India yesterday and today…

Yesterday: Colgate.
Today: Coalgate.

Yesterday: Tata.
Today: Tatra.

Yesterday: Generation Gap.
Today: 2Generation money gap.

Yesterday: Debonair in the Home.
Today: Porn in the House.

Yesterday: Mera Bharat Mahaan.
Today: Mera Scam Sabse Mahaan.

Yesterday: Saare jahan se accha Hindustan hamara.
Today: Saare jahan se bada Scamistan hamara.

Yesterday: Army adarsh hain.
Today: Army Adarsh hain.

Yesterday: Koi chaara nahin.
Today: Koi chaara ghotala ka pata nahin.

Yesterday: Desh safed paise ke hawale.
Today: Desh: Kala paisa aur Hawala.

Yesterday: Mujhe bada ho kar Test cricketer ban na hai.
Today: Mujhe bada ho kar IPL main paisa banana hai.

Yesterday: Sukhi raho, bhale hi dhan na kamao.
Today: Sukh Ram ki tarah dhan kamao.

Yesterday: Votes are priceless.
Today: Every vote has a price.

© Sunil Rajguru

India’s crisis cabinet…

Manmohan Singh: Prime Minister of containment of all Scams.

P Chidambaram: Minister of making sure 2G doesn’t come Home.

Pranab Mukherjee: Inflation Minister.

Sharad Pawar: Minister for containing all Food and PDS scams.

Kapil Sibal: Minister of zeroing the Rs 1.76 lakh crore 2G figure and Chief Censor against Dynasty Critics.

AK Antony: Minister of containment of Tatragate and ascertaining the chief’s date of birth.

Ajit Singh: Minister of prevention of the Civil Aviation industry from crashing.

Shriprakash Jaiswal: Minister to make sure Coalgate numbers stay at zero.

SM Krishna: Minister of Foreign controversies.

Ambika Soni: Minister of Misinformation and Broadcasting rubbish.

Salman Khurshid: Minister of how to twist the Law to suit the Centre. Additional charge to make sure the Wakf scam doesn’t blow up.

Jaipal Reddy: Junior Inflation Minister. (Petrol)

Mukul Roy: Minister of containment of the Train of trouble unleashed by the Trinamool.

© Sunil Rajguru

We shall overcome Monday

We finally have a Monday anthem…

Please sing to the tune of We Shall Overcome

We shall overcome,
We shall overcome,
We shall overcome Monday.

Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe,
We shall overcome Monday.

We’ll have only the weekend,
We’ll have only the weekend,
We’ll have only the weekend one day.

We shall all be free from the working week,
We shall all be free from the working week,
We shall all be free from the working week one day.

We are not afraid,
We are not afraid,
We are not afraid of Monday.

We are not suffering alone,
We are not suffering alone,
We are not suffering alone every week day.

The whole wide world around,
The whole wide world around,
The whole wide world will overcome Monday.

We shall overcome,
We shall overcome,
We shall overcome Monday.

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The Dollar is on the decline…

Due to inflation, the Million Dollar Question will now be called the Billion Dollar Question.

∙ At this rate in 2050, Who Wants to be a Millionaire? will imply: Who wants to be Poor?

∙ Dollar Diplomacy now implies cheap diplomacy.

∙ A Dollar Store is an empty store.

∙ Hence, kindly replace Dollar Dreams with Dollar Nightmares.

© Sunil Rajguru

Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo…

Kapil Sibal is still adamant about policing the Net even though such news is in the background.

Please sing to the tune of Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo from the film Hare Rama Hare Krishna

Dekho O deewano tum ye kaam na karo,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

Sonia ko samjho, Rahul ko jaano,
Cyber-neend se jaago O mastano,
Jeet lo 2014 chunav ko pakadkar danda,
2012 hi haara to kya, hum chalayenge wahi purana funda,
Jeevan ko faltu criticism ka tum ghulam na karo,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

Sonia ne hanskar sab sukh tyaage,
Tum sab dukh se dar ke bhage,
Rahul ne karm ki reet sikhayee,
Tum ne farz se aankh churayee,
O Gandhi duhaayee,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

(Original Song: Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo.
Film: Hare Rama Hare Krishna.
Year: 1971.)

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 16

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Defeats.
Defeats who?
The feats of the Indian cricketing team have changed from record winning streaks to record losing streaks!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
World Champions India.
World Champions India who?
World Champions in the air!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Republican presidential candidate.
Republican presidential candidate who?
Good question!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Budget.
Budget who?
Baja thok ke chal diye desh ko FM sahib.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kahaani.
Kahaani
who?
Kahaa ni woh akeli kaafi hai film ko superhit banana ke liye!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Sachin Mahashatak is finally here!

∙ Now he can officially change his name to Sauchin RunIshwar TenXTendulkar a.k.a Shatakeshwar.

∙ In Roman Numerals, C stands for Century, So Sachin’s new name is…
SaCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCChin

∙ New Sachinisque blessing for entry-level batsman: Aap khelo pachees saal aur maaro sau shatak.

∙ It took Sachin about 370 days to run this single and go from the 99th to the 100th 100!

∙ Now Sachin’s wife is really “Sau”bhagyawati.

Sau-te sau-te sau-te finally Mahashatak jaag gaya!

Subah ka bhoola hua shatak agar shyam ko laut aaye, to use shatak nahin mahashatak kahate hai!

∙ He almost changed his name to 99dulkar and retired!

∙ He was on 99 for so long that it almost felt like 99 years… you could have almost called him Searching Tendulkar…

∙ Sachin scored his 99th international Century on March 12.
Sachin scored his 100th international Century on March 16.
(Kindly to please ignore the year in between!)

© Sunil Rajguru

Cosolidated Mahashatak postings down the ages…

On the anniversary of Sachin Tendulkar’s 99th Century and his wait for the 100th international hundred, also called the Mahashatak, my complete blogs on the issue…

The Sachin Tendulkar “99To100 Era”…

Mission 100th 100 Scorecard for die-hard Sachin Tendulkar fans

Aayega Aayega Aanewala Shatak Aayega

Woh maarega Mahashatak ek din…

Sachin Mahashatak in Hollywood titles

4 reasons why Sachin has still not scored his Mahashatak…

Sachin Mahashatak musings…

Some Sachin Mahashatak musings…

Sachin more Mahashatak musings…

Consolidated Mahashatak musings down the ages…

Consolidated Mahashatak musings down the ages…

∙ C… Speed of light… Cosmic speed limit… Nothing can cross it… not even light…
100C… Cricketing speed limit… Nothing can touch it… not even God…

∙ Mahashatak to Sachin… Tu jahaa jahaa chalegaa, mera saayaa saath hogaa…

∙ ABCD of Sachin’s Mahashatak misses…
Sachin has missed his 100th 100 at Ahmedabad, Birmingham, Chennai and Delhi…
(Now let’s hope he doesn’t go all the way from E to Z!)

∙ Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mahashatak.
Mahashatak who?
My shatak when, where and how???

∙ Happy First Anniversary to Sachin’s 99th International 100.
Will you have many more?

∙ Sachin will probably retire on an innings of 99 not out and then retire from international cricket to prove a point.
(Even if that takes two years!)

∙ How will the great man’s career end?
Sachin: 100*.
Sachin: 99, Retired Hurt.

∙  Jab tak sooraj chand rahaega,
Mahashatak tu aata aata… aata hi rahega…

∙ The Mahashatak solution…
Include First Class centuries as part of the equation.
Voila! He scored his Mahashatak ages ago!
Next step, include his school and other unofficial centuries.
Aila! He has scored 200 centuries.
Then the question will automatically become…
When will he score his 300th century?

∙ Q: What’s common to R Ashwin, Tino Mawoyo and Kirk Edwards?
A: None of them even debuted in Tests when Sachin scored his 99th century and all of them scored a Test 100 before Sachin’s 100th.

∙ Sachin Mahashatak Obscure Fact #23…
Even the Capital of Delhi has hit a 100 before him…

∙ Has anyone else noticed that the Aishwarya-Abhishek Bachchan child was probably conceived about a month before Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th Century?
(Section: Amazing Facts about the Mahashatak)

∙ Sachin has been stranded on his 99th international century for ages now. But that’s normal. He always spends a lot of time in the nervous nineties.

∙ Old Saying: Delhi door hai.
New Saying…
Sachin ka sauwa shatak door hai.

∙ Whenever the Little Master nears a landmark, we have a string of nervous failures.
After the Landmark, we have a flurry of confident centuries.
How many Landmarks does a man need, before he looks at just the team scoreboard?

∙ Tendulkar Mahashatak Trivia No. 23: The bowlers purposely leaked runs to ensure that Sachin would get a large enough target to score his 100th international hundred.

∙ Tan-ta-na! Tondulkar gaya Tel lene, Tonting bhi aa gaya.
Looks like Hell will Freeze over before the Mahashatak.

© Sunil Rajguru

Today’s random musings…

There has been no growth in Pranab Mukherjee’s life.
In 1982 he was presenting the Union Budget.
After 30 years in 2012, he is still presenting the Union Budget.

∙ Congress ka TDS kat gaya: Will take support of unreliable Trinamool, scamster DMK or even goonda SP to stay in power at any cost.

∙ Earlier, everyone was worried about the health of Anna Hazare, but not the nation’s health.
Nowadays, nobody is even worried about Anna’s health.

Kyun re mera electorate Rushdie Rushdie karta hai?
The Political Verses trumps the Satanic Verses any day.

∙ They said the Euro would be usher in Utopia.
But it has just remained a dreamy Utopian Union.

© Sunil Rajguru

Iran nuke static…

West Asia peace going South… Middle East’s stuck in the middle…  I ran away with the nukes… Israel ho gaya hai derail… Obama ka drama… Cameron’s off too… So’s Hillary Clintoff… Ali Khamenei’s brought them on their knees… Ahmadinejad’s jihad… Egypt’s easy no more… Obama’s Nobel Prize of Piece(s)… Belligerent Benjamin Netanyahu’s NoToNukes… Shimon Peace?… or political nuclear meltdown…

© Sunil Rajguru