Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo…

Kapil Sibal is still adamant about policing the Net even though such news is in the background.

Please sing to the tune of Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo from the film Hare Rama Hare Krishna

Dekho O deewano tum ye kaam na karo,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

Sonia ko samjho, Rahul ko jaano,
Cyber-neend se jaago O mastano,
Jeet lo 2014 chunav ko pakadkar danda,
2012 hi haara to kya, hum chalayenge wahi purana funda,
Jeevan ko faltu criticism ka tum ghulam na karo,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

Sonia ne hanskar sab sukh tyaage,
Tum sab dukh se dar ke bhage,
Rahul ne karm ki reet sikhayee,
Tum ne farz se aankh churayee,
O Gandhi duhaayee,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

(Original Song: Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo.
Film: Hare Rama Hare Krishna.
Year: 1971.)

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

The amazing Raja-Sibal jugalbandi…

∙ God created air.
The ICT industry invented the mobile.
Raja pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore out of thin air via the mobile market.

∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.

∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.

∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.

∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Five Sibalistic laws

Law 1: If you are given a kickback figure, then just put the mirror negative in front of it and it will become zero loss.
For example, CAG: +1.76 lakh crore.
Counter: -1.76 lakh crore.
Net result: Zero.
Science used: Mathematics.

Law 2: If a court pulls up an office, then only the office has been pulled up, not the head of the office.

For example, if the court pulls up the PMO, then the PM is squeaky clean.
Science: Logic.

Law 3: If a court pulls up a government policy, then the policy is at fault, not the government. Hate the crime, not the criminal.
For example, if the UPA Telecom policy is pulled up, then the UPA is not at fault.
Science: Logic again.

Law 4: Every cause has an effect.
For example, Effect: UPA 2G scam. Cause: BJP Telecom Policy.
Science: Philosophy.

Law 5: The Congress Party is the custodian of India. Any criticism is blasphemy.
For example, Even giants like Google and Facebook may be banned if they defy this law.
Science: Information Technology.

© Sunil Rajguru

Some more UPA musings…

UPA1: Left left.
UPA2: Mamatata?

The Perfect Sibal Society
The NDA found a lot of things offensive.
The UPA finds even more things offensive.
Diggy Raja finds the very existence of RSS & Anna offensive.
The minorities may find this offensive and the majority may find that offensive.
I find you offensive and you find me offensive.
Let’s go ahead and remove everything that anyone finds remotely offensive and very soon Cyberspace will become Emptyspace (or let’s call it Sibalspace or is it actually Emptyspace between his ears?)

What a fighter!
You are fighting the CPM?
Yes, we are fighting Left…
You are fighting the BJP & RSS too?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right…
And you are fighting your own cabinet, bureaucrats, Army chief and even your own allies?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right and Centre.

© Sunil Rajguru

Where are we without the Internet?

∙ When are you submitting your paper/essay/article/column/backrounder?
Please give me a 24-hour extension, Wikipedia is off today!

∙ If the Government bans Google…
…will industries like the media and academia come crashing down?

∙ If the Government bans Facebook…
…will a few million people in India feel empty, lifeless and go into depression?
Without social networking, will we become more anti-social?

∙ If the access to the Internet is cut off…
…will we feel badly stuck in the sticky web of the offline world?

© Sunil Rajguru

Measuring the United Progression of Audio (UPA)

So much noise pollution is taking place thanks to that irrepressible group of people that call themselves the Congress spokespersons, that a brand new science called the United Progression of Audio (UPA) is being studied.

The scales…

Decibel (dB) = Unit of sound.

130dB = Threshold of pain.

194dB = Theoretical limit for undistorted sound.

Beyond that is the severely distorted UPA universe.

200db = 1 Sibal

10 Sibals (1 DeSibal) = 1 Singhvi.

10 Singhvis = 1 Renuka.

10 Renukas = 1 Aiyar.

10 Aiyars = 1 Tiwari.

10 Tiwaris = 1 Narayanaswamy.

10 Narayanaswamys = 1 DiggyRaja.

It is very difficult to go above the DiggyRaja Scale, for not only does the sound go for a toss at that level, but the very reality becomes distorted. TV waves have proved to be a perfect medium for carrying that type of reality distorted sound.

Some UPA statistics…

∙ On the day when all these spokespersons speak in unison, the resulting supersonic boom travels all around the world seven times. It has been known to disturb the flight paths of many poor unsuspecting migrating birds.

∙ In 2011, the noise pollution levels in the country rose by 32,237%.

∙ Many common citizens have complained of severe hearing problems thanks to all these high levels of distorted sound.

∙ Others have also complained of severe eye problems as they simply can’t believe the reality that they are seeing. (At the DiggyRaja scale, hallucinations have been known to occur).

∙ Psychiatrists have noted a rise in trauma thanks to people watching too much TV news channels.

∙ In its annual survey, The Global Politeness Institution has ranked India the fourth rudest country in the world at the end of 2011 as against its position of 154 at the end of 2010.

© Sunil Rajguru