Gandhi bole ahimsa par Anna bole hinsa…

Chiddu-PM ko joota aur Prashant Bhushan ko koota…

Sibal ko kaala jhanda aur Baba Ramdev ko danda…

Rahul-virodhiyo ko laat aur anek virodh ne lagayi waat…

Pawar-Sukhram ko slaps aur UPA ko non-stop raps…

BSY-Kejriwal ko chappal aur Jindal-Advani ko bhi chappal…

Neta log sab hain jhoota aur mil kar desh ko loota …

Gaya tel lene ahimsa, ab bharat main hinsa chalega hinsa…

© Sunil Rajguru

Today’s random musings…

Look up and look down…
Vijay Mallya (Looking up): Can someone please bail me out?
Manmohan Singh (Looking up): Can someone please bail my government out?
Barack Obama (Looking up): Can someone please bail my country out?
God (Looking down): Can someone please bail me out of handling these humans?

The Modern Day Descartes
The Economy: I sink therefore I am.
Anna Hazare: I drink therefore I… Bam!
Indian Politician: I hoodwink therefore I am.
Social Media Enthusiast: I hyperlink therefore I am.

Differences in perspective
Rahul Gandhi on his “Join the poor” road show to a chaiwallah: Ek “By two” chai dena!
Mayawati to the Centre: Ek “By four” State dena!

The Law of Diminishing Returns
Rahul to Maya: Main tere tukde tukde kar doonga…
Maya to UP: Main tere tukde tukde kar doongi…
Rahul: Kya mujhe sirf ek tukda mil sakta hai?

Democracy versus Mobocracy
How many people does it take to elect a government in Egypt?
—30-40 million in a nationwide ballot.
How many people does it take to topple a government in Egypt?
—1 million at Tahrir Square!

Abbreviated governance…
BJP: 2G!
UPA: JPC!
BJP: CAG!
UPA: PAC!
BJP: PC!
UPA: CBI!

Spot the difference…
What’s the difference between Rahul Gandhi and LK Advani?
—Both want to be prime minister and are perpetually touring the country to achieve their ends, the only difference is that Rahul is Rathless.

Downright abysmal PJ of the day…

India without Kashmir will be like a headless chicken going Pak Pak Pak Pak PoK PoK PoK PoK…

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 9

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Euro.
Euro who?
You wrong all of you economists, this common currency is not at all working.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Oil
Oil who?
I’ll give the full tank a miss this time thank you. Can’t afford it with all these damn hikes!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now you find yourself on the same boat as the government, with dissension, controversies, charges and media scrutiny!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mahashatak.
Mahashatak who?
Mahashatak where and how? More importantly “when” is the biggest question!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Tu mera Anna No. 1

OK, Team Anna is facing really tough times and the movement needs a theme song to pep it up.

Here’s one for Anna Hazare…

Please sing to the tune of Sona Kitna Sona Hai (Tu mera Hero No. 1) from the film Hero No. 1

Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Gandhiji kehete hai anshan, achchha nahin ye netapan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Oof sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Lokpal ko sanwidhaan main basaale, tod le sab tu uljhan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

(Original Song: Sona kitna sona hai.
Film: Hero No. 1.
Year: 1997)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Some political musings…

Superlatives
Fast. (Anna)
Faster. (Modi)
Fastest: (Vaghela)

What’s in a name?
It is no longer United. (The PM disconnected from the rest of the ministers)
It is no longer Progressive. (Suppressing free thought, an initial toothless Lokpal Bill, a communal Communal Bill, rejecting a strong Sports Bill…)
It is no longer a close Alliance. (TMC tantrums, DMK going alone in the local polls…)
The UPA is fast unraveling.
Un-united Regressive Mis-alliance anyone?

The fast and the furious…
Everyone’s either going on a fast or pulling a fast one…
The political landscape is fast changing and Modi is fast finding acceptance…
But the only thing that matters is that prices and inflation are fast increasing and the common man is plain furious.

If Tihar re-organized its management…
Head of Telephone Exchange: A Raja
Head of Tihar Annual Games: Suresh Kalmadi
Treasurer: Madhu Koda
PRO: Amar Singh
Editor, Tihar Times: Kanimozhi
Coming soon (unconfirmed) on a two-week training programme…
Kiran Bedi, Om Puri, Prashant Bhushan & Arvind Kejriwal.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Diggy Raja musings…

Anna Hazare definitely needs Z+ Security from the verbal assaults and character assassination attempts from the fleet Congress spokespersons, particularly Diggy Raja.

Who says India doesn’t have good stand-up comedians?
Diggy Raja is world class.

Given enough time, Diggy Raja will blame the RSS even for JFK’s assassination.

Diggy Raja is totally sane.
It’s the world that’s mad.

Height of conspiracy…
Diggy Raja is an RSS agent.

If Diggy Raja was made the Lokpal, then he’d shut the office in two minutes flat saying that there is no corruption in India.

Jitna fast Anna ko stomachache nahin deta, us-se kahin jyaada Diggy Raja us-se headache deta hain.

Arundhati Roy is not an Independent Republic. Diggy Raja is.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

June 2011 Status Updates

∙ R.I.P. LokPal. You never really had a chance.
Long live LokPol scams!
Diggy jeeta. Anna hara.
Jao sab ghar jaa ke so jao.

∙ Diggy Raja’s foot partially eclipsed his mouth some months back.
The eclipse is expected to last till atleast till Rahul Beta becomes PM.
After that, the eclipse will be total!

(June 30)

∙ News: MMS says that he is not a lame duck PM.
Comment: True! At least a lame duck has one good leg!

(June 29)

∙ Good News: Baba Ramdev out of danger.
Bad News: Lokpal Bill still in ICU.

(June 11)

∙ Once eager to give Baba Ramdev a banquet, the Congress right now is not even interested in giving him Fast Food…

(June 10)

∙ Fasting Anna. Fleeing Baba. Weeping Acharya. Dancing Sushma. Shoehurling “journo”. Fuming Sibal. Loosetalking Diggy. Unfortunate Singh. Unavoidable tamasha. Silent Sonia. Invisible Rahul. Returning Sadhavi…
Ye Bill LokPal Bill nahin, LokNatak hai!
P.S. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s developments!

(June 7)

∙ There was this Facebook birthday wish refrain,
Which came like a runaway train,
Not once but again,
and again and again,
and again and again and again!

(June 6)

∙ Like Good Cop Bad Cop, Cong plays a version of Good Politician Bad Politician on all issues, with Digvijay Singh always being the Bad Politician…

(June 4)

© Sunil Rajguru