Death is always a second away…

You could be leading an unhealthy lifestyle that is killing you…

You could be the healthiest person on Earth and still get a killing cancer…

You may never get a major illness in your life and make a single mistake that finishes you off…

You may never do anything wrong and someone else’s mistake might kill you…

Maybe a past life’s bad Karma will finally act and kill you right now…

Maybe there’s a strong malevolent force above us that snuffs out life at random…

Maybe Death is actually a reward…

Whatever it is, stop worrying about Death and Start Living…

© Sunil Rajguru

6 things I wish would spill out from the online to offline world

Restart Button
I’ve made a mess of my life. Just press Restart and start all over gain. This project is a mess. Press Restart and we’ll begin from scratch. What if we could Restart college life, marriage, you name it…

Human Body Version 1.1, 2.0…
A human becomes an adult say at the age of 18 and that’s version 1.0. And hey man it deteriorates after that! The body, the energy levels, everything! It’s like going from Version 1.0 to 0.9 to 0.8… to 0.0 (death). Maybe when we become cyborgs, we will have a Version 1.1 or Version 2.0.

Search
Here’s something I wanted to show you in this book… I can’t find it. Where are my keys? Where’s my mobile charger? Can’t every thing in the house have a tiny tag that beeps when you key in its name to some device? What about offline searches for friends, events, restaurants…

Status Message
I want to have a Facebook style status message hanging over my head all the time like… “I’m angry”, “I’m hungry”, “I’m sleepy”, “Do not disturb”, “Need help”… That would save a lot of explaining. People would come straight to the point.

Undo
If not a full restart that will change everything, then at least a simple undo for the last stupid thing I’ve done?

Antivirus and anti-spam
An antivirus and anti-spam against all the people who bug me and bad events that are coming my way.

© Sunil Rajguru

10 programmes I once loved on Doordarshan…

There was a time when Indian TV had only Doordarshan. Colour TV was difficult to imagine. A remote was an unheard of concept. And multiple channels? Ha ha ha!

Strange but true: This government owned unprofessionally run non-24-hour TV channel was all we ever wanted. For us, Doordarshan (or DD) was Santa Claus who had at least one gift for every person in the family. DD probably peaked in the eighties and after that satellite TV took over. Last month, DD completed 50 years.

Here’s looking at 10 of my favourite programmes in no particular order…

Weekend Movies: Our home box office
The high point of every week was the Sunday Hindi movie. No matter what they showed, you still looked forward to it. Blockbuster or flop, millions would sit glued to it week after week right till the very end. I never missed the weekly regional movie too. It was a glorious peek into the culture of every state and national integration at it best.

The World This Week: The ultimate news capsule
When this was first aired, we were all blown away. Nobody thought news could be so slick and sexy. Prannoy Roy became a superstar overnight. If you missed this, then you felt as if you had missed the entire news of the week. But if that was cream, then the 24/7 news channels of India today are definitely highly diluted and adulterated milk.

Buniyaad: Saas Bahu ka baap
There was a time when Master Haveliram and Lajoji were the most watched admired couple in India. This epic, from the maker of Sholay, spanned decades and we didn’t feel like missing a single episode. The first serial for me that probably became a habit. (I always found India’s first soap Hum Log a tad slow)

Bharat Ek Khoj: India’s history channel
Even if you didn’t like Nehru, you couldn’t dislike Bharat Ek Khoj, based on the book The Discovery of India. This serial, which lasted roughly a year, took you through India from the Vedic period to Independence without sounding like a history lesson.

Karamchand: Desi Sherlock Holmes
We heard at that time that Pankaj Kapoor became the highest paid TV actor with this serial and he deserved every Rupee. Just like Hardy’s “Here’s another fine mess you’ve got me into”, the eccentric Karamchand’s “Shut up Kitty” became a national rage.

Byomkesh Bakshi: Classy and gripping
I had never heard of Byomkesh Bakshi or Sharadindu Bandyopadhyay in my whole life but when I saw this Bengali detective serial, my first thoughts were, “It’s right up there with Sherlock Holmes.” Sterling performances by Rajit Kapur and KK Raina.

Quiz Time: The battle of the brains
For me Siddhartha Basu’s university quiz is still the gold standard for quizzing in India and he’s still the ultimate quizmaster. The suspense and drama beat KBC, Dus Ka Dum and Bournvita Quiz Contest all put together.

Mr Yogi: The original What’s your Raashee?
By 1989 standards, this was quite an exotic concept and Mohan Gokhale seemed like an exotic actor too. This was a fresh serial and Om Puri as the sutradhar excelled. Our bumbling NRI and his 12 heroines enthralled us.

Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi: The original laugh riot
Shafi Inamdar, Swaroop Sampat, Rakesh Bedi and Satish Shah were the perfect cast. The script was perfect. The comedy was perfect. Indian TV is yet to better this serial. We looked forward to what avatar Satish Shah would come up with in every episode.

Chanakya: Vedic magic
While we had heard so much about Chanakya and his Arthashastra, to see it come out on the small screen was really different thing altogether. The atmosphere transported us straight back to the Vedic era. Dr Chandraprakash Dwivedi was Chanakya incarnate.

…and 4 “imported” ones…

Secrets of the Sea: The precursor to National Geographic
Jacques-Yves Cousteau has no idea how many millions of Indians he introduced to the wonderful world of televised nature. In an era starved of good educational and enlightening multimedia this was an hour of pure bliss.

Oshin: The most famous Japanese girl of that era

The dedication and toil of this 7-year-old girl bowled all of us over. We cried with her and rejoiced with her. We grew up with her.

Jungle Book: Chaddi pahan ke phool khila hain…
The cartoon was good, the story was good, Nana Patekar’s voice as Shere Khan was good… but the only thing that sticks is the title song penned by Gulzar.

Talespin & Duck Tales: High octane adventures
Kids of today who have 24 hours access to multiple cartoon channels will never understand the weekly anticipation for these two serials. Disney’s wonders travelled all over the world in these adventures… and we travelled with them.

And to think all that on a Black & White TV!

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 3

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Air.
Air who?
Air no-one that’s who. At this rate, all of India’s airlines will be grounded soon.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Advani.
Advani who?
I’d wanna new leader too, high time.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dhoni.
Dhoni who?
Don’ you think it’s high time the Indian cricket team took a loooong break?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
South.
South who?
South Whofrica? Which choking cricket team turns up for crunch matches?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Sonia.
Sonia who?
So now the Bofors case looks finally dead and buried.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Shashi.
Shashi who?
Shashi Whoroor he would have been, but he’s safe for now.

© Sunil Rajguru

September 2009 Short Takes

Facebook=Cyberia, where we all have a life sentence. We get out on parole from time to time, but we always have to return.
September 25

Krishna and Taliban. While the Junior Minister’s miniscule gaffes are being blown out of proportion, the Senior Minister’s major ones are being quietly swept under the carpet.
September 25

The KPL came and went. Did anybody really notice???
September 25

Opened a Facebook Fortune Cookie and got the following fortune: “Stop wasting your time on Facebook and Fortune Cookies and get back to work, that’s the only way you’ll be able to make any kind of Fortune!”
September 23

Season 1: Rakhi ka Swayamwar. Season 2: Rahul ka Swayamwar. Season 3: When Rakhi met Rahul. Season 4: Rakhi-Rahul Splitsvilla. Season 5: Jilted lovers of Rahul and Rakhi form a reality couples show…
September 23

Why do Indian politicians have such a long lifespan?
September 18

Shashi Tharoor is the nearest politician to “People Like Us”
September 18

Recession! It looks like we may be sighting the half-way mark. But if that’s so, will the second half be as long as the first half or longer?
September 17

Shashi Tharoor is such a Tweet Fellow!
September 17

Facebook Status ko status quo kitna der rakh sakte hain?
September 17

Last time Eng won the Ashes, they crashed and went on a losing spree for years. At 0-5, they look like doing it again.
September 16

I guess Aus Open main bahut maja aayega… FedNadaldelPotro zindabad!
September 16

2009. When Sonia Gandhi travels economy class, 5 rows are booked for security/entourage. 1946. When Mahatma Gandhi travels Third Class, 2-3 bogies are booked for family/supporters. Austerity Congress Style!
September 16

Our whole life is a result of a series of miracles and we don’t even realize it!
September 11

I still don’t get it! Every politician is worth hundreds of crores and still he has to show an amazing amount of hypocritic austerity and wear kurta and not stay in star hotels.
September 11

Injured Premier League. Jaise koi theek hota hain, doosra koi injured ho jata hain.
September 11

Jet was India’s No. 1 airline. Now, it’s so sick, I tell you.
September 11

Jet pilots should have claimed “suspected” Swine Flu. Then everyone would have just left them alone.
September 11

West Bengal has just logged off. (Actually, had it ever logged on in the first place?)
September 11

My son says that it’s necessary for small kids to scream every now and then for no reason to reduce the stress in their life…
September 10

When politicians squander crores of public money, no-one says anything. When Tharoor spends lakhs of his personal money to stay in a 5-star hotel, Pranab Babu goes red-faced. Is desh ka kuch nahin ho sakta.
September 10

Prashna: Jeevan ke baad kya aata hain? Ans: G2
September 7

2011. Nano in full production. Many cars. 2nd hand market crashes. Many more cars. Recession ends, economy booms. Many more luxury cars and 2-wheelers. So enjoy a comparitively less congested 2009. :)
September 7

Big B = Big Boss Means Colors stays Big Boss, Star fading, Z will still struggle to maintain A grade
September 5

If you believe in a miracle, it will happen…
September 4

I like Friends. But all these Seasons back and forth on multiple channels gives me a headache. It’s like doing a virtual time travel in their lives all the time.
September 4

If you really want a thing badly enough then the whole universe conspires to see that you get it. Problems: 1. Knowing what you really want. 2. Wanting it badly enough. 3. Fear of fulfilment. Where will I go from there? … So the universe keeps waiting.
September 3

The head of a 76 million population state vanishes without a trace for atleast 10-12 hours. Planes, fighters and other forces search… Makes us realize how powerless we can be at times. Sad!
September 2

God always gives you subtle hints on which direction you should take in life. If you don’t listen, then he keeps showing you signs. If you still don’t get it, then he gives you a hard celestial kick in that direction. Don’t believe me?… Analyze your life objectively and you’ll see it’s true.
September 2

An old family friend used to say: The government pays government servants to sit on their chairs. YOU have to pay them to make them work.
September 2

In the olden days, when a cricketer stopped wearing his country’s colours, it was RIP for his career. Now, it’s more like RIIPL.
September 2

A lot of gyms opening in my area… the Recession Effect?
September 1

Many of my FB friends I haven’t met and yet I interact with them regularly. What are they? Virtual Friends? Internet Friends? Pen Friends? Keyboard Friends?
September 1

© Sunil Rajguru