Recycled old New Year musings…

font-1927171_640• You know that New Year Resolutions are just another form of GIGO, called RIRO…
GIGO=Garbage In Garbage Out.
RIRO=Resolution In Resolution Out.

• Does the collective optimism of a few billion people on the eve of December 31 actually help kick-start a new year better?

• If it’s a really good resolution, then you don’t have to wait till the New Year.
And if you’ve put off the resolution for the New Year, then the Resolution may well continue to be put off way after that.

• Does Father Time suddenly look at the date and find it’s December 31 and say: Oh God! A year has ended; let me change the luck/fortune of this world/country/person/group?
That decade was so… 2009 was so… are such artificial constructs. Fortunes and eras don’t wait for a date, beginning and ending at any time they please. They could last for a second, 17 days, 8 months, 13.5 years or 7.34567 decades.

∙ In 1752, the calendar went straight from September 3 to 13 to adjust the calendar.
Protest the lost days!
Celebrate New Year on January 12!

• The only reason there is more hope and optimism with every successive December 31 is because the firecrackers are getting better and more in number.

• The media is managing to dig up more and more depressing news with every successive year. That helps with the optimism part on December 31 night at least!

• Does a New Year’s Day really change anything? Does every Birthday really change your perspective? Does an anniversary change fortunes? For me there are only two types of days: Holidays and Working Days. Any other classification is irrelevant.

• Why a New Year Resolution? Why not a New Month Resolution or a New Week Resolution or a New Day Resolution or a Mid-Day Resolution?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri, is it true?

An editor told me that a politician told him that an activist told an intellectual that an artist was told by me that XYZ is corrupt.

I will behave like an aam aadmi.
But treat me like a khaas aadmi.
I have the power of a khaas aadmi.
But the responsibility of an aam aadmi.

2015 review.
‪#‎AwardWapsi‬ is in the past.
‪#‎LaluWapsi‬ and ‪#‎KejriWapsi‬ is in the future and will destroy Bihar and Delhi by 2020.

Vadra: Are you serious?
Kejri: Is it true?
Sonia: My MIL is Indira.
Pappu: I’m on vacation.
‪#‎AdarshLiberal‬: Rising intolerance.
Media: ‪#‎BlowToModi‬.

#‎KejriExposedXYZButGotExposedInTheProcess‬
XYZ keeps changing every week.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Bollywood musings…

Rights done.
PR done.
Marketing done.
Signings done.
Bookings done.
Music done.
All done.
What about story?
Time nahin. Shooting start karo.

Kajol-SRK…
Baazigar, Karan Arjun: SRK dominated.
DDLJ: Both dominated.
KKHH, K3G: Kajol dominated.
MNIK: Box office domination decline.
Dilwale: Box office domination zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some filmi musings…

Old Hollywood made films for adults.
New Hollywood makes films for male adolescent teens.
Old Bollywood made films for hopeless romantics.
New Bollywood makes films for morons.

For Bollywood film distributors, Dilwale was Diwaaliya and Bajirao was mast.
‪#‎BoycottDilwale‬

SRK’s box office superhit partner…
1993-2001—Kajol.
Baazigar
Karan Arjun
DDLJ
KKHH
K3G
2007-14—Deepika.
Om Shanti Om
Chennai Express
Happy New Year

#‎AamirCriesIntolerance‬.
‪#‎AppWapsi‬ ‪#‎SayNoToSnapDeal‬ trends.
‪#‎SnapDealLoses‬.
‪#‎SRKCriesIntolerance‬.
‪#‎BoycottDilwale‬ trends.
‪#‎DilwaleBombs‬.
‪#‎NextIsWhat‬?

Kyunki Vulgarity Queen bhi kabhi Saas-Bahu Queen thi.
#KyaaKoolHainHum3

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#AdarshLiberal musings…

Baba Ramdev can’t speak there as JNU students find him regressive.
Ha bhai, Stalin aur Mao to bahut progressive the—they killed 100 million plus between them.

JNU is the Fountainhead of Intolerance.
It is also the Fountainhead of the Fake Intolerance Campaign.

Jungle Raj 1: UP.
Jungle Raj 2: West Bengal.
Jungle Raj 3: Bihar.
Kejri trying Jungle Raj 4.
They are all safe because Modi is there to blame.

Nitish joined hands with a convict and brought back Jungle Raj.
That gave orgasms to our intellectuals.
Shows you their worth.

If the US newspapers got subsidies, huge government ads, black money and bungalows for their editors, then even they’d do really well. Wait…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Is it true that Kejri…

Sum of Kejri’s investigative skills…
1. Is it true?
2. He said that.
3. I heard that.
4. I read that.
5. I allege that.

By 2020 Kejri will be left with 1 Million allegations and Zero achievements.

In private we gossip, talk nonsense, rant and blame others for all our woes.
Kejriwal does exactly the same thing—except he does it on national TV.

Make a list of all the things Kejri ranted against as being really bad.
The things he hasn’t done…
…he will do in the future.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu musings…

Pappu is the only politician who works so hard at doing absolutely nothing.
Poor guy deserves a well-earned vacation.

Prime Minister: Make in India.
Kejri…
Prime protestor: Make in India.
Pappu…
Prime jester: Make in India.
Congress…
Prime Minister: Make in Family.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The States that are sinking…

Kejri went to the centre of Delhi, pointed at the ground and said…
Saugandh Lalu ki khaatein hain, hum Bihar wahin banayenge!

By 2020…
India would be transformed.
Amaravati would be a brand new smart city.
Delhi would become Bihar.
And Bihar God only knows what.

At the entrance of West Bengal, Bihar and Delhi in 2020…
Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Delhi tolerated a 100 Kejri absurdities from 2014-15.
With the way it’s going, they’ll have to tolerate a few 100 more till 2020.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Media musings…

If there were 7.4 billion unlimited broadband connections, then there would be zero newspapers and zero TV news channels.

Newspapers are taken seriously by those people who don’t have Internet.
TV news channels are taken seriously by those who don’t have unlimited broadband.

The headline of the Times of India Front Page Lead has 33 words.
I wonder if this is a new record.
‪#‎BiryaniWithNawaz‬

Differing priorities…

I will electrify every village: Goyal.

I will save every stranded foreign national: Sushma.

I will build road in every corner: Gadkari.

I will put every textbook online for free: Smriti.

I will solve every Railways problem: Prabhu.

I will blame everything on Modi: Kejri.

I will cover and magnify every little goof-up of Modi: Senior editor.

I will blame every little nonsensical thing on Modi: #AdarshLiberal.

© Sunil Rajguru

Sonia then and now…

Then…

Saviour for party.
Only alternative for India.
Nehru-Gandhi dynasty rocks.
Indian bahu rules.
Allies flock for sharing power.

Now…
Son is her only hope.
Only alternative for Congressis.
National Herald scam case.
Italian passport hai kya?
Allies flock for Modi bashing.

© Sunil Rajguru

When Narendra met Nawaz…

Modi: Hum Pakistani Army se bahut pareshaan hai.
Nawaz: Kya batau? Main tujh se jyaada Pakistani Army se pareshaan hu!

Pappu reads headline: Modi-Sharif discuss ties.
Goes ballistic and says: Ye hai suit-boot-tie ki sarkaar!
#BiryaniWithNawaz

2013: Yet another Bad Corruption Day.
2014: Good Governance Day.
2015: Good Diplomacy Day.

PIA…
Sharif—Pakistan International Airlines.
Modi—Pakistan India Afghanistan in one day.

December 25 birthdays…
Christ. Newton.
Malaviya. Vajpayee.
Jinnah. Sharif.

How the conversation should have gone…
Mani—We will have peace if you remove Modi.
Retort—Actually we will now definitely have peace.
Mani—Why?
Retort—Because jokers like you have already been removed.

Today the headline of the Times of India Front Page Lead has 33 words.
I wonder if this is a new record.
#BiryaniWithNawaz

These versions by Sunil Rajguru