When India beat Australia @ Dharamsala…

snow-mountains-662943_640ICC Test Rankings.
No. 1 team: India.
No.1 Bowler: Jadeja.
No. 2 Bowler: Ashwin.
No. 2 batsman: Pujara.
No. 4 batsman: Kohli.
No. 2 All-rounder: Ashwin.
No. 3 All-rounder: Jadeja.
India never had it this good in Tests!

Ardh-Shatak ka Betaaj Badshaah.
#KLRahul #IndVsAus

In terms of arrogance, Ricky Ponting was worse than Steve Waugh and Steve Smith is worse than Ponting.

India required 87 runs off 1080 balls at the end of the third day in this match to win.
T20 enthusiasts in the future will simply not understand Test cricket.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsEng series musings…

Jo shatak banayega wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
Jo Jeeta wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
MC-BC. Sikander gaya tel lene.
Shatak bhi mera, jeet bhi meri!
#Kohli

Test captaincy.
Test anchor.
ODI anchor.
iT20 anchor.
RCB captaincy.
RCB anchor.
3500+ runs in all the above.
Pressure? Woh kya hota hai?
#Kohli

Batsman Kohli—May surpass Sachin.
Captain Kohli—May surpass Dhoni.
Spinner Ashwin—May surpass Kumble.
All-rounder Ashwin—May surpass Kapil.

Batting Averages.
Great player…
Tests—55.
ODIs—50.
iT20s—40.
Kohli…
Tests—50.
ODIs—53.
iT20s—57.

Only two active cricketers have scored more than 650 runs in a Test series versus Australia in Australia.
#Cook #Kohli
Funny Anderson thinks Kohli needs pitches to score.

Prophecy: A Karnataka batsman will cross 200 at the Chennai Test.
Rahul out on 199: Damn! The prophecy was wrong!
Karun Nair: No it wasn’t!

#Dravid #Kumble #Laxman #Dhoni #Kohli
Greater match-winners than Sachin.
Sachin is not even the greatest in his own team.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsNZ #EdenGardens: Greatest batting line-up ever…

Here’s looking at the highest scores of all 11 batsmen in the second Test between India and New Zealand at Eden Gardens…

1. Shikhar Dhawn 187.
2. Murali Vijay 167.
3. Cheteshwar Pujara 206*.
4. Virat Kohli 200.
5. Ajinkya Rahane 147.
6. Rohit Sharma 177.
7. Ravichandran Ashwin 124.
8. Wriddhiman Saha 104.
9. Ravindra Jadeja 68.
10. Bhuvneshwar Kumar 63*.
11. Mohammed Shami 51*.

That means a whopping 8 have scored a century and the remaining 3 have scored a century.

The number 9 batsman is also the only Indian to have three first class triple centuries including 2 in a month.
Gautam Gambhir with 4000 Test runs is on the bench and injured KL Rahul got 3 centuries in his first 6 Tests including a 158.
Pujara with four 150+ scores finds himself in and out of the team.

By Sunil Rajguru

Brisbane Test Day 4 musings…

Ref: Second India-Australia Test at Brisbane.

For Steve Waugh, India was the final frontier.
For India, every country is the final frontier.

No matter what day of the Test, when India begins its second innings, it is always just one session away from defeat.

Bharat ko videshi Test jeetna mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai…

If Winnie the Pooh led the Australian Test team, they’d still thrash us 4-0.

What Shikhar Dhawan may have wanted to say after his 81 at Brisbane…
I was inspired by the great Australia batsmen during their batting in the first innings.
I kept counting the milestones one by one.
First I went past Lyon (23) then Hazlewood (32) and finally Starc (52).
My only regret is that I couldn’t go past the great Mitchell Johnson’s 88.
All these great batsmen can give a few tips to our top order batsmen.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Brisbane Test Day 3 musings…

Ref: Second India-Australia Test at Brisbane.

Overseas Tests…
Play pathetically: Lose.
Play badly: Lose.
Play well: Lose.
Play really well: Lose.
Play awesomely: Draw.
Once in four years: Win.

The Indian attack is great at getting batsmen out.
It just can’t dismiss the bowlers.

After Kapil Dev, India has produced 25 fast bowlers faster than him, but not even one who remotely matches his fighting spirit.

Lightning strikes once.
Rare if it strikes twice.
If it strikes 10 times, then you’re the Indian bowling attack hit by the tail.

True Test parity…
At home we watch Indian batsmen doing The Great Escape.
Overseas, we watch the opposition batsmen doing The Great Escape.

India should stop importing foreign coaches and start importing foreign bowlers.
That’s the only way to save foreign Tests.

On foreign Test pitches, some tails last more sessions than Indian batsmen last balls.

If the Indian bowling attack took 19 wickets in 3 days on a foreign Test pitch, then you can be sure that the 20th would elude them for the next two days.

We won one foreign Test in 2011.
After that in 2014.
So the next is coming in 2017.

This is MS Dhoni’s 59th match as Test captain and Steven Smith’s first.
Frankly, it looks like the other way round.

On foreign Test pitches, the opposition’s last pair is better than India’s opening pair.

Overseas Test rules…
If India is 300-5, they can be 325 all down.
If the opposition is 300-5, they can go to 600.

In an overseas Test if India scores 450 and the opposition is 200-5, the Indian fan asks…
Can we somehow have a miracle and draw this match?

India’s DRS = Decisions Really Suck.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Adelaide Test musings…

Ref: First India-Australia Test at Adelaide.

Aus series he kya?
Nahi, Aasu series hai.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬

Kohli, Viru ya ho Dhoni,
Fast bowling, spin ya kuch bhi anhoni,
Foreign pitches pe bas wohi hi honi.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬

2011: Can’t play fast bowlers on foreign pitches.
‪#‎Eng‬ ‪#‎Aus‬
2012: Can’t play spinners on home pitches.
#Eng
2014: Can’t play spinners on foreign pitches.
#Eng #Aus

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ghungroo ki tarah bajta raha Indian batsman…

Indian batsmen are having a really torrid time on foreign pitches.

Please sing to the tune of Ghungroo ki tarah from the film Chor Machaye Shor.

Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main,
Kabhi is pitch pe,
Kabhi us pitch pe,
Wicket girta hi raha mera…
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Kabhi wicket toot gaya,
Kabhi bouncer se toda gaya,
Sau baar mujhe,
Phir joda gaya,
Yuhi out ho ke aur phir wicket pe aake,
Khelta hi raha hoon main,
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Main darta raha,
Mere teammates ki tarah,
Meri technique mere,
Mann hi me rahi,
Kabhi England main,
Kabhi Australia main,
Peet-ta hi raha hoon main,
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Pace attack se dare,
Ya spin bowling se,
Cricket ball ki jagah,
To hai teen stumps pe,
Phir kaisa gila,
Foreign pitches se jo mila,
Sahta hi raha hoon mein,
Ghungroo ki tarah
Bajta hi raha hoon main…

(Original Song: Ghungroo ki tarah.
Film: Chor Machaye Shor.
Year: 1974)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

November 2011 Status Updates

∙ India Philosophy: Take two steps forward and one step backward.
New India Oil Price Philosophy: First hike price by 2 Rupees, then reduce by 1 Rupee.

∙ Pakbanistan… ban Facebook, YouTube… ban cricketers… ban SMS Text words… ban NATO’s supply route… ban Bollywood’s Dirty Picture… ban BBC… in fact ban everything except Taliban…

∙ Match report…
India snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again…
…only the West Indies got furious and snatched it right back!

(November 30)

∙ Tests + ODIs combined results…
England main 0-7, aur ab home soil pe 7-0 (Eng +WI)…
Team India’s new logo: Win or Lose, Make it Large!
P.S. In WC also: In 2007, they exited in Round 1. In 2011 did a record Final chase.

(November 26)

∙ Chain reaction… Global economy slaps India… UPA government slaps continuous hikes… Man slaps Sharad Pawar… NCP slaps Maharashtra… Aage kya hoga?

∙ Mr Sharad Pawar meets Mr Slap Power.

(November 24)

∙ That country is sure undergoing severe PMS.
(Pakistani Messaging Service).

(November 23)

∙ Today’s PJ…
Devotee: Oh God! Please let Sachin score his Mahashatak ASAP!
God: Why don’t you guys just leave me alone and let me concentrate on my batting!
Devotee: Aila Sachin!
Note: Tum hi log bolte rahate ho ki Sachin is God…

(November 22)

∙ Masterchef India was always less cooking and more nautanki.
They realised they had a problem.
So now they’ve doubled the nautanki.

(November 13)

∙ Has anyone else noticed that the Aishwarya-Abhishek Bachchan child was probably conceived about a month before Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th Century?
(Section: Amazing Facts about the Mahashatak)

(November 12)

∙ There is only one way India can Lose in a Fourth Innings Test chase…
…and that is if we Lose VVS Laxman’s wicket!
The God of Fourth Innings strikes again!

∙ When I was small, my mother decided which friends I should listen to.
Now the Facebook Algorithm has taken over that responsibility!

(November 9)

∙ What Agnivesh said: I am going to use Bigg Boss to address social issues.
What he meant: I am using it to address financial and publicity issues.

∙ Mamata’s masterstroke: Either roll back the petrol price hike, or pay the cumulative amount lost by all of India’s petrol consumers in the form of financial aid to my State (West Bengal).

(November 8 )

∙ Swami Agnivesh in Bigg Boss?
Don’t we already have a national level political and media powered anti-corruption reality show with Anna Hazare as the Big Boss?

∙ Someone please organize a Bangladesh-Zimbabwe-India ODI triangular series and Sachin can score his 100th ton and we all can quietly move on in life and cricket.

(November 7)

∙ Satyam Raju’s release followed a predictable pattern…
First Jail. Then case Fail. Hence Bail.

(November 4)

∙ After the commercial success of Ra.One, SRK is changing his name to Sabki Lee.

(November 3)

© Sunil Rajguru