Section 66A musings…

∙ Tomlinson invented e-mail.
Chandrababu Naidu popularized e-governance.
Congress invented e-mergency.

Pachaas kos door shahar main jab bachcha raat ko Facebook karta hai, to maa kahti hai beta so ja… so ja nahi to policewallah Section 66A leke aa jaayega…

∙ Criminal 1: How did your life in crime begin?
Criminal 2: In the beginning was the virtual word.

∙ Kapil Sibal is demanding an Arrest button for all status messages. Oh wait! He’s already got it!

∙ There is virtually no right to virtual speech.

∙ Virtual Insanity for Real…
Kill offline, get away.
Criticise online, get arrested.

∙ Tweet, get arrested. Take photo, get arrested. Draw cartoon, get arrested. Fight corruption, get arrested. Welcome to 2012, India’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.

∙ He has three vices: Smoking, drinking and Facebooking.
Is he a womaniser? No, worse, he’s a social networker.

∙ Offline: Think before you speak.
Online: Think before you Tweet, post, update, comment, like, blog, email, forward…

∙ 666: The number of the beast.
66A: The number of the political beast.

∙ In US, Obama has 24 million followers on Twitter.
In India, if the Congress had their way, they’d rather put 24 million Tweeple in jail.

∙ Redefining Social Media.
Politicians: They are all so annoying!
Enter Section 66A.
Politicians: They are all criminals!

∙ Messenger has invisible mode.
Likewise entire Facebook and Twitter has to be in invisible mode from the Indian government.

∙ Facebook sadism…
Step 1: Write awesome comment to a popular post.
Step 2: Wait for a few dozen likes.
Step 3: Edit your comment to something really really offensive.
Step 4: Get arrested with all those dozens of people.

∙ Indian politico’s new age mantra: Offline sticks and stones won’t break my bones, but online names and comments will always hurt me.

∙ During Emergency 1975, they could arrest anyone in India.
During Emergency 2012, they can arrest anyone in cyberspace.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian cricket musings…

∙ Can’t pace. Can’t spin. Can’t play pace. Can’t play spin.
But can still spin the ad market at a frantic pace.

∙ Dhoni sahab, mitti pe itna dhyaan doge to mitti main hi mil jaoge.
Insaan match khelta hai, pitch ki mitti nahin.

∙ Cricketer 1980: It is not about winning or losing, but playing well.
Cricketer 2012: It is not about winning or losing, but earning well.

∙ The pitch needs a Curator.
Indian cricket needs a Cure.

∙ Dhoni checklist. Can’t sack Fletcher. Can’t sack Gambhir. Can’t sack Sachin. Can’t sack self. So… sack curator!

∙ 2009: At least we are Test No. 1.
2010: At least we give a fight on foreign soil.
2011: At least we win at home.
2012: At least… F*** it! We still have all the money!

∙ As lucky as Dhoni has become As stubborn as Dhoni.
As godlike as Sachin has become As mortal as Sachin.
As ineffective as Duncan Fletcher remains.

Jab tak sooraj chand rahega,
Dhoni captain aur Sachin khelta rahega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Whacky movie titles for Arvind Kejriwal’s party…

Arvind Kejriwal has launched the Aam Aadmi Party or AAP.

If the voters like the party: AAP Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage.

When the party takes an oath of office: AAP Ki Kasam.

Fans of the party: AAP Ke Deewane.

If the voters totally embrace the party: Hum Ho Gaye AAP Ke.

If the party wins the voter’s hearts: Yeh Dil AAP Ka Hua.

If a new political season comes from the party: AAP Aaye Bahaar Ayee.

If the voters are with the party: AAP Ke Saath.

The party’s internal Lokpal: AAP Ki Adalat.

If Kejriwal breaks his promises: AAP To Aise Na The!

If the party makes dumb decisions: Kya AAP Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?

Servants of the people: AAP Ki Sewa Main.

Theme song…

AAP jaise koi mere zindagi main aaye, to baat ban jaaye…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock Jokes, India-England cricket series chapter…

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Cook.
Cook who?
Cuckoo! Who’s the cuckoo now, eh?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dhoni.
Dhoni who?
Don’ you think it’s time he started concentrating on the game and not on the pitch?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Sachin.
Sachin who?
Such innings by other players would have retired them, but definitely not this fella!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bangalore garbage musings…

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∙ Ban-Galore= Muck-Galore. Wanted: Bin-Galore.

∙ Ages of Bangalore… PSU Age, Garden Age, Pub Age, IT Age, GarbAge…

∙ Bangalore Online: Garbage In Garbage Out.
Bangalore Offline: Error… Garbage In Garbage In Garbage In…

∙ Bangalore is a city of the future.
The future as shown by WALL-E that is.

∙ Will Bangalore ever conquer Mount Garbage?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

BJP-Congress musings…

∙ How to successfully handle a scam worth “Lakh Crores”: Congress.
How to hopelessly bungle a scam worth mere lakhs: BJP.

∙ Indian media rules…
When the BJP makes a little mistake, magnify it.
When the Congress makes a big mistake, hide it.
A Dynasty mistake? Go deaf, mute and blind!

∙ Veerappan was caught. So was Prabhakaran. Even Osama. But hell will freeze over much before a Congress leader gets convicted for scams.

∙ Rats win the rat race. Cons win the Congress.

∙ In 1922, Mahatma Gandhi went to jail for his writing in Young India.
In 2012, Swamy wants Rahul Gandhi to go to jail for bad underwriting in Young Indian.

∙ So it’s no longer a Boycott JPC Party.

∙ We gave the Mughals 231 years, the East India Company 101 years and the British Raj 89 years. That way the Congress has ruled India for only 52 years. They need a little more time.

∙ Nitin Gadkari: Swami Vivekananda = +1. Dawood Ibrahim = -1.
Media: 1=1! Vivekananda=Dawood! Pakad liya! Yippee!!!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress down the ages…

∙ 1885-1947: Indian National Congress.
1947-64: Indian Nehru Congress.
1966-84: Indira National Congress.
1984-Now: Indian Nehru-Gandhi (Dynasty) Congress.

∙ Janata vs Congress…
Pre-1947: Congress vs British “Janata”.
1977-80: Congress vs “Janata” Party.
1989-96: Congress vs “Janata” Dal.
1998-2011: Congress vs Bharatiya “Janata” Party.
2011-Now: Congress vs Indian “Janata”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress musings…

∙ Given enough time, Rahul Gandhi will claim the wheel was invented by the Congress while Diggy Raja will claim the dinosaurs were wiped out by the RSS.

∙ We believe in self-reliance: Congress, 1947.
We believe in Reliance: Congress, 2012.

∙ How to Spot who’s making the speech…
Crowds perplexed, can’t understand: Sonia Gandhi.
Crowds sleeping: Manmohan Singh.
Crowds amused, laughing: Rahul Gandhi.

∙ Every time Rahul Gandhi opens his mouth, Congress loses tens of thousands of votes.
That’s why Opposition will hope for polls in 2014 only.

∙ Rahul Gandhi will forever be No. 2.
His autobiography will be called Two Point Someone.

∙ The Gandhi pariwar are very uninteresting people.
Zero interest in everything it seems.

∙ If Rahul Gandhi becomes Prime Minister, then he will be the George W Bush of India, a rare delight for cartoonists, satirists and humour writers.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet More Kejriwal Musings…

∙ Overheard…
Arvind Kejriwal: Ambani runs India, not MMS.
MMS: (Fumes, goes red in the face and screams) What slander Kejriwal! You are totally wrong! Everyone knows that Sonia runs India!

∙ Times started charging for coverage and it was called Paid News.
Kejriwal should now start charging media houses for his content: Reverse Paid News.

Kar lo duniya mutthi main: Old Reliance.
Kar liya (politicians ki) duniya mutthi main: New Reliance.

∙ And in other news, Cyclone Kejriwal continues to hit the political coast…

∙ At this rate soon the Congress will hold a press conference and complain: Arvind Kejriwal is running this country!

Ek hi scam allegation main Congress, BJP aur corporate (Reliance) ka naam.
Arvind Kejriwal’s Right to Equality.

∙ Everyone: Hah! Arvind Kejriwal! Old wine in new bottle!
Well, folks, Kejriwal is the only person in the country drinking wine it seems.

∙ No over-Reliance on either the Congress or BJP, vote for us: Arvind Kejriwal.Congress KLPD…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru