General political musings of the day

CONGRESS
Care
Of
Nehru
Gandhi
Rajiv-Rahul
Emergency-Indira
Sanjay
Sonia

First you win, then they fight you, then they laugh at you, then they ignore you.
*They=People of India.
You=Pappu.
Win=2009 Lok Sabha win.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
I’m always high no matter how low we go.
—Pappu.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
When he goes high, we go low.
—Opposition on Modi.

Bihar-WB ruin continues;
Behenji is playing super victimhood;
Kejri is spouting utter nonsense;
Sonia’s abroad—
All’s normal with politics!

Prashant Kishore is like Manmohan Singh.
PK was good under Modi, but bad under Pappu-Akhilesh.
MMS was good under Rao, but bad under Sonia.

Opposition attacking Modi hysterically 24X7, ignoring voters and clueless about real strategy.
And you ask why Modi keeps winning.

It may be possible to beat Modi in 2019.
But not if the entire opposition runs around like headless chickens all the time.

Bad news for BJP.
Diggy Raja may be removed from Karnataka.
Shows Congress is serious.
Now if Pappu doesn’t campaign, then Congress has a fighting chance.

The current ABC of misgovernance…
Arvind
Banerjee
Congress.

AAP chose the broom to think that they would sweep all States.
Fate chose to sweep AAP out of all States, Delhi bhi jaayega.

Kejri will probably say to his workers…
We did not lose Punjab-Goa, but in fact we won.
That’s because we saw a 30% growth in total MLAs!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on the 2017 Assembly elections…

#2017Polls
If Pappu wins…
If Pappu loses…
Answer is the same.
He’ll eventually become Congress President.
Life ho to aisi!

If Kejri wins Goa and Punjab, then along with Delhi it will be a sort of Bermuda Triangle where all governance will go missing.

So will Punjab be the second State to have AAPRajya after Delhi?
Supreme Leader Kejri to extend his domain?

In 1952, Congress won 388/429 seats in the UP elections.
In 2017, it is dancing on one leg because it is getting to contest 105/403 seats.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri baba will do everything but governance

Do we need our IIT graduates to sell detergents?
—Pranab Mukherjee.
No, we need them to do non-stop dharna, anarchy and nautanki!
—AAP.

If all the elections were held simultaneously, Kejri would be a CM candidate for 29 states and also PM candidate.

AAP planning 29 clones of Kejri for 29 CMs. Original will eventually become PM.

Odd day Delhi CM.
Even day Punjab CM.
Delhi-Chandigarh flight just 1 hour.

Garbage Chief Minister.
Garbage party.
Garbage politics.
Garbage city.

Raasto se karwa tak,
Is zamee se aasma tak,
Mai hi mai hu mai hi mai hu,
Doosra koi nahi,
Mujhko dekhoge jaha tak,
Mujhko paoge waha tak!
#KejriThemeSong

Kejri during 2020 Delhi elections…
I successfully blamed Modi for all of Delhi’s problems from 2015-20.
Vote for me and I’ll do the same for 2020-25!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why the stink now Anna Hazare?

Anna created Kejri.
He let Kejri use IAC contacts and funds to launch AAP.
And now after sleeping for years he’s suddenly crying.

Anna is exactly like Gandhi.
Gandhi gave us Pappu Nehru.
Anna gave us Pappu Kejri.

Anna promised us National Lokpal.
Instead he gave us Internal AAP Lokpal.
His only achievement of the 2010s.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And they will continue hating Modi…

Kejriwal: Vote for anyone but BJP.
One interpretation: Vote for Congress.
Anna Hazare, tu to Congress agent nikla!

Kejri.
The man with a million mistakes, a million baseless allegations and a million nautankis.
Plus he’s chanted Modi’s name million times.

Lalu
Accused✔
Convicted✔
Disqualified✔
Incompetent✔
Jungle Raj✔
Casteist✔
Dynasty✔
#AdarshLiberals: He’s as white as snow! We hate Modi!

1970s: Too many bad politicians debut.
1980s: Mamata becomes MP.
1990s: Lalu becomes CM.
2000s: Pappu becomes MP.
2010s: Kejri becomes CM.

Congress once had all the talent, all the leaders and all the ideas.
Today it has all the stupidity, all the bankruptcy and all the Pappus.

Next they will complain that their vote bank got hacked and emptied in 2014 and they are unable to get new voting currency.
#OfflineCongress

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lalu still rocks musings…

#LaluLand
Kejri wants to be like Lalu.
Nitish joins hands with Lalu.
Mamata will turn WB into Laluland.
Media will continue loving Lalu.

Jab tak rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak Kejri ka nautanki rahega chalu.
#AngreziLalu

Rulers of…
National politics—Modi.
Comedy—Pappu.
Drama—Kejri.
Jungle Raj—Lalu.
Illegal aliens—Mamata.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu-Kejri get #Demonetized

Modi is really lucky that he has clowns like Pappu and Kejri as his chief political opponents.

Kejri has sunk so low off late that he has emerged on the other side of the globe.

Under Nehru-Indira-Rajiv, queues (wait) for gas connections, phones, scooters and cars used to last for years.
Now Congress screams for a wait of hours.

Pappu visits yet another ATM.
For him ATM has become…
Any Time Mockery.

Tumhara votebank?
Pappu: Minorities, par unke liye kuch nahin kiya! LOL!
Kejri: Mera corruption plank aur maine bhi corruption ke liye kuch nahin kiya. LOL!

Many politicians in India today…
Nahin chalegi nahin chalegi,
Bharashtachar ke khilaaf tanashaahi nahin chalegi!

2011.
India Against Corruption.
2016.
Politicians have just stopped short of officially launching…
India For Corruption.

Rahul looks like Rajiv.
But sounds like a Pappu.
Mrs Vadra looks like Indira.
But sounds like Sonia.
#Pappini #Priyanka #UPPolls

The 2017 August Kranti agitation will be against Kejri.
Anna Hazare could still lead it.

2000: Rajesh Pilot died.
2001: Madhavrao Scindia died.
2012: Pranab Mukherjee became President.
2014: Manmohan Singh era ended.
No real leaders left in Congress.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Never in the history of Indian politics…

Never in the history of India has a person with so many talents and achievements been attacked so much.
#Modi

Never in the history of India has a person with so little talent and achievements been admired so much.
#Sonia

Never in the history of India has a person with so much crime, misgovernance and incompetence been adored so much.
#Lalu

Never in the history of India has a person got these many opportunities and this much coverage and exposure and flopped such.
#Pappu

Never in the history of India has a person with this much education and support proved to be such a selfish incompetent duffer in the world of politics.
#Kejri

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi ✔ #OROP, Pappu-Kejri ✖ but asked for proof…

Modi is the only Indian to be attacked, rubbished, vilified and demonized for working and actually delivering the goods.
#OROP

Defence procurement speeded up.
Army given free hand, #SurgicalStrike.
#OROP implemented.
#AdarshLiberals: Sparta! Modi is anti-Army!

Empty vessels make much noise.
Kejri is the emptiest vessel in India and hence makes maximum noise.

Mind-boggling spin.
Indira scraps #OROP.
Rajiv does nothing.
Sonia does nothing.
Modi implements #OROP.
Gets royally demonized for it.

Modi attacks his enemies failures.
His enemies attack Modi’s successes.
#OROP

Muslims in fear.
Churches under attack.
Dalits targeted.
Beef bans.
Servicemen woes…
Began only after 2014.
India was paradise from 1947-2014.

When Modi achieves India’s 100% electrification, he’ll be attacked for all electrical injuries, late night TV watching, high power bills…

Kejri-Pappu.
Kaam kaaj to kuch hai nahin.
Bas Bharat Darshan karo aur halla karo.

Tomorrow Pappu will walk on a highway built by the Government and claim there is no highway.
Kejri will ask for proof and flee without waiting for an answer.

2011—They ranted and raved against the worst politicians.
2016—They have surpassed those worst politicians to become the new mud standard.

Fake leaders.
Fake in government.
Fake causes.
Fake even as an Opposition.
#Congress #PoliticsOfDeath #KhoonKiDalali

#OROP
Congress = One Raag Only Pappu.
AAP = One Rut Only PM.

Priyanka-Robert have Lutyens’ bungalow & SPG despite doing nothing.
Pappu has paraphernalia beyond common MP.
One Family One Lifelong Pension.

Senior Leader of Opposition = Kejri.
Junior Leader of Opposition = Pappu.

Mahatma Gandhi went to jail for a cause.
Pappu Gandhi went to jail for #AdarshLiberals’ applause.

Funny.
Anti Army Party and Anti OROP Party screaming the loudest.
#OROPSucidePolitics

#Kejri.
Doing work for Delhi = 0%.
Commenting on everything that doesn’t concern him = 100%.
#OROP

#Pappu
Part time politician.
Time pass politics.
#Kejri
Full time nautanki.
Faltu politics.

#Kejri
2015: I promise this, this, that, that… sun, moon… falana dhimkana…
2020: Since I did none of that, same promises.

2 years after 2014, many successes.
5 years after 2011, still no Lokpal.
#Kejri

Greatest case of intolerance ever is still that which #AdarshLiberals show for Modi’s good work.
#OROP

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#SurgicalStrike? Show me the proof!

Do you see the pattern?
No Gujarat development.
No Modi wave.
No Modi mandate (31%).
No India development.
No #SurgicalStrike.

Schrodinger’s Strike.
It is claimed to have not happened and condemned for having happened at the same time.
#SurgicalStrike

Why release #SurgicalStrike proof to satisfy #AdarshLiberals who will never be satisfied. Ever.

Those happy with #SurgicalStrike don’t want proof.
Those asking for proof will never be convinced anyway and may spend time debunking proof.

Einstein—E = mc².
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi convert karke dikha!
Schrondinger—If we take a box and close it…
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi box khol ke dikha!

I will offer 0.00% proof for my 1001 allegations…
…but…
Modi must offer proof of #SurgicalStrike to prove Pak is not a liar.
#Kejri

Abuse up front.
Backhanded compliments.
That’s all that Kejri has to offer Modi.
Modi is India. India is Modi.
Modi Haters are India Haters. India Haters are Modi Haters.
#SurgicalStrike

Things are coming to such a head that even if Modi wins 2019, Kejri-Pappu & Co. will agitate saying: Show us the proof!

They called the Ishrat case a Fake Encounter.
They have supersized that.
Now they are calling it a Fake #SurgicalStrike Encounter.
#SanjayNirupam

A. #SurgicalStrikes are bad. They go against the spirit of Nehru.
B. #SurgicalStrikes are good. Nehru masterminded them.
Congressi: OK, now let’s toss the coin.

Had PV Narasimha Rao launched #SurgicalStrikes in the 1990s, terrorism may have ended then and he might have won another term.

1989-2014—Thousands killed in Kashmir terrorism.
This is before Modi came, Balochistan was raised & #SurgicalStrike happened.

#AdarshLiberals
Hundreds of strikes by Pakistani Army trained terrorists.
Yawn!
1 #SurgicalStrike by Indian Army.
Sparta!!!

Height of expectations…
Calling for Pakistani artistes to condemn #UriAttacks when many Indian artistes refuse point blank to do so.

Kanoon saboot mangta hai!
In the case of #SurgicalStrike…
Chor saboot mangta hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP nahin sudhrega musings…

Abuse Modi.
Attack LG.
Cry victim.
Move court.
Get summoned to court.
Get bail.
Holiday in style.
Blame blame blame.
Anything but work.
#AAP

AAP wanted to be…
Greatest political party.
But is…
1. Greatest comedy show.
2. Greatest reality show.
3. Worst political party.

Modi trying to kill me.
Jung trying to ink me.
Nobody letting me work.
Poor me.
I’m the greatest.
Everyone hates me.
Everyone is jealous of me.
Boo hoo!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kapil Sharma: I want to join politics.
Advisor: You have an FIR against you. Now the ideal party for you to join is the AAP!

Kejriwal is surrounded by charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✘
Kejriwal hires charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✔

Dear AAP,
Our freedom fighters went to jail fighting for Independence and not for rape, murder and fraud.

AAP will sing in 2020…
Loot le ho duniya ko thenga dikhai ke,
Aisa koi saga nahi jisko thaga nahi,
Aisi maari langdi ki soya jaga nahi!

Kejri wanted to replace Pappu as the national alternative.
Instead he replaced him as the national joker.

AAP should rename itself to TuTuMainMain.

Kejri = Lalu.
1. Turning Delhi into Bihar.
2. Scam pe scam.
3. Abusive language.
4. Most MLAs turning criminals.
5. Will eventually rule from jail.

Trending
#IndiaComesFirst
For Congress
#PappuComesFirst
For #AdarshLiberal
#PakistanComesFirst
For AAP
#SupremeLeaderKejriComesFirst

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri nahin sudhrega musings…

Kejri tomorrow…
What’s Modi doing?
Obama, investigate with UN Secretary General, consult with Pope and report to me.
Pranab, you’re sacked!

Wannabe Prime Minister.
Officially Chief Minister.
Unofficially Mayor.
Practically doing nothing for Delhi, but only making things worse.

Kejri has great foresight.
In 2011 he demanded Right to Recall.
He knew it would be priceless in kicking out lousy politicians like him.

Delhi went from Dixit in 2013 to deep shit in 2016.

BJP has 280 seats in Lok Sabha and no-one else in 3-digits.
7 parties are in 2-digits.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
AAP not even a dwarf, but gets a Giant’s coverage.

The only promise Kejri kept…
There will be no corrupt Congress MLAs in the Delhi Assembly.

Kejri rich person’s kid who can’t be kicked out of school.
Jung class monitor.
Modi principal.
Ye nautanki chalti rahegi.

If Kejri makes PM, he’ll attack the Prez.
If Kejri makes Prez, he’ll attack the PM.
But he’ll be happiest as UN Secy Gen as then he’ll attack 200 Heads of State!

Kejri’s political role models…
1. Lalu.
2. Sonia.
3. Mulayam.
4. Mamata.

#‎PaanchSaalKejriwal‬
26% loaded.
74% left.
At 100% Delhi will self-destruct.

Britain discussing Brexit.
Economists discussing R3exit.
Many Delhiites wondering if they can get Kejrexit before 2020.

By 2020, Delhiites will be spending hardly anything on water and power.
Not because they will be free, but because they’ll hardly be there.

Only Yugpurush Kejri can solve Delhi’s entire water crisis just by sending out a Tweet and getting a journalist sacked.

Top Indian politicians on Twitter…
1. Modi 20 million.
2. Kejri 8 million.
3. Sushma 5 million.
Kejri sees himself as Modi’s natural successor.

Manmohan with 27% MPs in the Lok Sabha ran the government for 5 years.
Kejri with 96% MLAs in the Assembly is facing total breakdown after 1+ year.

Every day Sheila Dixit gets up, watches the news and bangs her head against the wall saying, “They chose this joker over me?”

Forget Ram Rajya.
Very soon Delhiites will start agitating for a return of Sheila Rajya.

Kejri took the “dog ate my homework” and “sir, I’m late but so was he!” from school to the adult political world.

Those responsible for Delhi mess…
Prez.
PM.
LG.
Ambani.
Police.
Opposition.
CBI.
ACB.
Past CMs.
Media.
Everyone except current Delhi CM.

Sir, postman aaya hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, aapko gas hua hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, earthquake!
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.

At this rate, the MLAs will soon break into two large groups…
AAP (Free) (But still lawless) & AAP (Jailed).
Basically, Bihar and Tihar.

In Kejri’s parallel universe, he’s global President and the whole world bows out of fear to him.

After masterminding 2011 August Kranti, the resulting events ended up making Modi PM and Kejri CM.
Kejri feels cheated and wants to rectify.

Kejri should be declared the patron saint of @TheUnRealTimes and @fakingnews.
Whatever he does is surreal, unreal and feels like fake news.

Forget Modi, so far Kejri is not even 10% of Sheila Dixit.
If he surpasses anyone or anything, then its only Pappu’s nonsense.

When Kejri hugged Lalu, irony was singing…
Chor ka chor se ho bhaichaara!

Kejri has bungled his party seniors, water, electricity, garbage, ties with L-G, office of profit, governance…
We can call it Bungle Raj.

AAP: Delhi Police has a law and order problem.
Delhi Police: AAP is our biggest law and order problem.
AAP: See, they have a problem! We said so!

All AAP MLAs seem more desperate to go to Tihar than to work.

nA̲utA̲nki P̲arty

Those asking for ‪#‎Dexit‬ should realize that Dikshit was far far better.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri has 0% control over Modi but will spend 50% time talking about him.
On the issues Kejri has 100% control over, he’ll spend the remaining 50% time blaming Modi.

After 2014 infamous Kejri midnight dharna, BJP-Congress-Third Front will never give statehood to Delhi.
Too risky.
Referendum not happening.

So what if there are water, power and garbage problems in Delhi?
I̶n̶d̶i̶a̶ Modi lost NSG.
That’s all that matters.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri believes that Delhexit took place from India in 2015 and that’s why he behaves like the ruler of an Independent republic.

Kejri is competition with…
1. Prime Minister of India.
2. President of America.
3. United Nations Secretary general.
Ye Delhi kya cheez hai?

Scary that once Congress implodes, its space will be taken by Kejri-AAP.
They were always “replacement for” not “alternative to” Congress.We risk becoming what we hate.
—Desmond Tutu.
Remember how much Kejri and his team hated bad corrupt lying scheming politicians in 2011?

New phrase.
Delhi ki janata gayi tel* aur pani** lene.
*for generator
**from tanker

These versions by Sunil Rajguru