Kejri aur sarvanaash

Indian Revenue Service.
No idea of revenue.
No idea of service.
No idea of Indian.
Indian Institute of Technology.
No idea of technology.
Chief Minister of New Delhi.
No idea of New Delhi.
Only idea: “Chief”. I. Me. Main.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri
Film reviews ✓
Personal attacks ✓
Allegations ✓
No portfolio ✓
No work ✓
Solve…
Garbage woes✘
Power woes✘
Delhi problems✘
Anything!✘

New Delhi…
2011: Spring of Hope.
2016: Winter of Despair and Discontent.

It is said that Delhi is a city which has been destroyed and rebuilt 7 times.
After Kejri is finished with it, it may have to be rebuilt the 8th time.

Loading Anarchy in New Delhi.
20% downloaded.
80% left.
‪#‎EkSaalGayaChaarSaalBaaki‬

Give a self-confessed Anarchist 67/70 seats in an Assembly and you will definitely get anarchy. Just four more years though.

Highest paid Chief Minister in India.
+ Most media goodwill.
= Least amount of work.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri’s 2 gears.
1. Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.
2. Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi.

2 “Left” turns = 1 U-turn.
2 U-turns = Back to where he started.
‪#‎ArvindKarlMarx‬
Repeat process again and again.

Kejri with 67 MLAs is 10 times more powerless than Sheila Dixit with 43 MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri holidays even as Delhi becomes a dump…

People are starving!
Marie-Antoinette—Let them eat cake!
People are suffering pollution!
Sri Sri Kejri Baba—Let them get naturopathy!

Mukhya Mantri Kejri = Dukhi Mantri Kejri.
Always complaining.
Always abusing.
Always blaming others.
Always giving reasons for failure.

Arvind Karl Marx virtually sold Communism while campaigning.
New Communism has finally come to New Delhi.
Enjoy till 2020!

Instead of meeting the problem or meeting the protestors or even meeting experts, Kejri will meet the press in a conference.
Story of his political life!

Who said Kejri doesn’t have other portfolios?
Minister (Press Conferences).
Minister (Passing the Buck).
Minister (Out of State Matters).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu-Kejri musings…

#StartUpPappu? I in 2004.
#StartUpPappu II in 2009.
#StartUpPappu III in 2014.
#StartUpPappu IV in 2019.
#StartUpPappu V in 2024.
#StartUpPappu VI in 2029.
…ad infinitum…ad nauseam…

#StartUpPappu? was started in 2004.
In 2016, it is still starting.

Everyone will get his or her 15 minutes of fame.
But I will get my 15 minutes of fame 15 million times.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Upgrade mobile. Downgrade State.
Mamata worse than Buddhadeb.
Akhilesh worse than Maya.
Kejri worse than Sheila.
Nitish’s new deputy worse than predecessor.

Rang De Nautanki.
#BlackInk #Drama

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral…

West Bengal-Bihar-UP-Delhi.
The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral.

You can fool some of the people some of the time. (India)
You can fool some of the people all the time. (Delhi)
But you can’t fool all the people all the time.
‪#‎AAP‬

Jab take rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Lalu,
Chalo kardu 13.5% luxury tax chalu.
Aur pata nahin main kya kya kar dalu.
—Nitish.

While ‪#‎Malda‬ is a blot, what is chilling is that it’s probably not even among Mamata’s 5 biggest blots since 2011.
‪#‎WasteBengal‬

Lalu: Super CM.
Tejaswi: Future CM.
Tej: Could be CM.
Misa: Would be CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM.
Nitish: Who?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When they destroyed their own States…

Congress—We can destroy West Bengal.
CPM—We will destroy West Bengal.
Mamata—I have destroyed West Bengal.

2011: I’ll be India’s worst Chief Minister—Mamata.
2012: No me—Akhilesh.
2013: Me—Kejri.
2015: I wanna join—Nitish.

Kejri is 2020…
Here is a list of my 1000 achievements!
Voter: But none of these have happened!
Kejri: It’s not my fault. 500 didn’t happen because of Modi, 300 due to Jang and 200 due to Bassi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The #OddEvenKejriwal

On odd days Kejri is odd.
On even days he’s even more odd!

On Odd days Kejri appears in one channel and on Even days the other.
On Odd days Kejri avoids tackling Delhi’s real problems and on Even days he totally evades them.

Don’t worry, just about 1500 more days for ‪#‎KejriwalSarkar‬.
By 2020 they’ll call her Saint Sheila for her golden days.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejribhai nautanki hi karte raha jaayenge…

In 1990-95 itself Lalu was exposed as a fraud.
Yet he got re-elected in 1995, 2000 and 2015.
Kejri has an extremely bright future.

123456th piece of AAP irony…
Kejri calls Modi psychopath.
Waves finger threateningly. Blasts Jaitley.
Modi keeps quiet, Jaitley quietly goes to court.
Kejri: जेटली जी हमें डराने की कोशिश ना करें!

Jethmalani defends smugglers, scamsters and murderers.
Now he is defending Kejri.
But no connection between the above.

Modi ne darake Kejri ko Lalu ke paas bheja.
Jaitley ne darake Kejri ko Jethmalani ke paas bheja.
So much climate of fear!

Modi solving power India problems.
Goyal solving power problems.
Sushma solving foreign problems.
Gadkari solving infrastructure problems.
Aur Kejri tu?
Kejri: Yaar saare problems solve karenge to kaisa hoga? I am creating all the problems!

New #OddEven formula…
On Odd days Kejri will virulently attack Modi.
On Even days he will request his and Centre’s help to run Delhi smoothly.

Kejri is part of the Modi Hate Industry.
All media-parties that hate Modi give him great bhaav and he survives.

Kejriwal is an Odd character who’ll get Even with the citizens of Delhi even though they’ve voted for him.
#OddEvenFormula

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Mr Kejri is super clean…

Jethmalani defends smugglers, scamsters and murderers.
Now he is defending Kejri.
But no connection between the above.

#‎Kejri‬
Leader of Opposition on Twitter.
Chief Activist in New Delhi.
Mogambo within the AAP.
National “Finger Pointer”.

Kejriwal is an Odd character who’ll get Even with the citizens of Delhi even though they’ve voted for him.
‪#‎OddEvenFormula‬

123456th piece of AAP irony…
Kejri calls Modi psychopath.
Waves finger threateningly. Blasts Jaitley.
Modi keeps quiet, Jaitley quietly goes to court.
Kejri: जेटली जी हमें डराने की कोशिश ना करें!

Modi ne darake Kejri ko Lalu ke paas bheja.
Jaitley ne darake Kejri ko Jethmalani ke paas bheja.
So much climate of fear!

Mahagatbandhan…
Lalu: Convict.
Sonia: Accused.
Kejri: Iska bhi number aayega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Kejri nautanki continues unabated…

Priceless logic!
I will hire a corrupt official.
If that corruption is investigated, I will call the PM a psychopath and call his FM corrupt.

Accept unconditionally that Kejri is a dishonest power hungry man who used the anti-corruption plank to grab power and everything makes sense.

2012: Alternative to aam parties.
2013: Alternative to Sheila.
2014: Alternative to Modi.
2015: Alternative to Mogambo.
‪#‎CowardKejriwal‬

#‎CowardKejriwal‬ attacks the honest, hugs a convict, aligns with the corruptest party, selects MLAs who’ve been arrested and FIRed.

The support that Delhi’s Glorified Mayor and Crown Prince of the Failed Party get is simply mind-blowing.
‪#‎LetParliamentWork‬ ‪#‎CowardKejriwal‬

Before hiring someone, Kejri should have checked his background: Anna.
Arre baba had you checked Kejri’s background before hiring him, ye din nahin aate!

Anna Hazare ranted against bad political parties so much but ended up adding one more to the system.
‪#‎AAP‬

AAP makes its 123456th baseless allegation and will not follow it up because TV channels will give them great coverage.
‪#‎HitAndRun‬ ‪#‎AAPNautanki‬

Na khaoonga, na khaane doonga.
—Modi.
Na kaam karoonga, na kaam karne doonga.
—Congressman.
Na corruption hataunga, na hataane doonga.
—Sri Sri Yugpurush.

AAP.
Margdarshak Mandal from outside: YoYa, PrBh.
Virtual Chief Minister: Manish Sisodia.
Chief Activist and film critic: Sri Sri Yugpurush.

Sonia, Jaitley and Kejri are all darlings of the media.
If they all start fighting with each other then system overload ho jaayega.

At this rate Anna Hazare will launch August Kranti 2016 against Arvind Kejriwal.
Kiran Bedi could be the only consistent factor.

After August Kranti agitation…
Anna: Ye desh ke saath dhokhaghadi hua hai!
After ‪#‎CowardKejriwal‬’s latest theatrics…
Desh: Ye to hamaare saath dhokhaghadi hua hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IfCBIRaids #CowardKejriwal…

Kejriji should be appointed the JAGPal of India.
Judge Advocate General and Lokpal.

They unleashed every investigative agency against Modi for a decade.
Now when Haters are merely “summoned” or “probed” they start crying!

Anonymous troll talks nonsense.
—Modi is responsible!
Delhi Chief Minister abuses.
—Ye bechaara kaam ka maara, ise chahiye hamara sahara.

All those accusing Modi of being a criminal are suddenly getting chargesheeted, summoned or arrested left, right and centre.
P.S. Evidence is solid, to vendetta rone se koi faayada nahin.

Hug Lalu.
Quiet on National Herald.
Anger on anti-corruption raids.
What is this now…
India For Corruption?

Sonia—Me Supreme Leader.
Kejri—Me Supreme Leader.
Sonia—Can’t summon me.
Kejri—Can’t raid me.
Sonia—Me super clean.
Kejri—Me hyper clean.

Some Congress haters will back Modi.
Some Modi haters will back Congress.
All (Modi + Congress) haters will always back Kejri.
Uska life set hai.

Kejri’s new ‪#‎OddEvenFormula‬
He’ll attack Modi on odd days and attack Modi and even days.
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ + Congress: LOL! We’ve been doing that since 2002!

If there was no Modi then maybe Prime Minister Pappu and Leader of Opposition Kejri would have been shouting and supporters clashing 24X7.

Kejri did power meter cutting drama, became CM.
Did dharna drama, got 67/70 seats.
I’m sure this Twitter drama will get him something.

When a Nehru-Gandhi Dynast is born, he comes with a stamp “Future Prime Minister”.
Kejri was born with the stamp “Mr Clean For Life”.

How it actually is…
2011—Every politician is corrupt.
2012—Whatever I say is always true.
2015—I am a politician.
‪#‎Kejri‬

How Kejri wants it…
CBI—Sirji main aapko raid karne aau?
Accused—Nahin main busy hu, agle mahine aana.
CBI—OK sir, sorry to disturb you.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bahut bahut Khaas Aadmi

Annual package of New Delhi MLA is more than that of the Prime Minister of India.
Khaas MLA.
Aam Pradhan Mantri.

Aadmi—
Salary—Khaas.
Bungalow—Khaas.
Thaat—Khaas.
Security—Khaas.
Privileges—Khaas.
Vacation—Khaas.
Treatment—Khaas.
Har cheez—Khaas.
Naam—Aam.

Main hoon Aam Aadmi.
Mujhe chaahiye…
Poorna salary hike.
Poorna perks.
Poorna Lutyens Bungalow.
Poorna non-accountability.
Poorna…

A day will come when he will be on the Forbes rich list.
He’ll say: Main to Aam Billionaire hu ji!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri-Lalu bhai bhai…

Kejri took so many U-turns that he came back to where he started.
Then he did the above so many times he became a roundabout.
Now he’s measured by revolutions per minute (rpm).

Kejri was a disaster as CM in 2014.
He then got 67 seats.
Kejri is a bigger disaster in 2015.
He will now get 70/70 seats.
‪#‎LaluBearHug‬

#‎AccheDin‬ for…
Kejri, he’s a VVIP.
Lalu, he’s back.
Sonia, so much mileage from 44 seats.
Pappu, despite infinite failures, he’s still around.
Media, still attacking Modi 24X7 and not doing real stories.

Spot the difference…
He gave bribe. I didn’t ask for it.
—Corrupt official.
I didn’t hug Lalu. He pulled and hugged me.
—Kejri.

Biggest enemy for Delhi Police…
2011—Corrupt.
2012—Rapists.
2013—Match-fixers.
2014—Kejri.
2015—AAP MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru