October 2011 Status Updates

∙ Another way to review the movie…
Ra(ting)One(out of 10)
P.S. I’ve been One die-hard SRK fan for Two decades, so I think can rant a bit (much!).

(October 31)

∙ Sports Minister Maken was asked Rs 600 crore for an F1 entry ticket.
He refused and hence didn’t get an invite.
Good for him. Good for India.

Toot-ta hua khabar: Sutra-Ek Bharatiya Vishaal Puruskar main Sabyasachi Vithal tez gaadi chala kar Pahala Khamba Sthaan le gaye hai. Gaadi ka naam Laal-Saand-Renault hai.

∙ Now if Mayawati and Lady Gaga come on the same stage, then that’s what I call true globalization!
Wah re F1!

∙ Wonder if inflation will ever touch Twitter and we’ll have 160-180 Characters.
(Or is it recession and 120?)
(Facebook Status Message has gone up to Unlimited from 420 Characters and LinkedIn is 500+ Characters)

(October 30)

∙ So after the English Goose got Cook(ed) throughout the tour,
They finally won on their Swann Song!

Lagta hai G.One ka dot gir gaya hai.
Isi liye Ra.One
Gone ho gaya hai!
(Via My Son)

∙ Stray dog to F1: I am more relevant to India than you!

(October 29)

∙ Kareena Kapoor completes her Khan Trilogy.
Aamir Khan, 3 Idiots, The Good.
Salman Khan, Bodyguard, The Bad.
& Shahrukh Khan, Ra.One, The Ugly.

∙ Just heard: SRK stole his statue from Madam Tussaud’s and used it for the second half of Ra.One.

∙ The Diggy Raja Empire has succeeded.
Na rahega Team, na bajega Anna.
(Aise bhi bechara Maun Vrat par hai)

(October 28)

∙ By Jove, Obama is on a roll! The US has finally sealed the WikiLeaks thanks to some excellent economic plumbing.

∙ Smear campaign worked
ABC of Corruption
A: Anna’s Team
C: Congress
A to Z of chances to fight corruption
From A-All-hopers to Z-Zero-hopers

(October 26)

∙ Gadaffi’s final Status Message…
“I am not dead. I am alive.
It’s the world that’s dead!”

∙ According to the Economist Democracy Index, the head of Saudi Arabia is a greater dictator than was the head of Libya.
Also close is the head of China.
Both are great friends of the US.
So much for the end of Dictators!
(Bonus: Best Friend Pakistan is always just one coup away from surpassing all of them.)

(October 21)

∙ Gen Kayani: US should think 10 times before attacking Pak.
US: Sure thing… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10… OK! Attack!

(October 19)

∙ “I would like to thank Mr Pathak for making me join the August company of Bush, Wen Jiabo, Musharraf, Zardari, Mubarak, DSK, Chidambaram, Manmohan, BSY, Advani, Kalmadi…
–Hon. Arvind Kejriwal, while accepting the High-Profile Shoe Target Award.

∙ Siri Siri Appy Shankar presents The Art of Virtual Living with a Timewaste Kriya that can be practiced 24X7.

(October 18)

∙ At first I thought we had a Steve Jobs Day in cyberspace.
Then I thought it would be a Jobs Week.
We are well into a Steve Jobs month now…
(‎2011-12: The United Nations Year of the Steve Jobs.)

∙ The medical council is seriously thinking of accepting Jail Fever as a genuine Indian disease.
Outlook: May reach epidemic status in the future.

∙ The Congress has lost its deposit at the Centre… Oh! Sorry, that was Hisar!

∙ Think Chidambaram should introduce a comprehensive Prison Reform Bill to secure his own future and that of his fellow politicians…

(October 17)

∙ A few days back on October 13, India witnessed the sixth anniversary of the RTI Act coming into force.
The UPA celebrated this event by resolving that the Act wouldn’t make it to the next anniversary in one piece.

(October 15)

∙ Mayawati is superior to other corrupt politicians.
Baaki neta log Rs 685 crore kha ke hajam karte hain aur dakaar bhi nahin sunai deti.
Yahan aap ek
park aur memorial ka jab chahe maja loot sakte hai!

∙ Welcome to coalition politics Anna.
Keeping your allies together, handling spokespersons shooting off their mouths and intense media scrutiny.
Now you know how the UPA feels all the time.
Maybe now you two will work better together as you understand each other better!

iDead seems to be more respected, talked about, raved and appreciated than iAlive…

Corruption fight reality…
Sarkari Lokpal vs Team Anna Lokpal.
Janata gayi tel lene… (aur woh bhi mila nahin thanks to steep petrol price hike!)

News: Manmohan wants to review RTI Act.
Analysis: Hamara har cheez galat ja raha hain, to jo sahi hain, hum usko bhi galat kar denge!

Homeopathic treatment for corruption: Cure like with like.
BJP workers give cash to journos at anti-corruption Rath Yatra PC.
Fight corruption with corruption!

Rahul Gandhi rode on bike of criminal.
Pretty much sums up the Congress leadership.
They’re all clean, but driven by criminals.

Bill Gates is alive.
Steve Jobs is dead.
But what will happen to Jobs Bill?

(October 14)

Stay hungry? Stay foolish?
Doesn’t that already describe the world we live in?
Millions of starving people led by thousands of foolish leaders…

(October 13)

Word of the day…
Mutual: having the same relation each toward the other.
Facebook fact of the day…
My personal record for number of “Mutual Friends” without ever having heard of (let alone met) a particular person: 143.

(October 12)

…suffering from mental indigestion with the excess Apple-Jobs eulogies… need to go on a news Apple-free diet… I’m a huge fan myself, but near-divine status (& status updates) is all quite baffling…

(October 11)

Dear Politicians,
Parliament is not Supreme. The Constitution is.
Parliament is not Sovereign. The People are.
Everyone respects Parliament.
Wish one could say the same for our Parliamentarians!

(October 9)

The more I see my News Feed, the more I am convinced that the collective wisdom of the Facebook Status Messages is greater than the collective wisdom of humanity…

(October 7)

Bigg Boss 5 should be called Big Behenji or Big Amma.
Even Shakti signifies the feminine power.
So 13 + 1 Shaktis?

(October 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 21

• It was once said that if a hundred people repeated a lie a hundred times, it becomes a truth. Well, the Internet would put even Joseph Goebbels to shame. A million people repeat a lie in the form of chain letters, email forwards and other sundry articles a few million times and we have millions of untruths posing around cyberspace as truths. I don’t think anyone knows the definition of truth any more.

• There is an invisible undetectable device that slows down time on weekends and speeds them up on week days.

• America is run by billionaires. They call them industrialists.
India is run by billionaires. We call them politicians.

• Every Indian anchor thinks he’s a polished version of Hard Talk when he’s nothing but another version of Rude Talk.

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes Jun-Aug 2010

· Once, they thought malaria came from swamps and marshlands. Now thanks to Dr Raj, we know better. Nobel Prize for Medicine anyone?

· Corruption is Common in India. Wealth is black all around. Yet we get alarmed only when the Game is exposed.

· Facebook Privacy = Still pretty bad Publicity

(August 3)

· Social Networking Motto: Virtual Company is better than No Company

(August 1)

· Commonblackwealth Games
(July 31)

· Current Post: Chief Damager of Indian Railways. Future Post: Chief Damager of the State of West Bengal. Advice: Emigrate by 2011. Caution: Fly out, don’t take train…

(July 24)

· Coming Soon: Wanted, Global Cut. Americans Anderson and Headley wanted in India. Lanka’s Devananda wanted. Dozens of Pak alleged terrorists wanted…

·  Difference in perspective: The US and Indian Governments thought that Anderson and Carbide employees were the victims of Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

(June 10)

·  Indian Maths: 0.5 million victims + 15000 deaths + 25 years delay + Endless Trauma = 2 years

· Revelation #23: Actually I have a minority stake in Modi’s company which has a minority stake in Srinivasan’s company… and I gifted my stake to Supriya, so I’m clean and it was a surprise gift, so she doesn’t know yet. Aai shapath!

· B.. B.. Bengal B.. B..Basu, B.. B.. Bhattacharya aur abhi B.. B.. Banerjee ke Beech Bebas hai… Bhagwan Bhadralok ko Bachaye!

(June 7)

· Meetha hai khana aaj pahali tareek hain, meetha hai khana aaj doosri tareek hain… meetha hai khana aaj teeswi tareek hain… roz chocolate khao na yaar, ye pahali tareek ka kya funda hai?

· Tharoor-Modi Finding #45: A Tweet for a Tweet will only make all the Twits lose their jobs.

(June 6)

· Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the dirtiest of them all? The mirror just cracked, IPL is too much for it to handle.

· Mystery solved. Sri Sri: Oh God! Police: Oh Dog!

· Will Twitter ever see inflation and the number of characters go up to 160 or 180?

· Looks like Obama has got indigestion after eating Pak food for so long that he’s dying to eat Indian chapatis.

· In the 1970s, West Bengal had Ray. But no light. Then came Jyoti. And darkness. Followed by Buddha. No enlightenment. On the cards is Mamata. But I don’t think the Spirit of Love is exactly going to pervade the State for the next 5-6 years.

(June 5)

· Ignorance Premier League: The Wheelers and Dealers themselves don’t know that they are involved with the IPL!

· Cross my heart. My name is not Supriya Sule. I don’t know Sharad Pawar. And… err… what is cricket?

(June 4)

· West Bengal. Congress-Dark Ages. Left-Super Dark Ages. Mamata-Super Duper Dark Ages. I really admire the resilience of the state.

(June 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Status Updates May 2010

· Success = 3 Timely Good Hot Meals + 1 Good Night’s Sleep (Every Day)

(May 25)

· It’s high time India, Pak built an Imaginary Wall: No talks, no ties, no trade, no nothing… politicians can’t do a thing… one day the people will themselves tear down the wall… till then stop wasting time…

· When 1 billion people take more than 10-20 years to hang a single person, it’s time to abolish the death penalty.

· Looks like Mamata has Left the Railways. God save us passengers!

· The Terrorist bans Life. The Pak Govt bans Virtual Life. Acchi jugalbandi hain!

· Modi & Modi. Politics & Cricket. Top Performers. Top Targets. Top Hates. Best & Worst together. What would we do without them?

· Pak fan’s diary: Pak maintains 100% victory record in 2010 too. Won 60% matches. Out of 40% matches lost, all were fixed.

(May 22)

· India and Pak are best of friends and believe in sharing! Apart from a shared heritage and culture, they also share Kashmir, bullets and terrorism…

(May 20)

· Unusual marriage vows: Do you Sunanda give up your IPL team? I do! … Do you Shashi give up your Govt Ministry? I do!

· Aman ki Asha = Chaman ki Bhasha.

· Newscast: Here is today’s news, weather, stock quotes and the latest Facebook Privacy settings.

· Facebook is a big fan of Heraclitus, who said: Nothing is permanent except change. That’s why they keep changing Privacy Settings every day.

(May 19)

· Is tiring a bit of T20. It’s like a long Bollywood movie. Can’t wait for International T10. That’ll be more like a Hollywood thriller!

· Rain rain don’t go away,
and still come again another day,
keep at it if you may,
I never believed in making hay…

· Brevity is the soul of wit. Lengthy is the soul of a twit. (Reference: Lalit Modi’s 15000 page reply)

· Saving (Un)Private Facebook

· High time they had parties, tamasha, bollywood stars, hype, team cheerleaders… in world cups and Tests. That’s the only hope of being taken seriously by Indian players.

· Next group to target Modi. Environmentalists. 15000 pages of paper in a paperless era, I tell you! How many trees did he butcher?

(May 16)

· Old Age Saying: The Joke’s on you. New Age Saying: The Joke’s your deputy.
(Courtesy: David Cameron)

(May 13)

· The grass is always greener on the other side = The ball is always shorter on the other side of Indian Cricket.

(May 12)

· I admire people like Shashi Tharoor and Jairam Ramesh. They challenge the absolutely “Fake Public Consensus” that India is steeped in.

(May 11)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 17

• You should get away from all Real and Virtual Humans from time to time to maintain your sanity.

• Cricket is a matter of life and death in India. So it’s really surprising how many times we fans have totally died and still continue to live peacefully and with hope.

• Elsewhere in the world, sport is religion. For Indian politicians, religion is a mere sport. Elsewhere in the world, work is religion. For Indian politicians, religion is work and a great and lucrative means of livelihood.

• It’s not the politician’s fault. His consumers are foolish voters and he is merely servicing them.

• It’s surprising how when faced with “Quit or Tweet” how many choose both.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 14

• Passing rains during peak summer are just a momentary lapse of season.

• I always believe that Prayer is the only thing that can do time travel. If you Pray hard enough, it can travel to the past and set things right. And you think the Miracle instantly appeared when it actually was a result of a series of events of a changed past. The Prayer can travel to the future and stop bad things there too.

• I think God is also a bureaucrat. He puts all our curses, bad wishes and jinxes for our fellow human beings in an in folder which he doesn’t check till Eternity. If he acted on all of them, then we’d all surely be dead by now!

• Celebrity comes from the word celebration. It should have come from the word destruction instead. We love to destroy our celebrities. They should be called delebrities instead.

• As microprocessors go faster, RAMs ramp up and software gets smarter, why does the computer experience feel just as slow?

© Sunil Rajguru