Yet more RCB IPL musings…

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
If Gayle don’t get you, Kohli must.
If Kohli should fall, ABD will make you go bust.
#Qualifier1

Gayle gaya. Kohli gaya. Watson gaya. Rahul gaya. Binny gaya. Baby gaya.
ABD: Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
#Qualifier1

Sau sonaar ki, ek lohaar ki.
‪#‎IPL‬ ‪#‎RCB‬…
Teen sau sonaar ki, teen lohaar ki.
‪#‎Gayle‬ ‪#‎Kohli‬ ‪#‎ABD‬

Bengaluru boy/girl: Say the 3 magic words!
‪#‎RCB‬ fan: Say the 3 magic letters…
A B D !

Other players…
Gotta try to keep asking rate below 10 runs an over.
ABD…
I am in control till asking rate is upto 16 runs an over.

ABD and RCB bowlers finally telling Kohli…
Tu kucch jyaada hi batting kar liya boss!
Ab thoda araam karle!
#Qualifier1

How do we stop Gayle?
Gayle out of form. So now how do we stop ABD?
Before you sort out ABD, Kohli goes berserk.
And then Gayle comes back in form!

There should be a Yellow Cap or something for the fielder with the most wickets.

Changing times…
VVS Laxman in his 220 international matches career hit 10 6s.
Brendon McCullum in the very first ‪#‎IPL‬ innings hit 13 6s.

Kohli.
Century: Yawn!
Fifty: Underperformed.
Zero: Aaj sooraj kahan se nikla!

Hurricane Kohli.
Gayle Storm.
ABD Cyclone.

Sir, right now Kohli can emerge victorious from any hopeless situation!
Mallya: Then should we make him in-charge of UB?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kohli-RCB-IPL musings…

You need stitches!
Kohli: Wait. Let me first stitch up victory, then you can treat me.

Bruce ka bhai Koh Lee.
Cool-he.
K007hli.
SabKiLeLi.

Kohli to his bowlers…
Tum runs dete raho, main runs lete rahunga.

Kohli ko out karna mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Nau international teams aur saat IPL franchisees iska hal dhoond rahe hai.

Kohli singing…
Saare RCB bowlers ka bojh hum uthaate hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

RCB musings…

Photo0635

The “Challengers” in RCB is a problem.
For 8 seasons they’ve only been “challenging”, nothing else.
Make it Royal Champions Bengaluru.

When RCB bat second…
We can chase even 225 with 8 wickets to spare.
When RCB bat first…
Nothing less than 200 will do.
‪#‎IPL2016‬

RCB make…
160: Will lose.
180: Close match.
200: Might win.
220: If they bowl well, they’ll win.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

World Cup musings…

Total prize money up for grabs for 200+ players participating in 2015 ODI World Cup…
$10 million.
Yuvraj Singh’s fee for just appearing in IPL 2015…
$2.5 million.

The World Cup jinx…
Sri Lanka has never beaten Pakistan.
Pakistan has never beaten India.
India has never beaten South Africa.
South Africa has never beaten anyone in a knockout match.

A Tale of Three Summers…
Team India went from an Indian Summer to an Australian Summer and will return to an Indian Summer again.
Instead of a long rest, they’ll rush into a 1.5 month long IPL.

1992—India has beaten you in a World Cup. Will you give it back to them?
Pakistan—‪#‎WeWontGiveItBack‬—1996, 1999, 2003, 2011, 2015.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Latest round of match-fixing musings…

Scamster ho ya match-fixer ho…
Aakhir chhoot jaata hai, chhoot jata hai…

Reporter: Srini?
Mudgal: Sriknew.
‪#‎IPL‬ ‪#‎MudgalReport‬

Selector: Did you check out Powerplay 1, Powerplay 2 and Powerplay 3?
Official: No, I was checking out Individual 1, Individual 2 and Individual 3.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How to tell what type of cricket match is going on…

You know…

…a Test match is going on…
…when purists are shouting “Test cricket is not dead!”… “Test cricket is not dead!”…

…an ODI match is going on…
…when people in the office are glued to the computer screen and are alternately looking depressed or screaming.

…a T20 match is going on…
…when you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way back from work and you end up missing the entire match due to that.

…the IPL is going on…
…when there’s a sudden spurt in controversies, inane sports ads and there’s more tamasha than actual cricket going on.

…a First Class match is going on…
…actually you never know about it even though there’s some match going on throughout the year all.

…the Women’s Cricket World Cup is going on…
…when a host of experts across all news channels are bemoaning low viewership of women’s cricket.

© Sunil Rajguru