The Social Butterfly Effect…

The Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil can set off a tornado in Texas.

The Social Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a social butterfly’s wings in Dubai can set off a political tornado in India.

Explanation
A social butterfly flaps her wings in Dubai.
Gets sweat equity in a club cricket team in Kochi.
Leads to the resignation of the Minister of State for External Affairs.
Makes a Maharashtrian central minister squirm along with his colleagues.
Results in unprecedented Income Tax raids at the offices of the premier cricket body.
Checkmates a high-flying cricket club league chairman and commissioner.
Has industrialists scrambling for records of agreements and bids.
Brings to light government eavesdropping on the high and mighty of the land.
Gets the political Opposition screaming and shouting, only to fall flat on a Cut Motion.
Puts the Queen of Uttar Pradesh and the Queen of India together at last.
Ends up in making a Jharkhand politician forget which side he is voting for.
Infuriates a leading political party into withdrawing support to the forgetful politician.

Itna political tornado kaafi nahin kya?
…but the effects are still being felt and will be felt for some more time…

© Sunil Rajguru

1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall…

1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1001 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1002 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1003 corrupt politician sitting on the wall…

Notes:

1. For every corrupt politician who is exposed or caught in India, two take his place thereafter.
2. India has been playing this game since 1947.
3. If you pay good salaries, you may or may not get corrupt politicians.
If you pay abysmally low salaries, you will definitely get near 100% corruption.
Our founding fathers chose the second option.
Post-1991, the private sector is competing with the world, while the average Indian politician compares nowhere with his Western counterpart.
4. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
If you pay peanuts to politicians, then you get a monkey political system where the common man ends up being the real monkey.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Ring a-ring o’ roses Cricket League

(When two elephants fight on the cricketing grass, both slip and fall down and flatten Indian cricket)

Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
They both fall down.

Brand name in the water,
Brand name in the sea,
Will it all righten up…
With a one-two-three?

Picking up the pieces,
picking up the pieces,
Atishoo!, Atishoo!
We all cover up.

Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
And cricket falls down…

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

IPL ki Paatshala, Masti ki Paatshala…

Please sing to the tune of Loose Control from Rang de Basanti

Lost control,
Lost control,
One more time,
Indian cricket’s lost control.

IPL’s a rebel,
IPL’s a rebel.

Na koi poochne wala, na koi check karne wala,
Na koi rokne wala, na koi hisaab lene wala,
Apni to paatshala, masti ki paatshala,
IPL ki paatshala, masti ki paatshala.

Lost control!

Paise ki boriyan hain, ham woh khaane aate hai,
Ye IPL hain sabki mobile money factory,
Deals ka equation hain, gadbad ka multiplication hain,
Jisne sabko lapeta hain,
Woh game hara, paisa jeeta hain,
Woh game hara, paisa jeeta hain,
Woh game hara, paisa jeeta hain.

Lost control,
Lost control,
One more time,
Indian cricket’s lost control.

IPL’s a rebel.

Talli hoke girne se samjhi cricketing economy,
Iska practical kiya tab bana IPL ka reality,
Na koi poochne wala, na koi check karne wala,
Naata ye cricket, politics, bollywood aur industry ka lamba hain,
Har dil dakh dakh kar raha hain ab dar se…
Na koi rokne wala, na koi hisaab lene wala,
Apni to paatshala, masti ki paatshala,
IPL ki paatshala, masti ki paatshala.

IPL’s a rebel.
Lost control!

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Paatshaala
Film: Rang De Basanti
Year: 2006)

Overheard… IPL Chapter

Where’s the star reporter?
Covering the IPL…
Where’s the local reporter?
IPL matches shifted out of city, looking into that.
Where’s the business reporter?
Multi-billion dollar IPL industry, business leaders, I-T raids…
Where’s the international affairs reporter?
Australian, English, Pakistan boards keenly looking at the IPL crisis…
Where’s the environment reporter?
Some green initiatives announced by IPL got buried…
Where’s the film reporter?
SRK premises raided, Preity promises to talk…
What about other news?
Is there any other news happening? Oh yeah, Sania is landing in Pakistan! Our Pakistan correspondent will handle that one!

***

Hey you’re back from the stadium!
Yeah it was awesome!
B…
Wow those cheerleaders sure are hot!
Bu…
I saw SRK, Juhi and Preity in the crowds. Great man!
But…
They’ve really made a great giant screen.
But w…
3 sixes actually went out of the stadium.
But wh…
You saw the dug-out. Players and head honchos…
But who…
Firecrackers. Music. The atmosphere is electric.
But who won?
Eh? Hmmm. I don’t remember!

***

Regular speaker: I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. So busy.
Why what happened?
4 chat shows, 7 interviews on 8 news channels in 24 hours! I don’t know how much longer I can handle this IPL crisis!

***

Minister: We’re thinking of having IPL-style premier leagues for all Indian sports!
Official: Why? Do you want corruption, sleaze, controversy and hungama to spread to all the other sports too?

***

Mate, I think I’ll be retiring soon!
Why?
Do you think the IPL will last? There may be no IPL4. I’ll be out of a job…

***

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 15

How many controversies nowadays start with:
In the beginning was the Tweet.

To put the old joke in reverse, who would have thought that with Twitter, you could have a constipation of words along with a diarrhoea of ideas.

I think the good ole Barney Song can be suitably modified to suit Facebook:
I Like you,
You Like me,
We’re all friends like friends should be,
With a great big Comment,
And a Poke from me to you,
Won’t you say you Like me too?

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye… (IPL remix)

Please sing to the tune of Sab ganda hai from Company

Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Cricket ki sadan, sab kala hai dhan, rivals ki jalan,
Jhoothe hain hote, maange bas note, raho tum lotpot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Sab political parties ek, IPL pathshala main classmate, paise hi phek,
Cricket-fixing baar baar, betting ka karobaar, golmaal ka czar,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)

What they really wanted to say on Tharoor…

Laloo: What a loser! The fodder scam was worth thousands of crores and here I’ve heard that only 50-70 crores was involved! And that too not directly attributed to him! (Though I’ve heard he’s marrying her, in that case it’s OK as in politics wives have full access to the husband’s legacy. P.S. Rabri has already been CM so I am no longer interested in the Women’s Reservation Bill)

Mulayam: I hate cricket. I hate IPL. I hate British sports. Ban everything. (Actually the real reason why I want him out is that I’ve been meaning to ban computers and here’s a guy who’s taken Indian politics into the computer! Dangerous!)

Left: We don’t have any real issues and our policies are irrelevant to modern India, but we like protesting, which is on our blood, so we will protest any way. As it is, this guy is our No.1 Enemy as he spends thousands of Rupees on 5-star hotels. (Politicians’ thousands of crores of hidden money doesn’t bother us though)

Pranab: When I talked of austerity, he stayed in 5-star. Serves him right!

Modi: When we are together-together, I am Mr Clean. When we are against-against, I am Mr Shady? What a hypocrite!

Shashank Manohar: Ye IPL ke haath dede mujhe Thakur!

Balasaheb: This is not fair. I’ve been ruling politics for decades. I hate the IPL jamboree but no-one listened to me! Who’s this upstart who hasn’t been in politics even for a year! He’s been more successful than me this year. And he’s making Pawar squirm. That’s my department!

Manmohan: I really like this guy. With all these controversies, is anyone even talking about me? I am quietly doing what exactly I want to do. I’m loving it! I’ll definitely get this guy back when the entire furor ends.

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricketing Full Forms…

Lalit Modi = Lakhs And Lakhs Initially, Then Millions Of Dollars Income

Shashi Tharoor = Sunanda Has A Sweat Holding in IPL. Tweeting Had A Really Optimistic Outlook Recently.

Sharad Pawar = So Happy And Relaxed At Developments. Personally Am Way Above Recrimination.

BCCI = Board of Control of Cricketing Income

IPL = Infinite Paisa League

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 14

• Passing rains during peak summer are just a momentary lapse of season.

• I always believe that Prayer is the only thing that can do time travel. If you Pray hard enough, it can travel to the past and set things right. And you think the Miracle instantly appeared when it actually was a result of a series of events of a changed past. The Prayer can travel to the future and stop bad things there too.

• I think God is also a bureaucrat. He puts all our curses, bad wishes and jinxes for our fellow human beings in an in folder which he doesn’t check till Eternity. If he acted on all of them, then we’d all surely be dead by now!

• Celebrity comes from the word celebration. It should have come from the word destruction instead. We love to destroy our celebrities. They should be called delebrities instead.

• As microprocessors go faster, RAMs ramp up and software gets smarter, why does the computer experience feel just as slow?

© Sunil Rajguru

You have no moral right…

BJP to Congress: You have no moral right because of 1984 Sikh Riots.
Congress to BJP: You have no moral right because of Babri Masjid.

Advani to Manmohan: You have no moral right because of you’re spineless.
Manmohan to Advani: You have no moral right because of communalism.

Mulayam to Maya: You have no moral right because of statues and garlands.
Maya to Mulayam: You have no moral right because of criminals.

Detractors to Modi: You have no moral right because of Godhra.
Modi to detractors: You have no moral right because you govern worse than me.

Lalit Modi to Shashi Tharoor: You have no moral right because of Sweat equity.
Tharoor to Modi: You have no moral right because of the way you run IPL.

Politician A to Politician B: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.
Politician B to Politician A: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.

For once they are all Right. Nobody really has any Moral Right any more.

In Indian politics, if you’re in the Right, you’re not Morally Right.
If you’re in the Left, you’re Morally Wrong.
Nothing changes even if you move to the Centre.

Elsewhere Great Politicians have achieved Immortality.
Our Politicians have achieved Immorality.

© Sunil Rajguru

Twisted quotes for Indian TV news channels…

Great men said great things. Here’s twisting them to suit a topic…

• Breaking News at all costs, Breaking News in spite of all terror, Breaking News however long and hard the road may be; for without Breaking News, there is no survival.

• When all the IPL controversies have ended, when all the Rahul-Rakhi-Sania swayamwars are over, when all the trivial news items have been squeezed like lemons, when all the viewers have deserted you, only then will you discover you cannot remember how to cover the real issues anymore.

• We have long observed that every news item has the result, and therefore probably the purpose, of forcing the viewer out of real life, of alienating him from actuality.

• There is no hunting like the hunting of celebrity, and those who have hunted the greatest celebrities long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

• I know Indian news channels as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I have long advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a method of settling issues.

• I’m afraid that if you analyze a thing long enough on TV news, it loses all of its meaning.

• We believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the news item in order to obtain the TRP ratings.

• As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to watch Indian news channels.

• We may find in the long run that TV news is a deadlier weapon than the machine-gun.

• God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away. Meanwhile, inside, we prefer to watch falsehoods on TV.

• In the long run, all news items are dead.

(Can you guess the original quotes?)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru