Trump Presidential musings…

Modi can’t get majority.
Gets.
Cameron can’t win.
Wins.
Netanyahu can’t win.
Wins.
Brexit can’t happen.
Happens.
Trump can’t win.
Watch this space.

The Bushes by supporting Hillary show that Dynasty always comes before party and democracy.
Bush III thwarted, so let’s have Clinton II.

Hat-trick?
#AbKiBaarModiSarkaar

#AbKiBaarCameronSarkaar

#AbKiBaarTrumpSarkaar

America’s rival monarchies…
For 32 straight years, from 1980-2012, a Bush or Clinton has either been President, VP or Secretary of State.

If #Hillary loses, then Obama would be the only President to have 2 losing Presidential candidates as Secretaries of State. #Kerry

Worldwide liberals and intellectuals believe in only two things…
1. Communist propaganda.
2. Capitalist moolah.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies

shahrukh-khan-2380411_640A for Amitabh Bachchan

One is the Shahenshah and one is the Badshaah. And of course, it’s impossible for them to get along. Or so the grapevine would have us believe. There’s a cold war that keeps brewing and we keep getting the details. One such was when Jaya Bachchan called Happy New Year a nonsensical film and that got SRK mad and Amitabh had to apologize.

A is also for Abhijeet who once declared that he wouldn’t sing for SRK ever again as he didn’t get enough respect to him. You could say that Abhijeet’s playback career got cut short after that. He only came back in the limelight when he became a strong supporter of Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Twitter.

barber-2165745_640B for Billu Barber

This one defied logic. If the hero of a movie is called Billu and is a barber, then what else can one call the movie? But barbers of the world (or rather India) found it derogatory and the film had to be renamed to Billu.

C for Chalte Chalte

It was reported that due to a fracas between Aishwarya Rai and Salman Khan on the sets of the film, the former was sacked from the movie and replaced with Rani Mukerji. Years later SRK wasn’t invited to the marriage of Aishwarya at the Amitabh household.

D for Dilwale

This comes straight after I for Intolerance. SRK got into the whole #AwardWapsi controversy and Twitter started trending #BoycottDilwale. SRK pleaded T for Tolerance before the movie but the damage was done. People protested with banners and continued the campaign. One trade analyst said the film made losses to the tune of Rs 50-60 crores for distributors and hence could be called his biggest flop ever.

That set SRK back, but the flop of Fan hurt him even more. Thanks to all this, the release of Raees was pushed from Eid 2016 to Republic Day 2017. With Raees having Pakistani Mahira Khan, it could still release to a major controversy.

Shah Rukh Khan’s career is now officially over

How SRK and Dilwale got punished for Aamir over intolerance

Why SRK’s Fan and Raees will suffer like Dilwale

Does Shah Rukh Khan want Bollywood to boycott him?

D is also for Deepa Sahi. Remember Maya Memsaab in 1993? That had generated a lot of controversy over the sexually explicit content. The censor board cut some scenes, which made their way to YouTube years later.

E for the Eyes of Amar Singh

At an awards show, SRK joked that he saw “darindagi” (evil) in erstwhile Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh’s eyes. Amitabh was miffed and SP partymen agitated in front of SRK’s home.

F for Farah Khan

When Farah decided to do her 3rd movie without SRK, all manner of reports came of a split between the two. The superstar later clarified that it was a date problem and nothing else. Since then SRK and Farah Khan have patched up and made Happy New Year. However then Jaya called the film nonsensical.

F is also for foetal test. A report appeared that SRK and Gauri went in for a foetal sex test during pregnancy and there was even a probe into those allegations!

G for Gay

The SRK-Saif Ali Khan gay act in Kal Ho Na Ho was a big hit and the acting continued well into award shows. That led some people to spread rumours that he was gay in the first place. To be fair, the duo sportingly carried on this theme while hosting a film award show.

H for Hosting film award shows

When the King Khan hosts a film award, then it can’t be normal. At the Filmfare awards, he and Saif took potshots at everyone: critics, the film industry, themselves… Not everyone was amused though.

H is also for Pakistani terrorist Pakistani Hafiz who invited SRK to Pakistan after a controversial write-up in Outlook magazine. Declared SRK: I sometimes become the inadvertent object of political leaders who choose to make me a symbol of all that they think is wrong and unpatriotic about Muslims in India. I have been accused of bearing allegiance to our neighbouring nation rather than my own country.

I for IPL

After failing to get Mumbai, SRK landed with Kolkata in his kitty. Since then it was been trouble with Dada Sourav Ganguly, coach John Buchanan, irate fans, bottom of the table performances, Pak players controversy and initially they didn’t even reach the semis. G is also for (Sunil) Gavaskar. This is what the cricketing legend had to say about Buchanan: A failed former cricketer making a living telling international players to do what he couldn’t do. Needless to say SRK wasn’t amused. Since then KKR has won the IPL twice, though winning captain Gautam Gambhir soon found himself out of the national team.

J for Junk Food Actors

burger-2167270_640In the 1990s, he once made certain remarks about “junk food actors” which allegedly referred to action stars Akshay Kumar and Sunil Shetty. The comments were subsequently totally denied and everything was fine between the three.

K for Khan Wars

It is impossible for the Three Big Khans to get along. Bollywood is simply too small for Salman, Aamir and SRK. Either they are not on talking terms or are cold to each other at parties and meets. Aamir even once got into the mood and questioned SRK’s No. 1 status followed by the below-the-belt comment on his blog that a dog called Shah Rukh was licking his legs. The love-hate relationship between the three Khans continues. There was that famous SRK-Salman hug though.

Then there’s the Chalte Chalte controversy as mentioned above and there was also supposed to be another confrontation between the two at Katrina Kaif’s birthday party.

K is also for Kunder as it was alleged that SRK slapped Farah Khan’s husband Shirish Kunder at a Bollywood party. Kunder even Tweeted making fun of the fortunes of Ra.One saying, “I just heard a 150 cr firework fizzle”. Since then after a lot of apologies, SRK and Farah got together for Happy New Year.

L for Lux Cozi

Lux Cozi sponsored Kolkata Knight Riders. Lux Cozi promoter was charged with the abetment of suicide of Rizwanur Rahman. And the deal got promptly frozen, even though the ads kept coming on TV long after the press conference where the announcement was made.

M for My Name is Khan

One of the biggest controversies in recent times. The Shiv Sena. The MNS. The Maharashtra government. Everyone seemed to have got involved. The film got released amidst unprecedented security and SRK is still clueless on what exactly happened and why it happened. (The Thackerays said they were protesting SRK batting for Pakistani players in the IPL.) What the Shiv Sena did for MNIK, the MNS is hoping to do for Raees.

N for Newark Airport

newark-2021159_640SRK was detained Newark Airport in the US for more than an hour “Because His Name Was Khan”. While SRK kicked up a racket, his detractors found the plot too eerily similar to the movie he was shooting for.

O for Om Shanti Om

While this movie opened to bumper full house without any problems, thespian Manoj Kumar made a big fuss about how his character was portrayed negatively and wanted an apology plus the scenes being cut.

P for Priyanka Chopra

priyanka-chopra-1748203_640SRK has a great personal life and usually stays out of the news for the wrong reasons, but he was once linked to Piggy Chops and the Bollywood grapevine had a gala time. P for is also for parties. There’s something always happening at Bollywood parties.

Q for Quiz Shows

Why did SRK take up Kaun Banega Crorepati? To prove a point to Amitabh? Was Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain a washout? Why did SRK host a college quiz?

R for Ra.One

No SRK movie has come in for so much flak over its story line and penchant for offending a whole host of communities. Panned by the critics, this movie raked in the moolah for SRK but still wasn’t the blockbuster it was made out to be.

An Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan regarding Ra.One

R for is also for Rab Ne Banadi Jodi. During the shooting of this movie, it is alleged that SRK smoked on the premises of a “No Smoking” Sikh college in Amritsar. SRK was also caught smoking in the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur during an IPL match and a case was filed against him.

S for Scanner

baggage-hall-775540_640Heathrow airport proudly introduced body scanners that would tighten security. However people claimed to have saved and distributed images of SRK’s body, leading to an outcry by privacy groups.

T for Trimurti

This was one of the major box office debacles of the mid-nineties and director Mukul Anand and producer Subash Ghai traded barbs on who was responsible. Fingers were also pointed at the performances of Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff and this was one of the few controversies SRK quietly walked away from.

U for United Producers and Distributors Association Forum

Being a producer himself, SRK was thick in the middle of the 2009 Bollywood producers’ strike. Initially the TV channels just focused on rivals SRK and Aamir coming on one platform.

W for Whiteness Creams

While stars and cricketers have got flak for endorsing any and every product they can get their hands on, SRK got maximum flak for selling a skin whitening cream—and that too for men!

7 reasons Indians are the most racist in the world

W is also for Wankhede Stadium. A grand fracas after a match (that KKR won!) led to SRK being banned from the stadium.

The badshaah of Bollywood extends his domain

X for Xerox

printer-29111_640A Xerox of Dilip Kumar. A copy of Amitabh. That’s how his acting was described when he started out his career. Then there was that hamming label. That way, he has come a long way with his performances in Swades, Chak De India and MNIK.

Y for Yale University

yale-university-1604157_640On his way to give a speech in Yale, SRK was again detained by airport security yet again in 2012. Then it was third time unlucky in Los Angeles in 2016.

His name is Shah Rukh Khan and US won’t (ever) stop detaining him

Y for is also for Yash Chopra. While SRK and the Chopras have shared an excellent relationship, the very first movie Darr had Sunny Deol crying foul over the way his role was cut to size and the ending was shot and edited without him being taken into confidence. The media reported that they didn’t talk for years after that.

Z for Zaara, the Pakistani girl

When Veer-Zaara was released, Pakistan President General Pervez Musharraf was very upset with the negative portrayal of Pakistan. Luckily, that did not escalate into anything nasty.

© Sunil Rajguru

(First version posted on February 24, 2010 and has been updated multiple times)

Also read…

King Khan: A king for debut directors, too!

Shah Rukh Khan’s career through trilogies…

Major Shahrukh Khan versus ACP Pradyuman

Neither Big B nor SRK: Can Incredible India think beyond film stars?

The myth of “The Left” and “The Right”…

There is no “The Left” and “The Right”.
There is only “The Centre” and “The Fringe”…
The Centre…
1. Democracy.
2. Equal Rights.
3. Universal Laws.
4. Separation of the Church and State.
5. Capitalism.
The Fringe…
1. Communism.
2. Religious States.
3. Civil/military dictatorships.
4. Pseudo(Seculars-Intellectuals-Liberals).
5. Monarchies, pseudo monarchies like Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.

#Communism 101

#Communism.
Still born in 1848.
Dead in 1991.
A zombie in 2016.
But still the favourite of media + intellectuals + liberals.

#Communism = Poison.
Socialism = Diluted poiso

Globally, Communists totally sponge off the Capitalist State, but still attack both Capitalism and the State virulently.

1. Capitalism + Democracy.
2. #Communism + Dictatorship.
Call 1. “Right” and 2. “Left” to introduce fake parity.

#Communism = Mass murderers like Mao and Stalin (Together killed 100 million plus)
So attack Modi, Trump, Netanyahu etc.

#Communism = Dictatorship + Zero economic workability.
So it will always attack Capitalism + Democracy virulently to hide that.

With an exactly 0% success rate, they will virulently attack Capitalism for not having a 100% success rate.
#Communism

Biggest mass murderers of 20th century…
1. Mao.
2. Stalin.
3. Hitler.
Worshippers of No. 1 and No. 2 will call anyone they dislike No. 3.
#Communism

By Sunil Rajguru

The most politically correct Western ever…

I just saw 2016’s The Magnificent Seven, probably the most politically correct Western of all time… (Spoilers!)

The Seven consist of…

1. An African American.
2. A Native American.
3. A Mexican.
4. An Asian.
5-7. Three Whites.

In the end only the No. 1-3 representing minority groups of America are left standing.

The character Jack Horne who once made a living out of hunting and scalping Native Americans is killed by a Native American and Horne’s death is avenged by his Native American gang member.

It shows Goodnight Robicheaux, a Confederate veteran and the “Angel of Death” realize the horrors of war and refusing to kill at the beginning of the movie.

For gender equality, the Seven are hired by a woman who also becomes the one who shoots the main villain in the end, which none of the Seven can achieve.

The director is African American, the music is done by a Jew, while those with screenplay and cinematography are of Italian descent.

© Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan will do nothing. Neither will America. Only India can solve its own problems…

The Pakistani Army openly trains terrorists and sends them to India.

The Pakistani Government knows this.

The Pakistani Army knows that the Pakistani Government knows this.

The Americans know all of the above and the Indians know that the Americans know this.

So the onus has always been on the Indian government.

The Pakistani Army will always train terrorists and send them to India.

The Pakistani Government will always be a mute spectator.

The Americans will always watch in amusement.

The United Nations is a toothless political body anyway.

China also loves to watch India squirming.

In this equation the only variable is the Indian Government.

Only it has the power to change it and not anyone else.

So in that light #InternationalizingBalochistan, #ReviewingIndusWaterTreaty and #SurgicalStrikes are excellent moves forward.

It only remains to be seen if we can keep doing it.

© Sunil Rajguru

The #SurgicalStrike debate continues…

Why we are a soft nation.
1939-45 World War 2: Full might of Air Force realized.
1962 China war: Nehru refuses to use IAF.
1999 Kargil War: Vajpayee reluctantly uses IAF, that too with restrictions.

India: Officially declare Pak a terror state and stop funds!
US: Have you officially declared Pak a terror state and snapped ties?
Apna haath Jagannath.

4 stages of Congress…
1. Denial.
No #SurgicalStrike took place.
2. Lies.
We did many #SurgicalStrikes.
3. Pettiness.
Army did strike, not government.
4. Ugliness.
Modi doing #KhoonKiDalaali of Jawans.

Pappu’s speechwriter has been steadily killing off his political career for ages and Pappu hasn’t even noticed it.
#KhoonKiDalaali

#ModiHaters
They have run out of valid attacks, then outlandish attacks, then stupid attacks and now have reached the realm of the bizarre.
#KhoonKiDalaali

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sasura James Bondwa bhi paan khaata hai!

Sir, will you have your usual Martini shaken, not stirred.
Pierce Brosnan: No thank you, I have my pan masala.
India finally conquers UK!

It appears that many James Bond fans are both shaken and stirred.
#PierceBrosnan #PanBahar

Pan masala endorsers…
1. James Bond.
2. Agent Vinod.
3. Alex Parrish. (Quantico)
4. Ajay Singh Rajput. (Baby)

In India he will soon be called nothing but…
Paanwallah Brosnan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Hillary Dickory Dock…

#Hillary
#Deplorables Rubbishes Trump voters.
#BasementDwellers Rubbishes Sanders voters.
#Podesta Rubbishes own voters.

The leaked documents on the sins of Hillary could now fill an entire library.

Hillary-Obama West Asia mismanagement may have cost tens of thousands of lives.
At least it’s open to debate.
How many did Trump kill?
“Hitler” has become a joke.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan has attacked us a million times and you still want peace?

cartridges-2166491_640Pre-Independence, the Muslim League pushed for Partition, not the Congress. They engineered communal riots, became really alarmist and finally got their way. One estimate of the post-Independence riots puts the toll at a whopping one million, but Pakistan didn’t care. They increased the bloodshed and attacked Kashmir even though nobody gave it to them and both the titular head and popular leader decided to join India.

In 1960, desperate for peace, India signed a very magnanimous Indus Water Treaty. Pakistan rewarded us by trying to annex the Rann of Kutch in 1965. Again we made a magnanimous peace and the further reward was a full-blown war.

Not satisfied with the disastrous 1965 war, they committed genocide in East Pakistan forcing India to intervene. They poured oil on the flames on India’s Punjab problem and then eyed Siachen in 1984. For a change India pre-empted them.

So they started sending terrorists into Kashmir in 1989. They proceeded to destroy Afghanistan via the Taliban. Meanwhile India tried to contain the Pakistani terrorists instead of attacking Pakistan directly which they should have. So Pakistan responded with another war in 1999. India tried to contain it by not crossing the LoC, but do you think Pakistan gives a shit for such finer nuances?

Today Pakistan is in shambles. Terrorists have killed more than 60,000 civilians and many terror groups are in a state of conflict with the Pakistan government. There is a civil war raging in North Waziristan and an Independence movement in Balochistan. There are even Independence movements in Gilgit-Baltistan and a movement in PoK to come back to India. Curiously there was even a rally in Sindh asking for Independence.

Despite all this death and destruction and the disintegration of Pakistan, they still want Kashmir, war, terror and threaten India with a nuclear strike even though India is a much larger power and will just about survive a nuclear war while Pakistan will be totally wiped out.

Pakistan hates itself and you want it to love India?

Pakistan is destroying itself and you think it will care for India?

Pakistan’s Army and government are both butchering its own citizens and you think it will care for Indian citizens?

And you still want to talk peace with Pakistan?

© Sunil Rajguru

#SurgicalStrike? Show me the proof!

Do you see the pattern?
No Gujarat development.
No Modi wave.
No Modi mandate (31%).
No India development.
No #SurgicalStrike.

Schrodinger’s Strike.
It is claimed to have not happened and condemned for having happened at the same time.
#SurgicalStrike

Why release #SurgicalStrike proof to satisfy #AdarshLiberals who will never be satisfied. Ever.

Those happy with #SurgicalStrike don’t want proof.
Those asking for proof will never be convinced anyway and may spend time debunking proof.

Einstein—E = mc².
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi convert karke dikha!
Schrondinger—If we take a box and close it…
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi box khol ke dikha!

I will offer 0.00% proof for my 1001 allegations…
…but…
Modi must offer proof of #SurgicalStrike to prove Pak is not a liar.
#Kejri

Abuse up front.
Backhanded compliments.
That’s all that Kejri has to offer Modi.
Modi is India. India is Modi.
Modi Haters are India Haters. India Haters are Modi Haters.
#SurgicalStrike

Things are coming to such a head that even if Modi wins 2019, Kejri-Pappu & Co. will agitate saying: Show us the proof!

They called the Ishrat case a Fake Encounter.
They have supersized that.
Now they are calling it a Fake #SurgicalStrike Encounter.
#SanjayNirupam

A. #SurgicalStrikes are bad. They go against the spirit of Nehru.
B. #SurgicalStrikes are good. Nehru masterminded them.
Congressi: OK, now let’s toss the coin.

Had PV Narasimha Rao launched #SurgicalStrikes in the 1990s, terrorism may have ended then and he might have won another term.

1989-2014—Thousands killed in Kashmir terrorism.
This is before Modi came, Balochistan was raised & #SurgicalStrike happened.

#AdarshLiberals
Hundreds of strikes by Pakistani Army trained terrorists.
Yawn!
1 #SurgicalStrike by Indian Army.
Sparta!!!

Height of expectations…
Calling for Pakistani artistes to condemn #UriAttacks when many Indian artistes refuse point blank to do so.

Kanoon saboot mangta hai!
In the case of #SurgicalStrike…
Chor saboot mangta hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan bilkul sudhrega nahin musings…

Pakistani Army most cowardly on Earth.
Loses all conventional wars.
Sends civilians (terrorists) to do its dirty deeds.
#Baramulla

Top 5 most powerful men in deciding Pakistan’s fate…
1. Obama.
2. General Sharif.
3. ISI Chief.
4. Hafiz Saeed.
5. Nawaz Sharif.
#SadButTrue

Pak vicious cycle…
1950s/60s: We will never forget Partition.
1970s-90s: We will never forget 1971.
Post-2000: We will never forget how a nuclear power was humiliated in Kargil.

Like Alcoholics Anonymous, Pakistan has a programme called Terrorists Anonymous.
They identify & train them but pretend they are anonymous.

1 bitter Partition—Millions dead/hurt/displaced.
4 wars—1947, 1965, 1971, 1999.
Hundreds of terror attacks.
You think peace will be simple?

India 1947-2016.
All we are saying is give peace a chance.
Pakistan 1947-99.
All we are saying is give war a chance.
Pakistan 1989-2016.
All we are saying is give terror a chance.

Pakistan has been attacking us for donkeys years.
This is retaliation, not escalation.
#SurgicalStrikesAgainstPak

Pakistan wants J&K in its entirety.
Have a million talks at a hundred levels.
How do you sort that out?
#AmanKiAshaIsChamanKiBhasha

Pakistan has been threatening India since 1947.
Sending terrorists since 1989.
Amazing how some Indians have problems with one #SurgicalStrike in 2016.

Number of those killed by Pakistani trained terrorists is greater than 9/11.
Reaction by India so far is not even 1% of America.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru