The End of Bihar as we know it…

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Laloo,
Aur ghanghor Jungle Raj rahega chaloo,
Nitish bola good governance ko thoda taloo,
Phir saare chor badmaash ko paloo,
Aur ant main saara development ko main permanently maar daloo.
The End.

Lalu Kachalu beta kahan gaye the?
Retirement ki tokri main so rahe the,
Modi ne laat mara ro rahe the,
Nitish ne alliance kiya to has rahe the.
(Ab Bihar bees saal tak royega,
Lalu + pariwar bees saal tak hasta rahega)

1990-2005: ‪#‎JungliDin‬‬‬
2005-10: ‪#‎AccheDin‬‬‬
2010-15: ‪#‎KuchAccheDin‬‬‬
Voter: Aaj kuch toofaani karte hain,
#JungliDin ko waapis laate hai.

Bihar slapped.
The 5 fingers…
Lalu: Ex-CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM future RS MP.
Tejashwi: Dy CM.
Tej Pratap: Minister.
Misa: Future RS MP.

While we will have 20 new ‪#‎SmartCities‬; Patna, Kolkata and Bengaluru are in danger of becoming ‪#‎DumbCities‬ due to pathetic governance.‬‬‬‬

Nitish gets stuck in the lift in January 2016 and says, “Sorry, I lost power today.”
Bihar: But didn’t you lose power on November 8, 2015?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The bad CM now wants to be a worse PM…

2019 election pitch…
I have proved to be a worse CM than Sheila.
Now please give me a chance to be a worse PM than Modi.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kejri aspires to be better than Modi.
However the truth is that so far he is not even 1% of Sheila Dikshit!

_____* problem.
It’s Modi’s fault, not mine.
* = Pollution. Salary. Power. Garbage. Money. Corruption. Cough. Headache. Whatever…

Top 3 IIT alumni politicians…
1. Manohar Parrikar.
2. Jairam Ramesh.
3. Krishan Kant.
Rising star—Jayant Sinha.
Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

2015: Here’s my 2020 vision for Delhi.
2020: Here’s my 2025 vision for Delhi.
Voter: Just give me back my Delhi of 2013!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral…

West Bengal-Bihar-UP-Delhi.
The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral.

You can fool some of the people some of the time. (India)
You can fool some of the people all the time. (Delhi)
But you can’t fool all the people all the time.

Jab take rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Lalu,
Chalo kardu 13.5% luxury tax chalu.
Aur pata nahin main kya kya kar dalu.

While ‪#‎Malda‬ is a blot, what is chilling is that it’s probably not even among Mamata’s 5 biggest blots since 2011.

Lalu: Super CM.
Tejaswi: Future CM.
Tej: Could be CM.
Misa: Would be CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM.
Nitish: Who?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When they destroyed their own States…

Congress—We can destroy West Bengal.
CPM—We will destroy West Bengal.
Mamata—I have destroyed West Bengal.

2011: I’ll be India’s worst Chief Minister—Mamata.
2012: No me—Akhilesh.
2013: Me—Kejri.
2015: I wanna join—Nitish.

Kejri is 2020…
Here is a list of my 1000 achievements!
Voter: But none of these have happened!
Kejri: It’s not my fault. 500 didn’t happen because of Modi, 300 due to Jang and 200 due to Bassi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#‎ReturnOfJungleRaj‬ in Bihar musings..

Bihar’s Top 3 industries by 2020…
1. Bootlegging industry.
2. Kidnapping industry.
3. Lootmaar industry.
‪#‎Lalu‬ ‪

2015: Jungle Raj returns to Bihar.
2016: Won’t even be able to drown your sorrows with drinks as prohibition arriving in Bihar.

BJP should make Manjhi Governor of Bihar.
Then it will become a land of Super Chief Ministers.
‪#‎Lalu‬ ‪#‎Rabri‬ ‪#‎LaluKeBete‬ ‪#‎MiffedMisa‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

John Lenon’s Imagine: Bihar remix version…

john-lennon-1010040_640Please read to the tune of John Lennon’s Imagine

Imagine there’s no development,
It’s easy if you try,
No roads below us,
Above us no electricity poles (only sky).
Imagine all the people,
Suffering day after day…

Imagine there’s no law and order,
It isn’t hard to do,
Everything kill and die for,
And no governance too.
Imagine all the people,
Living life in pieces…

You may say I’m a rotten politician,
But I’m not the only one,
Every party is rushing to join us,
And the rotten political world will be as one.

Imagine no possessions,
I know you already can,
Nothing but greed and hunger,
A brotherhood of the Jungle Raj Man,
Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the loot…

You may say I’m a rotten politician,
But I’m not the only one,
Every party is rushing to join us,
And the rotten political world will be as one!

Original song: Imagine
Singer: John Lennon.
Year: 1971

(This spoof by Sunil Rajguru)

#BiharResults musings…

In Modi’s first ever big State big loss in his entire career, BJP increases vote share while Bihar gets Jungle Raj and a convict as a power centre.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
BJP in Bihar…
Keep your enemies away and your friends even more away.

Fact of the day…
BJP has increased its vote share in each and every election after Modi took charge.
Winning even in more municipalities.

1947-2014: Congress was Establishment or Establishment-in-waiting.
2014-_: Despite ‪#‎BiharResults‬, Modi is still the Establishment with no-one in waiting.

If you used Tarot Cards for Indian election opinion/exit polls, you’d get the same results and save tonnes of money.

Both Nitish and Modi are pro-development.
Nitish + Modi & allies = 51% vote share.
One way of looking at it!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Smriti Irani and other political musings…

When Smriti Irani finally gets a degree, they can make the TV serial…
Kyunki Graduate Bhi Kabhi 12th Pass Thi!

Some university should just give her an honorary doctorate and then Dr Irani will be able to move on from all these controversies.

The Bharat Ratna has been devalued so much that soon they will introduce a Mahabharat Ratna.

Nitish on Laloo then…
Ye jungle raj hai!
Jungle main mangal!

September 2013: Laloo convicted.
May 2014: Laloo rejected at polls.
August 2014: Laloo accepted by Nitish.
From National Democratic Alliance to Nitish’s Doomed Alliance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Eerie similarities…

BJP Campaign: India Shining.
Congress Campaign: Poverty Shining.
Congress Campaign: Ho Raha Bharat Nirman.
BJP Campaign: Ho Raha Modi Nirman.

Nitish: Yaar this Modi is giving me a splitting headache!
Solution: Split from the BJP.
Result—Modi: Yaar mera headache suddenly chala gaya!

Sonia: This Andhra Pradesh Lok Sabha tally is giving me a splitting headache.
Solution: Split Andhra Pradesh.
Result—India: Bhai mera headache suddenly bad gaya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru