The curious case of Pakistan…

When we were small, we learned that Pakistan was named in the following manner…

P-Punjab, A-Afghan Province or North-West Frontier Province, K-Kashmir, S-Sindh, and istan-Baluchistan.

But today Pakistan’s identity seems to be defined by…

P – Pakistan occupied Kashmir

A – Army

K – Kalashnikovs and terrorism

I – ISI

S – Secession of Bangladesh

T – Taliban

A – America

N – Nuclear threat

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 5

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
IPL.
IPL who?
I play for money not country, that’s what!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
CPM.
CPM who?
Assi PM ko chhodo, abhi hamara koi CM bhi nahin hain!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
IMF.
IMF who?
I’m a fool of an old man with no self-control, that’s who!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
ISI.
ISI who?
I yes I support terrorists. I yes I am anti-American. Kya karloge bhai?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Jairam.
Jairam who?
Jai Ram ji ki Sibal! Thand rakho, itne utawle kyun ho rahe ho?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Major Iqbal.
Major Iqbal who?
Major ek balderash kahani hain, Pakistan ke khilaaf saare saboot jhoote hain.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Jaya.
Jaya who?
Jaya ho bolo, nahin to tumko bhi andar band kardegi jail main!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kanimozhi.
Kanimozhi who?
Can you please move me out of jail, please?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Ajmal Kasab.
Ajmal Kasab who?
Aaj maal ka sab pooch rahe hain, crore-o gaye, aur crore-o jaaynge mujhe rakhne ke liye!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kalmadi.
Kalmadi who?
Kal mai Dixit ke saath CWG goof-up kar raha tha. Shiela hain shayaani aur mujhe mili kaalapani?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Barack.
Barack who?
Breaking the Al-Qaeda network single-handedly that’s who!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modern bakwaas shayari…

Hum bhi kabhi sub-editor the,
Kanimozhi bhi kabhi sub-editor thi!
Hum hain gareeb par azaad,
Woh hain Arabpati magar qaid…
Chalo, filaal yahi sahi!

Ghalib bhi shayar tha,
Kanimozhi bhi shayar kahalati,
Ghalib aur shayari dono gaye tel lene,
Ab paisa hi kavita hain…
Paisa hi nagma hain…
Paisa hi shayar hain…
Paisa hi shayar ki shayari…

Waise sabsa bada ameer to hain Mahatma Gandhi,
Lakhon nahin…
Crore-o nahin…
Arabo nahin…
Kharabo ke note-o ke dher pe muskura rahe hain,
Note gora ho ya kaala,
Paise ka hain bol baala!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Post Assembly poll filmi musings…

Mamata: Guzaarish hai ki mere paas Railways rahe.
Sonia: Hmmm… waise bhi tumne Railways ko Guzaarish ka Hrithik bana ke chhod diya!
West Bengal: Arre! Guzaarish ka Hirthik to hum ban ke raha gaye 34 saal main!
Mamata kya hai, koi na jaane…
Dawa hai ya
euthnasia?
Jald pata chalega…

Jaya: Ab yahan ke hum Sikander, chahe to kar le Karuna, Kani wagere ko apne jail ke andar…

Buddha: Hum Dono Ghayal ho gaye re!
Karuna: Chinta mat kar, Indian voter ko Ghajini ki tarah short term memory loss hai, agle elections tak sab bhool jaayenge.
Buddha: Sahi re! Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna!

Prakash Karat, Sitaram Yechuri and Buddhadeb decided to unwind in India Coffee House.
They were discussing Bollywood films.
A bearer came and was asked, 3 Idiots dekha kya?”
The bearer replied, “Wohi to dekh raha hu abhi!”

Sonia Gandhi at the Centre.
Jayalalitha from the South.
Mayawati and Shiela Dixit from the North.
Mamata Banerjee from the East.
Pratibha Patil from the West.
Now Showing: Mother India

Now showing in Chennai for 20 years and running…
Kabhi Karuna Kabhi Amma

Golmaal 1: Adarsh
Golmaal 2:
CWG
Golmaal 3:
2G
Coming soon: Golmaal 4, will be released before the 2012 elections.

Singh is King gaya tel lene…
Ab bolo…
Amma is Queen
Didi is Queen

etc

Overheard…
Congress to DMK: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?

Now Showing in Kolkata…
My Name is Communist
(And I am not a failure!)

Coming in 2012
Voters: The Chase Begins Again

© Sunil Rajguru

Downright terrible contemporary rhymes celebrating woman power…

The Centre has Sonia Gandhi.
The South has Jayalalitha. The North has Mayawati and Shiela Dixit. The East has Mamata.
Next is West?
(Or is that Pratibha Patil who rose from the West, straight to Rashtrapati Bhavan?)

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the election hill,
To fetch a pail of voters,
Jack came down and broke his crown,
And Jill took all the honours.

Note: Replace Jack with Karuna, Buddha etc
Replace Jill with Jaya, Mamata etc

Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Karuna,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his telecom pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a 2G bomb,
And said ‘What a bad boy am I!

Rain rain go away

Women, women go away,
Don’t come again another day.
Buddha and Karuna want to play.

Little Bo-Peep

Little Buddha-Karuna have lost their voters,
And can’t tell where to find them;
Leave them till 2015, And they’ll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Election after election, day after day,
Men stuck, no breath no motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Women, women, everywhere,
And all the men did shrink;
Women, women, everywhere,
Oldies Buddha and Karuna did sink.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More Assembly poll musings…

∙ The ABCD of Tamil Nadu politics…
A for AIADMK.
B for BJP.
C for Congress.
D for DMK.
Key: Congress aur BJP gaye tel lene.
Hum log permanent A/D alternating current se hi kaam chala lenge.

∙ The Political Traffic Signal of West Bengal has turned Green.
But has the Development Traffic Signal just turned Red?

Meanwhile…
The Congress Election Campaign in Karnataka is poised to enter its fourth year next month.
The Centre may extend BSY’s term even after 5 years if he is not toppled by then.
(Hum usko gira ke hi rahenge… term expiry is not enough)
P.S. BSY has also emerged as India’s Most Trusted politician.
(Aur kisi ne itne Trust Votes survive kiye hai?)

© Sunil Rajguru