Overheard 6…

∙ Employee to colleague: Teri salary five-figure hai ya six figures?
Politician to colleague: Tera scam eleven-figure hai ya twelve figures?

∙ First spy: What happened to the bugs in the PM’s office?
Second spy: We had to remove them.
First spy: Why? You got caught?
Second spy: No. He doesn’t open his mouth even in front of the bugs!

∙ Uncle: Kaunsa mobile connection hai beta?
Boy: 2G.
Uncle: Kyun ye corrupt technology use kar rahe ho? 3G kyun nahin lete ho?

Yesterday…
Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: Wonderful!
Today
Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: How dare you join the RSS without my permission!

∙ Congress Spokesman: The BJP is irrelevant. The Opposition is irrelevant. The people’s protests are irrelevant. Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev are irrelevant. The Congress is the only totalitarian single party that matters. We are the absolute authorities. (And by the way, Anna, Baba, BJP, RSS and all are nothing but Fascists)

Yesterday…
Editor to colleague: Get the obituaries of Baba and Anna ready. They are going in for a fast unto death.
Today...
Editor to colleague: Have you got the obituary for the Lokpal Bill ready?

Yesterday…
Pranab: God! This BJP is bugging me.
God! This RSS is bugging me.
God! This Anna Hazare is bugging me.
God! This Baba Ramdev is bugging me.
Today…
Pranab: It has come to this that I don’t even know who is bugging me anymore!

© Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood movies on today’s politics…

Kab Tak Chhup Rahunga! followed by its sequel Meri Awaaz Suno, starring Manmohan Singh

Dilli Ka Thug, starring Baba Ramdev and directed by Diggy Raja

Ready (for PM’s post), starring Rahul Beta and directed by Diggy Raja

Golmaal 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8, a multi-star cast from UPA 2

Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge?, starring the Tatas and directed by Mamata

Hum Aapke Hain Koun…!, starring Karunanidhi and its sequel Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage, starring Jayalalitha, both directed by Sonia Gandhi

Pardes, a sweet love story about Indian black money dancing in Switzerland

Chor Machaye Shor & Paisa Khaaya To Darna Kya, starring Kanimozhi and Dayanidhi Maran

Beta, starring Rahul and directed by Sonia

UPA Teri Sarkar Maili, another multi-star cast from UPA 2

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad…

In 2004 the NDA India “Shining” campaign resulted in a BJP “Sinking” scenario…

Now the UPA is at it too with its Bharat Nirman ad campaign coming on TV channels…

Please read to the tune of the ad jingle…

Desh main utha hai ek toofan,
Sab se bhrasht hain Hindustan,
2G, CWG ki jo raha chuni,
Use naam diya Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

Lokpal ne uthae kai sawaal,
Par Anna aur Baba ko hi kiya pareshan,
Arrogance or dictatorship ki jo raha chuni,
Us se ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

Desh main uthe hai hazaro scam,
Arabo aur Kharabo ka na koi hisaab,
Swiss Banks ki jo raha chuni,
Us se ho raha hai Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad,
Ho raha hain Bharat Barbaad.

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about the ISI…

If the ISI is declared a terrorist organization by the US…

ISI: But I report directly to the Pakistan Army Chief!

Pakistan Army Chief: But I report directly to the Pakistan President!

Pakistan President: But I report directly to the US President!

US President: Hey! But I report directly to… no-one!

Terrorism always comes to a full circle as the buck always stops at the desk of the US President…

© Sunil Rajguru

Jab MF Hussain sahab zinda the…

Jab zinda hain to joote pheko, jab mare to maala pahanao tasveer ko,
Jab zinda hain to nautanki artist, jab mare to sirf hamra Picasso,

Jab zinda hain to parties chup, jab mare to dukh khed aur Bharat Ratna ki baat,
Jab zinda hain to anti-national, jab mare to true Indian and Hindu to boot,

Jab zinda hain to har cheez galat, jab mare to har cheez sahi,
Life hi hain sabse badi galti, maut se badkar koi cheez nahin.

© Sunil Rajguru

Self-made Rajinikant jokes…

∙ Once Rajinikant ran as fast as he could.
The universe established that as the speed of light.
Einstein said that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.
The actual rule is that the universe does not allow anything to travel faster than the speed of Rajinikant!

∙ God actually planned to build the universe in 10 days.
Rajinikant visited him on the seventh day to check on his progress.
God decided to rest after that and didn’t resume work.
That’s why you see so many imperfections in the world today, it’s incomplete!

∙ In 1989, Rajinikant visited West Germany.
He tried to cross over to East Germany via the Berlin Wall, but was stopped by the guards.
Rajinikant forgave the guards and went back, the supremely humble person that he is.
But the Berlin Wall knew who Rajini was and simply ceased to exist with all the humiliation.
This is just one “mystery of history” that is unknown to the world.

∙ Once a George W Bush PJ and a Rajinikant PJ was entered in a PJ competition.
Guess who won?
If you think that its Rajinikant then you are totally wrong.
The George W Bush PJ won hands down.
Why?
Because there is no such thing as a Rajinikant “Poor” Joke. It is an imaginary concept and doesn’t exist!

∙ Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Rajinikant.
Rajinikant who?
………
……..
……..
(The joke has just ceased to exist.
Honestly, “Rajinikant who”????)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru