Overheard 6…

∙ Employee to colleague: Teri salary five-figure hai ya six figures?
Politician to colleague: Tera scam eleven-figure hai ya twelve figures?

∙ First spy: What happened to the bugs in the PM’s office?
Second spy: We had to remove them.
First spy: Why? You got caught?
Second spy: No. He doesn’t open his mouth even in front of the bugs!

∙ Uncle: Kaunsa mobile connection hai beta?
Boy: 2G.
Uncle: Kyun ye corrupt technology use kar rahe ho? 3G kyun nahin lete ho?

Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: Wonderful!
Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: How dare you join the RSS without my permission!

∙ Congress Spokesman: The BJP is irrelevant. The Opposition is irrelevant. The people’s protests are irrelevant. Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev are irrelevant. The Congress is the only totalitarian single party that matters. We are the absolute authorities. (And by the way, Anna, Baba, BJP, RSS and all are nothing but Fascists)

Editor to colleague: Get the obituaries of Baba and Anna ready. They are going in for a fast unto death.
Editor to colleague: Have you got the obituary for the Lokpal Bill ready?

Pranab: God! This BJP is bugging me.
God! This RSS is bugging me.
God! This Anna Hazare is bugging me.
God! This Baba Ramdev is bugging me.
Pranab: It has come to this that I don’t even know who is bugging me anymore!

© Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood movies on today’s politics…

Kab Tak Chhup Rahunga! followed by its sequel Meri Awaaz Suno, starring Manmohan Singh

Dilli Ka Thug, starring Baba Ramdev and directed by Diggy Raja

Ready (for PM’s post), starring Rahul Beta and directed by Diggy Raja

Golmaal 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8, a multi-star cast from UPA 2

Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge?, starring the Tatas and directed by Mamata

Hum Aapke Hain Koun…!, starring Karunanidhi and its sequel Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage, starring Jayalalitha, both directed by Sonia Gandhi

Pardes, a sweet love story about Indian black money dancing in Switzerland

Chor Machaye Shor & Paisa Khaaya To Darna Kya, starring Kanimozhi and Dayanidhi Maran

Beta, starring Rahul and directed by Sonia

UPA Teri Sarkar Maili, another multi-star cast from UPA 2

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad…

In 2004 the NDA India “Shining” campaign resulted in a BJP “Sinking” scenario…

Now the UPA is at it too with its Bharat Nirman ad campaign coming on TV channels…

Please read to the tune of the ad jingle…

Desh main utha hai ek toofan,
Sab se bhrasht hain Hindustan,
2G, CWG ki jo raha chuni,
Use naam diya Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

Lokpal ne uthae kai sawaal,
Par Anna aur Baba ko hi kiya pareshan,
Arrogance or dictatorship ki jo raha chuni,
Us se ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

Desh main uthe hai hazaro scam,
Arabo aur Kharabo ka na koi hisaab,
Swiss Banks ki jo raha chuni,
Us se ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about the ISI…

If the ISI is declared a terrorist organization by the US…

ISI: But I report directly to the Pakistan Army Chief!

Pakistan Army Chief: But I report directly to the Pakistan President!

Pakistan President: But I report directly to the US President!

US President: Hey! But I report directly to… no-one!

Terrorism always comes to a full circle as the buck always stops at the desk of the US President…

© Sunil Rajguru

Jab MF Hussain sahab zinda the…

Jab zinda hain to joote pheko, jab mare to maala pahanao tasveer ko,
Jab zinda hain to nautanki artist, jab mare to sirf hamra Picasso,

Jab zinda hain to parties chup, jab mare to dukh khed aur Bharat Ratna ki baat,
Jab zinda hain to anti-national, jab mare to true Indian and Hindu to boot,

Jab zinda hain to har cheez galat, jab mare to har cheez sahi,
Life hi hain sabse badi galti, maut se badkar koi cheez nahin.

© Sunil Rajguru

Self-made Rajinikant jokes…

∙ Once Rajinikant ran as fast as he could.
The universe established that as the speed of light.
Einstein said that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.
The actual rule is that the universe does not allow anything to travel faster than the speed of Rajinikant!

∙ God actually planned to build the universe in 10 days.
Rajinikant visited him on the seventh day to check on his progress.
God decided to rest after that and didn’t resume work.
That’s why you see so many imperfections in the world today, it’s incomplete!

∙ In 1989, Rajinikant visited West Germany.
He tried to cross over to East Germany via the Berlin Wall, but was stopped by the guards.
Rajinikant forgave the guards and went back, the supremely humble person that he is.
But the Berlin Wall knew who Rajini was and simply ceased to exist with all the humiliation.
This is just one “mystery of history” that is unknown to the world.

∙ Once a George W Bush PJ and a Rajinikant PJ was entered in a PJ competition.
Guess who won?
If you think that its Rajinikant then you are totally wrong.
The George W Bush PJ won hands down.
Because there is no such thing as a Rajinikant “Poor” Joke. It is an imaginary concept and doesn’t exist!

∙ Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Rajinikant who?
(The joke has just ceased to exist.
Honestly, “Rajinikant who”????)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twisted nursery rhymes suitable for Corruption…

Baa Baa, Black Sheep
Bah! Bah! Black money, have you any bribes?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for the minister, one for his aide,
and one for the official who needs it again and again.

Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush.
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
On each and every morning.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch the corrupt politician by the toe.
When he screams let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Humpty Dumpty
Congress Credibility sat on a wall,
Congress Credibility had a great fall.
All the queen’s Sibals and all the queen’s Diggys,
Couldn’t put Credibility together again.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
It’s raining scams; it’s pouring scams.
Old man Manmohan is snoring.
He went to bed and bumped his head,
And he couldn’t get up in the morning.

Jack and Jill
Diggy and Kapil went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of supporters.
Diggy fell down and broke his crown,
And Kapil came tumbling after.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The Baba ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The Baba jumped down,
Hickory, dickory, dock.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some Congressi definitions…

Fascism: A system led by a dictator like Anna Hazare having complete power, forcibly suppressing government and its corrupt ministers, regimenting all protests, agitations, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive sense of national pride by demanding an end to black money.

Thug: A professional arm-twister who strangles the government with his unrealistic demands like Baba Ramdev.

Anti-corruption agitator: Another name for an RSS agitator. Do you think the Congress government is corrupt? Then you have got to be an RSS sympathizer. Are you agitating against corruption? Ha! The mukhauta (mask) is off, you are definitely an RSS activist!

Corruption: Something that has dropped on the Congress unfortunately and unavoidably like pigeon shit. Hey! We are the white kurtas and not the pigeons!

Lokpal Bill: An unfortunate and unavoidable situation arising out of the pigeon shit as mentioned above.

Freedom of speech: Something which is guaranteed only to one and only one citizen in India out of the 1 odd billion, namely Mr Digvijay Singh.

Sibal Society: The true white and pure efforts of the Congress government. Its opposite is Civil Society.

Mr India: Manmohan Singh. Not because he is saving India like the famous Anil Kapoor movie, but because he is invisible.

Police State: Refers only to the states controlled by Narendra Modi and Mayawati. Since Baba Ramdev is a fascist thug leading thousands of RSS activists, he got what was coming to him just like Osama. In the process we have also proved that we are a superpower like US. Osama and Baba are two sides of the same coin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 5…

* First Congressman: I am afraid what will happen if the financial irregularity charges against Baba Ramdev will prove to be false. We will be in a really tight spot indeed.
Second Congressman: I am more worried if the charges are found true and he is indeed corrupt. Then he has a bright political future and could become a formidable opponent!

* Political leader (to himself): I am not feeling well today…
To his wife: …I think I will keep a fast today.
Somewhere in an eavesdropping police control room: We have an offender! All forces move in immediately to…

* First Better: So how’s business?
Second Better: It’s booming!
First Better: How come? People are actually following the India-West Indies tour?
Second Better: No man, it’s this whole Lokpal tamasha… Will the Lokpal Bill come or not? Will Baba or Anna keep a fast? Betting is most uncertain in this new business!

* Madam: I think you should learn to control your talk.
Diggy: But Madam! Rahul has promised that I’ll be his chief advisor when he becomes PM! We are just getting in sync with each other…

* Anna: Pata nahin, aaj kal bhookh hi nahin lagti!

* Karuna: Bah! Lokpal. PM. Anna. Baba. Maran. Bah! Nobody is worried about my poor little daughter. What a poor ole man am I!

© Sunil Rajguru

Anti-corruption drive then and now…

Then: Can we eradicate corruption?
Now: Can we eradicate Baba and Anna?

Then: Hey Ram!
Now: Hey Ramdev!

Then: Baba is the right choice baby.
Now: Baba is not only right, but far right and RSS.

Lokpal Bill
Then: Will it be able to end corruption?
Now: Will it ever see the light of day?

Diggy Raja
Then: Anna RSS hai.
Now: Baba RSS hai.

The corrupt of India…
Then: LOL!
Now: LOL!

The citizens of India…
Then: Aayega, aayega, aayega Lokpal ek din aayega…
Now: Aayega, aayega, aayega Lokpal ek din aayega…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Really bad Diggy Raja PJs…

∙ Many years back, Diggy Raja lost his voice.
Then he became the world’s first recipient of a foot-for-tongue transplant.
God forgive him for he knows not what he says!

∙ The protestors are RSS…
Baba is RSS…
Anna is RSS…
The shoe hurler is RSS…
This is RSS…
That is RSS…
The only RSS with relation to Diggy Raja stands for “Really Stupid Statements”!

∙ Diggy Raja is a great fan of Goebbels.
Goebbels once said something to the effect of…
If you repeat a lie a hundred times it becomes a truth. The greater the lie, the greater chance it has of becoming a greater truth.
The Diggy Raja remixed version…
If you say a hundred stupid statements a hundred times, they still remain stupid statements, but atleast the speaker feels smart!
The more stupider the statement, the greater the sense of smartness.
(Now you know why Diggy Raja feels chuffed all the time)

© Sunil Rajguru

Raavan Raj at Ram Lila grounds…

Recently Baba Ramdev was removed from the Ram Lila grounds in New Delhi over the Lokpal agitation issue…

Some musings on the issue…

∙ Old slogan: Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
New Slogan: Satyagrahi nahin ye atyachari hai, doosri Emergency hai…

Ab to bas Congress se corruption free atmosphere ke liye bheek hi maangna padega…
Ek Lok Pal Bill Anna ke naam pe dede re Baba!

∙ This is how Mahatma Gandhi became famous and the British Empire collapsed.
Doesn’t the Congress Empire know its history?

∙ Baba Ramdev probably got his millionth video byte on Indian TV news.
Jitni shaurat zindagi bhar Yoga se nahin mili hogi, us-se dugni anshan aur arrest se mil gayi!

∙ Is Manmohan Singh going to appoint a Propaganda Minister?
Digvijay Singh seems to be the perfect Goebbels.

∙ Police action was effected late after midnight to avoid banner headlines in the newspapers.
Somehow the government forgot about the news channels and Internet.

∙ Yesterday: Lokpal Wars.
Today: The Corrupt Empire Strikes Back.
Tomorrow: Return of the Satyagrahi?

Waise ye Lokpal Bill hain kya? Ab main bhool gaya hu. Bas Anna Baba ki kahani ban ke raha gayi hai…

© Sunil Rajguru