How politicians make it large…

Cong to BJP: Tera riot coverage mera riot coverage se bada kaise?
BJP to Cong: Tera scam mera scam se bada kaise?

BSP to SP: Tera goondagardi mera goondagardi se bada kaise?
SP to BSP: Tera megalomania mera megalomania se bada kaise?

DMK to ADMK: Tera dictatorship mera dictatorship se bada kaise?
ADMK to DMK: Tere freebies mere freebies se bade kaise?

JD(S) to KJP: Tera BJP hate mera BJP hate se bada kaise?
KJP to JD(S): Tera irrelevance mera irrelevance se bada kaise?

RJD to JD(U): Tera caste equation, mera caste equation se bada kaise?
JD(U) to RJD: Tera secularism mera secularism se bada kaise?

TDP to YSR Cong: Tera baap ka legacy mere sasur ka legacy se bada kaise?
YSR Cong to TDP: Tu kaun hai be?

Guj Cong to Guj BJP: Tera har cheez mera har cheez se bada kaise?
Guj BJP to Guj Cong: Tu kaun hai be?

J&KNC to Cong: Tera dynasty mera dynasty se bada kaise?
Cong to J&KNC: Tera Kashmir goof-up mera Kashmir goof-up se bada kaise?

BJD to Orissa Cong: Tera Oriya mera Oriya se bada kaise?
Orissa Cong to BJD: Tera Oriya votebank mera Oriya votebank se bada kaise?

SS to NCP: Tera Marathi votebank mera Marathi votebank se bada kaise?
NCP to SS: Tera (negative) publicity mera (negative) publicity se bada kaise?

CPM to TMC: Tera rule mere rule se bada Left-leaning kaise?
TMC to CPM: Maoists! Section 66A! Off with their heads!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Offline and online…

Yesterday: “Wit” is my middle name.
Today: “Tweet” is my middle name.

Yesterday: She has a great profile.
Today: She has a great Facebook profile.

Yesterday: Do you have connections?
Today: Do you have LinkedIn connections?

Yesterday: How do I look?
Today: How does my homepage look?

Yesterday: Why weren’t you there?
Today: Why aren’t you on Four Square?

Yesterday: I tried my best to talk to him, what more do you want me to do?
Today: I called, SMSed, poked, Tweeted, tagged… what more do you want me to do?

Yesterday: Get a life!
Today: Get a virtual life!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How to manufacture news…

When you have Zero stories about a particular topic, then you can still manufacture 4 stories out of that 0.

Mathematical principle…
1 + 1 – 1 – 1 = 0.

News manufacturing principle…
1. Modi to visit Ayodhya, angers minorities.
+1. Modi not to visit Ayodhya, angers Hindus.
-1. Why did Modi skip his Ayodhya visit?
-1. Was Modi not to have visited Ayodhya in the first place?
= 0
Bonus: Special panel discussion on the whole Modi-Ayodhya fiasco.

Interestingly, this formula was soon repeated again…
1. Modi flies out 15,000 from Uttarakhand.
+1. Modi’s 15,000 claim total rubbish.
-1. Actually, Modi did some good work in Uttarakhand.
-1. What was the 15,000 source in the first place?
= 0
Bonus: All-out war on Twitter.

(Original blog: June 19)

© Sunil Rajguru

Woemankind…

Before they are born, they are killed.

When they are born, they are seen as a disappointment.

When growing up, they are frequently told that they are the lesser of the two sexes.

They can be molested no matter what their age.

On the streets, harassment is dubbed a harmless (eve) teasing.

In the workplace, discrimination is still par for the course.

There are still many professions that are shut to them.

If the other sex smokes, drinks and parties, it’s cool, but when they do it, it’s not.

In a parallel universe, they have probably been banned from the world to keep them safe.

© Sunil Rajguru

The crore-Rupee question…

Who is more hated? Modi in MSM or Pappu in SM?

Who is the dirtier Mr Clean? Rajiv or Manmohan?

Which is the bigger scandal? 2G or Coalgate?

Which is the bigger brand in scandals? Bofors or 2G?

At his peak, who was the bigger hardliner? Advani or Modi?

Who is the more disappointing son? Pappu or Bachchan Jr?

Who is the more embarrassing damaad? Meiyappan or Vadra?

Which is the bigger tamasha? IPL or our Parliament?

Who are the bigger chokers? South Africa or England?

Who is the more surprising Sharma? Ishant or Rohit?

Which is worse? Politicians dabbling in cricket or cricketers dabbling in politics?

Who is more powerful? Modi in Gujarat or Sonia in Congress?

© Sunil Rajguru

The Modi factor…

• Pre-1989, the entire mainstream went after the Congress and projected VP Singh as an alternative.
Pre-2014, the entire social media went after the Congress and projected Narendra Modi as an alternative.
Times haven’t changed.
The media has.

• I am imagining the final headline…
In a blow to Modi, he is sworn in as PM.

• If Modi becomes PM, then it would be Independent India’s biggest self-fulfilling prophesy perpetrated (initially in reverse) by his haters.

• Number of failures…
Modi: Many. Pappu: Zero.
(Because Modi has tried many things and Pappu is yet to do anything in life and hence yet to fail)

· Online India leans Right because Offline India leans sharply Left.
If Offline India was neutral, then so would be Online India.

© Sunil Rajguru

India’s anti-missiles…

Anti-Congress = Sedition.

Anti-Mamata = Maoist.

Anti-Mamata media = Porn.

Anti-Modi = Secular.

Anti-Mayawati = Manuwadi.

Anti-Sonia = Imaginary concept.

Anti-social element = Social media.

Anti-Left = Wrong.

Anti-Pappu = Looks like all of India.

Anti-Vadra = Scared of being even that.

Anti-Advani = Pro-Modi.

Anti-Development = Pro poor.

© Sunil Rajguru

Everyone makes sense except Modi…

Laloo: Caste, caste, caste, caste…
Analysis: Wily politician!

Mayawati: We need a Dalit PM!
Analysis: Inclusive!

Nitish: Modi is unacceptable to the minorities!
Analysis: Secular!

Khurshid: We need a quota for minorities.
Analysis: Development!

Pappu: Errr….
Analysis: Brilliant!

Manmohan: Theek hai!
Analysis: Poor well-meaning man!

Sonia: ……….
Analysis: Her silence has grace, meaning, depth…

Modi: I want India to be a developed country.
Analysis: Not inclusive! Communal! Anti-development! Where’s the Godhra apology?

© Sunil Rajguru

More ICC Champions Trophy musings…

· Dilip Vengsarkar, Kris Srikkanth and Sandeep Patil were in the 1983 World Cup winning squad.
As chief selector…
Vengsarkar won the 2007 T20 WC.
Srikkanth won the 2011 ODI WC.
Patil won the 2013 ICC Champions Trophy.

· Q: Are you currently the most popular Indian?
Narendra Modi: I am not even the most popular Gujarati!
(Ref: Sir Ravindra Jadeja)

· The Cricket India Redemption Law…
Whenever a major scandal/scam occurs, a major tournament/series victory is just round the corner to balance it.
That much is fixed!

· ODI World Cup, T20 World Cup, ICC Champions Trophy, ICC Test No 1, ICC
ODI No 1, ICC T20 No 1, IPL, Champions League…
Chalo, Dhoni ke critics sab bolo: Luck! Luck!! Luck!!!

© Sunil Rajguru

Some Sir Jadeja myths…

When Sir Jadeja plays, even the storm clouds hold their rain to ensure a complete match.

When Sir Jadeja bowls, even the English pitches turn for him.

When Sir Jadeja remains unbeaten at the end, it means it’s a match winning total.

When Sir Jadeja appeals strongly, then the batsman gets confused and runs himself out.

Only Sir Jadeja can bowl a wicket maiden in the Batting Powerplay.

Dhoni listens to only Sir Jadeja.

In Sir Jadeja’s presence, even players like Rohit and Ishant Sharma can flourish.

When Sir Jadeja grows a stubble, even the captain stops shaving.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

ICC Champions Trophy musings…

∙ World Cup Lifetime Chokers Award: South Africa.
ODI Tournament Lifetime Chokers Award: England.

∙ The First Dhoni Era spanned from 2007-11.
The Second Dhoni Era has begun in 2013.

∙ Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have it thrust upon them…
…and then there’s of course, there’s Sir Ravindra Jadeja.

∙ Most only dream of the Sir title. Some get knighted after they retire. Hadlee achieved it towards the end of his playing days. Only Sir Jadeja got knighted at the beginning of his career!

∙ English weather: The only way an England team can ever win a major ODI tournament.
Even that wasn’t enough in the end!

© Sunil Rajguru

More Congressi musings…

· It’s ironical how many mainstream media journalists look down on the PR industry without realizing that they themselves are the PR industry of the Congress party.

• Behind our very unsuccessful Prime Minister is an extremely successful woman.

• June 19, 1862: US Congress prohibits slavery.
June 19, 1970: Indian Congress gets their next leader to be slaves of.

• The Congress time bomb…
2013: Introduce Food Bill.
2014: Third Front comes to power.
2016: Food Bill destroys economy, Third Front falls, midterm polls,
Congress returns.
Voila!

• Sonia Gandhi is the Mother of the Nation.
(Badi maa ke saamne sab (leaders, editors, opposition, civil society) dare hue sahame hue bachche)

· Thought control forced on India by the grand alliance of Congress, mainstream media, Left parties-historians-academics and Civil Society is akin to fascism.

© Sunil Rajguru