March 2017 Status Updates

UK triggers Brexit.
EU chief vows to break up USA.
Two break-ups don’t make one unification.
(People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones)

Random alternate reality universe…
PMs…
1947-60: Netaji.
1960-75: Shastri.
1975-85: Vajpayee
1985-95: Rao.
1995-2000: Advani
2000-10: Scindia.

(March 30)

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

(March 29)

How do you counter Eve-teasing?
By Romeo bashing.
#MixedMetaphors Adam & Eve + Romeo & Juliet.

Priyanka’s daughter will be saviour: Poojary.
Sonia couldn’t be PM.
Pappu can’t be PM.
Pappini won’t be PM.
Can’t dare to think beyond dynasty.

(March 24)

Schrodinger on steroids.
If you go by the TV news channels, Uttar Pradesh currently has one dozen “next” Chief Ministers.

(March 18)

Assange is a bigger name than Jack.
Yet Jack refuses to give Assange a verified Twitter account.
Tells you what’s wrong with the Left-Liberal ecosystem.

(March 17)

It is the right moment for the Right.
But things are still far off for the Far Right.
#GeertWilders #DutchElections

(March 16)

Till 1945-Colonialism.
1945-91: Big 2.
1991-2000s: Pax Americana.
2010s: US, China, Russia, India, Turkey, Iran etc all being assertive as EU collpases.

(March 13)

Till 1980s it was the BBC.
1990s was the decade of CNN.
In the 2010s its WikiLeaks all the way.
#Vault7

The “Internet of Things” simply means that every device in your home can become a snooping device and be used against you.
#Vault7

Team India’s Women’s Day gift.
They finished the match on March 7 to keep March 8 free from cricketing distractions.
#IndVsAus

(March 8)

On any day, in any match, for any reason, from any position of strength, no matter what the mahurat, India can lose 5 wickets for 10 runs.

Imran has 1 World Cup.
Darren Sammy has 2.
Sammy graces PSL, so Imran calls him phateechar.
And you ask what’s wrong with Pak cricket.

(March 7)

If you want to be really politically correct, then you also need other names for woMAN and feMALE and maybe even huMANkind.
(March 6)

Incredible India.
Three straight matches of 600+ scores. (World record).
Followed by…
Three straight innings of 200- scores. (Business as usual)

Ashes to ashes ashes and dust to dust,
If O’Keefe don’t get you Lyons must.
#IndVsAus

Return of the Nair.
India last two Test innings: 212 for 20.
Karun last Test inning: 303 for 0.

Communist Contradiction.
The Global Bourgeoisie are trying to lead a Proletarian Revolution.

Casualties of war.
1947: 1500.
1965: 3000.
1971: 3800.
1000s more in Kargil, Siachen and terror attacks.
Par Pakistan ne ek ko bhi na maara.

(March 4)

American politics has transformed into a 1980s Bollywood movie.
Foreign hand in everything.
The man in power must be stopped with violence.
Bad script.

Sasikala-Stalin drama.
Kejri-Pappu nautanki.
Lalu-Nitish ka bhai bhai Jungle Raj…
No matter how badly Modi does, his rivals will do worse.

(March 3)

Uber led to the English word super.
As in: Uber was a super taxi service.
The literal translation of uber is “over” or “above”.
As in: Uber drivers are asking benefits “over” and “above” what they are getting now.

(March 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The grand A to Z of almost everything that I can think off under the sun…

India’s grand global A to Z of scandals
May 4, 2016, Sify.com

A to Z of Sonia Gandhi’s controversies
April 27, 2016, DailyO.in

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies
December 18, 2015, Sunilrajguru.com

A to Z of people hit by IPL
July 15, 2015, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Janata Pariwar
January 1, 2015, Sify.com

A to Z of Pakistani terror
December 19, 2014, Sify.com

A to Z of political extinctions in 2014
December 12, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Telangana journey
June 2, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of AAP dramas and controversies
May 24, 2014, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Aam Aadmi (Party)…
March 1, 2014, Sunilrajguru.com

A-Z of political newsmakers

12 November, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of IPL6
20 May, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of Sreesanth
16 May, 2013, Sify.com

The A to Z of Congress confrontations
3 December, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of Amitabh Bachchan
05 October, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of Anna Hazare
25 March, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of tainted politicians
19 December, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Violent Protests in India
November 29, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Chak de India…
November 25, 2011, Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of Controversial Cricketers

November 4, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Facebook
October 29, 2011,Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of Indian Sporting Controversies
July 31, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Scam India
July 6, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of International Terrorism
May 20, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Anti-corruption Lokpal Bill Drama
June 16, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the 2G Telecom Scam
January 3, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of IPL
March 30, 2010, Sunilrajguru.com

The A to Z of IPL Controversies

April 23, 2010, Sify.com

The A to Z of Copenhagen
December 22, 2009, Sunilrajguru.com

The extremely friendly world of Facebook …

1. Welcome to Facebook. Connect with the world…
People You May Know…
(Oh ya? How do you know?)

2. X and you have 34 mutual friends.
Y and you have 112 mutual friends.
Z and you have 201 mutual friends.
(OK, OK, I get it.)

3. Add Friend
Add Friend
Add Friend

(Not so subtle are you Facebook?)

4. So and so has added a, b, c and x, y and z as friends.
Sunil, More Friends Are Waiting
Mrs xyz found 6 friends by searching her email contacts. Give it a try!
Your friends use the friend finder. Have you tried it yet?

Finally…
OK baba you win, I’ll start sending friend requests to the people you suggested.

Next day…
You have been blocked for sending too many friend requests.
You should not send Friend requests to people you don’t know.
If you keep this up, we will delete your Facebook account!

© Sunil Rajguru

Social networking and riots…

Weapons of mass destruction…
An Afghani girl with a schoolbook.
A Kashmiri girl with a guitar.
An Indian citizen with a Facebook/Twitter account.

Once they used to blame the Foreign Hand for everything.
Now they blame the FBTwitter handle.

Please spell Internet.
Politician: Interiot.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Facebook became Twitter and Twitter became Facebook…

Twitter: Let me introduce the Twitter News stream.
Facebook: Good idea. Let me also do something like that.

Facebook: The Like button is a smashing success.
Twitter: OK you can Favourite something too.

Twitter: You just can’t beat my ReTweet concept.
Facebook: OK let me introduce Share.

Facebook: You can post photos, now that’s exclusive to me.
Twitter: OK, you can post photos too.

Facebook: Well I have groups.
Twitter: OK, I have lists.

Twitter: My Followers concept is unique.
Facebook: Or so you think!

Twitter: My hashtags are unique.
Facebook: Or so you think!

So is it TweetBook or FBWitter?

And will the two merge one of these days?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Virtual and privacy musings…

2012: I kept my birthday date public. 73 Facebook friends wished me.
2013: I kept it off and got 4 notifications.
That’s the difference between Reality (2013) and Virtual Reality (2012).

Earlier Russians used to run away from their authoritarian regime to America.
Who would have thought that one day it would be the other way round!

SM is beating MSM because SM is loud and in your face, but not pretentious.
The MSM pretends to be something that it is not. The Mukhauta.

The problem is that people want great publicity and great privacy at the same time.
Something’s gotta give somewhere.

So Snowden finally gets his den in snowy Russia.

You have 11 notifications. One for a Group you didn’t know you were part of, three relating to comments that were posted in that particular group, three invitations to Like a Page of Friends you just added, 3 friendship requests from Hrithik Roshan, Albert Einstein and Donald Duck, (photos, not names that is) and even a message by some strange girl who wants to you to mail her immediately at some fishy looking email ID.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru