The tragedy that is Lalu…

#JungleRaj returned to Bihar on November 8, 2015.
The media merely brought this to notice in a big way on May 6, 2017.
#BiharKaCMShahabuddin

Nitish rules himself out as Prime Minister.
By the time Lalu is done with him, Nitish will rule himself out as Chief Minister too.

Lalu was voted to power in 1990, 1995, 2000 & 2015.
His family may be voted many times in the future.
Gone case. Kucch nahin ho sakta.

Lalu.
Arrested in 1997.
Convicted in 2013.
Still having a jolly good time in 2017.
Still immensely respected by many.

Lalu proved to be India’s worst politician the year he took over in 1990.
Since then he grew worse every year but adored more every year by #AdarshLiberals.

Lalu ke chele chaara khaate hai.
Choohe daaru peete hai.
#AdarshLiberals mewa khaate hai.
Aam janta galat vote ke silsile main gam khaate hai roz.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lalu still rocks musings…

#LaluLand
Kejri wants to be like Lalu.
Nitish joins hands with Lalu.
Mamata will turn WB into Laluland.
Media will continue loving Lalu.

Jab tak rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak Kejri ka nautanki rahega chalu.
#AngreziLalu

Rulers of…
National politics—Modi.
Comedy—Pappu.
Drama—Kejri.
Jungle Raj—Lalu.
Illegal aliens—Mamata.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on various States that see Goonda Raj in India today…

Only in India is a murder measured by caste, religion, political allegiance, who’s CM and who’s PM.
Nobody really cares for the dead person.

In India living people are treated like shit.
Dead people are treated like gold.

One secular death is 100 times greater than 100 communal deaths.
When you get into such equations, you will never get a solution.

Crime rates spiked under Akhilesh, Mamata and Nitish’s latest term.
But since they are secular, don’t hold them accountable for anything.

Complete Freedom of Speech is granted only to Modi Haters.
Kejri, Mamata, Nitish, Kanhaiya etc have wisely realized this.

A jungle is beautiful.
In a jungle animals kill to survive not for fun.
Jungle Raj is wrong—it’s Goonda Raj. Anarchy.
And it’s all Nitish’s doing.
‪#‎Bihar‬

Modi good governance kare to jallaad.
Akhilesh/Nitish/Lalu/Mamata bad governance kare to laadla/laadli.
What about the people suffering under them?

3 most pressing issues for citizens of Delhi…
1. Modi’s degree.
2. Kanhaiya’s welfare.
3. Uttarakhand
Power, garbage, paani sab gaya tel lene.
Source: CM.

Nitish-Lalu-Mamata-Akhilesh-Siddu are destroying governance in their States.
No alleged intellectual-liberal-secular cares.
They are supported in fact.

Deaths in Bihar are rampant.
Some times they are covered by media.
Never are Nitish-Lalu pulled up for the same.
Two perfect politicians?

To me the biggest political mystery is how India’s worst roughest rudest Goonda Raj politician gets so much love, adoration and support.
‪#‎Lalu‬

Worse the politician, greater the support among intellectuals, seculars, media and liberals.
Good governance is dead boring.

Nitish knows that no matter how much he goofs up, he will be a darling for PM candidate by 2018 and hence Goonda Raj will continue unabated.

Bihar-WB-UP have already become more dangerous than J&K.
Who cares?

Everyone knew that Nitish would give bad governance with Lalu.
Everyone knows that Pappu will give bad governance when he becomes Prime Minister.

He’s planning a Sangh-mukt Bharat.
But the way it’s going we may end up with a Nitish-mukt Bihar.

1990 WTF1: Lalu elected!
1995 WTF2: Lalu re-elected!
2000 WTF3: Lalu re-elected again!
2015 WTF4: Lalu makes a comeback!

Fit case for dismissal of Bihar-UP-WB governments over law and order but this cannot even be discussed let alone implemented.

#‎BiharGoondaRaj‬
‪#‎UttarPradeshGoondaRaj‬
‪#‎WestBengalGoondaRaj‬
All accepted as normal now.

2004.
Left Front 60 LS seats.
Invincible in West Bengal.
Great time for Communist student politics.
2016.
Communist politics of any kind no longer a lifelong option.

The ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ philosophy…
Ek Sonia pe ek billion Indians kurbaan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The End of Bihar as we know it…

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Laloo,
Aur ghanghor Jungle Raj rahega chaloo,
Nitish bola good governance ko thoda taloo,
Phir saare chor badmaash ko paloo,
Aur ant main saara development ko main permanently maar daloo.
The End.

Lalu Kachalu beta kahan gaye the?
Retirement ki tokri main so rahe the,
Modi ne laat mara ro rahe the,
Nitish ne alliance kiya to has rahe the.
(Ab Bihar bees saal tak royega,
Lalu + pariwar bees saal tak hasta rahega)

1990-2005: ‪#‎JungliDin‬‬‬
2005-10: ‪#‎AccheDin‬‬‬
2010-15: ‪#‎KuchAccheDin‬‬‬
Voter: Aaj kuch toofaani karte hain,
#JungliDin ko waapis laate hai.

Bihar slapped.
The 5 fingers…
Lalu: Ex-CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM future RS MP.
Tejashwi: Dy CM.
Tej Pratap: Minister.
Misa: Future RS MP.

While we will have 20 new ‪#‎SmartCities‬; Patna, Kolkata and Bengaluru are in danger of becoming ‪#‎DumbCities‬ due to pathetic governance.‬‬‬‬

Nitish gets stuck in the lift in January 2016 and says, “Sorry, I lost power today.”
Bihar: But didn’t you lose power on November 8, 2015?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The limits of the Indian electorate…

Lalu has proved that the uneducated masses can be fooled non-stop.

Kejri has proved that the educated masses can be fooled non-stop.

Mamata has proved that West Bengal is so addicted to Communism that it will accept it in any another form.

UP has proved that no matter who it chooses, the State will continue to sink further.

The Congress has proved that no matter how much it sinks, it will never let go of the Dynasty.

© Sunil Rajguru

John Lenon’s Imagine: Bihar remix version…

john-lennon-1010040_640Please read to the tune of John Lennon’s Imagine

Imagine there’s no development,
It’s easy if you try,
No roads below us,
Above us no electricity poles (only sky).
Imagine all the people,
Suffering day after day…

Imagine there’s no law and order,
It isn’t hard to do,
Everything kill and die for,
And no governance too.
Imagine all the people,
Living life in pieces…

You may say I’m a rotten politician,
But I’m not the only one,
Every party is rushing to join us,
And the rotten political world will be as one.

Imagine no possessions,
I know you already can,
Nothing but greed and hunger,
A brotherhood of the Jungle Raj Man,
Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the loot…

You may say I’m a rotten politician,
But I’m not the only one,
Every party is rushing to join us,
And the rotten political world will be as one!

Original song: Imagine
Singer: John Lennon.
Year: 1971

(This spoof by Sunil Rajguru)

Raj karega Lalu aur uska pariwar

Modi: Mere paas roads hai, power hai, FDI hi, toilets hai, foreign tours hai, OROP hai… tere paas kya hai?
Lalu: Mere paas biwi, beta, beti aur sabse keemti secularism hai!

If industrialists’ kids goof up, business goes bust.
Bollywood star kids still have to work very hard.
Army officers’ kids still have to clear SSB and training.
But politician’s kids may fail, laze around, make complete asses of themselves and still be successful!
‪#‎NauviFailDyCM‬ ‪#‎Pappu‬

Chief Minister Nitish Kumar set out to be Prime Minister in 2013.
His journey has ended up with him being Half Chief Minister in 2015.
‪#‎LaluRajWapsi‬

After ‪#‎BearHug‬…
Kejri—Main Delhi ko Bihar kaise banau?
Lalu—Chinta mat kar bete, tum sahi raaste pe chal rahe ho!

Modi: I’ll give you development.
Nitish: I’ll give you Lalu.
Lalu: I’ll give you ‪#‎JungleRaj‬ & ‪#‎NauSikhiyaDyCM‬.
‪#‎AdarshLiberal‬: Wheeeee!!!!!! Lalu rocks!

2006: A = IITian Revenue officer.
2007: B = TV star.
2008: C = Delhi Daredevils player.
2015…
A = Chief Minister.
B = Cabinet Minister.
C = Deputy Chief Minister.

Congress launches the JP Movement in States like Tamil Nadu and now Bihar.
From now on it will be the JP effect everywhere.
(JP=Junior Partner)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri-Lalu bhai bhai…

Kejri took so many U-turns that he came back to where he started.
Then he did the above so many times he became a roundabout.
Now he’s measured by revolutions per minute (rpm).

Kejri was a disaster as CM in 2014.
He then got 67 seats.
Kejri is a bigger disaster in 2015.
He will now get 70/70 seats.
‪#‎LaluBearHug‬

#‎AccheDin‬ for…
Kejri, he’s a VVIP.
Lalu, he’s back.
Sonia, so much mileage from 44 seats.
Pappu, despite infinite failures, he’s still around.
Media, still attacking Modi 24X7 and not doing real stories.

Spot the difference…
He gave bribe. I didn’t ask for it.
—Corrupt official.
I didn’t hug Lalu. He pulled and hugged me.
—Kejri.

Biggest enemy for Delhi Police…
2011—Corrupt.
2012—Rapists.
2013—Match-fixers.
2014—Kejri.
2015—AAP MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#BiharResults musings…

In Modi’s first ever big State big loss in his entire career, BJP increases vote share while Bihar gets Jungle Raj and a convict as a power centre.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
BJP in Bihar…
Keep your enemies away and your friends even more away.

Fact of the day…
BJP has increased its vote share in each and every election after Modi took charge.
Winning even in more municipalities.

1947-2014: Congress was Establishment or Establishment-in-waiting.
2014-_: Despite ‪#‎BiharResults‬, Modi is still the Establishment with no-one in waiting.

If you used Tarot Cards for Indian election opinion/exit polls, you’d get the same results and save tonnes of money.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

Both Nitish and Modi are pro-development.
Nitish + Modi & allies = 51% vote share.
One way of looking at it!
‪#‎BiharResults‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Still reeling from #LaluWapsi…

So in the end the biggest wapsi of 2015 proved to be ‪#‎LaluWapsi‬.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

Why blame uneducated voters for voting Lalu?
He has the highest support among highly educated intellectuals.
‪#‎LaluWapsi‬ ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬

Jab tak rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak rahega Bihar-UP-WB main Jungle Raj chalu.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

2010, 4/243—01.65% strike rate.
2015, 27/41—65.9% strike rate.
Near 7-fold growth.
Sabse badi tarakki to Pappu ki hui hai!
‪#‎BiharResults‬ ‪#‎Cong‬

He had said he would rule for 20 years.
15 down. 5 more to go.
‪#‎LaluWapsi‬ ‪#‎BiharResults‬

What next?
Mamata 275/295 seats in West Bengal.
Mulayam 370/403 seats in Uttar Pradesh.
‪#‎BiharResults‬ ‪#‎JungleRajRules‬

Yesterday…
BiMARU: Sick States of Bihar, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh.
Tomorrow…
BUND: Development bandh States of Bihar-Bengal, Uttar Pradesh and New Delhi.

#‎BiharResults‬
Huge winners…
Lalu.
Sonia.
Media.
‪#‎AdarshLiberal‬…
Big winner…
Nitish.
Huge losers…
Modi.
Amit Shah.
Opinion/exit pollsters.
Biggest loser…
Humble Bihari citizen who’ll see a return to total anarchy!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Lalu…

1967—Jewel Thief.
1996—Return of Jewel Thief.
1990—Fodder Thief.
2015—Return of Fodder Thief.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

1. Laloo ko Bihar se hatana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
2. Bihar main development lana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.

I brought development.
—Modi.
I brought Laloo.
—Nitish.
I brought myself out of jail.
—Laloo.

Jungle (Raj) main mangal ho gaya hai babuwa!

1990: Laloo stops Advani Rath Yatra.
2015: Laloo stops Modi Development Rath Yatra.

Laloo ruled for 15 years from 1990-2005.
Another 15 year stint may begin.
Best of luck Bihar!

The tenacity with which Bihar votes for Laloo for decade upon decade never ceases to amaze me.
Jab take rahega samosa main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Laloo.

Nitish stays Bihar Chief Minister.
Pappu becomes Congress President.
Laloo becomes 2019 PM candidate.
And all is right with the world.

Lalu entered student politics in 1970.
So Bihari politics has been tolerating him for 45 years now.
It will tolerate his family for 45 years more.
‪#‎IndiaIsTolerant‬

Lalu was right about winning 190 seats.
RJD will get 190 seats on its own in the 2020 Bihar elections.

#‎MeraLalooMahaan‬ bole…
‪#‎BiharVoters‬
‪#‎AwardWapsiGang‬
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬
‪#‎LutyensClub‬
‪#‎Nitishwa‬
‪#‎SoniaAurPappu‬
‪#‎KejriAurMamata‬
‪#‎MSM‬

Eventually Laloo will emerge as the greatest Bihari of all time.

#‎ReturnOfJungleRaj‬
‪#‎LalooIsBiharBiharIsLaloo‬
‪#‎NitishKnowsBiharBest‬
‪#‎RiseOfMisa‬
‪#‎BiharGayaTelLene‬
‪#‎RajyaSabhaDoorHai‬ (for BJP)
‪#‎NoModiWave‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru