March 2017 Status Updates

UK triggers Brexit.
EU chief vows to break up USA.
Two break-ups don’t make one unification.
(People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones)

Random alternate reality universe…
1947-60: Netaji.
1960-75: Shastri.
1975-85: Vajpayee
1985-95: Rao.
1995-2000: Advani
2000-10: Scindia.

(March 30)

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

(March 29)

How do you counter Eve-teasing?
By Romeo bashing.
#MixedMetaphors Adam & Eve + Romeo & Juliet.

Priyanka’s daughter will be saviour: Poojary.
Sonia couldn’t be PM.
Pappu can’t be PM.
Pappini won’t be PM.
Can’t dare to think beyond dynasty.

(March 24)

Schrodinger on steroids.
If you go by the TV news channels, Uttar Pradesh currently has one dozen “next” Chief Ministers.

(March 18)

Assange is a bigger name than Jack.
Yet Jack refuses to give Assange a verified Twitter account.
Tells you what’s wrong with the Left-Liberal ecosystem.

(March 17)

It is the right moment for the Right.
But things are still far off for the Far Right.
#GeertWilders #DutchElections

(March 16)

Till 1945-Colonialism.
1945-91: Big 2.
1991-2000s: Pax Americana.
2010s: US, China, Russia, India, Turkey, Iran etc all being assertive as EU collpases.

(March 13)

Till 1980s it was the BBC.
1990s was the decade of CNN.
In the 2010s its WikiLeaks all the way.

The “Internet of Things” simply means that every device in your home can become a snooping device and be used against you.

Team India’s Women’s Day gift.
They finished the match on March 7 to keep March 8 free from cricketing distractions.

(March 8)

On any day, in any match, for any reason, from any position of strength, no matter what the mahurat, India can lose 5 wickets for 10 runs.

Imran has 1 World Cup.
Darren Sammy has 2.
Sammy graces PSL, so Imran calls him phateechar.
And you ask what’s wrong with Pak cricket.

(March 7)

If you want to be really politically correct, then you also need other names for woMAN and feMALE and maybe even huMANkind.
(March 6)

Incredible India.
Three straight matches of 600+ scores. (World record).
Followed by…
Three straight innings of 200- scores. (Business as usual)

Ashes to ashes ashes and dust to dust,
If O’Keefe don’t get you Lyons must.

Return of the Nair.
India last two Test innings: 212 for 20.
Karun last Test inning: 303 for 0.

Communist Contradiction.
The Global Bourgeoisie are trying to lead a Proletarian Revolution.

Casualties of war.
1947: 1500.
1965: 3000.
1971: 3800.
1000s more in Kargil, Siachen and terror attacks.
Par Pakistan ne ek ko bhi na maara.

(March 4)

American politics has transformed into a 1980s Bollywood movie.
Foreign hand in everything.
The man in power must be stopped with violence.
Bad script.

Sasikala-Stalin drama.
Kejri-Pappu nautanki.
Lalu-Nitish ka bhai bhai Jungle Raj…
No matter how badly Modi does, his rivals will do worse.

(March 3)

Uber led to the English word super.
As in: Uber was a super taxi service.
The literal translation of uber is “over” or “above”.
As in: Uber drivers are asking benefits “over” and “above” what they are getting now.

(March 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The grand A to Z of almost everything that I can think off under the sun…

India’s grand global A to Z of scandals
May 4, 2016,

A to Z of Sonia Gandhi’s controversies
April 27, 2016,

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies
December 18, 2015,

A to Z of people hit by IPL
July 15, 2015,

The A to Z of the Janata Pariwar
January 1, 2015,

A to Z of Pakistani terror
December 19, 2014,

A to Z of political extinctions in 2014
December 12, 2014,

The A to Z of the Telangana journey
June 2, 2014,

The A to Z of AAP dramas and controversies
May 24, 2014,

The A to Z of the Aam Aadmi (Party)…
March 1, 2014,

A-Z of political newsmakers

12 November, 2013,

The A to Z of IPL6
20 May, 2013,

The A to Z of Sreesanth
16 May, 2013,

The A to Z of Congress confrontations
3 December, 2012,

The A to Z of Amitabh Bachchan
05 October, 2012,

The A to Z of Anna Hazare
25 March, 2012,

The A to Z of tainted politicians
19 December, 2011,

The A to Z of Violent Protests in India
November 29, 2011,

The A to Z of Chak de India…
November 25, 2011,

The A to Z of Controversial Cricketers

November 4, 2011,

The A to Z of Facebook
October 29, 2011,

The A to Z of Indian Sporting Controversies
July 31, 2011,

The A to Z of Scam India
July 6, 2011,

The A to Z of International Terrorism
May 20, 2011,

The A to Z of the Anti-corruption Lokpal Bill Drama
June 16, 2011,

The A to Z of the 2G Telecom Scam
January 3, 2011,

The A to Z of IPL
March 30, 2010,

The A to Z of IPL Controversies

April 23, 2010,

The A to Z of Copenhagen
December 22, 2009,

The extremely friendly world of Facebook …

1. Welcome to Facebook. Connect with the world…
People You May Know…
(Oh ya? How do you know?)

2. X and you have 34 mutual friends.
Y and you have 112 mutual friends.
Z and you have 201 mutual friends.
(OK, OK, I get it.)

3. Add Friend
Add Friend
Add Friend

(Not so subtle are you Facebook?)

4. So and so has added a, b, c and x, y and z as friends.
Sunil, More Friends Are Waiting
Mrs xyz found 6 friends by searching her email contacts. Give it a try!
Your friends use the friend finder. Have you tried it yet?

OK baba you win, I’ll start sending friend requests to the people you suggested.

Next day…
You have been blocked for sending too many friend requests.
You should not send Friend requests to people you don’t know.
If you keep this up, we will delete your Facebook account!

© Sunil Rajguru

When Facebook became Twitter and Twitter became Facebook…

Twitter: Let me introduce the Twitter News stream.
Facebook: Good idea. Let me also do something like that.

Facebook: The Like button is a smashing success.
Twitter: OK you can Favourite something too.

Twitter: You just can’t beat my ReTweet concept.
Facebook: OK let me introduce Share.

Facebook: You can post photos, now that’s exclusive to me.
Twitter: OK, you can post photos too.

Facebook: Well I have groups.
Twitter: OK, I have lists.

Twitter: My Followers concept is unique.
Facebook: Or so you think!

Twitter: My hashtags are unique.
Facebook: Or so you think!

So is it TweetBook or FBWitter?

And will the two merge one of these days?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Virtual and privacy musings…

2012: I kept my birthday date public. 73 Facebook friends wished me.
2013: I kept it off and got 4 notifications.
That’s the difference between Reality (2013) and Virtual Reality (2012).

Earlier Russians used to run away from their authoritarian regime to America.
Who would have thought that one day it would be the other way round!

SM is beating MSM because SM is loud and in your face, but not pretentious.
The MSM pretends to be something that it is not. The Mukhauta.

The problem is that people want great publicity and great privacy at the same time.
Something’s gotta give somewhere.

So Snowden finally gets his den in snowy Russia.

You have 11 notifications. One for a Group you didn’t know you were part of, three relating to comments that were posted in that particular group, three invitations to Like a Page of Friends you just added, 3 friendship requests from Hrithik Roshan, Albert Einstein and Donald Duck, (photos, not names that is) and even a message by some strange girl who wants to you to mail her immediately at some fishy looking email ID.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twitter-Facebook musings…

· They would like us to believe…
Online anonymous Modi trolls are more dangerous than the alarmingly increasing number offline politicians spewing venom.

· What Facebook says: What’s on your mind?
What Facebook is really saying: So what can you post that will get maximum number likes and comments and engage maximum number of users so that everyone can waste as much time as possible, a scenario that will greatly benefit me?

· If you don’t like their Tweets, unfollow.
If they abuse you, block.
If someone blocks you, good riddance.
Mera Tweet teda hai, par mera hai.

· Wrong analysis: There so much hate on Twitter.
Right analysis: There is so much hate in society and some of it has spilled into Twitter.

· If you follow a 1000 interesting people with Zero followers, you’ll have an extremely rich Twitter feed.
However, some computer algorithm would dismiss you as a fake.

· Cyberspace…
One person’s opinion may be another person’s abuse.
One cause’s crusader may be another cause’s troll.

· If you are fighting any cause noble or ignoble, the trolls will come only from the other side na?
When you pick your side, you pick your trolls too.

· BJP Online: 99% genuine supporters. 1% fake.
Congress online: 1% genuine supporters. 99% fake.
But why 99% focus on BJP’s 1%?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The online reality…

· Evolution…
Stage 1: Armchair critic.
Stage 2: Couch Potato.
Stage 3: Computer chair activist/commentator/critic/philosopher.

· Twitter—The only medium in the world where it’s theoretically possible for there to be one million followers and one million leaders in a single group of one million people.

· There must be trillions of Likes floating in Facebook right now and yet you concentrate on all the hate in social networking?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Offline and online…

Yesterday: “Wit” is my middle name.
Today: “Tweet” is my middle name.

Yesterday: She has a great profile.
Today: She has a great Facebook profile.

Yesterday: Do you have connections?
Today: Do you have LinkedIn connections?

Yesterday: How do I look?
Today: How does my homepage look?

Yesterday: Why weren’t you there?
Today: Why aren’t you on Four Square?

Yesterday: I tried my best to talk to him, what more do you want me to do?
Today: I called, SMSed, poked, Tweeted, tagged… what more do you want me to do?

Yesterday: Get a life!
Today: Get a virtual life!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru


I’ve got a thought…
…but will it make a good Facebook status message?

I’ve got an idea…
…but will it be accepted on Twitter?

I have a strong viewpoint on…
…why don’t you blog it and I’ll read it!

This photo is really great and natural…
…but have you photoshopped it yet?

I support this great cause…
…but how many likes has it got?

I’ve got a great resume…
…but can you sell it on Linkedin?

I’ve got a great business idea…
…but will it create a buzz online?

I’ve got a great friend…
…but I’ve not seen him on Facebook!

I usually don’t know where I am…
…why? Don’t you use FourSquare?

Where am I going?
Just check your GPS!

I am dying…
…even that will get a few hundred likes on Facebook!

© Sunil Rajguru


One beautiful old book surpasses a trillion online bytes.

One real world trumps a billion virtual worlds.

One genuine disciple beats a million Followers.

One Rupee spent wisely offline beats 100,000 virtual bucks.

One real, small and humble farm beats 10,000 on Farmville.

One true friend beats a 1000 on Facebook.

One warm offline appreciation beats a 100 likes.

One game played in Mother Earth’s lap beats 10 virtual games played simultaneously.

One real life lived genuinely beats a false virtual life full of lies and make-believe.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Barney song for all occasions…

I love you, you love me,
We’re a happy family,
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me too?

For Twitter…
I Follow you,
You Follow me,
We’re all Followers like Followers should be,
With a great big ReTweet,
And a mention from me to you,
Won’t you say you’ll ReTweet me too?

For Facebook…
I Like you,
You Like me,
We’re all friends like friends should be,
With a great big Comment,
And a Poke from me to you,
Won’t you say you Like me too?

For Congress-BJP bhai bhai in scams…
I help you,
You help me,
We’re all scamsters like scamsters should be,
With a great big deal cut,
And a share from me to you,
Won’t you say you’ll defend me too?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru