Monthly Archives: August 2014

The selfie dictionary…

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DSC_0098

Words that exist or should exist thanks to the selfie…

Selfie: A picture taken by oneself of oneself.

Gelfie: Group selfie.

Delfie: Dying as a result of a selfie or dying immediately after taking a selfie.

Adelfie: Addiction to selfies.

Infinitelfie: Taking a selfie in front of the mirror to get the infinite reflection effect.

Celfie: Selfie from your (prison) cell.

Celfie: Celebrity selfie.

Pelfie: Political selfie, Obama’s being the most famous.

Belfie: Taking a selfie of one’s butt.

Relfie: Relationship selfie.

Welfie: Selfie boasting of your wealth.

Telfie: Tummy selfie.

Prelfie: A selfie profile picture.

Twelfie: A selfie on Twitter.

Melfie: Male selfie.

Felfie: Female selfie.

Felfie: Farming (agricultural) selfies.

Chelfie: A child taking a selfie.

Helfie: A selfie focusing on hair.

Jelfie: Joint selfie.

Lelfie: A selfie of the legs.

Nelfie: A selfie of the neck.

Shelfie: A selfie in front of your bookshelf.

Welfie: Selfie of your workout.

Stelfie: Taking a selfie by using a selfie stick.

Mobselfie: Using a mobile.

Camselfie: Using a camera.

Selfie-virgin: Someone who has never taken a selfie.

These versions/compilation by Sunil Rajguru

Real, not faking news…

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Dead AAP activist becomes alive.

Don to be Interpol ambassador. (SRK)

Alia Bhatt uses her stupidity to do something really smart.

Millions of people (including celebrities) world over start pouring cold water on themselves.

US, Israel, Iran, Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia… think of getting together. (To counter ISIS)

Advani finally retired.

India beat England by 133 runs in England.

Suresh Raina hits blistering century outside the sub-continent.

Putin accused of shooting down neutral civilian passenger plane.

Imran Khan attempts civilian coup against Nawaz Sharif.

On many days, Kejriwal gets zero news coverage.

Germany beats Brazil 8-1 in Brazil in a World Cup.

NDTV indirectly supports Israel. (Hamas story)

Israel attacks Gaza, Arab world least bothered.

Australia post 300 in ODIs, still lose, third time in a year.

Sheila Dixit toppled both as Chief Minister and Governor within a year.

Would have been considered faking news before elections…

BJP gets 282 Lok Sabha seats.

Amit Shah to become BJP President.

© Sunil Rajguru

Latest Indian political musings…

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The 71-0 rule…
71% illegal coal block allocations took place under Coal Minister Manmohan Singh and yet most news reports gave him 0% coverage.

Sequels are rarely better than the original.
Pappu: But we had planned a threequel where I was to come at the end!
‪#‎UPA1‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎UPA3‬‬‬‬

Very soon, all Indian bookshops will have a separate section on UPA exposes.
‪#‎Baru‬ ‪#‎Parakh‬ ‪#‎Natwar‬ ‪#‎Rai‬‬‬‬‬

Advani looked retired in 2004.
Virtually retired in 2005.
Should have retired in 2009.
Looks fully retired in 2014.
‪#‎2019Polls‬ ‪#‎IllBeBack‬‬‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi dynasty musings…

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A Gandhi story…
Beginning: Once upon a time there was a Gandhi (Mahatma).
Middle: Indira, Sanjay, Rajiv and Sonia all ruled.
The End: Pappu.

Pakistan: Either the Army rules or its puppet.
India: Either the Dynasty rules or its puppet.
India changed in 2014.
Pakistan will never change.

The Dynasty is at its End of Days.
The leadership is finished.
Good time to join the Congress.
You could be the next PM in 2024 or 2029!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India-England debacle musings…

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Globalization of cricket…
When a bunch of Indians fail in England, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, sack those who are from Zimbabwe and Australia.
‪#‎Fletcher‬ ‪#‎Dawes‬ ‪#‎Penney‬

Ravi “Interim” Shastri…
1987/88/91: Interim ODI Captain.
1988: Interim Test Captain.
2007: Interim Manager/Coach.
2014: Interim Director.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oval massacre musings…

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(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)

In 2011, the English coach showed his cricket team Lagaan.
He is still getting his ROI over that masterstroke to this very day.

2011: 0-4.
Ab tumhe teeguna lagaan dena padega.
2012: 1-2.
Ab tumhe paanch guna lagaan dena padega.
2014: 1-3.
Ab… abbe tumne hame bankrupt kar diya teen-teen din main match khatam kar ke. Kam ticket sales aur ads se barbaad ho gaye hum! Ab dus guna lagaan dene ka bhi koi faayada nahin hai!

The next angry birds game will feature Indian batsmen as the targets and become popular among cricket fans.

Critic: What kind of a game is Test cricket? You don’t get a result in 5 days?
Indian fan: Oh, we are masters. We can get a result in 3 days flat.

The Indian batsmen’s favourite nursery rhyme is…
Ring a Ring o’ Roses.
They especially love the part…
Atishoo, atishoo, we all fall down!

Team India seniors get Rs 5 lakh per Test, or Rs 1 lakh a day.
By losing in 3 days, they’re getting Rs 1.67 lakh a day.
Boora khelo, jyaada paisa kamao!!!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru