ScamAvatar…

Sometimes I think that a twisted form of Yada yada hi dharmasya for modern India actually means…

Whenever scams decline,
and progress and development seems to increase,
I incarnate myself as ScamAvatar—
I come in the form of a scandal from age to age.

Jeep scam… LIC scandal… Bofors… CWG… 2G… they just seem to come consistently bigger in every avatar!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Old Manmohan had a farm…

(Please sing to the tune of “Old MacDonald had a farm”)

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Telecos, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Games, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Land, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

(Funny how everything makes the same ole sound in clean and honest Manmohan’s beleagured farm!)

This version by Sunil Rajguru

June 2011 Status Updates

∙ R.I.P. LokPal. You never really had a chance.
Long live LokPol scams!
Diggy jeeta. Anna hara.
Jao sab ghar jaa ke so jao.

∙ Diggy Raja’s foot partially eclipsed his mouth some months back.
The eclipse is expected to last till atleast till Rahul Beta becomes PM.
After that, the eclipse will be total!

(June 30)

∙ News: MMS says that he is not a lame duck PM.
Comment: True! At least a lame duck has one good leg!

(June 29)

∙ Good News: Baba Ramdev out of danger.
Bad News: Lokpal Bill still in ICU.

(June 11)

∙ Once eager to give Baba Ramdev a banquet, the Congress right now is not even interested in giving him Fast Food…

(June 10)

∙ Fasting Anna. Fleeing Baba. Weeping Acharya. Dancing Sushma. Shoehurling “journo”. Fuming Sibal. Loosetalking Diggy. Unfortunate Singh. Unavoidable tamasha. Silent Sonia. Invisible Rahul. Returning Sadhavi…
Ye Bill LokPal Bill nahin, LokNatak hai!
P.S. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s developments!

(June 7)

∙ There was this Facebook birthday wish refrain,
Which came like a runaway train,
Not once but again,
and again and again,
and again and again and again!

(June 6)

∙ Like Good Cop Bad Cop, Cong plays a version of Good Politician Bad Politician on all issues, with Digvijay Singh always being the Bad Politician…

(June 4)

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 6…

∙ Employee to colleague: Teri salary five-figure hai ya six figures?
Politician to colleague: Tera scam eleven-figure hai ya twelve figures?

∙ First spy: What happened to the bugs in the PM’s office?
Second spy: We had to remove them.
First spy: Why? You got caught?
Second spy: No. He doesn’t open his mouth even in front of the bugs!

∙ Uncle: Kaunsa mobile connection hai beta?
Boy: 2G.
Uncle: Kyun ye corrupt technology use kar rahe ho? 3G kyun nahin lete ho?

Yesterday…
Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: Wonderful!
Today
Son: Mummy, I have decided to keep a fast.
Mother: How dare you join the RSS without my permission!

∙ Congress Spokesman: The BJP is irrelevant. The Opposition is irrelevant. The people’s protests are irrelevant. Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev are irrelevant. The Congress is the only totalitarian single party that matters. We are the absolute authorities. (And by the way, Anna, Baba, BJP, RSS and all are nothing but Fascists)

Yesterday…
Editor to colleague: Get the obituaries of Baba and Anna ready. They are going in for a fast unto death.
Today...
Editor to colleague: Have you got the obituary for the Lokpal Bill ready?

Yesterday…
Pranab: God! This BJP is bugging me.
God! This RSS is bugging me.
God! This Anna Hazare is bugging me.
God! This Baba Ramdev is bugging me.
Today…
Pranab: It has come to this that I don’t even know who is bugging me anymore!

© Sunil Rajguru

Dream Scam Cabinet

President of India: Manmohan Singh

Prime Minister: Andimuthu Raja

Information and Broadcasting Minister: Niira Radia

Sports Minister: Suresh Kalmadi

Junior Sports Minister: Lalit Modi

Finance Minister: Harshad Mehta

Commerce Minister: Ketan Parekh

Minister for Information Technology: B Ramalinga Raju

Revenue Minister: Abdul Karim Telgi

Agriculture Minister: Laloo Prasad Yadav

Defence Minister: Win Chadha

Minister for External Affairs: Dawood Ibrahim

Minister for Civil Aviation: Any Fake Pilot will do

Industries Minister: AR Antulay

Telecom Minister: Sukh Ram
(Under close supervision of Shree Honorable Prime Minister)

Minister for Urban Development: Mayawati

Home Minister: Mulayam Singh Yadav

Minister for Mines: G Janardhana Reddy

Minister for Environment: G Karunakara Reddy

Cabinet Secretary: PJ Thomas

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Just keep adding the zeroes… (Zeroes are worthless anyway)

1.76 paise: Worth something after Independence, worthless now.

17.6 paise: The price of a solitary sweet in a pack of sweets?

Rs 1.76: About the price of a bubble gum.

Rs 17.6: Enough potato chips to satisfy momentary hunger.

Rs 176: About the price of a ticket in a non-multiplex cinema hall.

Rs 1760: The cost of watching a movie in a multiplex with family.

Rs 17,600: A cheap workable sofa set is possible.

Rs 1,76,000: Enough money to buy a Nano with AC etc.

Rs 17.6 lakhs: That’ll get you a big luxury car in India.

Rs 1.76 crore: An up market flat in a metro.

Rs 17.6 crore: An independent house in a metro.

Rs 176 crore: The annual turnover of a small company.

Rs 1,760 crores: The price of an Airbus A380 with extra modifications.

Rs 17,600 crores: The annual turnover of one of India’s largest companies.

Rs 1.76 lakh crores: Phew! We finally reach the number of the (maha)Raja of Indian telecom! Laloo was small fry, Telgi is non-existent and Harshad Mehta is turning in his grave.

Rs 17.6 lakh crores: The total worth of all the scams in India put together?

Rs 176 lakh crores: Or is this the total worth of all the scams in the history of India put together?

Bhai sahib, bus zero jodte jao, jodte jao, kee pharak painde???

India invented the Zero, didn’t it?

© Sunil Rajguru