Consolidated petrol price hike musings…

Ye bechara petrol price ka maara,
Ise chahiye
Congress se chutkara.

∙ Petrol prices in India don’t need Viagra.
They keep rising all the time no matter what…

Akkad pakkad petrol go, assi nabbe poore sau,
Sau pe keemat lagega jab, sarkar nikalke bhaagega tab.

∙ Overheard…
First person: Someone hit a 6 in the Indian Premier League!
Second person: That’s nothing. The Indian Petrol League just hit a 7.5.

∙ Our demand in one word…

Ye government sasura bahut eco-friendly hai.
Their aim is to keep as many vehicles off the road as they can.

∙ India’s new mascot is Johnnie Walker.
And hence the new slogan is “Keep Walking”.

∙ Old: Don’t Drink and Drive.
New: Drink, but don’t Drive.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress ka haath…

Congress ka haath…

2009: Aam aadmi ke saath…

2010: Phir maara thappad…

2011: Phir kaan ke neeche ek bajaya…

2012: Ab Congress ka haath ne aam aadmi ko uthake patak diya…

Next is what?

Congress ka haath, aam aadmi ki vaat…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 18

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dhoni who?
Don’ you think he’s the luckiest captain of IPL?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Chris Gayle.
Chris Gayle who?
Christ! Gaye tel lene saare bowlers!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
SR Khan.
SR Khan who?
Sir, can you stop with all these non-stop fights and controversies?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
“You PA Sangma who?” asks the UPA presidential selection committee.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random IPL & SRK controversy musings…

∙ Shah ruk!
Nahin rukunga!

∙ I love you K K K K K K Kiran!
I hate you C C C C C C C Controversies!

∙ SRK vs KKR: Dada! Dada! Dada!
SRK vs RR: Smoking case at Jaipur stadium.
SRK vs MI: Ban at Wankhede stadium.
Next match is what?

∙ Citi should instead make a charitable contribution for every IPL controversy and they’d go bankrupt in no time.

∙ It is difficult to tell whether the IPL has more controversies or 6s by Chris Gayle.

∙ If the TRP ratings for IPL matches is 4, then similar ratings for IPL controversies is probably 40.

© Sunil Rajguru

Where the mind is without fear remixed…

With due apologies to Rabindranath Tagore‘s original, but something that is required in 21st century India…

Where the cartoonist is without fear and the satirist’s head is held high;
Where the Internet is free;
Where the protestor’s will has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic politics;
Where online and print words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection and not persecution;
Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead politicians;
Where every mind is led forward into ever-widening thought and action—
Into that heaven of freedom, let my country awake…

Little things that irritate me in India…

∙ People calling on the phone and asking, “Who’s speaking?”
“Man you called! Introduce yourself!”
Best repartee suggested by a friend: “Who’s listening?”

∙ People getting into the lift even as I’m trying to get out.
What do they want? A lift with two doors: One for in and one for out?

∙ Strangers asking me, “What’s your caste?”
“Man! I don’t want to tell you and I don’t give a damn whether you have a caste or not!”

∙ People yelling and screaming on TV debates.
The weaker the argument, the louder the voice.

∙ People never coming to a meeting on time.
Einstein was right. Time is relative… for every Indian.

∙ People overtaking my car from the left side on the roads.
Right is always right and left is always wrong. But if there’s a mishap, you’ll be the first one to come and argue with all guns blazing!

∙ People honking their extra loud honks all the time.
What do you expect me to do? Turn my car into a plane and fly over the traffic jam?
Best quip by a foreigner: If you’re deaf then you can’t drive on Indian roads.

∙ TV news sensationalism.
Millions of TV bytes over a single meaningless story and yet no end result.

∙ The chalta hai policy.
Chal nahin raha hai, hum chala rahe hai…

© Sunil Rajguru

April 2012 Status Updates

∙ The Indian Judicial system solved the Rs 1 Lakh bribe issue @Rs 25 a day.
That’s why it took 11 years.
At this rate other multi-crore scams may not be solved till even Judgement Day.

∙ At this rate Mamata will ban even red paint from West Bengal.

(April 28)

∙ After AMS, all dirty pictures were banned on TV. Poor The Dirty Picture just got caught in the crossfire.

(April 24)

∙ Common man’s shot at politics: Around 150 Lok Sabha MPs are chargesheeted. Around 150 are from a dynasty. Around 120 are from reserved quota.

∙ The Trinamool isn’t showing any mamata to the people of West Bengal.
SP is still being mulayam towards the criminals of UP.

(April 23)

∙ BSY: The CM’s chair is mine.
Comment: Yes you have been removed due to that “mine” only.

∙ Congress ko PMS, sorry AMS ho gaya hai.

(April 20)

∙ Change has finally come to West Bengal.
Things have gotten much worse!
Yesterday: Think Left. Today: Think Left Ultra.

(April 19)

∙ Mamata in the Opposition was obviously anti-establishment.
Mamata as the Establishment is also sadly anti-establishment.

(April 17)

∙ Indian politics today:
The Centre’s at the periphery.
Nothing’s right with the Left.
Nothing’s left with the Right.
Regional players are plain parochial.
The Voter’s in Hot Water.

Zara deri ho gayi. Kash amir dil se aap kuch 26/11 pe action lete.
(Plus: It’s Indo-Pak tourism more than Indo-Pak talks)

∙ The detractors will now have to SIT down.
After 10 years, Godhra has been Modified.

∙ So the Republicans zero in on Mitt Romnahin.

∙ In 2012, the world may well end for things like UPA governance, low prices and Republican Presidential aspirations.

∙ Asking for privacy in social networking is like asking for a burqa for “Face”book.

(April 11)

∙ 0G=Motilal/Jawaharlal (No Gandhi surname).
1G=Indira Gandhi.
2G=Sanjay, Rajiv, Sonia.
Dynasty bhi abhi 2G pe hi atka hua hai!

∙ Agatha Christie wrote And Then There Were None.
Manmohan Singh is also writing And Then There Were None where None=Clean ministers in his Cabinet.

∙ Like the Terminator, BSY keeps saying “I’ll be back”.
Like the Terminator, BSY is bent on terminating the BJP in Karnataka.

∙ In terms of generations of corruption, India must be at 10G, I guess.

∙ Say coup twice: CoupCoups.
Yes you’ve gone Cuckoos if you think it can happen in India.

∙ Corruption ka ghada bhar gaya, overflow hua aur toot bhi gaya. Indian politicians ne doosre Maha ghade ka intezaam kiya hai.

(April 5)

© Sunil Rajguru