Chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo…

Nowadays everyone in India wants to slap or thrash someone and throw slippers and shoes at prominent people.

Here’s a theme song for the new violent India.

Please sing to the tune of the Bollywood song Pyaar baant te chalo

Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo,
Kya politician kya social activist, humri sab se hai ladai,
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo.

Nafrat hai nayi Bharat ki kahani,
Ye buzurgon ka kehna kyun sune yaaron,
Ek hi chaanta ke kaabil hain sab,
Humko peet paat ke rehana hai yaaron,

Hai socho kal kya the, dekho ab kya ho,
Sabko le doobayenge… hai apni ye ladai,
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo.
(La la la la la la la la la la la la la la…)

Sharad ye hai to Chiddu tum ho,
Ye hai Kejriwal to Kalmadi tum ho,
Naam kuch ho magar ye na bhoolo,
Sabse gussa ek jaisa ho.
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo.

Ye Mumbai hai woh Delhi dekho,
Har jagah nafrat ki hai kahani,
Nafrat sadiyon se ab tak amar hai,
Aur har cheez hai aani jaani
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo…

(Original song: Pyaar baant te chalo.
Film: Hum Sab Ustad Hain.
Year: 1965.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

When SRK allegedly slapped Shirish Kunder…

SRK: My Name is Khan!

Shirish: Some Tees Maar Khan!

SRK: Chak De! Ek chaanta doonga rakh ke!

Shirish: Joker ban ke raha gaya hu...

Farah: Don’t worry, Main Hoo Na!

Gauri: Om Shanti Om.

Anna: Phakta Ek? Don-Teen lawayche hote na?

(Or even One 2 Ka 4!)

∙ Right now Shirish Kunder is thinking…
Agar main ek FIR file kar du, to it will become…
Ek mulk ki police SRK ka intezar kar rahi hai…
SRK ko pakadna mumkin hi nahi, aasan hoga…

© Sunil Rajguru

November 2011 Status Updates

∙ India Philosophy: Take two steps forward and one step backward.
New India Oil Price Philosophy: First hike price by 2 Rupees, then reduce by 1 Rupee.

∙ Pakbanistan… ban Facebook, YouTube… ban cricketers… ban SMS Text words… ban NATO’s supply route… ban Bollywood’s Dirty Picture… ban BBC… in fact ban everything except Taliban…

∙ Match report…
India snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again…
…only the West Indies got furious and snatched it right back!

(November 30)

∙ Tests + ODIs combined results…
England main 0-7, aur ab home soil pe 7-0 (Eng +WI)…
Team India’s new logo: Win or Lose, Make it Large!
P.S. In WC also: In 2007, they exited in Round 1. In 2011 did a record Final chase.

(November 26)

∙ Chain reaction… Global economy slaps India… UPA government slaps continuous hikes… Man slaps Sharad Pawar… NCP slaps Maharashtra… Aage kya hoga?

∙ Mr Sharad Pawar meets Mr Slap Power.

(November 24)

∙ That country is sure undergoing severe PMS.
(Pakistani Messaging Service).

(November 23)

∙ Today’s PJ…
Devotee: Oh God! Please let Sachin score his Mahashatak ASAP!
God: Why don’t you guys just leave me alone and let me concentrate on my batting!
Devotee: Aila Sachin!
Note: Tum hi log bolte rahate ho ki Sachin is God…

(November 22)

∙ Masterchef India was always less cooking and more nautanki.
They realised they had a problem.
So now they’ve doubled the nautanki.

(November 13)

∙ Has anyone else noticed that the Aishwarya-Abhishek Bachchan child was probably conceived about a month before Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th Century?
(Section: Amazing Facts about the Mahashatak)

(November 12)

∙ There is only one way India can Lose in a Fourth Innings Test chase…
…and that is if we Lose VVS Laxman’s wicket!
The God of Fourth Innings strikes again!

∙ When I was small, my mother decided which friends I should listen to.
Now the Facebook Algorithm has taken over that responsibility!

(November 9)

∙ What Agnivesh said: I am going to use Bigg Boss to address social issues.
What he meant: I am using it to address financial and publicity issues.

∙ Mamata’s masterstroke: Either roll back the petrol price hike, or pay the cumulative amount lost by all of India’s petrol consumers in the form of financial aid to my State (West Bengal).

(November 8 )

∙ Swami Agnivesh in Bigg Boss?
Don’t we already have a national level political and media powered anti-corruption reality show with Anna Hazare as the Big Boss?

∙ Someone please organize a Bangladesh-Zimbabwe-India ODI triangular series and Sachin can score his 100th ton and we all can quietly move on in life and cricket.

(November 7)

∙ Satyam Raju’s release followed a predictable pattern…
First Jail. Then case Fail. Hence Bail.

(November 4)

∙ After the commercial success of Ra.One, SRK is changing his name to Sabki Lee.

(November 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 6

There was this fearless journalist in Iraq,
Who hurled a shoe at a US Presidential chap,
It inspired attacks on Jindal, Chiddu and Yeddy,
Then on Advani, Omar, Kalmadi and Dwivedi,
And now shoeing has morphed into one tight slap!

There were these people Waiting for the God,
To complete the most divinest cricketing plot,
Then it went amiss and came many a miss,
Heartbreakingly in the 90s a bowler did dismiss,
And now it looks like we’re Waiting for Godot!

There was this terrorist called Kasab,
Who in Indian jails had many a kebab,
The demands never stopped,
And endless days got docked,
Aur ab us par paise kharch karne ka na koi hisaab!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Gandhi bole ahimsa par Anna bole hinsa…

Chiddu-PM ko joota aur Prashant Bhushan ko koota…

Sibal ko kaala jhanda aur Baba Ramdev ko danda…

Rahul-virodhiyo ko laat aur anek virodh ne lagayi waat…

Pawar-Sukhram ko slaps aur UPA ko non-stop raps…

BSY-Kejriwal ko chappal aur Jindal-Advani ko bhi chappal…

Neta log sab hain jhoota aur mil kar desh ko loota …

Gaya tel lene ahimsa, ab bharat main hinsa chalega hinsa…

© Sunil Rajguru

More on India’s Slapgate…

The slogan for years had been…
Congress ka haath aam aadmi ke saath.
Now with the slap on politician Sharad Pawar, the common man’s slogan is…
Aam aadmi ka haath Congress ke gaal ke saath.
(OK, OK, he’s from the NCP, but he’s still been a veteran Congressman for most of his professional life)

What’s with all these gates?
Is it time to tighten the Securitygate?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru