Swinging between extremes…

When it comes to speech in the ruling party in India, the top brass has verbal constipation and the spokespersons verbal diarrhea.

When it comes to corruption, there’s a constipation of action and a diarrhea of scams.

Same with policies and decisions: Either constipation or diarrhea, but never the right amount of shit.

They’re even trying to make our Free Speech constipated, but the result is always diarrhea.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Congressi musings…

· Congress Silent Trimurti…
Sonia: Doesn’t need to speak.
Rahul: Can’t speak.
Manmohan: Won’t speak.

· Congress FDI = Congress Finally Doing It.

· Going by recent Congress logic, they’ll simply say that a Rs 5 diesel hike will result in Zero Loss for the consumer.

· Thappad maaro to gaal pe Paanch Ungliyo ka nishaan.
Diesel ka Paanch Rupaiya ka thappad desh ke gaal par.
Sahi Congressi chinnh hai.

· Looks like the Congress-BJP Coal-a Wars will continue for quite some time.

· Congress, which was blocking all deliveries till now, has suddenly entered the slog overs.

· Goal achieved: Diesel hits a half-century.
Goal pending: Petrol hits a century.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Post price hike musings…

· CONGRESS = Corrupt Opportunistic No-Gooders Registering Endless Supersized Scams.

· From now on all Price Hikes should be renamed as UPA Scam Subsidy for that is what they are. We are paying for the sins of this government.

· 6 cylinders a year?
Congress spokespersons should be limited to only 6 stupid statements a day, but even that is asking for the moon.

· UPA = Unlimited Price Augmentation.

· Live Free. Die Hard. Coal Free. Hike (Diesel/LPG) Hard.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress facts and figures: Real and abstract…

Number of people controlling India’s destiny: 1 (Sonia Gandhi)

Number of years the UPA is going to loot the nation: 10

IQ of Rahul Gandhi: 100

Number of scams unearthed during UPA rule: 1,000

Number of tall claims made by Diggy Raja: 10,000

Number of nonsensical statements made by Congress spokespersons: 100,000

Number of times Meira Kumar has said Baith jaaiye in Parliament: 1,000,000

Numbers of Tweeple, Facebookers and Bloggers against the UPA: 10,000,000

Estimated number of corrupt people in India in excess of: 100,000,000

Number of people suffering under the UPA regime in excess of: 1000,000,000

Numbers of Tweets, status messages and verbal curses against the UPA: 10,000,000,000

Net worth of Indian billionaires in excess of: 100,000,000,000

Size of an average value mega scam nowadays: 1,000,000,000,000

Net worth of all scams combined in excess of: 10,000,000,000,000

Congress target for future scams: 100,000,000,000,000

© Sunil Rajguru

More Congressi bashings…

· Loot Rs 1.86 lakh crore=Legal+Patriotic+Don’t even criticize+No jail.
Draw a cartoon on the above=Illegal+Treacherous+Strongly condemnable+Get jailed!

· Be careful what you put on your Facebook/Twitter accounts: Obama.
Be careful if you have Facebook/Twitter accounts in the first place: Manmohan.

· Gold Medal: People are sovereign.
Silver Medal: Constitution is supreme.
Bronze Medal: Parliament.
Congress will get the message in 2014 or before.

· UPA2 has seen great growth (of scams), great stability (to scamsters), united India (against it), and now will meet all future expectations (as none are left).

· If you look at all the nonsense Diggy Raja talks, then he could have his own 24X7 channel.
If you look at the sense he talks, then there’s infinite silence.

· I am living the American Dream: Obama.
I am living the Indian Nightmare: Manmohan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congressi bashings of the day…

· Let a 100 flowers bloom: Mao.
Let a 100 scams boom: Manmohan.

· Haath jodte hue aate hai Congressi sab,
Thappad maarte hue woh to jaayenge,
Aur hum voters Muqaddar ke Bandar jaaneman kehalayenge.

· Pachaas kos door shahar me jab Congressi ke ghar main bachcha raat ko rota hai to maa kahati hai beta so jaa… so jaa nahi to CAG aa jaayega.

· Agar MMS sach bolta…
Kya tum doodh se dhule hue ho?
Nahin, main koyala se ragada hua hu.

· Teacher: Give an example of an uncountable noun.
Student: UPAScam.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If Manmohan did a Churchill…

We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in Cyberspace, we shall fight with the national and global media, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in censorship, we shall defend our arrogance, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight with Time magazine, we shall fight with the Washington Post, we shall fight with Facebook and with Twitter, we shall fight all the blogs; we shall never surrender…
—Manmohan Singh, for UPA2.

We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender…
—Winston Churchill, for World War 2.

Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Secret diary of a Congress poll strategy planner…

SC/ST vote: Quota in promotions.

Minority vote: Attack BJP and RSS with greater effort.

Rural vote: NREGA and attempted Food Bill.

Poverty class vote: Mobiles for BPLs.

Women vote: Sonia’s charisma is enough.

Youth vote: Rahul Gandhi hain na!

Elderly vote: They are totally used to Congress by now.

Rest of the voters: You have been effectively reduced to a minority and can well take a hike!

UPA3 Coming Soon!

© Sunil Rajguru

UPA and Scams

· While most Indians are malnourished, our politicians are maal-nourished.

· Before most Indians had even heard of the word Thorium, our great politicians had already milked it for another scam.

· Rs 1.86 lakh crore Coalgate ko zameen nigal gayi aur Rs 1.76 lakh crore 2G scam ko aasmaan kha gaya.

· Two things are infinite: the universe and UPA scams; and I’m not sure about the universe!—Albert Scamstein.

· The 2014 Central Government will form a Scam Ministry just to manage all the scams.

· Records are meant to be broken—Anonymous.
Scam amount records are meant to be broken—UPA.

· They should rename them… Ministry of Coalgate, Ministry of 2G, Ministry of Thorium, Bofors Ministry, Public Distribution Scam, Prime Ministry of Ghotala…

· With Thorium scam, UPA gets really critical.
White money has truly been nuked.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress ki Mahabharat…

The Government is under siege and believes it is fighting a Mahabharat…

Manmohan is Dhritrashtra and cannot see or do anything.

Congress treats Sonia like Krishna: Someone of divine origin whose counsel cannot be wrong.

In Cyberspace, Kapil Sibal thinks he’s Bheem and can flatten anyone there.

Diggy Raja thinks he’s Yudhistir and hence incapable of telling a lie.

Congress spokespersons think they are Arjuns and their brilliant verbal arrows always hit the target precisely.

Rahul thinks he’s Bheeshma and won’t marry or stake his claim for the throne.

According to them the Kauravas are 1. BJP, 2. Civil Society, 3. CAG, 4. Swamy, 5. Baba Ramdev…….. 100. YSR.

For the common citizens, it’s really a Mahascambharat and the Congress is Abhimanyu, getting caught in its own scam chakravyuha.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Oppose Congress corruption…

…in front of Diggy Raja: You are RSS!

…in Cyberspace: That’s a hate crime!

…in Parliament: The BJP’s corrupt too!

…in front of Congress spokespersons: There is no corruption!

…in a nationwide agitation: You’re a criminal, off to Tihar!

…in a CAG report: The author has political ambitions!

…in court: The courts can’t decide policy!

…in front of the CBI: Err, isn’t CBI=Congress Bureau of Investigation?

…in mainstream media: Bias! Katju, where are you?

© Sunil Rajguru