Consolidated petrol price hike musings…

Ye bechara petrol price ka maara,
Ise chahiye
Congress se chutkara.

∙ Petrol prices in India don’t need Viagra.
They keep rising all the time no matter what…

Akkad pakkad petrol go, assi nabbe poore sau,
Sau pe keemat lagega jab, sarkar nikalke bhaagega tab.

∙ Overheard…
First person: Someone hit a 6 in the Indian Premier League!
Second person: That’s nothing. The Indian Petrol League just hit a 7.5.

∙ Our demand in one word…

Ye government sasura bahut eco-friendly hai.
Their aim is to keep as many vehicles off the road as they can.

∙ India’s new mascot is Johnnie Walker.
And hence the new slogan is “Keep Walking”.

∙ Old: Don’t Drink and Drive.
New: Drink, but don’t Drive.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 18

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dhoni who?
Don’ you think he’s the luckiest captain of IPL?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Chris Gayle.
Chris Gayle who?
Christ! Gaye tel lene saare bowlers!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
SR Khan.
SR Khan who?
Sir, can you stop with all these non-stop fights and controversies?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
“You PA Sangma who?” asks the UPA presidential selection committee.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random IPL & SRK controversy musings…

∙ Shah ruk!
Nahin rukunga!

∙ I love you K K K K K K Kiran!
I hate you C C C C C C C Controversies!

∙ SRK vs KKR: Dada! Dada! Dada!
SRK vs RR: Smoking case at Jaipur stadium.
SRK vs MI: Ban at Wankhede stadium.
Next match is what?

∙ Citi should instead make a charitable contribution for every IPL controversy and they’d go bankrupt in no time.

∙ It is difficult to tell whether the IPL has more controversies or 6s by Chris Gayle.

∙ If the TRP ratings for IPL matches is 4, then similar ratings for IPL controversies is probably 40.

© Sunil Rajguru

Where the mind is without fear remixed…

With due apologies to Rabindranath Tagore‘s original, but something that is required in 21st century India…

Where the cartoonist is without fear and the satirist’s head is held high;
Where the Internet is free;
Where the protestor’s will has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic politics;
Where online and print words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection and not persecution;
Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead politicians;
Where every mind is led forward into ever-widening thought and action—
Into that heaven of freedom, let my country awake…

Little things that irritate me in India…

∙ People calling on the phone and asking, “Who’s speaking?”
“Man you called! Introduce yourself!”
Best repartee suggested by a friend: “Who’s listening?”

∙ People getting into the lift even as I’m trying to get out.
What do they want? A lift with two doors: One for in and one for out?

∙ Strangers asking me, “What’s your caste?”
“Man! I don’t want to tell you and I don’t give a damn whether you have a caste or not!”

∙ People yelling and screaming on TV debates.
The weaker the argument, the louder the voice.

∙ People never coming to a meeting on time.
Einstein was right. Time is relative… for every Indian.

∙ People overtaking my car from the left side on the roads.
Right is always right and left is always wrong. But if there’s a mishap, you’ll be the first one to come and argue with all guns blazing!

∙ People honking their extra loud honks all the time.
What do you expect me to do? Turn my car into a plane and fly over the traffic jam?
Best quip by a foreigner: If you’re deaf then you can’t drive on Indian roads.

∙ TV news sensationalism.
Millions of TV bytes over a single meaningless story and yet no end result.

∙ The chalta hai policy.
Chal nahin raha hai, hum chala rahe hai…

© Sunil Rajguru