Dealdaara dealdaara …

SRK is not the Dildaara of Ra.One, but the “Deal”daara of the real world and just seems want money, not the viewer, to Stand by him… After many years he has made enough money to fill his coffers thanks to hype and multiple deals…
Please read to the tune of Dildaara (Stand By Me)

When the kadki has come,
When the kadki has come,
Then the money coffers are dark,
And the moolah is the only light,
And the moolah is the only light,
We will see… Darling money, darling money…

O paisa O paisa, mera pyaara paisa,
O… poori hai dua, ab kuch bhi…
To ant nahin, tujhe pa ke lage…
Muqammal hai khuda.

O paisa O paisa, mera pyaara paisa,
O… tere naam sa… ab koi… bhi lafz nahi…
Ra.One ko dekhe… Sau crore log sau dafa.

Dealdaara dealdaara … Ye rati bhar ka talent bhala,
Dealdaara dealdaara …Ye movie ho superhit sabse bada…

O… Dealdaara dealdaara … Main jeeta bhale hi viewer haara,
Dealdaara dealdaara …
Darling money, darling money, Stand By me…
Come on and stand… Stand by me…

O box office ka khuda, yaane ki mere khuda,
O… tujhse hi hai vastha (and the moolah is the only light)
Tu… manzil… hai aur tu hi uss manzil ki…
Aage ka rasta (The sequel will come when the money coffers are dark)

Dealdaara dealdaara …
Tere 3D nazaro se mila extra paisa (Now the money coffers are no longer dark)
O… Dealdaara dealdaara …
Main jeeta bhale hi viewer haara (Now the money coffers are no longer dark)

Darling money, darling money… Stand by me…
Won’t you stand… stand by me…

(Original Song: Dildaara (Stand By Me)
Film: Ra.One.
Year: 2011)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Some Ra.One musings…

∙ The journey from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai to Ra.One
Hum ek baar jeete hain, ek baar pyaar karte hain, ek baar shaadi karte hain, aur ek baar se jyaada Ra.One to hargeez nahin dekh sakte!

∙ I think if any of the Three Khans even made a boring documentary, but released it with great hype, then it would make Rs 150 crores in five days before most of the public actually realized what it was all about.

∙ Amitabh Bachchan went all out and sold his brand in the 1990s and resultantly went from Hero to Zero. Only KBC revived him.
SRK is doing the same thing by selling his brand to the hilt…
Some Ra.One wordplay…
Number 1… No 1… No.1… No.One… NoOne… no one…

(Spoiler alert)
SRK has outdone himself cinematically.
In about ten odd movies he has died.
In this one, he dies twice!
In about 5-6 movies, he has played a double role.
Here it’s technically a triple role, (if you count the regenerated G.One at the end!)
Ra.One = Deaths.Two = Roles.Three

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

October 2011 Status Updates

∙ Another way to review the movie…
Ra(ting)One(out of 10)
P.S. I’ve been One die-hard SRK fan for Two decades, so I think can rant a bit (much!).

(October 31)

∙ Sports Minister Maken was asked Rs 600 crore for an F1 entry ticket.
He refused and hence didn’t get an invite.
Good for him. Good for India.

Toot-ta hua khabar: Sutra-Ek Bharatiya Vishaal Puruskar main Sabyasachi Vithal tez gaadi chala kar Pahala Khamba Sthaan le gaye hai. Gaadi ka naam Laal-Saand-Renault hai.

∙ Now if Mayawati and Lady Gaga come on the same stage, then that’s what I call true globalization!
Wah re F1!

∙ Wonder if inflation will ever touch Twitter and we’ll have 160-180 Characters.
(Or is it recession and 120?)
(Facebook Status Message has gone up to Unlimited from 420 Characters and LinkedIn is 500+ Characters)

(October 30)

∙ So after the English Goose got Cook(ed) throughout the tour,
They finally won on their Swann Song!

Lagta hai G.One ka dot gir gaya hai.
Isi liye Ra.One
Gone ho gaya hai!
(Via My Son)

∙ Stray dog to F1: I am more relevant to India than you!

(October 29)

∙ Kareena Kapoor completes her Khan Trilogy.
Aamir Khan, 3 Idiots, The Good.
Salman Khan, Bodyguard, The Bad.
& Shahrukh Khan, Ra.One, The Ugly.

∙ Just heard: SRK stole his statue from Madam Tussaud’s and used it for the second half of Ra.One.

∙ The Diggy Raja Empire has succeeded.
Na rahega Team, na bajega Anna.
(Aise bhi bechara Maun Vrat par hai)

(October 28)

∙ By Jove, Obama is on a roll! The US has finally sealed the WikiLeaks thanks to some excellent economic plumbing.

∙ Smear campaign worked
ABC of Corruption
A: Anna’s Team
C: Congress
A to Z of chances to fight corruption
From A-All-hopers to Z-Zero-hopers

(October 26)

∙ Gadaffi’s final Status Message…
“I am not dead. I am alive.
It’s the world that’s dead!”

∙ According to the Economist Democracy Index, the head of Saudi Arabia is a greater dictator than was the head of Libya.
Also close is the head of China.
Both are great friends of the US.
So much for the end of Dictators!
(Bonus: Best Friend Pakistan is always just one coup away from surpassing all of them.)

(October 21)

∙ Gen Kayani: US should think 10 times before attacking Pak.
US: Sure thing… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10… OK! Attack!

(October 19)

∙ “I would like to thank Mr Pathak for making me join the August company of Bush, Wen Jiabo, Musharraf, Zardari, Mubarak, DSK, Chidambaram, Manmohan, BSY, Advani, Kalmadi…
–Hon. Arvind Kejriwal, while accepting the High-Profile Shoe Target Award.

∙ Siri Siri Appy Shankar presents The Art of Virtual Living with a Timewaste Kriya that can be practiced 24X7.

(October 18)

∙ At first I thought we had a Steve Jobs Day in cyberspace.
Then I thought it would be a Jobs Week.
We are well into a Steve Jobs month now…
(‎2011-12: The United Nations Year of the Steve Jobs.)

∙ The medical council is seriously thinking of accepting Jail Fever as a genuine Indian disease.
Outlook: May reach epidemic status in the future.

∙ The Congress has lost its deposit at the Centre… Oh! Sorry, that was Hisar!

∙ Think Chidambaram should introduce a comprehensive Prison Reform Bill to secure his own future and that of his fellow politicians…

(October 17)

∙ A few days back on October 13, India witnessed the sixth anniversary of the RTI Act coming into force.
The UPA celebrated this event by resolving that the Act wouldn’t make it to the next anniversary in one piece.

(October 15)

∙ Mayawati is superior to other corrupt politicians.
Baaki neta log Rs 685 crore kha ke hajam karte hain aur dakaar bhi nahin sunai deti.
Yahan aap ek
park aur memorial ka jab chahe maja loot sakte hai!

∙ Welcome to coalition politics Anna.
Keeping your allies together, handling spokespersons shooting off their mouths and intense media scrutiny.
Now you know how the UPA feels all the time.
Maybe now you two will work better together as you understand each other better!

iDead seems to be more respected, talked about, raved and appreciated than iAlive…

Corruption fight reality…
Sarkari Lokpal vs Team Anna Lokpal.
Janata gayi tel lene… (aur woh bhi mila nahin thanks to steep petrol price hike!)

News: Manmohan wants to review RTI Act.
Analysis: Hamara har cheez galat ja raha hain, to jo sahi hain, hum usko bhi galat kar denge!

Homeopathic treatment for corruption: Cure like with like.
BJP workers give cash to journos at anti-corruption Rath Yatra PC.
Fight corruption with corruption!

Rahul Gandhi rode on bike of criminal.
Pretty much sums up the Congress leadership.
They’re all clean, but driven by criminals.

Bill Gates is alive.
Steve Jobs is dead.
But what will happen to Jobs Bill?

(October 14)

Stay hungry? Stay foolish?
Doesn’t that already describe the world we live in?
Millions of starving people led by thousands of foolish leaders…

(October 13)

Word of the day…
Mutual: having the same relation each toward the other.
Facebook fact of the day…
My personal record for number of “Mutual Friends” without ever having heard of (let alone met) a particular person: 143.

(October 12)

…suffering from mental indigestion with the excess Apple-Jobs eulogies… need to go on a news Apple-free diet… I’m a huge fan myself, but near-divine status (& status updates) is all quite baffling…

(October 11)

Dear Politicians,
Parliament is not Supreme. The Constitution is.
Parliament is not Sovereign. The People are.
Everyone respects Parliament.
Wish one could say the same for our Parliamentarians!

(October 9)

The more I see my News Feed, the more I am convinced that the collective wisdom of the Facebook Status Messages is greater than the collective wisdom of humanity…

(October 7)

Bigg Boss 5 should be called Big Behenji or Big Amma.
Even Shakti signifies the feminine power.
So 13 + 1 Shaktis?

(October 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

Ra.One: Just one question for every one…

Dear Shahrukh Khan,
Have you ever played with a single video game in your entire life?

Dear SRK’s son,
Beta, are you aware that your father made a movie just for you and got the whole country to pay for it?

Dear Anubhav Sinha,
Are you aware that unless you tell SRK to act, he doesn’t?
(The same goes for Kareena.
And Priyanka, were you high during the shoot?)

Dear Shekhar Subramanium,
How come you have such a fake Tamil accent while speaking in English and none when mouthing Hindi wisdom?

Dear Ra.One,
“Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Come back or else…”
Are you for real?

Dear Kareena,
When is your next movie with SRK?
(Asoka was in 2001.
Ra.One in 2011.
Hope the next one isn’t before 2021.
Somehow you bring out the worst in him)

Dear Story Writer,
Do you exist?

Dear Special Effects Team,
Hollywood is impossible, but couldn’t you have at least come somewhere near Krrish or Enthiran?

Dear Marketing Team,
Who was the movie’s target audience?
(If it was for adults, then it’s way too childish.
If it was for children, then the language and one-liners are way too offensive)

Dear Prudes,
When any non-offensive movie comes, you go over the top protesting it all the same. Here’s a movie that is offensive towards Tamilians, Chinese, Gays… not to mention “sick sexual jokes in a kid’s movie” and there’s just a faint murmur.

Random Access One? Even if I Randomly Access all my memories, then I can’t think of One redeeming point!

© Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 4

There was this movie called Ra.One,
Which was worse than this film called Raavan,
But it made its crores n crores n crores,
Despite all its bores n bores n bores,
Aur abhi viewers ka aa gaya hai maran!

There was this concert of Metallica,
That finally hit New Delhi in India,
But it quickly became a no show,
And the fans just didn’t want to go,
Aur sab ne mil kar stage ka barricade ko hi phod diya!

There was this Team of the Anna,
Jiska unity gaya khaane ganna,
One talked Kashmir and two did quit,
The others didn’t like it one little bit,
Aur ab credibility solah aane se ho gaya chaar aana!

There was this man called Diggy Raja,
Jiska jab dekho bajta tha baaja,
He talked n talked and talked,
And talked n talked and talked,
Hey Bhagwan Bharat ko kyun dee itni badi saza!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Maan gaye Mughal-e-Azam

How to make a blockbuster, Bollywood style…

One super-childish video game + One petty and illogical supervillain + One stupid and strong superhero + One incoherent plot and storyline + One bad music album + Basic Level One Science Fiction + Premium Grade One hype + One Superstar =
Rs One hundred crore and multiples of that sum.

Ra.One. Wah.One. Well DOne!

Dhanya ho Bollywood!

Directors, story writers, heroines… sab gaye tel lene, all you need is One Superstar per movie, everything else is irrelevant.

Shahrukh Khan the entertainer died in 2008.
Shahrukh Khan the businessman lives on, getting stronger by the day!

P.S. Which gaming company in their right frame of mind names their premier game as Random Access One?

Stage set for Ra.One.Two or Ra.Two or Ra2.0 for multiples of Rs Two Hundred crores?

© Sunil Rajguru