A sample ballot paper from Pakistan…

Pakistan is going to the polls shortly. Citizens face the following choices:

Please choose out of the following which suits you the most:

1. Corrupt civilian democratic rule continues indefinitely

2. Ruling General takes charge and messes things further

3. Time for a total change, choose Taliban and get into a mess from where there’s no return

4. All of the above

P.S. And people of India, you think you’re facing a tough choice in this general election…

© Sunil Rajguru

25 Random Things you probably don’t know about me but can probably read if you’ve nothing better to do at this point of time

1. I was named after Sunil Gavaskar because he scored a Test century during my naming ceremony. The fact that I stink at playing cricket is a different story altogether.

2. An astrologer predicted that I would rule the place that I was born. The interesting little detail that my birth happened few hundred meters from the PM’s residence at Race Course Road in New Delhi always gives me a kick.

3. I had a dozen nicknames in school. Two of the prominent ones were Madam Curie and Rhino.

4. At times my son thinks that I have a zero knowledge base and get all my stuff off the Internet.

5. I have never spoken with my mother in my mother tongue even though there are friends with whom I’ve spoken with nothing but my mother tongue.

6. In my last life I was a European hedgehog who died when he was just about to hibernate… that explains me being sleepy all the time, I still haven’t caught up with that missed hibernation.

7. My one-day stubble has caused physical harm to people. A few friends will testify to that.

8. The only fracture I’ve had in my life was when I punched the wall when India lost to Pakistan in Sharjah for the umpteenth time. India stopped playing in Sharjah after that.

9. I believe Time Travel is happening all the Time. The Future and Past keep changing, only we don’t Remember, though sometimes we dream of that Alternative Reality.

10. I managed to get my name published in nearly 20 different newspapers and magazines (through articles, poems, essays, stories, letters to the editor…) before I passed out of college.

11. At the age of 12, I could name the capitals, Chief Ministers, Governors/Lt- Governors of all the Indian states and Union territories; the capitals and currencies of at least a 100 countries; all the 50 states of America… in comparison, I know nothing now.

12. Till the age of 10, I used to think that Hindi and Marathi were two religions.

13. At the age of 8, my mother won two big Red Pelican wine bottles in my school tambola. After four days my father discovered that I had finished them both, one sip at a time.

14. I’m an expert cook. The fortunate part is that I’m the only person in the world who loves my cooking.

15. I’ve topped my class and bottomed it too. I’ve slept 0 hrs in a day and 24 hrs too. My relatives wonder if I ever speak. My friends wonder if I ever shut up. In short, I live in extremes.

16. My secret ambition is to be the laziest person on earth.

17. I hate phones of all kinds. Many years ago in a galaxy we live in, much before the pre-liberalization era there was peace: I hardly ever saw a phone. How green was my valley!

18. As a 12-year-old I read Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina and thoroughly enjoyed it. Looking back now I wonder how I did so without understanding the sexuality of it all.

19. I don’t fancy visiting new places too much. I hate seeing movies in halls. I’d rather order in than go eating out. In short, I hate stepping out of the house for anything.

20. I’m convinced that I’m God and I’m going to regain all my powers soon.

21. As a 7-year-old I thought the world was flat and infinite and infinitely populated. Then I came to know the truth about the globe and solar system. I spent sleepless nights wondering what would happen to the universe if the human race became extinct.

22. Today, I believe we’re all going to die in the end, so why bother?

23. I still wonder what’s all the fuss about the Godfather movies.

24. I’m convinced that India will be an economic, cultural and military superpower and this will happen in my lifetime.

25. After almost ten years of marriage, my wife claims that she still knows nothing about me.

NOTE: This is part of some chain and I believe you’ve to randomly tag 25 people from your FB friend list. They will then write 25 things about themselves and tag 25 other people. This process continues till everyone on the planet knows at least 25 things about every other person on the planet. Then I guess aliens invade Earth and join Facebook in large numbers.

© Sunil Rajguru

Favourite team of a confused IPL Fan

My favourite IPL team is…

Royal Challengers, obviously, as I’ve settled down in Bangalore.

Delhi Daredevils, actually, as I was born in Delhi and began my career there.

Rajasthan Royals, maybe, as I studied in Jodhpur and the people there are great.

Mumbai Indians, should be, as I’m after all a Marathi who studied in Mumbai.

Chennai Superkings, could be, as Mahendra Singh Dhoni is my favourite cricketer.

On second thoughts, Deccan Chargers, Knight Riders and Kings XI Punjab are great teams too.

Actually it’s all too confusing… I think I’ll give IPL a miss…

© Sunil Rajguru