Business consolidation versus Political fragmentation

In business, it all ends in consolidation. Companies get larger and keep swallowing smaller companies.

In Indian politics, it’s all about fragmentation and disintegration.

After 1980, the Janata Party disintegrated…

After 1991, the Janata Dal fragmented into the RJD, SP, JD(S), JD(U), BJD etc.

The UP vote bank share has got divided between the Congress, BJP, BSP and SP.

The Maharashtra vote bank share has got divided between the Congress, NCP, BJP, Shiv Sena and MNS.

The latest to join the fray is the Andhra Pradesh vote bank…

…now Jagan will start collecting votes along with the Congress, TDP, Chiranjeevi along with the Telagana factor…

The Congress has split on many occasions, but luckily the splitting pieces mostly melted into the background.

As far as the BJP is concerned, while the party is intact, it is the leadership which seems to be disintegrating…

© Sunil Rajguru

Radia Terminology…

Post 2G-Radia tapes, a totally new terminology is required…

Radia Activity: The sheer scale of lobbying conducted by Niira Radia involving political parties, industrialists and journalists, which came under the Radiar of the Enforcement Directorate.

All India Radia: This title is given to the Social Networking sites as most of the mainstream media decided to boycott the tapes.

Radia Gaga: Move over Lady Gaga, a new lady has topped the Google Search index in India.

Radiation: Lobbying activity and subsequent tapes which have scorched many a bigwigs in India.

Media Radia: What Niira can call herself, emerging as a Media industry in her own right.

Radiacals: A totally new breed of lobbying radicals emerging in India.

Radiacule: What the Indian media is facing after making everyone else at the receiving end for years.

Niiravana: What enemies of Barkha Dutt and co. are feeling.

This version By Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 21

• It was once said that if a hundred people repeated a lie a hundred times, it becomes a truth. Well, the Internet would put even Joseph Goebbels to shame. A million people repeat a lie in the form of chain letters, email forwards and other sundry articles a few million times and we have millions of untruths posing around cyberspace as truths. I don’t think anyone knows the definition of truth any more.

• There is an invisible undetectable device that slows down time on weekends and speeds them up on week days.

• America is run by billionaires. They call them industrialists.
India is run by billionaires. We call them politicians.

• Every Indian anchor thinks he’s a polished version of Hard Talk when he’s nothing but another version of Rude Talk.

© Sunil Rajguru

How to catch a corrupt politician in India…

Step 1: Question him.

Step 2: File charges against him.

Step 3: Ensure a fair and speedy trial.

Step 4: Convict him.

It’s a Herculean task to just go anywhere near Step. 1.

Thereafter, there’s many as slip between each and every step.

Not to mention the thousands of hours of TV coverage and millions of words written on the issue that all go into a Black Hole…

© Sunil Rajguru

Kal aaj aur kal

Aaj main uppar, kal main neeche, any state in India can go anywhere…

Kal: Bihar was in a mess.
Aaj: Nitish has introduced a whole lot of development.
Kal: 5 years more and Bihar could reach the top.

Kal: Bengal was in a mess thanks to Basu.
Aaj: Bengal is in a mess thanks to Buddhadeb.
Kal: Bengal will be in a mess thanks to Mamata.

Kal: Naidu and YSR were developing Andhra Pradesh positively.
Aaj: Nobody seems to be in charge of the state.
Kal: Future pretty imperfect.

Kal: Karnataka was a model state.
Aaj: Nobody knows whether BSY is coming or going.
Kal: Bhagwan bharose.

Kal: Maharashtra was one of the best and richest states of India.
Aaj: Chavan doesn’t know how long he’ll last.
Kal: Who knows who will be CM from which party?

Kal: Kalyan Singh and Mulayam Singh ruined Uttar Pradesh.
Aaj: Mayawati is ruining the state.
Kal: Aur kuch bacha hai kya?

Kal: UDF vs LDF in Kerala.
Aaj: UDF vs LDF.
Kal: UDF vs LDF. State wahin ka wahin rahega.

Modi. (Gujarat)
Aaj: Modi.
Kal: Modi.

Kal: Kashmir caught between India and Pak.
Aaj: Kashmir caught between India and Pak.
Kal: Kashmir caught between India and Pak.

Kal: Will Posco and other companies operate in Orissa?
Aaj: Will Posco and other companies operate in Orissa?
Kal: Will Posco and other companies operate in Orissa?

© Sunil Rajguru

Just keep adding the zeroes… (Zeroes are worthless anyway)

1.76 paise: Worth something after Independence, worthless now.

17.6 paise: The price of a solitary sweet in a pack of sweets?

Rs 1.76: About the price of a bubble gum.

Rs 17.6: Enough potato chips to satisfy momentary hunger.

Rs 176: About the price of a ticket in a non-multiplex cinema hall.

Rs 1760: The cost of watching a movie in a multiplex with family.

Rs 17,600: A cheap workable sofa set is possible.

Rs 1,76,000: Enough money to buy a Nano with AC etc.

Rs 17.6 lakhs: That’ll get you a big luxury car in India.

Rs 1.76 crore: An up market flat in a metro.

Rs 17.6 crore: An independent house in a metro.

Rs 176 crore: The annual turnover of a small company.

Rs 1,760 crores: The price of an Airbus A380 with extra modifications.

Rs 17,600 crores: The annual turnover of one of India’s largest companies.

Rs 1.76 lakh crores: Phew! We finally reach the number of the (maha)Raja of Indian telecom! Laloo was small fry, Telgi is non-existent and Harshad Mehta is turning in his grave.

Rs 17.6 lakh crores: The total worth of all the scams in India put together?

Rs 176 lakh crores: Or is this the total worth of all the scams in the history of India put together?

Bhai sahib, bus zero jodte jao, jodte jao, kee pharak painde???

India invented the Zero, didn’t it?

© Sunil Rajguru

Kaun kambakht kahata hain ki education India ka corruption hatayega?

• This LLB and MA (Political Science) got caught in the biggest animal husbandary scam of the decade.

• This BA LLB spends thousands of crores in building meaningless statues and parks.

• This BSc MBA had to resign as chief minister over the Adarsh scam.

• This PhD and double masters had to quit over his links with a cricket team which brought down the whole IPL bandwagon.

• This ex-Indian Air Force Officer and Fergusson College + NDA alumni presided over the biggest Commonwealth Games scam.

• This multiple gold medalist D.Phil and Oxford alumni survived a very shady trust vote in the past and became the first prime minister to be pulled in such a manner by the supreme court over 2G.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Real requirements versus virtual

How requirements differ in the real world and the virtual…

Offline Friends Required: One good one will do.
Online Friends Required: At least 1000 please!

Offline Mails: So nice to get a nice letter once in a while!
Online Mails: You’re a total non-entity if you don’t get at least 50 emails a day.

Offline Likes: Some appreciation once in a while will be appreciated.
Online Likes: What? I got 10 Facebook likes? I wanted 20!

Offline Followers: Hahaha, do you think you can get even one???
Online Followers: Ha! 1000 people follow me on Twitter!

Offline requirements for communication: Just the five simple senses will do.
Online requirements for communication: Desktop, laptop, mobile, any other gadget welcome and all require a great broadband connection and all are upgradeable frequently.

© Sunil Rajguru

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma

(Please sing to the tune of the Beatles’ O-bla-di, O-bla-da)

The Prez comes with a barrow in the Indian market place,
Manmohan is the leader of the land,
The Prez says to Manmohan “man let’s do business”,
And Manmohan shakes him firmly by the hand.

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

The Prez takes a trolley to the Indian stores,
And announces deals worth billions n billions,
Takes it back to Manmohan waiting at the Indian shores,
And as he gives it all the politicians sing…

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

In a couple of years they would have hoped to have built,
A home sweet home of business,
With a couple of dozen planes, turbines and N-plants,
And thousands of US jobs.
(Ah ha ha ha ha ha)

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

And if you want some fun,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma.

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: O-bla-di, O-bla-da
Group: Beatles
Year: 1968)

TV Channels and the US President

(Please read in the spirit of “Blind men and the Elephant”)

A number of TV news channels came to see a US President. One was the first to click him stepping off the plane. It went running and screaming “Exclusive footage of the President’s feet landing on Indian soil.” Another got a side angle of his dancing wife: Exclusive No. 2. Another found out all about his favourite food while yet another about his views on some trivial issue that concerned no-one. Soon the number of exclusives ran into hundreds.

Meanwhile real issues that concerning the people of the land were all relegated firmly to the background as thousands of hours of TV footage and millions of viewers watched the spectacle of a president’s personal likes, dislikes, tourist visits, dance steps, political clichés and diet and no-one actually seemed to know what the actual political and economic ramifications were of such a visit…

This version by Sunil Rajguru