When Modi stormed Madison Square in New York…

Manmohan gave a Thousand official speeches.
No-one remembers any of them.
Modi has already given a Thousand speeches.
No-one can remember which one is the very best.
P.S. Difficult to piece together 1000 coherent Pappu words.

1773: Boston Tea Party.
2009: Republican Tea Party.
2014: Modi Tea Party.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Jaya went to jail and gave us Panneerselvam…

cell-1875816_640Dear Mani Shankar Aiyar,
Aapka Mukhya Mantri bhi chaiwallah.
Aapka Pradhan Mantri bhi chaiwallah.
Koi baat nahin, aap zindagi bhar coffee peete raho.

Panneerselvam was a tea shop owner.
Chaiwallahs are taking over India.

The would-be-PM CMs…
Nitish. Kejriwal. Jaya. Mamata.
3/4 are not even CMs.
(Pappu not even anywhere near would-be-CM)

#‎SudhakarraoNaik‬ ‪#‎ManoharJoshi‬ ‪#‎NarayanRane‬ ‪#‎RabriDevi‬ ‪#‎ManmohanSingh‬ ‪#‎JayaReplacement‬
Generally remote controls are disasters in Indian politics.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Jayalalitha got convicted…

Three largest Opposition parties in Lok Sabha…
1. Congress. (Sonia in National Herald case)
2. AIADMK. (Jaya convicted in DA case)
3. TMC. (Mamata faces Saradha flak)

Yesterday: Neta ka jai ho.
Today: Neta ko jail ho.

In a slip of the tongue, Subramanian Swamy said Sonia instead of Jaya on a TV news channel.
Practicing in advance?

Amma Cement, Amma Rice, Amma Canteen…
Coming soon…
Amma Jail built with Amma Cement with Amma Canteen serving Amma Rice.

If Raja/Kanimozhi also gets convicted after Jaya, then BJP will launch a ‪#‎Mission118‬ campaign for the Tamil Nadu Assembly in 2016.

The blind devotion of the average Indian voter to follow their leader despite a clear criminal conviction is quite disgusting.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bargaining for 2014 Maharashtra Assembly elections, Shiv Sena style…

BJP: Kya bhaav hai?

Shiv Sena: 151.

BJP: Thoda kam nahin ho sakta kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: 130 consider karoge kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: 140 nahin chalega kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: Arre bhai, 140 ko chala lo!

Sena: 151.

BJP: 145?

Sena: 151.

BJP: Ek kaam kar lo, hum aapko saare 288 seats hi de dete hai!

© Sunil Rajguru

The BJP-Shiv Sena relationship status…

For 25 years: Happily married!

Some time back: Working on our relationship.

After that: It’s complicated.

Now: We haven’t the foggiest idea what our relationship status is!

Congress-NCP: We’ll have what they’re having.

MNS: Now in the relationship (or marriage) market.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If Climate Change was indeed the biggest threat…

polar-bear-2199534_640Recently US President Barack Obama said that Climate Change was America’s biggest threat and one even greater than terrorism.

If he really believed that then he would announce the following…

We are conducting joint air strikes over the most polluting industries in the world.

We are sending CIA operatives to find out how the biggest corporates are the biggest polluters and are bending rules to pollute the environment.

We are sending thousands marines all over the world to protect areas like the Amazon forest.

We are conducting economic sanctions against all the countries which happen to be the biggest polluters in the world.

We will use our veto power in the United Nations to pass and not block resolutions which realize the gravity of Climate Change.

…we’d rather use all the above resources to blow the living daylights out of the poorest zones of the world so that they will breed more resentment that will necessitate a backlash that will lead to further strikes ad infinitum, thereby damning the environment of those particular zones ad infinitum.

Hello terrorism, goodbye environment.

© Sunil Rajguru

When the Shiv Sena and BJP broke up in Maharashtra…

Maharashtra politics…
2006: Pramod Mahajan, RIP.
2012: Vilasrao Deshmukh, RIP.
2012: Balasaheb Thackeray, RIP.
2014: Gopinath Munde, RIP.
2014: BJP-Sena alliance, RIP.
2014: Congress-NCP alliance, RIP.

February 14: Valentine’s Day.
September 25: Breakup Day.

When the news channels didn’t know whether they were breaking or not…

The BJP-Shiv Sena alliance is like Schrodinger’s Cat because it is simultaneously alive and dead.

Breaking News for 10 days…
BJP-Shiv Sena/NCP-Congress on the verge of breaking/breakthrough.
(Means we haven’t the foggiest idea but we will say we were right no matter what happens in the end)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sonia Gandhi and the mainstream media…

You may…
…support the scams of One Leader.
But not the schemes of all other leaders.

You may…
…lick the boots of One Leader.
But not tolerate a help tying the bootlaces of any other leader.

You may…
…respect the privacy of One Leader.
But give bad publicity to every other leader over minor private things.

You may…
…tolerate the dictatorship of One Leader.
But call minor democratic deviations of any other leader a dictatorship.

You may…
…celebrate if One Leader decides to do remote control.
But thrash any other leader who even seeks to guide his or her juniors.

You may…
…look the other way when One Leader leaves the country surreptitiously for the umpteenth time.
But pounce on any other leader when he or she steps out of her home.

You may…
…accept the education and experience shortcomings of One Leader and her right to rule the country.
But pounce on any other 12th pass leader who even heads a department.

You may…
Ignore the major scams of one party president.
But go after every allegation of another party president.

You may…
…be petrified of One Leader.
But attack every other leader 24X7.

All leaders are equal.
But One Leader is more equal than others.

© Sunil Rajguru

More Bilawal Bhutto musings…

Pakistan’s Indianised Trimurti…
Sharif: As ineffective as Manmohan.
Imran: As anarchic as Kejriwal.
Bilawal: As idiotic as Pappu.

Bilawal Bhutto lost his Cashmere wool sweater.
He screamed: I will get back my Cashmere, every inch of it!
As usual, social media went crazy for no reason.

Modi beat him to PM’s chair.
Kejri beat him to media coverage.
Bilawal beat him to clown princedom.
Poor Pappu!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Bilawal Bhutto wanted every inch of Kashmir…

Dear Bilawal,
First try to take Pakistan from the Pakistani Army.
Then fantasize about taking Kashmir from the Indian Army.

Zulfikar: We’ll eat grass but build the bomb.
Benazir: We’ll eat grass but build self-destructing militancy.
Bilawal: We’ll eat grass.

Bilawal: Why is our country called Pakistan?
Papa: P for Punjab, A for Afghania, K for Kashmir…
Bilawal: What? We’ll take back Kashmir!!!

Bilawal Bhutto heard it as…
Doodh maangoge to kheer denge,
Kashmir maangoge to beer denge.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Scotland went on a referendum…

bagpipes-215549_640How does it feel to be the First Minister of Scotland?
Alex Salmond: Sigh! I was hoping it would be: The First Prime Minister of Scotland!

David Cameron walked into a bar and said…
One Scotch (Independence) on the rocks please.

13th Century Scotland: Freedom!!!
England: No!!!
21st Century England: Freedom???
Scotland: No!!!

America 2008: Yes we can.
Scotland 2014: No we can’t.

So is Alex Salmond the Last Rebel of Scotland?

When you break free, it is a Declaration of Independence.
So is the Scottish referendum a Declaration of Dependence?

Most referendums are…
Will you marry me?
The Scotland referendum was…
Will you not divorce me?

Despite the Scotland No vote, the United Kingdom is still not very United and nor is it really a Kingdom.

Rural India saved the Nehru-Gandhi monarchy many a times.
Rural Scotland saves the English monarchy.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi-BJP musings…

A DD news anchor read XI Jinping as 11 (Eleven) Jinping.
A Chinese anchor should take revenge and read MODI as 1000-0-500-1.

Under Modi paradoxically both Indo-China co-operation and rivalry will increase.

Analysis in advance…
BJP wins: (It was) Communal Polarization.
BJP loses: Communal Polarization (didn’t work).

BJP hires partisan BJP leaders for Governors.
–>Hmm, OK.
BJP hires neutral former Chief Justice for post.
–>All hell breaks loose.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru