth any more.

• There is an invisible undetectable device that slows down time on weekends and speeds them up on week days.

• America is run by billionaires. They call them industrialists.
India is run by billionaires. We call them politicians.

• Every Indian anchor thinks he’s a polished version of Hard Talk when he’s nothing but another version of Rude Talk.

© Sunil Rajguru