Rahul Gandhi musings…

· Rahul: A man who defies age.
His thoughts are of a 10-year-old.
His “swift action” is of a 100-year-old.
His blabbering speeches are of a 4-year-old.

· Jinhe naaz hai Hind par woh kahan hai?
Then… Nehru: I fought for Independence, founded a nation, built things from scratch…
Now… Rahul: Err… umm… err… forget it, let me holiday.

· Rahul Gandhi-Rahul Dravid kuch jachta nahin hai.
He should have been called Rohit Gandhi.

· Modi, Kejriwal, Hazare, Nitish are all fighting and running like the hare.
Rahul is the sluggish slow on the uptake tortoise who will finally win the race.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress musings…

· 2014: People get mad, vote out Congress.
Some Third Front joker becomes PM.
2016: People get mad, vote Congress.
Rahul becomes PM. UPA3 becomes triple arrogant.
Protests begin again.

· Congress believes in Monarchy (Nehru-Gandhi dynasty), Dictatorship (We talk, you listen), Communism (Only one party should rule), Riots (Maximum under their rule), Emergency (Offline 1975-77, Section 66A now)…
So why do people still believe in the Congress?

· 1960s: Lohia toppled Cong in States.
1970s: Narayan toppled Indira.
1980s: VP Singh toppled Rajiv.
1990s Vajpayee toppled Sonia.
2010s main koi hai?

· Paap ka ghada bhar gaya.
To Congress ne ek aur ghada laya, jo filaal khali hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Delhi braveheart…

· She was Anamika.
We never knew her.
She never knew us.
She didn’t know the outrage there was in India.
We never knew what she really felt.

· Government’s Dabangg moment…
Terrorists, criminals, scamsters aur rapists se dar nahin lagta sahab, protestors se lagta hai.

· If she’s Damini, we’re Kala Badal.
If she’s Nirbhaya, we’re Bhaya, too scared to do anything, too scared to change, too scared to even elect the right people…

· They did no let her live in the country.
They did not let her die in the country.
Now they don’t even want us to protest.
Mera Bharat Mahaan nahin par Zaalim aur Bebas.

· Citizens: We want death for rapists.
Government: We want Section 144 for protestors.
Citizens: We want justice.
Government: We want peace.

· Once the Capital used to be on high alert and barricaded for terrorists only.
Now it’s the same for the common citizens.
And we call this democracy.

· Contradiction of the year…
Protest Nirbhaya/Amanat/Damini/Anamika and then watch Dabangg 2, a movie where the hero it is alleged beats up all his girlfriends, the heroine plays nothing but a demure doormat and Bollywood’s No.1 heroine croons to: Main to tandoori murgi hoon yaar, Gatkale saiyyan alcohol se…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Dented and painted…

· Possible explanation No. 23…
Abhijitda was born with a dented brain. His father did a terrific paint job to hide it. That paint finally came off when he danced too vigorously at a local disco.

· Abhijitda defence No. 99…
My father’s friends sent out the water canons, tear gas shells and lathi-charge orders.
All I did was say a few words!

· The protestors were looking for a new sunrise, instead they got a new sonrise.
Now I wish for a permanent sonset.

· One President pardons rapists.
The next President’s son rubbishes anti-rape protestors.
Congress, abhi-jeet nahin milne wali 2014 main, Theek Hai?

· Pranabda: You have surpassed my life’s work in a single day.
Abhijitda: Thanks!
Pranabda: I meant you have got more brickbats in a day than I got in my whole life!

· Abhijitda, you have Dented your career by Painting such a sexist view of the protestors.
Disco? Tum khisko!

· Indian Politician yesterday: Kal main desh ki dhadkan banunga!
Indian Politician today: Kal main Twitter ka hashtag banunga!

· Abhijitda: Twitter is full of stupid DPs.
Twerson: Display Pictures?
Abhijitda: No! Dented Painted women!

· Key learning of the day: “Dancing in the disco” is the antonym of “Protesting against rape”.

· Manish: Hazare is totally corrupt! Take I&B Ministry.
Salman: I’ll turn ink to blood! Take Foreign Ministry.
Abhijit: Dented-Painted. Which Ministry will I get madam?

· Rahul probably told his youth leaders to be sexy.
Abhijitda heard “sexist”.

· Yesterday Abhijitda got up feeling like a nobody.
Today he got up feeling like a celebrity.
We’re the suckers as practically Zero % action was taken against him.

· West Bengal.
There was great violence under the Left rule.
Mamata calls rapes a conspiracy.
Congress star Abhijit is painted, dented and demented.
So who does the State vote for?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh, sab Theek Hai na?

Mere hazaron jawabo se achche hai mere do shabd: Theek Hai.

∙ I’m OK, You’re OK by Thomas Harris.
Main Theek Hu, Tum Theek Ho, Sab Theek Hai by Manmohan Singh.

∙ Manmohan was telling the secret of a happy marriage.
Always say to your wife: Theek Hai!

∙ Manmohan Singh is no longer King… Singh is SinKing… Singh is BacktracKing… Singh is HoodwinKing… Singh is ShaKing… Singh is ShrinKing…

∙ Today if Mahatma Gandhi had visited India Gate, he would’ve been water cannoned, lathicharged and dismissed as a Maoist.
MMS would still say: Theek Hai.

∙ MMS: How is the situation in Delhi?
Shinde: Theek Hai.
MMS: Stop making fun of me!

∙ The Meek shall inherit the earth: Bible.
The Theek shall inherit the nation: Sonia.
Manmohan: Hai!

∙ Father of first generation of reforms: Narasimha Rao.
Father of second generation of reforms: AB Vajpayee.
Father of third… sorry… Overhyped Assistant: Manmohan Singh.
Theek Hai?

∙ Be the change you wish to see in the world: Mahatma Gandhi.
I don’t want anything to change, Theek Hai?: Manmohan Singh.

∙ In the beginning was the Word.
And that Word was TheekHai.

∙ Said: We have daughters.
Unsaid: We don’t care about your daughters.
Theek Hai?

Newsweek and Manmohan were born around the same time.
The print edition of Newsweek has been retired.
Manmohan ab aap ki baari. Theek Hai?

∙ There is a term called “sathiya gaya”.
Manmohan has created a new term called “assiya gaya”.
Tussi jaoge? Ho gaya assi, jaoge?

∙ Manmohan Singh is single-handedly transforming this “Chalta Hai!” nation to a “Theek Hai?” nation.

∙ Manmohan Singh, you are right.
Tumhare hazaron sade hue speeches se achchi hai tumhari total khamoshi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More on the Delhi anti-rape protests…

∙ Delhi is now officially a Police State. Section 144. Metro stations shut.
100% tolerance to crime. 0% tolerance to crime protests.

∙ Counter-rape measures: Nothing new really.
Counter-rape protest measures: Heavy police, lathicharge, water cannons, Section 144, RAF, prohibitory orders…

∙ The Congress is a clear case of Stockholm syndrome.
They had been hostage to the British Empire for so long that they have become just like them.

∙ Nargis: I’m Mother India.
Bal Thackeray: I’m Godfather.
Sonia: I’m Godmother India.

∙ Citizen: Ye government badi tedi cheez hai.
Sonia: Teda hai, par mera hai!

∙ Q: What are you doing for the plight of women in the Capital?
Delhi Police: Well, right now we’re beating the daylights out of anyone asking that question.

∙ Policemen assault women protesting against assault of women by men.

∙ Waiting for Manish Tiwari to come and say that people are protesting against Sachin’s ODI retirement and not anything else.

∙ Lead the Pak Army, attack India: Get invited to seminars and interviews by fawning sickos.
Lead the Indian Army, attack rapists: Get booked for inciting violence.

Desh azaad hua, par abhi bhi Nehru-Gandhi dynasty ka ghulam hai.

∙ Strange mathematics….
In 2009, about 12% of India voted directly for the Congress to give it 38% of share in the Lok Sabha to give it effectively 100% dictatorial power till 2014.

∙ The Congress does an Asrani in Sholay 2012: Hum angrezo ke zamaane ke politicians hai, ha ha!

∙ Travelling in and out of Delhi? If the protests won’t get you, then the fog definitely will.

∙ Don’t worry about Putin, Manmohan.
He also puts down crowds with force.
He will look at you like a brother and be proud of you.

∙ Wisdom: Live every day as if it’s your last.
Congress: Rule every term as if it’s your last.

∙ Congress agenda…
Lock the (India) Gate.
Make (Raisina) Hill impossible to climb.
Remove the “Jan” from Jantar Mantar.
Remove the “Dil” from Dilli.
Put “bhaya” (fear) into Bharat to make it Bhayarat.

∙ Mulayam-Maya: We will never let the Communal forces of BJP come to power and hence support the Dictatorial forces of the Congress forever.

∙ Protest Online, get Section 66A!
Protest Offline, get Section 144!
Kaun kambakht kehata hai ki Hitler mar gaya?

∙ Spot the difference…
Then: Rapists’ unarmed assaults against women.
Now: Delhi Police’s armed assaults against women.

∙ Why didn’t the President come out and say Something… Anything to the protestors?
That’s because he was just too busy doing Nothing… as usual.

∙ Manmohan Singh is waiting for more fake PMO Twitter accounts to ban thereby showing he can take tough action to the anti-rape protestors.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

On the Delhi anti-rape protests…

· Delhi is now officially a Police State. Section 144. Metro stations shut.
100% tolerance to crime. 0% tolerance to crime protests.

· Strange mathematics….
In 2009, about 12% of India voted directly for the Congress to give it 38% of share in the Lok Sabha to give it effectively 100% dictatorial power till 2014.

· Congress agenda…
Lock the (India) Gate.
Make (Raisina) Hill impossible to climb.
Remove the “Jan” from Jantar Mantar.
Remove the “Dil” from Dilli.
Put “bhaya” (fear) into Bharat to make it Bhayarat.

· Protest Online, get Section 66A!
Protest Offline, get Section 144!
Kaun kambakht kehata hai ki Hitler mar gaya?

· Nargis: I’m Mother India.
Bal Thackeray: I’m Godfather.
Sonia: I’m Godmother India.

· Why didn’t the President come out and say Something… Anything to the protestors?
That’s because he was just too busy doing Nothing… as usual.

· Spot the difference…
Then: Rapists’ unarmed assaults against women.
Now: Delhi Police’s armed assaults against women.

· Mulayam-Maya: We will never let the Communal forces of BJP come to power and hence support the Dictatorial forces of the Congress forever.

· Manmohan Singh is waiting for more fake PMO Twitter accounts to ban thereby showing he can take tough action to the anti-rape protestors.

· The Congress does an Asrani in Sholay 2012: Hum angrezo ke zamaane ke politicians hai, ha ha!

· Congress Gabbar Singh ki tarah hai, zulmi.
Janata Thakur ki tarah hai, bebas and without hands.
Jai aur Viru kahan hai?

· Waiting for Manish Tiwari to come and say that people are protesting against Sachin’s ODI retirement and not anything else.

· Aaj New Delhi main Section 144 ka zabardast falooda ho gaya.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The world has ended musings…

∙ The world ended yesterday.
Today you are in the Matrix, an exact copy of our original world.
Now you are merely energy for computers.
Wait for Morpheus to contact you.

∙ The Mayan Long Count Calendar ended yesterday.
The next Long Count Calendar will end in 4772.
So you now suddenly have 2760 more years to make your life more meaningful!

∙ Your perfect world ended on a date much before Dec 21, 2012.
That’s when you came to Earth.

∙ There’s little chance that this world will come to an end any time soon.
Humanity may, though not the Earth.
If that happened, then the universe wouldn’t even notice.

∙ The world did end yesterday… for about 150,000 people… that many people die every day…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

BJP Gujarat victory musings…

· In 2007 Gujarat polls, BJP got 10 less seats. In 2012, 2 less. So if BJP gets 114 seats in 2017, Chidambaram will call it a hat-trick of wins for Congress.

· A tale of two would be PMs…
Every success takes me closer to the PM’s chair: Modi.
Funny! The same thing happens with my successive failures: Rahul.

· A tale of 4 Gujaratis…
Gandhi liberated India.
Jinnah created Pakistan.
Patel united India.
What will Modi do?

· Best to take your greatest fears head on.
TV Channels: We’re petrified of Modi becoming PM.
So let’s take it head on and discuss it non-stop!

· Waiting for Rahul to say that had Modi not been born, then there would have been no Godhra, 20% growth in the state and there would have been paradise on Earth in Gujarat.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The world will end musings…

∙ There’s some vague principle that says the universe exists because we’re there to observe it.
So if the world ends today and we’re the only life forms in the universe, then the universe will simply cease to exist because we’re not around to observe it any more.

∙ If the world is really coming to an end, then most people will pray for just enough time to update their last status message.

∙ If the world ends today, then Sachin would never have retired, the Congress would have never lost power, the global warming dudes were shouting for nothing and hell will burst at the seams.

∙ For many Indians, the world will end in 2014 if Modi becomes PM.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

A revenge series gone horribly wrong…

There were Prior failures, but India refused to listen to the warning Bell and our batsmen kept Trotting back to the pavilion thereby Cooking our goose. India de-Flowered at home! This has to be the Swann song for many Indians who are not in fine Nick. Will the BCCI get to the Root of the problem and make Broad-based changes or will we have another full Monty when Australia visits us?

© Sunil Rajguru

The Barney song for all occasions…

Original…
I love you, you love me,
We’re a happy family,
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me too?

For Twitter…
I Follow you,
You Follow me,
We’re all Followers like Followers should be,
With a great big ReTweet,
And a mention from me to you,
Won’t you say you’ll ReTweet me too?

For Facebook…
I Like you,
You Like me,
We’re all friends like friends should be,
With a great big Comment,
And a Poke from me to you,
Won’t you say you Like me too?

For Congress-BJP bhai bhai in scams…
I help you,
You help me,
We’re all scamsters like scamsters should be,
With a great big deal cut,
And a share from me to you,
Won’t you say you’ll defend me too?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru