South African cricket team’s theme songs…
Dil to choke-ra hai ji!
Na na karte choke hum phir kar baithe…
Choke de South Africa!
An art movie of their exploits…
With South Africa, nothing is final. It’s only semi-final and quarter-final.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Advani (aloud): I get up every day thinking that if I was Prime Minister today, then all these scams wouldn’t have taken place!
Sushma (to herself): I get up every day thinking that had you quit gracefully in 2004, I would have led the party to victory in 2009. I fear you will be around in 2014 too.
Somewhere far away…
Manmohan: How does the cleanest PM in the history of India attract the maximum amount of muck? This can’t be happening to me!
Sonia: Ah! Life is so peaceful! Thanks God I turned down the PM’s post in 2004! Now I have all the power and none of the responsibility and headaches!
Rahul: Mera kya hoga re Mamma!
First Politician: How come you respect Manmohan so much nowadays? You used to oppose him non-stop when he became PM in 2004?
Second Politician: Then he had absolutely no political experience.
First Politician: So now just 6-7 years in power is enough, eh?
Second Politician: Of course! Look at his portfolio now! 2G, CWG, Adarsh, IPL, black money, votes for cash, WikiLeaks… the list is endless… now he has more political experience than even Jawaharlal Nehru or Indira Gandhi!
© Sunil Rajguru
India will win the 2011 cricket world cup because…
1. In 1983, Clive Lloyd was chasing his third world cup title as captain. That situation has repeated itself only in 2011 when Ricky Ponting is chasing his third title. Naturally, this time also India will play the spoiler.
2. The last time an Indian scored 175 against a minnow in a world cup (Kapil Dev 175*, Zimbabwe, 1983), we won the tournament.
This time Virender Sehwag scored 175 against Bangladesh.
3. Whenever captain MS Dhoni is about to win a global title, he effects a tie in the tournament. In the 2007 T20 WC, we tied against Pakistan. In the 2010 Champions League, Chennai Superkings tied against Victoria Bushrangers and won the title. In the 2011 WC, he has already tied a match against England.
4. For the first time ever, the final is in Mumbai. Mumbai is home to the great Sachin Tendulkar. And this is the last cup that Sachin will play. Looks like a divine setting and Sachin is God.
5. The Sub-continent Cycle Rule: From 1983-96, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka won the title once each. From 1999-2007, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka were runners-up once each. Now India will begin the new round of the victory cycle from 2011.
This Version By Sunil Rajguru
Dhoni: Maine bola tha na, UDRS nahin chalega!
Dalmiya: Tune mujhe hi nahin, poore West Bengal ko lalkara hai.
BCCI: Pawarsaheb, tum us paar jaake badal gaye ho.
Pak: Mere country ko matches se kangal kiya. Mere players ko ban kiya. Chhodunga nahin!
Ireland: Hame 2015 se nikal diya? Le world cup record pe record…
Finance Dept: Suffer with UDRS, we cannot afford more technology like hot spot…
Manmohan: ICC head honcho sahab, aap hamare bhi ally ho na?
This Version by Sunil Rajguru
• It takes Libya 42 years to realize Gaddafi is a bad & failed dictator? Wow!
(Egypt, less slow on the uptake: 30 years. Tunisia: 13 years)
• Can Kenya beat Pak?
(Well, that depends on how generous the bookies are and how much in financial need the players are…)
• Locally: Keeping up with the Joneses.
Globally: Keeping up with the Tunisians.
• Wanted: Scam Affairs Minister to manage questions, probes & procedures of so many scams. PM, spokesmen, Sibal & Co. clearly struggling.
• Aadhi roti tave pe,
Aadhi roti hawa main,
Puri government tava pe,
Saara corruption hawa main.
(*Translation Note: Hawa=Spectrum)
© Sunil Rajguru