Downright terrible contemporary rhymes celebrating woman power…

The Centre has Sonia Gandhi.
The South has Jayalalitha. The North has Mayawati and Shiela Dixit. The East has Mamata.
Next is West?
(Or is that Pratibha Patil who rose from the West, straight to Rashtrapati Bhavan?)

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the election hill,
To fetch a pail of voters,
Jack came down and broke his crown,
And Jill took all the honours.

Note: Replace Jack with Karuna, Buddha etc
Replace Jill with Jaya, Mamata etc

Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Karuna,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his telecom pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a 2G bomb,
And said ‘What a bad boy am I!

Rain rain go away

Women, women go away,
Don’t come again another day.
Buddha and Karuna want to play.

Little Bo-Peep

Little Buddha-Karuna have lost their voters,
And can’t tell where to find them;
Leave them till 2015, And they’ll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Election after election, day after day,
Men stuck, no breath no motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Women, women, everywhere,
And all the men did shrink;
Women, women, everywhere,
Oldies Buddha and Karuna did sink.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The secret diary of LK Advani…

Still plenty to live for…
Let me review my Vision 2020…

2011: Current Congress government most corrupt in the history of India!
Have to go on the offensive, stall Parliament, organize as many yatras as I can…
Stay in the limelight… stay in the limelight…

2012: Have to push Vajpayeeji for the President’s post when Pratibha madam retires. Only fit man in India to swear me in as PM…

2013: Modi will be sworn in as CM in the beginning of the year.
I have to get him to break Basu’s Bengal record.
Got to keep him away from Delhi… got to keep him away from Delhi…

2014: Anti-incumbency wave will finally hit UPA.
I finally get my dream to be PM!!!

2015: Nitish Kumar has to be pacified.
His re-election will make many NDA allies propose him as PM candidate.
5 cabinet berths for JD(U)? Massive Bihar relief package? Unification plan for Bihar and Jharkhand?

2016: Rath Yatras 17, 18 and 19 will have to be kick-started to maintain popularity.

2017: I will show these jokers how to implement 4G!

2018: BJP’s glorious campaign on Black Money will finally bear fruit, boosting the economy and boosting my popularity too!

2019: On my re-election as PM, I will simply have to appoint my successor, otherwise they will start pulling me down.

2020: Rath Yatras 20, 21 and 22 to celebrate my second term.

2024: Lok Sabha polls? No, no, no… that will be thinking too far ahead!

© Sunil Rajguru

It’s all about temperature…

In India, Global Warming has suddenly become very hot…
but Indo-Pak relations have gone cold

We are warming up nicely towards America…
and have developed cold feet towards China

Leaders like Pranab are blowing their cool…
while others like Laloo are cooling their heels

People are becoming hot and bothered over Telangana…
but nothing will happen; it will cool off in a matter of time

And of course, this is India…
We reserve the right to blow hot or cold over any of these issues at any given time

© Sunil Rajguru

Shape of things to come

How would we pay our respects to all our Presidents, PMs and other national leaders after 250 years of Independence?

After decades of Independence, India is struggling to pay homage to its freedom fighters, netas, former Presidents and Prime Ministers. Their names are relentlessly repeated on Doordarshan, in lectures, posters, ceremonies, awards and memorials.

I imagined what it would be like after 250 years of Independence. By then we would have had around 50 Presidents, an equal number of PMs and an unaccountable number of national and regional leaders. How would we “remember” and pay our respects to all of them?

First of all Doordarshan (if it doesn’t come under the extinct species list by then) would have come out with special news bulletins called “anniversary specials” – just to announce the birth and death anniversaries of great leaders and to show the long queue of VVIPs paying homage to them at their memorials.

With the number of serials, films and documentaries on the lives of leaders increasing in geometrical proportions, by then a special 24 hour “homage channel” would have started. Soap operas, chat shows, quizzes and telefilms on Indian legends galore. This would be the world’s first and only channel on biographies.

The big screen can’t be left far behind. Hence parallel awards for movies dealing with the life and times of netas. The name of the award? Patriot Award.

The response would be overwhelming with everyone wanting to prove his or her loyalty. The highest award of the Patriot film show, the Richard Attenborough Award, would start with Gandhi.

What about other awards? Today we have the Jawaharlal Nehru Award for International Understanding, the Indira Gandhi Award for Peace, the Rajiv Sadbhavna Award… By then there would be an award named after every hero who walked the Indian soil. The list of never-ending awards would be an encouragement for the ever-growing population.

We now have the international year of something. Then it would be “the national year of someone.” Every year, then, would be a jubilee, centenary or bi-centenary of either the birth or death anniversary of one of our leaders.

With years being booked, days wouldn’t be left far behind. We have Martyrs’ Day after the Mahatma, Children’s Day after Nehru, Teachers’ Day after Radhakrishnan and so on. The year 2200 would have all 365 days named.

The rage would then be for renaming towns and streets. How about living on Rajiv Avenue of Indiranagar in Nehru City with a Gandhi airport in the vicinity? It would kill many birds with one stone.

Stamp and coin makers would refuse to be outdone and pursue designing creations for all leaders with great enthusiasm. India would end up a philatelist’s Mecca and a numismatist’s delight.

We have plenty of national and restricted holidays with new ones being added, mostly in the form of Jayantis. (It all started with Gandhi Jayanti) The diary of 2200 would mention a “list of working days” instead of holidays. With the right number of bandhs, there could be holiday years. Not much change in the nation’s progress, as hardly anyone works in the first place.

Raj Ghat is dedicated to the Mahatma. Shanti Van to Nehru. Vijay Ghat to Shastri. Shakti Sthal to Indira… By then a new city would be built to facilitate all the memorials. The twin city of New Delhi would be Samadhinagar. It would be a huge city if the relatives and descendants of the honoured lived there. With the passage of time, statehood would also be granted to Samadhinagar.

The Special Protection Group was formed to protect the PM. Then its cover was extended conditionally to former PMs and their families. By then it would end up unconditionally protecting the families of all former Presidents and PMs. Thus India would have a parallel SPG Army.

What else?

For students in all exams a paper,
on Gandhi, Nehru or Savarkar,
Debates, ceremonies and competitions,
on heroes of all revolutions,
Election posters with photos of all
in the size of a wall.
For every leader institutions
on their lives, experts and exhibitions,
In every town at every corner,
a statue of a freedom fighter.
All this and much much more,
the Indian future has in store…

(This article appeared in the November 1994 issue of Alive magazine)